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November 2010

In this issue:

Relationship Coaching Institute

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Conscious Relationship Resources

Conscious Relationship Seminars and Podcast

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

David Steele
David Steele
Relationship Coaching Institute

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Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News

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Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminars

Five Simple Secrets to Successful Relationships

Join us on Thursday, November 18th at 5:00pm pacific/8:00pm eastern for our free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar "Five Simple Secrets to Successful Relationships” with Dr. Wendy Lyon, PhD and RCI Certified Master Relationship Coach for Singles.

The keys to loving your life, with your true love!

In this program you will learn how to:

  • Let go of blame and judgment, and have compassion for others and peace for yourself.
  • Shift beliefs that have impeded you to beliefs that support you.
  • Go from self loathing to self love.
  • Be clear and discerning in your life and relationships.
  • Get the support you need whether you are single or in a relationship.
  • And much more!

 For more details about this free program and to attend via telephone, webcast, or replay go to: 

Ask Our Coaches: 
Can I meet my mate in 90 days?

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches,

I read all this stuff about the law of attraction and setting goals and focusing on what you really want. Can you use this to set goals when it comes to dating? How can I meet the love of my life in 90 days? Is it possible to set a goal for something that seems so fate-driven? How do you do this?

Susan in Seattle

Jenna responds …

One way to do this is to visualize yourself finding the love of your life. Visualize the two of you living a life together. Visualize all the details that make up that life, from the colors and smells to the places and moments. While you're doing this, speak out loud, describing your perfect love and life. Make sure you speak in the present tense, as if you already found "Mr. Right."

For example, you might say, "We spend time together laughing and sharing our dreams. We are madly in love and live a full life together." Get as detailed as you can. You need to be "in" the visualization as much as possible, you must FEEL that you are actually there. The more often you do this the more you'll be putting your intentions "out there" and will end up making choices that are in alignment with that vision. Good luck!

Jenna Korf | | 408.470.9744

Bill responds …

What if you have already met him? Do you think that you would you know it? The process that you are looking for in your query requires you to take a look at what you really want in a partner and what you really bring to the prospect of actualizing the "love of your life" story.

Becoming more conscious of your specific requirements, needs and desires of that ideal mate and more importantly, your ideal relationship, will require you to do some deep looking at what you hold as valuable in these areas. Identifying what is most important in those categories and in your life will give you access or clear vision for what you say you want. With that new clarity you will then be able to determine who and what is a fit for your dream love relationship.

Since you will now be looking specifically for the mate that fills your very specific vision, you are now most likely to notice when that person appears on your radar. And if the personal characteristics of the individual and the way you move together is a match for you -- that's the Law of Attraction in action!

Bill Paglia-Scheff |

Ann responds …

I commend you for setting goals for your relationship and romantic life! This puts you in a small minority – most people spend more time planning their vacations than their love life!

If you believe in the law of attraction, you buy into the premise that "like attracts like." Thus, it's important you understand who you are, what you project to potential matches, and what your vision is of your future relationship. This includes your list of relationship requirements, a clear understanding of your values, and of your ideal partner's values and attributes. When you're ready to "put it out there," to begin attracting that ideal partner, setting goals is a great way to start.

Your goals should be:

Specific – define exactly what you want
Measurable – how will you know when you've found what you want?
Action Oriented – what are you willing to do to achieve your goals?
Realistic – are your goals achievable? (finding someone in 90 days might not be realistic)
Time constrained – a goal is a dream with a deadline.

Working with a relationship coach can help you to define exactly what you want, to create a plan to get what you want, and to keep you on track.

Ann Robbins | | 954.561.4498

Cheryl responds …

Once you have learned how to harness the obedient and non-judgmental energy of the Universe (also known as the Law of Attraction) into the focused plan of what you want, your ideal mate, then you begin to employ another Universal Law called The Law of Deliberate Intent.

Learning how to use these laws requires an entirely new mindset, and requires the same effort as learning a foreign language and culture. Think about what would be needed if you were born and raised in the US but moving to Japan! How to learn a new mindset and deliberately control the energy you emanate is too extensive to share here.

When you are crystal clear about what you want in a mate, the Universe responds to that exact vibration. Your part in this effort is now complete. At that point, you simply wait, with eager anticipation and non-attachment, as the Universe obediently responds to your Deliberate Intent to draw The One to you. It starts with you. Whatever energy you emanate, the Universe obediently responds.

Cheryl Walters | | 310.733.8022

Tara responds …

I think it's absolutely possible to meet someone in 90 days – however, it's not guaranteed. First, you need a clear vision of exactly what you want. Who do you want to meet? What are their values and vision for their life? What about physical, mental and emotional attributes? You also need to define your relationship requirements – the absolute, unwavering "must-haves." The clearer your expectations, the easier it will be to "attract" the right person to you.

The next step is to take action. You can't attract anything without taking action on your part. Even a magnet can't attract anything until it's placed in the environment of something which possesses properties which happen to interact with the magnet. You need to do the same thing by "standing in the way" of opportunity. This means you need to be social. Engage in activities where you can meet singles and let family and friends know about your goal and your relationship requirements. The more activities and people you engage around your goal, the easier it will be to attract the results you desire.

The secret in a nutshell: Know what you want and then consistently and relentlessly take focused actions to achieve your goal.

Tara Kachaturoff |

Doris responds ...

It's possible to meet your soul mate in 90 days, but delay tying the knot until you've been dating at least 18 months. We're hardwired to rush blindly into infatuation. Most of us confuse chemical soup with lasting love. Three months isn't enough time to shift your biology from hormone-driven infatuation to clarity. In fact, we're genetically programmed to be blind to reality for months.

How can you set yourself up to meet your soul mate in 90 days and then consciously walk through every stage of creating a healthy relationship? Develop an amazing relationship with yourself. This is the only guarantee that you'll attract a mate who is whole and complete. You want someone who wants to share their life with you, not a needy person who expects you to make their day.

Make a firm commitment to be Your Authentic Self. If you wear a mask, trying to please a potential mate, your soul mate won't be able to find you. You'll attract a fake you can't trust. Hire a qualified relationship coach so you can enjoy this bold new adventure. You'll short-circuit the tendency to get burned by chemical soup when someone flips your switch.

Doris Helge, Ph.D. | | 360.748.4365

All's Fair in Love and Finances

by Jackie Black, Ph.D.

Mature men and women who are dating and building committed relationships have many questions about money and issues related to money management. The most frequent question I am asked by men is how to avoid always picking up the tab. Women are curious about how to engage men in conversations about money.

What questions are OK to ask? When do you start asking direct questions about money? Everybody wants to be sure they are financially compatible before they commit to a long-term partnership, but very few are comfortable talking about the issues.

There are a few simple things you can do to avoid always picking up the tab. First determine the occasions that you can imagine choosing to "pick up the tab": You invite a friend to dinner to celebrate her birthday; You take a friend or family member to lunch as a way to say thank you for checking on your house when you were away.

Next, recognize that it is important to address this issue at the time you ask someone for the date, not when you are sitting in a restaurant or standing in line for movie tickets. Now develop phrases that sound like you and convey what you mean to say.

Consider: "This is a bit awkward for me to say, but, I prefer if we each pay for ourselves. How does that sound to you?"; "I am more comfortable if we each pay for ourselves. Is that all right with you?" It is perfectly acceptable to say that something is too expensive for you at this time or to suggest an alternative that is more in your price range.

Assessing financial compatibility is an essential aspect of the dating process and can be helpful in existing relationships as well. There is no substitute for spending time together in many different situations, listening carefully to personal sharings, and observing behavior.

Let's talk about your money personality. Your money personality is not dependent on how much money you earn. It has specifically to do with values, beliefs, concepts, fears, and fantasies about money.

• What did your parents tell you about money?
• What did you learn from observing them?
• What are your beliefs about spending, saving, tithing, investing, and credit?
• What are your ideas about earning more or less money than your partner, or supporting someone else or being supported temporarily or for the long-term?
• Do you enter each check in the register and balance your checkbook each month or not? What does it say to you about another person who does or does not?
• What do you spend money on?
• Do you pay attention to price?

It's never too early to offer your points of view about anything to do with money and to listen and observe carefully. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about or ashamed of. You are in charge of how you handle money. Money issues come up sooner or later so you might as well be up front from the start, and build in frequent money conversations throughout the life of your relationship.

Your money personalities do not have to be the same. The critical question is "How do the differences affect you?" Some differences can be easily accommodated. Some differences can cause dis-ease in your relationship that result in resentments that outlive the love.
The important constant in your dating and committed relationship behaviors is to become willing and able to include frequent money conversations with each other. You'll be glad you did! Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright ©2010 by Jackie Black, Ph. D. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Jackie Black, Ph.D. is an internationally recognized Relationship Expert, Educator, Author and Coach, and an RCI Licensed Relationship Coach for Singles and Couples. She coaches men and women who are single again, pre-married, newly-married, new parents, couples in trouble, couples facing illness, and those grieving the death of a loved one.

Bonus Article:
Can You Really Manifest
a Spiritual Partner in Today's World?

by Lori S. Rubenstein

I recently overheard a conversation between two men at the gym. They sounded angry and bitter and jaded. These men complained that all women are looking for is men with money.

They talked about how they were sized up by their car and joked about how funny it would be to show up for dates with a rented Jag or Mercedes, and trick the women into believing that they had money. They supported each other's belief that what was keeping women from them was the size of their paycheck. So many thoughts ran through my mind.

However, the main thought was, why do you think you are always attracting women who want only money? That got me thinking more about the "law of attraction." The law of attraction is very basic: you are responsible for your own reality. What is in your life is there because you attracted it to you. Like attracts like. What you think about, what you talk about, what you fixate on, becomes your reality.

So the question is, what do you want to manifest in your life? Many of you may be familiar with the "I AM". I AM stands for you being 100% one with God. If you are that intertwined with God, doesn't it make sense that you also have the same power to manifest?

If you are not enjoying the reality you have created, choose a new reality. It is not enough to just "want" something else, such as a woman whose primary value is not money. It is about looking deeply at your own internal thoughts. Your thoughts vibrate and send out energy. They then become your belief system and your beliefs materialize in your world.

The law of attraction also holds that if you think about what you don't want, that is what you will get. For example, if I constantly think, "I don't want to be fat," guess what, I'm attracting fat because that is precisely what I'm concentrating on. The men in the example above keep attracting women who only want men with money because they think that's all that is out there and that has become their "belief" system.

Here's an exercise for you:

Close your eyes, breathe deeply a few times and ask, what have you always attracted into your life? Notice your belief systems around what you have attracted. Write down these attractions in the areas of relationship, money, and body.

Is what you have attracted what you want to continue to attract? If not, then start with writing down what you want to attract. Focus on it, visualize it. Feel what it would feel like to have that in your life right now. Make sure you are not feeling a "wanting" or "lack" of what you wish. Make this part of your daily routine.

Have you been hurt in the past? Did you erect large walls around you to protect yourself from future hurts? I want to mention something about walls. How do you expect to become involved with a spiritual/conscious partner if you are not willing to be vulnerable and show your partner who you are?

When your walls keep you separate from others, for protection, you reinforce those walls. Then you can say, "Well, I knew he/she wasn't the one for me...". If you are hiding behind a wall, how would you expect to attract a spiritual partner? Why would a spiritual partner be attracted to walls? What would it take for you to let down your walls? Here is a is NOT about the other person you become involved with, it is about YOU.

It is having enough trust in yourself that you can handle hurt, rejection, and abandonment. If you believe we are all "one", then truly, who or what is the wall protecting you from? Are you the one on the inside or the outside? What if you are both?

Let's go back to "I AM". Another way to look at this is: I stands for "intention", A stands for "Attention or Action", and M stands for "manifestation". So if you want to manifest something in your life, set the intention, pay attention to it with certain actions, and yes, it will manifest. See it, feel it, believe it.

Note: If a piece of you believes this and a piece of you believes the opposite, your vibration is not aligned and you will not create or manifest your desire. Clarity of thoughts and beliefs will go a long way. Allow your walls to come down, build beautiful fountains of desire and belief around you, and see what comes your way.

Copyright ©2010 by Lori S. Rubenstein. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Lori S. Rubenstein, JD CPC is well known for her ability to help clients tear down their walls to attract love into their lives. A divorce attorney, relationship coach, author, teacher and mediator give her a well-rounded perspective. She is the author of 3 transformational books and a CD/workbook set. 928.634.0252

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