Success Story of the Year Contest
the two year anniversary of the publication of Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World
on February 13, 2008 we'll announce the results of our second annual-
Success Story of the Year Contest
awarding an iPod Nano loaded with our best Conscious Relationship Audio
Programs ($400.00 value) to the first and second place winners.
out last year's winners here
will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be
eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating
book. All submissions become property of Relationship Coaching
Institute and by entering this contest entrants grant us permission to
publish their story online and in print.
Do you have a success story to share?
Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm
Know anyone with a success story to share? Please
forward this announcement to them!
Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story
in the making? With 6
months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles
of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com
the contest begin!
Edition of Conscious Dating Book!
The second edition of
Conscious Dating has just been released. Here are some changes in the
- New sub-title-
"Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life That You Love"
- "Conscious Dating"
more clearly defined and explained in the Introduction
- Paperback (second
edition is not available in hardback)
- "Dating Red Flags
Checklist" added to Chapter 8
- Jeanette Ball's
inspiring Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year added to the
The impetus for the
second edition was our distributor requiring a paperback version for
placement in bookstores. As long as we were going to publish a
paperback version, it seemed like a good idea to update the book with
the new material developed since publication.
The first edition
hardback and CD is still available on our website at www.consciousdating.com
The second edition is now
available at BarnesandNoble.com
as well as bookstores around the country.
These programs provide
advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of
Each program includes the
MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to
follow along and take notes.
Program #1- Are You
Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The
Program #3- Ten Steps
for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious
Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced
Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious
Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200
them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
you're dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right
relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating
Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating
and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making
challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are
recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for
playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a
CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the
Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready
to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding
Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We
Program #5- Dealing
With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We
Program #7- Sharing Our
Program #8- Deciding
"Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We
Must Say Goodbye
them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
Do I have to Wait to Date?
... I know I've made some bad choices in the past,
but I certainly
don't want to spend all of my time alone with myself...
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
My coach tells me that it's best if I don't date while taking your
Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles program
(RESTS). I don't understand why. Why shouldn't I be out there having a
good time, finding the person for me, while I'm working with my coach?
I know I've made some bad choices in the past, but I certainly don't
want to spend all of my time alone with myself.
I think it’s
really great that you decided to work with a coach on relationship
success. Congratulations. I'm assuming you chose to use a coach because
you were having a challenge meeting the right kind of man.
Speaking not only from
over 20 years of working with clients, but also from personal
experience, I know that going out and having a “good
time,” because that’s an old comfort zone, can
easily lead to old patterns and negative choices. I don’t
know, of course, how you feel, but I truly understand that you
don’t want to spend all of your time alone with yourself and,
of course, you don’t have to.
However, I highly
encourage you to get comfortable not having a man in your life, for a
while, to give yourself a chance to get used to the new place you will
come from and the new choices you are going to make. Learning to really
love yourself will open doors to making different choices. If you feel
yourself weakening, I suggest you ask yourself if you will be happy
making another unwise choice.
I usually request that my
clients don’t date during the initial stages of the training
because one of the things they want to achieve is not only to make
better choices, but also to learn that they are really great and that
they deserve to have the best of everything in life.
mean you shouldn’t have fun. It just means you shouldn't put
yourself at risk for a while. Be patient. Ask your friends to be
supportive while you are going through the program. Make plans to go
out to dinner, the theater or the movies. Volunteer for something. Sign
up for a class. Write a list of things you’d love to do and
then set them in action.
This is a wonderful time
to achieve lots of new things for yourself. There are so many fun
things to do without having a man in your life. Get totally comfortable
with yourself and you will be ready and open to attract the right man
for an incredible relationship. I wish you lots of luck.
Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com
Typically, none of us
like to be alone all the time -- but why do you feel the need for
companionship so strongly? Do you feel it is due to healthy needs or
does dating supply a substitute for being "OK" with yourself?
Examining your past bad
choices may give you some clues related to your motivation towards
dating. What lesson do you need to learn from these past experiences?
Your coach is simply trying to help you move toward conscious dating
which balances your heart and your head. If you feel you must date
before you complete your RESTS training, ask your coach to help you
understand recreational dating and stick to that for now.
signed up for the RESTS course and you have a coach to support you in
finding a relationship based on responsible choosing. Imagine -- you
never need to make those same mistakes again! Perhaps you are used to
being “out there having fun,” but it was not that
much fun when it turned out to be a mistake. Unfortunately, that is the
way so many people continue -- on that treadmill -- in that vicious
Your coach, being a
professional, will only recommend you resist this small temptation.
It's your choice, but let me assure you that the RESTS course does what
it says --if you give yourself this chance to be with yourself, and
fully appreciate YOUR needs and requirements in a relationship, then
you will be able to go full speed ahead afterwards. And it will be more
fun and more rewarding than you ever imagined! Good luck for a fabulous
Minto FRSA | +39.333.934.4973
While it is very tempting to run out and date with some of your new
found discoveries from the RESTS program, you owe it to yourself to
take a little bit of time for yourself to really discover who your
ideal future mate is and to realize who you are and what you want out
of your life by completing the program first.
Is there any point in
meeting someone that you think may be a potential partner, and then
discover several more weeks into the program that he is not meeting
your relationship requirements? Potentially, this could set you up to
turn a blind eye and you could end up with an unsuccessful relationship
which will cost you more in time and emotional pain.
Not dating for several weeks out of your life, now, could allow you to
have a lifetime of happiness in the future. As you go through this
process, by all means, do not spend this time completely alone;
instead, share this time with family and friends engaging in activities
that bring you joy.
Logan Daniels | 905.873.4463
One of the Ten Principles
of Conscious Dating is to be a "Successful Single." There is no way
that you can become part of a successful couple without accomplishing
this first. To be a successful single, spend some quality time alone
with yourself to learn about who you are at this juncture in your life.
You must clearly understand your values, vision, and life purpose.
Spend time discerning and
factoring down your requirements, needs, and wants so your relationship
can thrive. You need to know which of the core relationship
competencies are already a part of your repertoire and which ones will
require some fine-tuning. All of this can only be discovered in the
silence of your authentic self. Are you running from a relationship
Diffuse your pent-up
energy through exercise, gardening, vigorous walks, or volunteer work.
Remember the adage, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll
keep getting what you always got." Until you do the inner work, you are
not going to find “the person for you.” Instead,
you'll be out there wasting your valuable time setting yourself up for
the same old disappointments you've always found. Listen to your coach
-- that's why you hired her.
Cher Tanner | www.FastTrackHappiness.com
Save Your Next Relationship Before It Starts
by Annette Carpien
Coach Annette Carpien discusses what gets in the way of creating
successful relationships. By taking these to heart, and doing some
personal work, singles can expect better results in their next
Are you hungry for that lovin' feeling? Why does true love seem so
elusive? Why does it so often lead to heartbreak? Check out these
heartbreak clues to discover how you can achieve better results in
You're Miserable Being Single
Wanting love is very
different than being desperate for love. Are you lovable? Can someone
else love you when you don't even like yourself? If you are looking for
someone to rescue you from yourself, you will need to become your own
hero first. Loving and respecting yourself are very attractive features
and will attract a self-respecting partner. Unfortunately, the converse
is also true.
You Have No Boundaries
You have few boundaries,
if any, for yourself or your partner's behavior. Are you too accepting
of bad or disrespectful treatment for fear that he or she won't want to
bother with you any longer? Are you or your partner not really
available to commit to this relationship? Do you say
“yes” when you wish you could say
If the person you are involved with is still married, or not fully
divorced and healed, he or she is not really available to you. Open
your eyes. If you don't want to waste your life in a relationship
that's going nowhere, set a boundary that you won't get involved with
someone unless he or she is fully available right now. In addition, he
or she should treat you with respect consistently.
3. You Lack Direction
You don't know who you
are, what is important to you, or where your life is headed. What are
your values? What values do you want to share with your life partner?
What do you need to do, be and have in order to be happy and satisfied?
What impact do you want to have in the world or in someone's life? What
emotional, physical and perhaps spiritual qualities and circumstances
are of utmost importance to you in a love relationship? Socrates said
it best, "Know thyself.” You are uniquely you; shine the
light of self-knowledge on your requirements, needs, and wants, your
life vision, dreams and goals. You want a partner who will support and
help fulfill these for you.
Trust and Commitment are Missing
Attraction and chemistry
are important ingredients in every love relationship, but over time
they are likely to fade. The intensity of these factors are boosted by
the hormone dopamine, which like adrenaline, energizes and makes a new
relationship feel exciting.
Over time, from 2 months to 2 years, the effect of the dopamine will
dissipate and a feeling of "ho-hum" will set in, unless new
ingredients, like trust and commitment, highly bonding in nature,
continue to grow.
Like salt and pepper, trust and commitment, and other bonding dynamics,
will enhance the flavor of the attraction between you. If these two
qualities are not present, your relationship will begin to feel bland,
or downright distasteful.
5. You're Sabotaged
by the Past
You are still hurt from past relationships. The hurt you carry around
from the past will taint, sabotage or damage other relationships unless
you are able to:
1) Learn from and heal
the hurts from the past (there ARE processes to heal the heart), and
2) Distinguish the past
from the present.
If you believe the past
will repeat itself, for example, with infidelity, you might
unconsciously set up the conditions so it will happen again. Keep in
mind that this partner is not the previous partner or other person who
hurt you before. Don't blend your past and present experiences, like a
ball of mixed up playdoh colors, into one mishmash of hurt.
6. Your Emotions Run
You have few useful relationship or communication skills. When you are
angry, upset or hurt, you blow up, blame, threaten and/or take no
responsibility for your part in the problem. If every upset or argument
with which you're involved has the same pattern and upsetting outcome,
notice “who” is the common factor.
It may feel like it's always the other person's fault. You may even be
sure it's the other person's fault, but take the hint and work with a
relationship coach to learn how to resolve upsets so you both feel
heard, validated and respected. Don't keep doing the same thing and
expect a different result!
Lasting Love: How to
Get Started on the Path
Wanting a loving, secure
relationship does not mean you're actually ready for one. To be truly
ready and available for a lasting and healthy relationship, you need to
- Feel good about
yourself and your life
- Know who you are and
what is important to you in a relationship
- Have strong boundaries
that, like mosquito repellent, repel unhealthy behaviors
- Learn relationship
skills that will help transform heartbreak into happiness.
- Work with a life and
love coach to step into the life you want.
By considering these
“heartbreak clues” and working on various parts of
yourself and your relationship, you'll increase your success with all
of your relationships. May you have much happiness in love!
Copyright © by
Annette Carpien. All rights reserved.
Annette Carpien | email@example.com
Is this the Right Relationship for Me?
by David Steele, Founder
and CEO, Relationship Coaching Institute
Prior to making a
commitment in a relationship, in the "pre-commitment" stage, is your
opportunity to choose your future as consciously as possible.
are a Pioneer
You are the pioneer of
your life. And if you are reading this, you are most likely seeking to
be the pioneer of your relationships by striving to break free of past
patterns and to make conscious relationship choices. As a relationship
pioneer, your goal is to be fully aware of the long-term impact of your
choices and date and mate with conscious intention.
You are determined to
create the life and relationship you really want and believe that true
love and fulfillment will happen only if you go after what you really
want and don’t settle for less.
Everyone begins their
journey towards a successful and fulfilling committed life partnership
as a single. When you date and finally find someone to bond with in a
relationship, it's very exciting, but at the same time, most are
conscious of the question, "Is this the right relationship for me?" and
are in, what I call, the "Pre-commitment Stage" of a relationship.
The journey from single
to becoming a conscious couple in a successful, fulfilling committed
life partnership is what I call "conscious mating." Just as a conscious
single must have clarity about who you are, what you want, and how to
get it, so must a conscious couple.
As challenging as it is
for you to make good, long-term relationship choices when
you’re single, it can be even more challenging to make good,
long-term relationship choices when in a pre-committed relationship.
When singles become
couples in today's world, most are wondering at some level, "Is this
'The One'? Should I be with this person for the rest of my life?" They
are an exclusive couple, but not yet committed.
It may be tempting to
call these couples "pre-marital" as a catch-all term to include all
couples that haven't yet taken the step of becoming committed. However,
in my opinion, the mindset of a pre-marital couple is, "We want to be
married," which is very different from the pre-commitment mindset of,
"Is this the right relationship for me?"
When I first identified
the pre-commitment stage and started developing some approaches to
working with these couples, I recognized this stage as different than
"pre-marital" but didn't know what to call it. The label
"pre-commitment" was intended to be temporary, but it stuck.
I was amazed at the lack
of recognition, information, and resources for this stage of
relationship among mainstream relationship experts and the available
research and literature. Even today, while this phenomenon has become
common practice in our culture it is still largely unrecognized in the
mainstream, which I hope to change with articles such as this one.
Types of Pre-Commitment
generally fall into two categories:
Typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the
relationship out, acting committed without actually making the
commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.
#2 Conscious: Aware
that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal,
asking themselves, "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I
make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.
Love and Pre-Commitment
There are many
misconceptions about love. Our culture glorifies the romantic love
stage of relationship in literature, theater, television, and movies.
It is that initial infatuation stage of a relationship when our
chemistry is in high gear and we experience euphoria. Powerful
amphetamine-like neurotransmitters flood and alter our brain chemistry.
While unsustainable, the
romantic love stage serves an important purpose because it gives us a
taste of our best and most powerful selves. If the relationship turns
out to be a good long-term choice, this stage bonds us together and
prepares us to weather life’s inevitable storms. Confusing
this initial romantic stage with real, sustainable love is a mistake
that can be our undoing.
We want and expect to be
happy, and romantic love is eternally optimistic. We don’t
want to believe that when we experience this intense chemistry with
someone that it won’t work. We want to avoid the pain of
failure and can be tempted to try hard to fit a round peg into a square
hole, twisting ourselves into a pretzel trying to
“make” a relationship work.
world when singles become couples, few jump blindly into immediate
commitment. Most new couples are “pre-committed,”
meaning they are an exclusive couple, but they haven’t yet
decided the future of their relationship. This stage coincides with
romantic love, and conscious couples who understand relationships
realize the need to get to know one another long enough for the
infatuation to wear off and experience the reality before making
irreversible long-term choices.Conscious Mating – A Radical
Here is the radical
truth: Relationships do break up. As hard as we might try to prevent
and avoid relationship failure, it happens anyway. Because there are
many unconscious forces at work in every stage of a relationship, being
fully aware isn’t easy and controlling the outcome is
impossible. These unconscious forces have the potential for undermining
our best efforts to sustain love if we are not aware.
In conscious mating,
rather than unconsciously believing romantic fantasies of living
happily ever after, we accept this truth. Since relationships break up
anyway, why not be as conscious as possible in the process and increase
our odds of success?
Your Relationship Challenges
Every relationship has
challenges. This is normal and does not mean there is something
inherently wrong with your relationship. Some challenges are solvable
and can be addressed and resolved, others are perpetually unsolvable.
Prior to making a commitment in a relationship, or in the
"pre-commitment" stage, is your opportunity to choose your future as
objectively as possible.
You can use the
pre-commitment stage of a relationship to identify the solvable
challenges and unsolvable problems in your relationship. You can then
make a conscious choice to take them on and live with them, or decide
that they sabotage the long-term sustainability of your relationship
and walk away while you still can -- with much less pain and cost than
further down the road.
In pre-commitment, you
are in an exclusive relationship that is not yet committed. This gives
you an opportunity to identify whether this relationship meets your
requirements and needs for a successful long-term relationship before
you make a commitment. Using the pre-commitment stage to make conscious
long-term choices makes good sense.
Even if you experience
the pain of breaking up in the pre-commitment stage, this prevents you
from experiencing even greater pain down the road.
Making the most conscious
choice possible before making a commitment is, in my opinion, a
pain-prevention gift you can give to yourself. As difficult as it is to
make the choice to end a relationship, you will save yourself the
devastation you will surely experience at the end of a mini-marriage or
a divorce, especially where children are involved.
If you are in a
relationship that is not yet committed and are asking the question,
“Is this the right relationship for me?,” I
encourage you to make a long-term relationship choice that will result
in the life and relationship that you really want before you make a
We must acknowledge the
possibility that your current relationship is not “The
One.” Therefore, I suggest you seek to gain clarity about
what you really want and need in a relationship and whether or not your
current relationship will result in living the life you love with the
love of your life.
Copyright 2008 David
Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and
author of "The Communication Map: A One-Page Communication System for
All Relationships." For more information about The Communication Map
more information about Conscious Mating visit www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
F`ree monthy Conscious
Conscious Dating Audio Programs
our website at www.ConsciousDating.org
for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of
your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your
Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools,
strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious
Dating Newsletter for Singles firstname.lastname@example.org
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Members of Relationship
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
subscribe to this newsletter and join our f`ree Conscious Dating Online
refer singles your care about to www.ConsciousDating.org
Free monthly tele-seminars! www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Copyright 2007 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.