Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
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Ask Our Coaches:
I hate to just say I'm looking for the woman of my dreams or something like that. I am doing that, but also I want a life companion, wife, and mother to our future children and I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I'm looking for. My question - how do I communicate this in a way that isn't so forward? I want to find the love of my life, but I do have a goal in mind. I want to start with online dating so perhaps some thoughts on communicating what I want online might also be helpful. Any thoughts?
Anthony from Ann Arbor
Women in search of marriage will pay more attention than those who want only casual companionship. Saying you want "the woman of your dreams" is vague. If you want a "companion, wife and mother," then be direct. The latter description will appeal to a woman who shares your agenda. Also, if being direct is your style, a woman who appreciates this style may be a better fit.
Most online dating sites
give you an obvious space to indicate the type of relationship you
prefer. Some sites even have options within the master site geared
toward a target audience, such as those looking for marriage, just
dating or even intimate encounters. Your online profile can expand upon
your ideals. It is perfectly appropriate to explain why you chose to
establish your career first, why you're ready for marriage, and what
you ultimately desire in a partner.
In your online profile write what you wrote in your question -- that you're looking for a long-lasting relationship and that you'd like to eventually start a family. Also include that you look forward to getting to know them and to seeing what unfolds. Using words like "eventually" will let the women know what your intention is and that you don't expect it right away.
Jenna Rogers | 408.470.9743 | www.examiner.com/x-14231-SF-Relationship-Improvement-Examiner
Since you're contemplating online dating, by all means be specific in your profile and emphasize the type of values and personality you're looking for. That way, you will have winnowed out a number of women you wouldn't be interested in.
As far as communication and compatibility are concerned, the best step is to be authentic in all your conversations and actions with whomever you meet. You needn't announce you're looking for the woman of your dreams. As you date various women, assess them carefully to see if they meet the criteria you've established for your "dream lady." Notice if their interests, requirements, wants, temperament, and outlook on life reflect your own values and desires.
Mari Lyles | 301.249.0979
Doris responds …
Was your career success instant? Or was it a journey of self-discovery in which you clarified your needs, talents and goals? Finding your ideal mate is similar. Even if you think you're ready to identify your life companion, you'll save time and avoid heartache by elevating your self-awareness.
What are your values? What's most important to you in a relationship? What do you most want to share? What would you like your new "team" to stand for?
Since the most fulfilling relationships evolve from friendships based on shared interests and values, identify an interest you'd like to explore. Start living a new life story today. At the same time, inform your social networks that you're interested in meeting new people. If your intention is to get to know other people with fascination, learning about yourself and human nature, you'll set yourself up for genuine connections.
Instead of worrying about
how to state your goal to marry, this new focus will shift your
communication toward an authentic, enduring relationship. Live a
fulfilling life as a single. You'll attract a partner who wants to
share from wholeness instead of expecting you to meet their needs.
Jill responds ...
I'd like to commend you for being clear on your "goals" and asking for support on how to articulate this in a way that will not scare away your potential beloved. Prioritizing your "deal breakers," making sure you are truly coming from the heart and not just the head, may help you to attract not only your "ideal partner," but also your true soul mate.
To appear less demanding and selfish about what you want, perhaps you might consider saying something like this in your online profile:
When scouting and sorting through your prospective partners, remember to be mindful of order of your priorities - both verbally and non-verbally. Focus on WHO you wish to love, not just WHAT she's willing to do. A woman will not feel you are being selfish about wanting her children, if she feels she will be unconditionally loved and cherished by you, first and foremost.
Jill Marie Hungerford | www.TheProfessionalMuse.com | 650.930.0892
If you want to be more successful at dating, you need knowledge and skills. With a little forethought and planning, you can have more fun, enjoy the process, and possibly meet the love of your life. Here are some dating tips to help you get started.
1. Plan for success. Why do you want to date? What type of relationship do you want? What's the vision for your life? What are your relationship requirements, needs, and wants? These are just some of the things you need to explore before you begin the journey of finding the love of your life. The clearer you are about who and what you want, the easier it will be for you to find it. A Certified RCI coach can provide you with helpful guidance throughout this process.
2. Communication is key. Communication is the underlying dynamic of all successful and unsuccessful relationships. Cultivating an open and honest relating environment, from the beginning, will help to mitigate misunderstandings, while at the same time create an atmosphere that can allow your relationship to grow and flourish.
3. Set boundaries. In any type of relationship, whether personal or professional, it's important to set boundaries. Not only does this provide you with a solid foundation for living your life, but also it conveys to others who you are and how you expect to be treated. Boundaries are like an "operations manual" for you and for others.
4. Have fun. Dating should be something you enjoy. I'm not saying that it will always be fun and exciting, but if it's not, you need to spend some time finding out why. You might not be ready or available to date. If you're not, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being single and not dating. In any case, keep up with your friendships and acquaintances. It's important to nurture some aspect of socialization in your life – especially around activities that bring you enjoyment.
5. Comfort is not always a good thing. It's nice to be comfortable in your dating experience with someone, but if things are always singing along and you never disagree on anything and everything is "perfect" as in a "Stepford Wives" version for singles, watch out. One or both of you may not be acting authentically, living fully into your vision, or truly aligned with your values. Many singles feel such "sense of relief" when they've finally "got" someone in their life that they begin editing and twisting themselves into a pretzel to "not rock the boat." Healthy relationships start with being true to yourself first. If you have any doubts, consult a relationship coach.
6. Manage dating expectations. How do you manage expectations in a dating relationship? How do you avoid misunderstandings that can lead to disappointment and unhappiness? You do it by engaging in open and honest communications right from the start. And, just as important, you need to make sure that your actions are aligned with what you communicate. When your thoughts, speech, and actions are in alignment, you'll have the best results – both for you and with others.
7. Take your time. Finding the right relationship takes both time and patience. Conscious singles don't rush into committed relationships because they know that it takes time to get to know someone else and that in haste they may miss important things like red flags which can lead to dating disappointment. Also, any new relationship is a time for further exploration of yourself. Each person you date will bring forth new understandings of who you are. You need time to digest and understand who you are, juxtaposed to the person that you're dating. Take your time, enjoy the journey since that is really what it's all about.
Tara Kachaturoff is a Master Certified Coach for Singles. Since 2003, she has coached hundreds of single men and women to create better dating relationships through her onsite and teleseminar courses. www.RelationshipPlanning.com
by Tara Kachaturoff. All rights reserved in all media.
Why do men come on so
strong at first and then cool off after a few weeks or months?
So what are the
solutions? Find men with no sex drive? Find men with no wishes? Be
by Randy Hurlburt. All rights reserved in all media.
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Tara Kachaturoff | Editor,
Conscious Dating Newsletter for Singles
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