These programs provide
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Program #1- Are You
Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The
Program #3- Ten Steps
for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious
Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced
Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious
Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200
them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right
relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating
Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating
and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making
challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are
recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for
playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a
CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the
Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready
to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding
Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We
Program #5- Dealing
With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We
Program #7- Sharing Our
Program #8- Deciding
"Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We
Must Say Goodbye
them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
Let's Talk First
would like to move forward and become intimate."
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I've been dating a divorced father of two grown children for 3 months.
We would like to move forward and become intimate. We want to get to
know each other better and think this would deepen our relationship. I
think I'm ready. I was married for 15 years and divorced for 2. I dated
here and there, but only casually.
This sounds crazy, but I'm not sure how to best approach this with my
partner. Today there's a lot more to worry about – AIDS,
hepatitis, STDs, etc. And, I haven't been intimate since I was married.
It's a big step for me. Any thoughts about what I need to think about
or do before taking the next step? I know the obvious -- like birth
control -- but what else might I not be considering?
Teresa from Tampa Bay
The very first thing is to get clear about something very important.
You say you want to more forward and "become intimate." I think you
mean you want to "have sex." Being intimate and having sex are two VERY
different things. You can be intimate and not have sex, and you can
have sex without being intimate (of course both together is best). If
you have any confusion about this, you should consult a relationship
Next, you must ask yourself how much sex you want given the level of
intimacy you are experiencing at the 3-month point in your
relationship. I would recommend what I call "progressive sex." In other
words, don't go all the way the first time, and maybe not for a while.
Get to know each other's bodies without penetration. When you are ready
for penetration, when it is comfortable in the progress of the
relationship, either use a latex condom or go together to get tested.
Use of a condom is best until you can be absolutely sure of sexual
exclusivity, and this is not a good assumption at the three month point.
Do this exercise to test yourself on progressive sex: write down 20
steps that could exist between "holding hands" and "penetration." Then
plan on spending at least a week or two (or more) at each step. And
don't forget to have fun!!!!
Randy Hurlburt | www.PartnersinLoveandCrime.com
subject of sex can be a little intimidating. You have expressed your
concerns beautifully, and your partner and you are already
communicating with honesty. Keep this up.
Know that if this is someone who holds your best interest and
well-being at heart, he will appreciate your wishes to ensure each
others' safety. If not, this is a good way to discover his level of
concern for you and the level of responsibility he takes for his own
well-being. As you may already know an HIV test is readily available
and confidential at your doctor's office. Knowing you are both healthy
and physically ready for intimacy is a great gift to give to one
Now, let's look at what
this means to each of you, and for the direction of your relationship.
Are you already dating exclusively? If not, does this mean that you
will be? Are you ready? Do you have any concerns? Remember, it is
possible to avoid unwelcome surprises by sharing and receiving
information clearly and lovingly. That way your choices can be made
Carol Baxter | www.RevCarolBaxter.com
I think after 3 months,
if you've been seeing each other on a regular basis, you probably know
each other reasonably well. Having sex will not necessarily allow you
to actually get to know someone better, however it will give you a
different level of intimacy.
You say, "I think I'm
ready." You sound a little doubtful. I would encourage you to be sure
that you truly are ready to take this next step by asking yourself some
- What am I fearful
about if I take this next step?
- Do we both have the
same goals for the relationship?
- Does it feel right
when we're together?
I would suggest you be
open and honest with him about your concerns. If you care about each
other, asking him questions (gently) should not be any kind of
challenge for him. Today, it's not unusual for people to request that
each takes an AIDS/STD test.
Also, if you haven't
already, read David Steele's book, Conscious
Dating, I think you will find it
has lots of great suggestions that will be very helpful. I'm sure you
will make whatever decision is right for you.
Palache | www.SayYestoYouCoaching.com
I congratulate you for having the foresight and thought to think about
your situation carefully before taking your relationship to a level of
physical intimacy. Once that occurs, the relationship changes quite
You have stated that you
think you are ready. Please be as sure as you can before you take this
step. Typically, physical intimacy deepens feelings of emotional
connection and love for a woman, but not always so for a man.
Consider, first and
foremost, if you haven't already, exclusivity. Have the two of you made
a decision not to see other people? Have you agreed on this or is it
assumed? Be sure your expectations are the same in this area. I have
seen many of my clients go through agony over this area alone.
The second thing you
should consider is longevity. Do both of you plan on this being a
long-term relationship? Are you in it for the long haul? Is the intent
to stay together, or to see how it goes? You should have intent of
longevity prior to having sex.
Finally, have a candid
discussion about your health and potential STDs. If there is any
question, a simple blood test can provide the answers.
If you find him unwilling
to talk to you about any of this, particularly unwilling to commit to
exclusivity, I would advise you to proceed with caution. However, if
you are able to have a candid discussion and you find him to be
understanding and in agreement with your concerns, then you are
probably more than ready!
Robbins | www.LifeWorksMatchmaking.com
Dating as a Single Parent
by Katherin Scott
As a single parent, the
dating game has just gotten more complicated. In addition to the usual
difficulty of meeting people, dealing with rejection, and dealing with
jerks, you have the kids to consider. You also have the ghost of your
past relationship to deal with—which, thanks to your kids,
keeps coming back.
It's easy to say I'm too
busy for all that and just snuggle in with your children for some
wholesome family movies. But the desire for romance and companionship
is just as real as it was before you had kids, and you are no less
deserving. It's worth getting out there, once you're ready and try
again. All it takes is a little planning and a little care.
kids always come first.
You know it's true, and you have to make sure your kids know it, too.
You also have to make sure your dates know it. Remember that your kids
are dealing with relationship changes, too. You don't want to have them
attach to a revolving door of role models.
introduce your kids and your date until the relationship is serious.
Go to meet your date instead of being picked up at your home. Let the
kids have their space. If your kids are older, you can let them know
you're dating. A fifteen-year-old is just going to be annoyed if you
introduce someone you've been out with three times as your "friend."
The key is to let the kids know that your dating life doesn't infringe
on or threaten their stability or their relationship with you. You go
to work; you talk with friends; you go on dates. Keep it simple and
your time so your kids get enough focused one-on-one time.
Don't let your dating life take much time away from your kids. If at
all possible, schedule your dates for weekends when your kids are away.
If you're dating another single parent, find out right away what your
custody schedules are. If they conflict, you'll have a problem.
Remember that you're
your kids' role model.
You don't have to kill your sex life, but you have to be more careful
than when you were single. You have to stay healthy, and you have to
behave the way you'd want your children to behave. Don't subject your
kids to a parade of strangers coming out of your room in the morning.
Make sure your dates understand your need for discretion.
If you're dating another single parent, they'll probably understand,
but an adult without children may need to have things explained. Dating
as a parent is different from what they'll be used to. Talk to them
about behavior around your kids and about what to expect from your ex.
When you're a single parent, you have to interact more with an ex than
non-parents do. Your current partner will need to understand and accept
it's time to introduce your kids, talk with your kids first.
Explicitly affirm your commitment to them. Make sure they understand
who it is they're meeting. Solicit their thoughts and feelings, but do
not ask for their permission or approval. You are dating, but you are
still the parent. Your kids need to know they are first, and they also
need to know you're still in charge.
your kids a secret will waste your time.
You can't end up with someone who has a problem with children. Be
careful not to date someone who'll use your children to get in good
with you. Date someone who is genuinely comfortable with kids.
You deserve to be in
a healthy, loving relationship.
Don't let your past experiences trip you up. Also, don't tell your
dates about them. Obviously, if you tell them you're a parent, it may
come up you're divorced. But you don't have to subject your date to
long stories of your ex's misdeeds. It's always in bad taste to
complain about past relationships, and that still holds true when your
past relationship was ten years long.
- Go for it!
If it's been awhile since you joined the dating game, don't worry. Some
things have changed. The essentials haven't. Look out for your kids,
look out for yourself, and have fun.
Copyright © 2008 Katherin Scott. All rights reserved
worldwide. No part of this article may be copied or distributed in any
form without the author's information intact.
M.A., is a Dating and
Relationship Coach, author and speaker. She has devoted her life to the
pursuit of love and romance, not just for herself, but for the millions
of single people who want love in their lives. Katherin coaches singles
worldwide and teaches seminars and workshops to help people empower
themselves to find love and happiness. http://www.KatherinScott.com
What's Your Relationship Destiny?
by Don Bailey
Do you believe your
destiny is predetermined? Maybe you believe it is put in place by God
(Jer. 29:11 NIV) -- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the
Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future."
I do believe God has a
perfect plan for us in all aspects of our life, but we have the power
to mess up the plan as He allows our free will to be at work. I
recently found a quotation which I believe makes our part in defining
our destiny clear.
They define your words.
Watch your words,
They define your actions.
Watch your actions,
They define your habits,
Watch your habits,
They define your character.
Watch your character,
It defines your destiny.
Now, let's apply this to
your thoughts. Do you think
positively about your mate or date? Or, do you find yourself thinking
about their faults more than their strengths?
Do you think about your relationship with commitment, or as one that is
on the brink of shattering with every upset? Proverbs 23:7 KJV says,
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." That makes it pretty clear
that the destiny of our relationships begins with our thoughts.
Now, what about the words
we speak? Remember, they are defined by our thoughts. We have a choice
as to what we say and how we say it. Prov. 15:1,2 NIV says, "A gentle
answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." It is clear
that our words have a dramatic impact on the actions of our mate or
date. Managing our tongue to speak truth with a soft tone produces the
best results. Seldom are we forced to use angry words to accomplish our
about your actions? So
often we'd like to blame them on someone else such as our date or mate
or even "the devil made me do it." Just like with our words and
thoughts, our actions are our choice. Unfortunately, we may not stop to
make a choice, but we react based on our emotions.
It will be much easier to make a choice about our actions if we are
managing our thoughts and words. Psalm 1:1,2 gives us some insight as
to how to do this. Specifically it says, "Blessed is the man that
walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of
sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful."
Well, we're getting
closer to our destiny. Now we need to consider our habits. They are
defined by our actions and are a matter of conditioning. I believe I've
heard that repeating an action twenty-one times causes it to become a
habit. Some of us may be more resistant to change, so it may take 30 or
40 or 50 times. The key is that we are making a choice to change our
habits. Why? Because it defines our character.
is character? Well, it's
who you are. I've heard that it is what you do when no one is watching.
It's who we are when all of the masks are removed and our
vulnerabilities, as well as our strengths, are seen by our mate or
date. Hopefully, it is the greatest factor on which they make a
decision about whether we are worthy of a relationship with them. And
let's face it, our character is defined by our thoughts, words, actions
Well, here we are at our
destiny in relationships. What we want is to be happy, to be loving, to
be committed, to be caring, to be empathetic, and to be sensual and
emotionally healthy. The list goes on and on as we consider who we want
to be to our self and to others. We are forced to make choices which
lead to a destiny in our relationships and the quality of our life.
we reach the end -- our destiny. It's
based on our choices and we are responsible for it. We can't blame
anyone else. But, now, we must go back to the beginning and start our
again as life is constantly changing and we are presented with new
choices. What a challenge it is! But now we know how we got to where we
are and how to get to a better place in the future.
Copyright © 2008 by Don Bailey. All rights reserved.
is the founder of LIFECare Coaching/Counseling. He is an
ordained minister, a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and RCI
Licensed Relationship Coach. His passion is to see new love
relationships "begin right" and existing ones "reach their peak."www.lifecarecoach.net
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