This newsletter is designed especially for YOU if:
- You have met someone and are wondering if s/he is the "Love of Your Life"
- You are about to get married and want to co-create a fulfilling life partnership
- You have a good relationship and want to make it great
New! Together Forever Club for committed couples. If you want to give yourself and your beloved a huge gift our Together Forever Club is free and a great way to show your love and commitment to your partner. Membership is free! Upon registration you will receive a membership certificate that includes our Five Promises to My Beloved. www.togetherforeverclub.com
Monthly Conscious Relationship Seminars
Join us monthly for our Conscious Relationship Seminars. On July 21 , 2011, we'll be featuring Dr. Jackie Black. She'll be discussing Money is the #1 Reason Couples Divorce
Are You Ready to End Money Conflicts in Your Relationship Forever?
Managing your money with your partner and building wealth are basic fundamental requirements of a healthy, committed couple. In her second book in the Cracking The Code Series Couples & Money: Cracking the code to ending the #1 conflict in marriage , Dr. Jackie highlights important questions to ask yourself that will motivate you to examine what your values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors are as they relate to money so you will be able to successfully and completely change your personal relationship with money; and forever transform the money conflicts in your marriage! To join this complimentary program, visit http://consciousrelationshipseminars.com/ and scroll to the bottom of the page.
Ask Our Coaches:
Can I stay friends with my ex?
"...am I forced to give up the friendship...?"
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I am still friends with my ex, but my current boyfriend has an issue with this. We are just friends, but he feels uncomfortable about us still hanging out together. What am I obligated to do here? Do we break up or am I forced to give up the friendship even though we've known each other a very long time?
Patricia responds ...
Congratulations for seeking other perspectives before you act. You may see this as an "either/or" choice, but my guess is you have more options than that. The only thing you are "obligated" to do is whatever will best serve your real relationship goals while being respectful of the other people involved.
Maybe you could understand specifically what troubles your boyfriend. Is it the amount of time you spend with your ex? Or what you do together? Or that you are even friends at all? If you understand his deeper concerns, you can perhaps modify your friendship to reassure him. As trust grows between you and your boyfriend, this problem could resolve itself.
In the meantime, be sure you really understand why this friendship is still important to you. This will help you know what changes you are and are not willing to make.
If your current boyfriend demands you end your relationship with your ex altogether, pay attention. This could be a red flag warning you of "control-freak" trouble to come. The choices here really are yours. Know yourself and what matters most to you in both these relationships and you will choose wisely.
Patricia Drury Sidman | www.patriciadsidman.com | 1.337.235.3702
Mari responds …
Let's consider two areas --
Level of "hanging out" with your ex-boyfriend: Jealousy is a human response experienced by a number of people when a former boyfriend or girlfriend still inhabits the picture, no matter how peripherally. If your involvement with your ex-boyfriend involves any significant amount of time, however, then ask yourself why you find yourself still spending time with an ex-boyfriend when you're in a new relationship.
If your current boyfriend's objection is solely due to the amount of time spent with your ex, then be prepared to compromise. If he wants you to cut your ex out of your life completely, for no valid reason, then consider whether your want someone controlling who you can or cannot be friends with.
Why your current boyfriend is uncomfortable: By all means, if the relationship with your current boyfriend is worth having, do both of you a favor by thoroughly discussing his reasons for feeling uncomfortable. If his reasons are valid, then work to reassure him that you will address whatever issues the problem entails. Ask yourself what's more important -- your friendship with your ex, or your relationship with your current boyfriend. Best of luck.
Mari Lyles | 1.301.249.5921
Udall responds ...
Opposite sex friendships are important. However, a friendship with an ex raises eyebrows and may create problems with a current boy/girlfriend. The emotional and sexual bonds you created during your relationship with your ex need to remain in the past with your ex. That is why they carry the title "ex."
Hanging out with an ex is like playing in an attraction minefield. All it takes is one misstep and the situation has blown into an emotional and/or sexual affair. Your boyfriend is aware of this and concerned that the "hanging out" may turn into something more. He may trust you, but he more than likely does not trust your ex.
In order to be fully present and engaged in your present relationship, put time and distance between you and the past relationship (the ex). If you are stuck in the past, look at why by conducting a relationship audit. Create a list of what the past relationship gave you -- the needs it met. Repeat the process for your current relationship. Examine both and if anything is missing from your current relationship have a conversation with your beau about how best to meet his and your needs.
Udall DeOleo | www.allaboutrelationships.us
Jianny responds ...
I am assuming your ex is your ex-husband. It is said that divorce is 20% legal and 80% emotional. In order to be emotionally available for your next relationship it is important to let go of emotional ties, dependencies and attachments of your past relationship.
This is extremely hard to do as it requires complete mourning, aka death, of the relationship -- What it was, what it wasn't and what it will never be. If you feel you have completed your grief and now have reestablished a new relationship with your ex but it's getting in the way of new love, consider this: Is your boyfriend picking up that you're still emotionally married to your ex? And/or does your boyfriend have trust or jealousy issues which may continue to haunt you?
At the end of the day you may need to choose the most satisfying relationship. It's essential to have clarity on what you want and where you are headed in the area of an intimate relationship. Honoring yourself and honoring your intimate relationship will help bring you resolution.
Jianny Adamo, MA | www.fearlesslove.net | 1.954.495.4566
Doris responds ...
Think about how you'll feel in one year if you give up your friendship with your ex in order to please your new boyfriend. How will you feel if: (a) You're still with your new guy? (b) You two have broken up? Then imagine your boyfriend telling you he's going to spend time with an ex-girlfriend. Write down what you'd say to him and how you think you'd feel.
Since a relationship only works when both people are authentic and their needs are met, discover your true needs. If it's non-negotiable for you to maintain a friendship with your ex, that's a need. If it's just a preference, it's not a need.
Explore your boyfriend's discomfort. Have past relationships created a fear he might lose you if you have male friends? Does he care what other guys will say if they see you with another guy? What would create a comfort zone in which your boyfriend trusted you so much that he could peacefully snooze while you're with your ex?
A relationship coach will help you develop your vision of an ideal relationship so you can make the best long-term decision for you and gain your perfect partnership.
Doris Helge, Ph.D. | www.coachingbyDoris.com | 1.360.748.4365
Couples: 5 Tips to Building
a Better Relationship
by Tara Kachaturoff
There's no shortage of books, articles, audios, videos, classes and workshops all designed to improve your relationship with your significant other. Sometimes we can get so caught up in looking to someone or somewhere else to tell us what we should be doing that we absolutely dismiss our own common sense, replacing it, instead, with complex mental machinations which do more to hinder than help.
As we breeze through the beautiful summer months when things revolve around the lighter side of life, it can also be a time to consider a lighter approach to our relationships. No relationship is without complications and problems. With two personalities, two sets of problems, and two distinct ways of looking at the world, it can seem like a miracle we can get along in the first place.
So what can you do when you find that things are getting a little bit challenging? How can you take a step back, clear your head, and remember that you love the person who, at the current moment, is pushing every button imaginable? How can you refresh, enliven, and breathe some new life into a relationship no matter how long you've been together? The answer is simple. Go back to the basics.
Certainly, couples therapy or coaching, reading books and attending workshops all have their time and place. However, if you're looking for some simple ways to tune in, connect, and build a better relationship, and if you just need some touchups as opposed to a more complex solution, consider these ideas:
#1 Spend Time Together.
What!? I know what you're thinking. You're a couple or you live together. Why would you need to spend time together? You are together! That may or may not be true. Spending time together is about consciously being with each other -– taking the time to acknowledge the other person who is an integral part of your dynamic duo.
Sitting in a room watching TV or at a restaurant as you consume a meal mixed with small talk is far from spending time together if you're not actively engaging with your partner both head- and heart-wise. With the advent of social media and everyone playing on gadgets all the time, people are even more disconnected in their relationships. Notice how you interact with your partner. What could you do or change to create more quality time with him or her?
#2 Spend Time Apart.
Wait, isn't this the complete opposite of the suggestion above? Yes, it is. Only you know the perfect balance of time together and apart that works for both of you. That being said, it's imperative you have time away from each other. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and it gives you the opportunity to be with other friends, enjoy singular interests, and to separate your energies for a much needed recharge.
Taking an occasional weekend away from one another can help you to think more clearly about your partner and inspire your love and appreciation for one another. If you both happen to be entrepreneurs working from home, something which is becoming more and more prevalent nowadays, time away is absolutely imperative for the sake of mental health!
#3 Invest in Fun.
You invest in your retirement or your child's education because you know how important these are to creating a promising future. In a similar way, you can invest in fun to create a better relationship. Think about this: as children, we're naturally wired for fun. As we grow older, much of it is stomped out of us -- typically by societal expectations that we must be serious.
Relationships need fun, lightness, joy and happiness to survive and thrive. Remember how much fun you had when you met your significant other? Fun and happiness and the newness of the experience (and certainly all those crazy hormones) helped to build and sustain the bond between the both of you. You can revive all that and more by investing in fun. Consciously plan things to do together or with groups of friends.
Infuse your relationship with happiness. Visit new places, try new foods, learn new things together that open your mind, tantalize your senses, and create shared memories you can cherish for years to come.
#4 Make it a Priority.
If your relationship is a priority to both of you, then rest assured you can work through just about any bump or valley encountered along the way. People focus their energy on what's important to them. They'll do whatever it takes to make something work when they view it as worthwhile. I believe the disconnect in relationships is a direct result in a difference in priorities –- at least on some fundamental level.
It's important to have mutual discussions to understand where your relationship ranks in terms of other life responsibilities. If there are differences, discuss them and do what it takes to synch things up. If both of you want your relationship to work, it will.
#5 It's Never too Late to Date.
I don't care if you've been in a committed relationship for twenty years -– it's never too late to date. Remember dating -- the anticipation, the beating heart, and putting on your best clothes for a night on the town? It's not too late to revive those nostalgic feelings.
Most of our life is created in our mind and you can be walking down memory lane whenever you wish. Thinking can make it so. Dating is something intentional and you can co-create relationship renewal by planning a date once or twice a month --making it a standout time for both of you.
These five seemingly simple solutions can help you and your partner to move forward, together, in a positive direction. Through conscious acknowledgement of one another, by spending time apart and together, and by infusing fun into your shared life experiences, you can re-energize and re-invigorate your relationship. Draw on the theme of summer fun, lighten it up and make the decision to enjoy life together!
Copyright © 2011 by Tara Kachaturoff. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. Tara is also the newsletter editor for the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI). Her personal site is www.relationshipplanning.com.
14 Compelling Reasons
to Use a Relationship Coach
by Relationship Coaching Institute
The coaching relationship is unique and powerful, and really can help you find fulfillment in your life and relationships. Below are some important reasons to use a Relationship Coach, any one of which is compelling enough to get your very own coach today.
1. YOU VALUE RELATIONSHIPS HIGHLY - You prioritize building fulfilling personal and professional relationships. You realize that your success and quality of life is directly connected to the quality of your relationships.
2. YOU ARE COMMITTED TO SUCCESS - You are serious and intentional about having a fulfilling life partnership, family, business, and community.
3. YOU WANT RESULTS - Working with a coach can move you farther and faster than you can on your own.
4. YOU ARE WILLING TO LEARN - You realize that you don't know what you don't know, and your future success may depend upon access to new relationships skills and knowledge.
5. YOU ARE READY FOR ACTION - Using a coach can be the most effective means of translating knowledge into practice. One of the most indispensable roles of a coach is to help you use what you already know to make effective choices and take the actions necessary to be successful.
6. YOU ARE OPEN TO MENTORING/SUPPORT - A Relationship Coach helps you to use your relationships to evolve and develop relationship skills critical to your business success and personal fulfillment. The process of self-discovery, learning about relationships, and how to make successful relationship choices cannot be effectively self-taught or obtained from a book or tape.
7. YOU WANT FULFILLMENT - You do not want to settle for less or risk preventable failure, and you are willing to give yourself the gift of the support and technology needed to be successful.
8. YOU WANT TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF - A Relationship Coach helps keep you honest with yourself, helps neutralize any tendency you may have to settle for less than you really want, is good for providing "reality checks" and being a sounding board.
9. YOU WANT TO BE PROACTIVE - A Relationship Coach helps you solve problems while they are still small.
10. YOU WANT TO GO BEYOND YOUR LIMITS - A Relationship Coach holds your highest vision for you beyond your fears and limitations, and helps you overcome your obstacles and challenges.
11. YOU WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY - A Relationship Coach helps you take responsibility for the quality of your relationships so that you can create them the way you want.
12. YOU WANT TO LIVE AUTHENTICALLY - Today's world is filled with challenges to finding and staying on your highest path, telling your truth, and making choices that are best for you. A Relationship Coach helps you identify and live the life you really want, and to be more of the person you really are and want to be.
13. YOU WANT BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE - Your life is filled with opportunities and conflicting choices. You recognize the importance of creating and maintaining balance in relationships, including the ones you have with yourself and your higher power.
14. YOU WANT NEW POSSIBILITIES FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS - You recognize that a healthy relationship is growing and dynamic. One of the worst things that can happen is to take one another or the relationship for granted. Opening to new possibilities keeps a good relationship getting better with the passage of time. A Relationship Coach helps you to continually discover and implement new and more fulfilling possibilities for your life and relationships.
Copyright © 2011 Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Partners in Life Resources
RCI has made available 35 recordings of presentations by the world's leading relationship experts. To access these recording from our Conscious Relationship Summit go to: http://www.ConsciousRelationshipSummit.com
For More Information
For relationship resources for couples visit our web site at relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/resourcecatalogue.htm
Get a Relationship Coach!
Check out our coaches at: www.relationshipcoach.org
Check out our Conscious Mating Audio Programs
Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Links to Us
Tara Kachaturoff | Editor, PartnersInLife.org Couples News Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Relationship Coaching Institute's free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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