IN THIS ISSUE:
Preventing Your Midlife Crisis from Affecting Your MarriageBy: Waverly J. Hanson, MA, LPC
You probably know a few couples who got divorced after being married for decades. Going through a midlife crisis can cause a marriage to dissolve. The midlife crisis itself can have a negative impact on the marriage or can make one of the spouses realize that their relationship is not fulfilling.
Going through a midlife crisis is a natural reaction to aging. You might realize that you lived halfway through your life and might not feel satisfied with what you have done with the experiences you have had. You might feel that you don't have much time left to enjoy life.
The real reason behind a midlife crisis is a lack of contentment. Your relationship to your spouse might be one of the reasons why you do not feel fulfilled, but you might also feel unhappy because you haven't reached your personal goals or do not have a career you enjoy. It is important to identify the areas of your life in which you do not feel fulfilled instead of letting these negative feelings overwhelm you and think they are all about your marriage.
Midlife crises can lead to divorces. Often this is because individuals feel that they need to be more independent. They may also decide that their marriage is simply not fulfilling. It is not uncommon to have an affair or to engage in other behaviors that are hurtful to a marriage as a result of a midlife crisis.
Fortunately, a midlife crisis does not have to result in divorce. However, it is very important that you do not allow your crisis to affect your marriage in a negative manner. If you begin to totally blame your midlife crisis stage on your marriage, you'll find that fixing your relationship will not be easy.
However, it is definitely possible to fix your marriage even if it has already been negatively affected by your midlife crisis. This will take time though and it’s very important that you are able to talk with your spouse and, if possible, agree on what needs to be done to repair your marriage.
Many couples I see find it nearly impossible to have these kinds of conversations in respectful loving ways alone. Please do consider contacting a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist with a great reputation of success as trying to repair your relationship alone often is not effective. Joining a marriage group or class or a retreat is another way to get a better perspective. Sometimes we are just too close to the situation ourselves to be objective.
Take some time to really think about what you are going through to identify what is causing your dissatisfaction. You might come to the conclusion that this crisis is not really all about your marriage. Therefore, you should not separate from your spouse in an impulsive manner because you crave independence or new experiences.
Many times you as a couple have fallen into ruts without meaning to do so. When that happens, it can appear the grass is greener elsewhere. When you take the time to explore new interests and not make the assumption that your spouse would disapprove, you may be surprised instead.
If your marriage is not fulfilling, ask yourself why and hopefully include a marriage coach or counselor. Include your spouse if possible as they may also be dissatisfied with the marriage or have many issues as well. You should look for ways to improve the relationship so that the marriage meets your expectations as well as your spouse's. Even if your spouse does not want to be included, please do go by yourself.
This is one of the myths I am committed to change. This myth is that going alone to a counselor or coach won't work to improve their marriage. So many people believe that This is truly a myth and I have found many times that marriages have totally turned around by just working with one spouse.
Going to talk to someone is very important to help you put things into perspective and understand how your midlife crisis might be distorting the way you see your marriage.
Are you interested in bringing back the passion and love in your marriage? Your midlife crisis does not have to negatively impact your marriage.
Going through a midlife crisis is a sign that you need to change some things to make your life more fulfilling. You can take another view and see this as an opportunity to grow as an individual and to improve your marriage as well.
Copyright © 2017 by Waverly J. Hanson and the Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Waverly J. Hanson, is a Coach, Counselor, Author and Military Consultant. Her positive, nurturing and gently challenging style works well with her mission to save marriages and help people find life choices. After 25 years, she is still awed by the hundreds of “miraculous turnarounds” experienced. Check Relationship Quiz now at http://HowToDivorceProofYourMarriage.com
My husband's kids hate me. Should I stay or go?
My husband has 3 children from previous relationships. His son is 14 and his daughters are 9 and 7. All 3 of them can't stand me and go out of their way to make my life miserable when they are with us. My husband says I just have to be patient with them, but it's been almost 2 years and it's not getting any better. I'm wondering if I should just call it quits and ask for a divorce?
Should you stay or should you go? Ask yourself, if nothing changed could you continue to tolerate your marriage and family the way it is now? If not, what needs to change for you to feel comfortable? How are you asking for what you want, and how is your husband supporting you in getting your needs met? In what ways have you and your husband involved the children in this family transition?
If you haven't already done so, I highly recommend that you consult a professional who can assist you and your husband to prioritize your marriage and create a respectful family environment. You may also want to check out some of the many excellent resources available to strengthen blended families. Let your husband know that being patient with the children is not enough. How can you connect with each of the children in their world? How can you and your husband be a united team in support of a healthy, happy family, where everyone’s feelings are acknowledged?
Wendy Lyon | http://www.drwendylyon.com
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Radical Marriage Book - Get your copy now!
for innovative relationship information, tools and strategies for couples
|Darlene Steele | Editor, Couple for Life News | CONTACT DARLENE
Copyright © 2017 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved.
Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.