March 2008

In this issue:

Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

David Steele
Founder,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email

Copyright 2008 by ConsciousDating.org All rights reserved.

Now Available!

Order a copy today for your single friends and family members at www.ConsciousDating.com

Announcements

Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest Results

For the two year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World here are the results of our second annual-

Conscious Dating
Success Story of the Year Contest

2008 Second Place Winner- Faith Meenan

2008 Honorable Mention- David Steele!

Check out last year's winners here

- Do you have a success story to share? Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm

- Know anyone with a success story to share? Please forward this information to them!

- Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story in the making? With 6 months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com

Announcing- Second Edition of Conscious Dating Book!

The second edition of Conscious Dating has just been released. Here are some changes in the new edition-

• New sub-title- "Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life That You Love"
• "Conscious Dating" more clearly defined and explained in the Introduction
• Paperback (second edition is not available in hardback)
• "Dating Red Flags Checklist" added to Chapter 8
• Jeanette Ball's inspiring Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year added to the appendix

The impetus for the second edition was our distributor requiring a paperback version for placement in bookstores. As long as we were going to publish a paperback version, it seemed like a good idea to update the book with the new material developed since publication.

The first edition hardback and CD is still available on our website at www.consciousdating.com and Amazon.com.

The second edition is now available at BarnesandNoble.com and Amazon.com as well as bookstores around the country.

Advanced Conscious Dating Strategies

These programs provide advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of your life.

Each program includes the MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to follow along and take notes.

Program #1- Are You Ready for Love?

Program #2- Being The Chooser

Program #3- Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate

Program #4- Conscious Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision

Program #5- Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50

Program #6- Scouting: Where to Find Your Soul Mate

Program #7- Advanced Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing

Program #8- Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate

Program #9-Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200 Miles Away

Check them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com

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When dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right relationship for me?"

Our Conscious Mating Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.

These audio programs are recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.

Program #1- Is This the Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage

Program #2- Am I Ready to Be a Couple?

Program #3- Finding Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience

Program #4- Should We Live Together?

Program #5- Dealing With Our Baggage

Program #6- Are We Compatible?

Program #7- Sharing Our Vision

Program #8- Deciding "Is This The One?"

Program #9- When We Must Say Goodbye

Check them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com

Ask Our Coaches:
How Long Should I Wait to Get Married?

"... How long should I wait? ..."

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches,

I have known this man for 3 months and love him very much. How much longer should I wait before getting married?

Heather from Houston

Hazel responds ...

Being in love is such a wonderful place to be. I would, however, encourage you to get to know each other for a little longer.

You haven't said anything about whether he has asked you to marry him. My first questions would be: How does this man feel about marriage? Does he want to take the relationship to another level? Also, is there some reason you are in a hurry to get married?

Make sure there are no red flags popping up and that you both have the same end goals for life. I usually encourage my clients to have fun, get to know each other and become friends before they go to the next level.

If this is the "right" relationship for you, waiting a little while longer will only make it stronger. Marriage is a big step so you both want to be on the same page. If you haven't read it already, I encourage you to read David Steele's Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World which you can get from www.consciousdating.com

Hazel Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com | 818.972.4415

Randy responds ...

I'm often asked a question similar to the one you've asked Heather. Men also ask similar questions, although not as often.

The amount of time in question varies -- some having dated for as short as three months and others for as long as three years. But the question is always the same - "How much longer should I wait to get married?"

Here's what you need to know: Relationships take a long time to unfold, and the longer you spend getting to know someone, the better chance you have of it surviving into the future.

Here's an analogy (from a guy!). Think of the dating phase as the barrel of a gun. A short barrel pistol cannot be relied on to hit a target 100 yards away. The longer the barrel of a gun (for example a rifle), the more likely you will hit your target at long range. Similarly, the longer the dating phase, the more likely it is that you will have the ultimate relationship that you hope for.

You need to know not just who your partner is right now, but how quickly, or slowly, he or she is able to progress within the relationship. While conventional wisdom says that people don't change, the truth is that they must, though most do so unwillingly and slowly, and many do not change at all.

You need to know more than just the length of the barrel of your rifle, or in this case, the length of the dating process. This is because with love it is not a straight shot to the target. Predicting love is like shooting in a strong crosswind; the "winds of change" will cause a curved trajectory. Therefore you need a means of testing and evaluating progress. How much time has elapsed? How far have you come? And what is the rate of change towards your target?

Another important element is how much you love this person. The more you love him (or her), the longer you will be willing to wait. You should wait until the observed progress and the "target" line up on your radar screen.

Note that true love does not have deadlines -- but there can be "milestones of progress," and "progressive commitments." Also, the "target" can differ from one person to another. One person wants marriage and kids, another wants marriage but no kids, a third wants to live together, but not marriage, etc.

Know your target and know what you want, take enough time, and observe progress, including the rate of change. When the curved trajectory of your particular relationship appears as though it will hit your unique target, and you both agree, then it is time to "pull the trigger."

Randy Hurlburt | www.loveisnotagame.com | 858. 455.0799

Elie responds ...

There's no "right" length of time to wait to get married. A short courtship can make a lifelong marriage, just as a long courtship doesn't preclude divorce.

Before jumping in, review your relationship plan. Is he a match for your requirements, needs, and wants? Does his vision and yours fit together? If the answer is "no," then slow down! Enjoy your life as a successful single, and don't compromise. Wait for a great partner who supports the life you want.

But what if he is a great match, at least according to your relationship plan? Then check those other indicators -- your heart, chemistry, and especially your inner-knowing. If there's any doubt or feeling of being rushed, then wait.

If you decide to wait, then schedule a date when you'll revisit the question, and don't discuss it before then. Otherwise, repeated debates about whether to get married may get in the way of the relationship. In the end, relationship plans, intuition and love are just indicators to help you choose. The real choice is always up to you.

Ellie Pope | www.WildWiggle.com | 303.455.0606

Ron responds ...

Determining when marriage is right is more of a function of criterion and less a function of time; however, time does play a role in this equation.

My question is, "How well can you get to know a person in 3 months?" The answer to that question is different for each person. This is why I say it is more about criterion. In the Conscious Dating program, we help participants identify their requirements, needs and wants for the relationship. Notice I did not say for the partner. If you haven't defined clearly what you want in a relationship, you won't recognize it when it shows up.

Requirements are non-negotiable terms that must be met before you agree to commit to a partner. Most people are vaguely aware of their requirements. This is the number one reason why the divorce rate is so high. I suggest that you take the necessary action to determine very clearly what your requirements are. A Conscious Dating program or seeking out a good relationship coach is advised. Take the time and do your homework so you can feel secure in your decision to wed.

Ron Maddox | www.LoveConsciously.com | 214.528.5426

Cher responds ...

How could you possibly know that you love someone in three months? Lust for someone, yes, but love someone in such a short period of time?

There are a multitude of things you need to consider about any person you intend to marry. Three months is barely enough time to know the obvious visible things about another person much less the hidden aspects of a person's mind, his dreams and desires, values, life purpose and vision. These thoughts and ideas create behaviors and actions that will have long-term ramifications as to whether or not this individual, together with you, can create a partnership and relationship that will stand the test of time.

Asking about getting married after such a short period of time tells me that first you need to look deep into your being and discover the inner workings of the woman called Heather before you can even begin to contemplate marriage. A Relationship Coach would be the perfect person to help you to do that.

Cher Tanner | www.FastTrackHappiness.com | 727.432.9494

Feature Article:
Matchmaking 101: An Introduction

Interview with RCI Coach Ann Robbins

RCI Coach and Certified Professional Matchmaker Ann Robbins provides us with a glimpse into the world of matchmaking - what it is, who it's for, and how it works.

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor

Tara: What is a Matchmaker?

Ann Robbins: Professional Matchmakers are experts in the field of helping people find love.

The Matchmaker has the ability to understand their clients' needs, wants, and desires through the use of intuition and translation. The Matchmaker is able to convey trust and compassion, allowing the client to openly communicate without fear or discomfort. A professional Matchmaker embraces, values, and wholeheartedly believes in their ability to seek and find love for others by bringing people together who otherwise may never have met.

By carefully matching clients based on their values, preferences, personal style, and relationship goals, the Matchmaker is always in their clients' corner working one-on-one, coordinating dates, giving and receiving feedback, and putting fun back into dating by making it easier and a more productive and rewarding process.

Tara: What led you to become a matchmaker?

Ann Robbins: My decision to become a matchmaker was a very personal one. As a Senior Vice President with an international human resources consulting firm, I had spent over a decade in the corporate world working with companies and their people in the area of career transition and executive coaching.

I found my passion to be "the happy ending", whether it was helping someone land that perfect job or coaching someone to a new level of performance for success. Either way, my "charge" came from knowing I had made a difference in helping someone move through change in a positive way.

In 1999, I became widowed after a twenty-year happy marriage. I ventured into the dating world in the year 2000 and was totally unprepared for what I found. Not only did I have difficulty meeting quality singles, but I found my well meaning friends were clueless when it came to fixing me up on blind dates.

I turned to the Internet dating sites and then visited a couple local dating services as well as a local matchmaker. I walked away from that whole experience knowing there was a desperate need for helping professional people find each other. I had found my next career move. A Matchmaker was born!

Tara: Where do you start when a client comes to you? What process do you take them through?

Ann Robbins: Once we complete the pre-screening, which typically takes place by phone, we set a time to meet in person. At that meeting I conduct an in-depth interview and profile assessment as well as learn about their background, prior relationships, family relationships and their relationship goals.

In addition to the typical questions regarding interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes, I try to learn as much as I can about their ideal mate, the qualities and characteristics they are looking for as well as their non-negotiables. It is during this interview when I determine whether or not I will accept them as a client or recommend they receive coaching prior to pursuing a new relationship.

Tara: How do you prepare clients for dates? Do you take them through the Conscious Dating program before you take them through the matchmaking process?

Ann Robbins: Clients are prepared for dates in a variety of ways. Once I determine a potential match for a client I call that client, give them an overview of the candidate's profile, discuss with them why I think this might be a good match, and answer any questions they may have. Usually their concern is chemistry, so I try to describe presence and persona more than "how they look." This is the intuitive part of matchmaking. Sometimes I just know.

The critical piece is the feedback - before and after each introduction. I need to know what worked, what did not, and how to fine-tune going forward. Additionally I am able to help my clients by sharing feedback from their match. This helps spot red flags if a client repeatedly gets the same feedback from various matches.

Use of the Conscious Dating program prior to matchmaking is determined individually. If the individual is not relationship ready, I would strongly urge they undergo coaching first.

Tara: When you pre-screen people to include them within your database of potential dates, what types of things do you assess or ask?

Ann Robbins: The first thing I do is ask some pre-screening questions to determine if it makes sense to move forward. A few general areas are covered - for example, the person must be single and fully extracted from any prior relationships. No baggage, including legal and financial. Additionally, they must be seeking and be ready, willing, and able to enter into a committed relationship. I ask if they are a US Citizen, if they have any history of drug or alcohol abuse, and if they are employed. They must be willing to undergo a background check.

Tara: What is the best way for a single man or woman to prepare themselves for working with a matchmaker?

Ann Robbins: They should begin by undergoing an introspective self-assessment. It is very important they understand who they are, what they want, and that their expectations of their ideal mate are realistic. Next, understand that matchmaking is not about finding dates. Most people can do that well enough on their own. Therefore, be prepared and understand that my job is not to keep their social calendar full. My job is to only introduce them to potential matches that meet their criteria, and vice versa. Quality -- not quantity.

Tara: Why would someone choose a matchmaker?

Ann Robbins: Simply put - because their time, and their heart, are important.

Copyright © 2008 by Ann Robbins. All rights reserved in all media.

Ann Robbins is founder and president of LifeWorks Matchmaking, a professional matchmaking and relationship coaching firm. She is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, a member of the Professional Matchmaking Network through the Matchmaking Institute of New York and a professional Relationship Coach through the Relationship Coaching Institute. www.lifeworksmatchmaking.com 954.561.4498

Bonus Article:
The Adventure of Finding Love Over 50:
Remember Why You're a Catch!

by Cher Tanner

RCI Coach Cher Tanner offers practical dating advice no matter what your age. When you appreciate why you're a "catch," others will too. Cher offers a fun exercise to help you get started.

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor

Many of us find ourselves in a rather scary later-in-life place -- single for the first time in many years -- divorced, widowed, leaving a long-term relationship or never married. The bottom line is that we are alone and we do not like it. What can we do?

Remember Why You're A Catch! If you don't believe in yourself, who will?

Look at this idea of being a catch from two different perspectives. First, look on the "macro" level. Consider the idea that a later-in-life person, like you, is a good catch. Secondly, look on a "micro" level, considering why you, personally, are a good catch.

From the macro perspective, think about all the learning and life experience later-in-life people have acquired which lead to wisdom and development of the social graces so essential to dating and love relationships. Life experiences provide greater insight into others, along with a degree of trusted intuition.

Because of emotional maturity, later-in-life singles are more apt to become conscious daters who have a plan. They have learned that diving in, before checking if there's water in the pool, has led to the serious head injuries of life like disappointments, heartaches, financial difficulties, and broken egos. Because they know that "Rome wasn't built in a day," their cultivation of deferred gratification, sorely lacking in youth, leads to far greater success in dating and mating.

They have freedom and joy in having raised kids who are now grown and gone, giving privacy in their own homes to develop friendships and intimacies. No longer working from 9 to 5, maybe retired and free from struggling financially, many now have that freedom to bring to the dating arena.

Now let's consider the micro perspective - focusing on your authentic self. To discover your unique personal wealth of character and virtues, you may want to reestablish a fundamental understanding of who you really are. What is your vision and life purpose? What values do you hold close to your heart and use for conducting life? You may not have asked yourself these questions in many years, if ever. But you must know these answers to embrace your Authentic Self.

Here's a terrific exercise to help you get started -- the Centennial Salute. Write down 100 things about yourself that are good and positive. Include qualities, talents, skills, activities, successes, awards, accomplishments, good deeds, etc. Some people find this difficult and it often takes more than one sitting to complete. Stick with it for a while. Once your easily accessed thoughts have been expressed, you will often find that deeper, more meaningful thoughts begin to emerge.

Once you have succeeded in reaching the 100th positive statement, you will most assuredly "Remember Why You're A Catch." When you appreciate who you are, others will as well.

Copyright © 2008 by Cher Tanner. All rights reserved in all media.


Cher Tanner is a trained RCI relationship coach. She works with boomers over 50 who want to find their true heart-mates. She is also a certified Authentic Happiness Coach trained under renowned psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman as well as a member of the International Coach Federation. www.FastTrackHappiness 727.432.9494

Conscious Dating Resources

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-seminars

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

New! Conscious Dating Audio Programs

• Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
  
• Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1500 Miles Away
  
• Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate in 2007
  
• Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate


• Check Out Our Advanced Consicous Dating Strategies Audio Package
• New! Conscious Mating Audio Programs

Visit our website at www.ConsciousDating.org for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
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Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Visit www.ConsciousMating.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious Dating Newsletter for Singles Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org

Relationship Coaching Institute
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

To subscribe to this newsletter and join our f`ree Conscious Dating Online Community click here

Please refer singles your care about to www.ConsciousDating.org

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Copyright 2008 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
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