August 2016 | |
![]() |
|
IN THIS ISSUE:
|
|
FEATURED Article
|
|
Copyright © 2016 by Amie Leadingham and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Relationship Coach Amie Leadingham, found light after many years of struggling in failed relationships. Dating all the wrong people, she finally identified why her relationship choices kept leading her back to heartbreak.After deep self-reflection, she realized she was the common denominator in all her relationships. If her love life were to change, it would have to start with her choices first. Amie set out on a self-discovery journey that eventually led her to meeting the love of her life, now husband. | |
Ask Our Coaches |
|
I'm terrible at first dates. How can I conquer my nervousness?Dear Coaches,I've been back in the "dating pool" for 6 months and can't get past the first date. I'm always so nervous I end up making a terrible first impression. I just don't know how to relax and be myself when I know that my entire relationship future depends on how I behave and if he likes me. The pressure has gotten so bad I'm thinking of giving up dating completely. ![]() Rita responds ...Thank you for taking the time to ask a difficult question. My first thought is, Why do you feel your entire relationship future depends on this first date and if some perfect stranger likes you or not. Sounds like below the nervousness are a couple of things: 1. You are projecting way into the future based on a first date. 2. You are obsessed with this perfect stranger liking you. I'd like to ask you, do you like yourself? What if you were the chooser and you were the one that chose not to like him? I'd recommend starting with yourself and building a strong personal foundation so that you know and like who you are. Getting to know yourself will build your self-confidence and self-esteem. I'd also add some breathing exercises to help relax your mind, body and the nervousness you are experiencing. You want to be a conscious dater and be the chooser - every time. You are worth it! Good luck. Rita Hudgens | www.Transformuniversity.net ![]() Barbara responds ...A good way to conquer your nervousness would be to get comfortable in your own skin. If you're yourself and the other person is as well, then let the date go where it's going without any demands and/or additional expectations. It's more important that you like you than whether someone else does or not. You have a lifetime with yourself, and any relationship you’re in will depend on that relationship first and foremost. Relax and have a good time without the pressure of what's next. Be present and enjoy the moment. Take some time and work with your nervous energy and discover what that's all about and address it. Get to really know, like, and trust yourself. When you're feeling nervous remind yourself to stop and breathe. Tell yourself there's no need to be nervous. He's just another human being, right?! If there's going to be another date, let it be because you want it to be and not because you're nervous about not having made a good first impression. Place yourself in the power seat here; don't give it away to the other person. Again, this begins with you knowing, liking, and trusting you. That's a powerful place to be! Barbara Ann Williams | barbaraannwilliams.com ![]() Ellen responds ...I get it! I remember feeling your pain when I was dating. It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself – you say your entire relationship future depends on how you behave... I worry you are in victim mode. Can you break out of that toxic state of mind and be the author of your own life story? See my article on getting out of victim mode and taking control of your life I am a huge believer in being positive. Can you write out your strengths, what you have going for you and what YOU would bring to a relationship? No one is going to love you if you don't value and love yourself! Could you read the list as a mantra before you go on a date? Meditating to Oprah and Deepak (some amazing 21 day free videos) can also help you stay positive and relax. Or put www.calm.com on your smartphone and get calm and centered before your date. Lastly, identify your values, vision, life purpose & relationship requirements, needs and wants for a partner. Develop yourself into the kind of person you are seeking in a soulmate. Ellen Kamaras | www.ellenkamaras-lifecoach.com ![]() Wendy responds ...It is totally normal to feel nervous when you meet someone new. Your challenge on every first date is to remember that your entire relationship future does NOT depend on how you behave and if he likes you. Would you feel similar pressure if you were having coffee or lunch with a friend, family member or colleague? No. I encourage you to approach each first date as an opportunity for you to enjoy yourself and to choose if you want to see this person again. That's it. There's nothing else you need to do. You get to decide if you are having fun and if this person interests you enough to go on a second date. That is all you need to do. Don't focus on how you look, sound or act. Put your attention on your date and ask whatever questions you want that will help you decide if a second date is a good idea. Be discerning and only agree to a second date if it seems that this person wants the same kind of relationship you do, and could be a great match for you in all the ways that matter to you. It can be difficult to navigate dating challenges alone and I encourage you to seek support from a relationship coach who can help you feel calm, confident and clear so you can enjoy dating without any pressure! Wendy Lyon | www.DrWendyLyon.com ![]() Christine responds ...I would ask: Tell me more about how you feel when you are dating someone? How do you perceive yourself so you are so stressed at meeting someone? Do you believe you have to be a certain way to be loved? Than I would ask: How about looking at this man to see if he pleases you? How do you feel at looking at things from that perspective? Christine Nelson | www.christinenelson.ca The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute. This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches. Announcements | |
For More Information . . . |
|
for innovative relationship information, tools and strategies for singles
Give yourself a gift - Get a Relationship Coach!Ready to make some changes?Your coach is waiting for you at: Find Your Coach!
Become a relationship coach!
|
|
Darlene Steele | Editor, Conscious Dating Singles News | CONTACT DARLENE Copyright © 2016 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. |