IN THIS ISSUE:
Love Is Messy!By: Laura Menze
I was having a conversation with a friend about someone she wanted to date who was close to her and she had known for many, many years. He wanted to date her too! She was doing and saying all of the right things. Since he was in the process of a divorce, she told him that he needed time to complete the relationship and process the divorce before she would get involved with him romantically. Since he was also in another state, someone has to move somewhere for them to truly make a ‘go’ of a relationship together. Then there is the dumping of both of their baggage, etc. so that they can be ready and available for each other.
Throughout the conversation, it was clear to me that she was taking this potential romantic relationship very seriously, which is good, but not when it is to such an extreme that you may never get to the love part that you so want for yourself; especially when we are in the upper numbers of life!
I said to my friend, "what happens if you or he gets hit by a bus tomorrow? What if he moves here and you continue to cultivate a friendship, but never dive into the intimate relationship because you are so concerned about doing your work and 'getting it right?'" Now, that doesn't mean you get a free pass from doing your love work, but it does mean that you have to allow yourself to fail and make mistakes!
Love is messy. There... I said it! There is no perfection when it comes to love other than the fact that it will be perfectly messy. I can personally guarantee that you won't get everything right. The truth is that when you enter into a relationship with someone, you could have done all of the work in the world to dump your baggage and be as perfect as you can be to invite love in but, eventually, that person will say something that triggers you! Triggers don't happen to us when we are alone. They happen when we are in a relationship with someone so, even though you've taken all of the steps you could possibly take to get love right and perfect, there will inevitably be times when you make poor decisions or say something you didn't mean because, in reality, that person triggered an old script for you... and there is your opportunity to get things 'righter!'
So, while you are doing your work, don't be afraid to dive into love and get messy! Allow yourself to make mistakes. Allow yourself to make poor decisions, and get right back on track when you do! Being in a relationship allows for a whole different kind of growth opportunity!
So, remember, Love is beautifully messy when you let love in!
Copyright © 2017 by Laura Menze and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Laura Menze, is the Chief Love Officer at Ready-Match offering a unique and authentic approach to dating and matchmaking for singles in the Denver, Colorado area. By vetting clients for their Relationship Readiness, offering a Relationship Readiness Boot Camp & Personal Coaching that ultimately teaches Self-Matching, as well as offering Tru-Match Matchmaking, and Relationship Building services for new couples, Ready-Match truly supports its clients throughout all stages of getting ready for, finding, and establishing an amazing relationship! For more information click www.ready-match.com
How can I get her to go out with me?
I'm interested in a girl, but she doesn't want to date me at this time. She said we could be friends, but every single minute that I see her I feel like she is the one that I love and I want to marry her. I don't know what to do...?
Wendy responds ...
I understand how hard it can be when you think you've found the one, and she doesn't think you're the one for her! One of my clients had a similar situation where he was sure he had found his soulmate, yet she decided she just wanted to be friends. He now realizes that the right partner for him will choose to be with him. So, have you told this girl how you feel about her? And have you explored what it is about her that you love so much? Don't spend a lot of time chasing her if she's not interested, but do let her know that you care about her and tell her what makes her so special to you. Then, if she’s still not interested, wish her well, and focus on your own life.
I recommend that you work with a relationship coach and take the time to clarify what you really need and want in the right relationship for you. Before you make any long-term relationship decisions, make sure all your essential requirements are met (Better yet, don't go on a second date if it seems a requirement won't be met). You deserve to be with someone who is a great match for you, where you both love each other and choose to create a wonderful life together.
Wendy Lyon | http://www.DrWendyLyon.com
Aretha responds ...
What a wonderful opportunity to build a strong, meaningful relationship. Become friends, be your true authentic self. Remember the Law of Attraction and show her your fun, attentive, and caring side. Developing a strong friendship first creates a bond of eternal strength. When the future embraces you both with romance, the longevity stretches far beyond your dreams. Love and know who you are and share that energy.
Aretha Reid | http://first-love-yourself.net
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
By David Steele
for innovative relationship information, tools and strategies for singles
|Darlene Steele | Editor, Conscious Dating Singles News | CONTACT DARLENE
Copyright © 2017 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved.
Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.