These programs provide
advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of
Each program includes the
MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to
follow along and take notes.
Program #1- Are You
Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The
Program #3- Ten Steps
for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious
Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced
Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious
Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200
them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right
relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating
Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating
and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making
challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are
recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for
playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a
CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the
Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready
to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding
Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We
Program #5- Dealing
With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We
Program #7- Sharing Our
Program #8- Deciding
"Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We
Must Say Goodbye
them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
Attraction: Do we both need to be in synch?
"What if you don't share a mutually strong chemistry
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I've been dating someone for about 5 months. We really enjoy the time
we spend together. He's definitely more attracted to me than I am to
him. Don't get me wrong -- I really like him and want to continue to
date him. We're both excited about the possibility of enjoying a
committed relationship in the future -- and, yes, even marriage and
children. We're both in our thirties, never married, and we both want
to be conscious in our dating decisions and actions.
He meets all of my relationship requirements. I'm not passionately in
love with him or strongly attracted to him, but I am happy, content and
calm which is important to me. He's a really good-hearted person.
Having strong chemistry wasn't one of my requirements. I'm not really
wired that way and can genuinely experience happiness without having a
blockbuster emotional experience with someone. Much of that wears away
with time anyway.
I haven't experienced any of the "fireworks" or excitement I had when
dating two other men in the past -- and neither of those relationships
lasted. In your opinion, is this a problem? Can you grow in attraction
to someone? If you don't share a mutually strong chemistry from the
start, is this a sign that the relationship might not sustain for the
Kathryn from Ottawa
Yes, I believe you can grow in attraction to someone, but I think it
takes time. To create a long-lasting relationship, I think the focus
needs to be on values -- yours, his and the ones you share in common.
It's important to find out who he is and what he believes in. And it
takes time to find out all of this information.
Having strong chemistry right away doesn't mean it's going to turn into
love, and many times it's just attraction without much more. Many
people get caught in these types of relationships and then wonder what
went wrong weeks or months down the road. From what you stated about
having strong chemistry with others in the past and those relationships
having ended, you can see from your own experience that perhaps
something different could lead to a wonderful relationship.
The more you get to know
this person, the easier it will be for you to know if he's the one.
With time, you'll be able to see if your attraction grows stronger. But
keep in mind that it doesn't have to be something like we see in movies
or on TV. And because strong chemistry is not a requirement for you,
it's all the more reason to take your time to see how things unfold. It
sounds like you both respect and care for each other – two
important things for any healthy relationship.
Lori Josephs | www.MyDatingBlueprint.com
Have you ever known
fireworks to be anything but fleeting? Boom! Light Show! Darkness!
Seems like this is a good metaphor for a lot of relationships.
As you state about your prior relationships, "neither of those
relationships lasted." You insinuate you want a lasting lifetime of
love, so let's review:
A – I really like him
B – I'm excited about being in a committed relationship for
C – Marriage
D – Children
E – He meets all my requirements.
I'm taking a liberty, but I do believe that we as coaches and RCI are
inundated with questions from people wanting to know how to create A,
B, C, D, and E. You may never have the "fireworks" as you had in your
past experience, but imagine this -- the love and joy you get from your
wedding, your marriage, having a child, walking hand in hand, and still
more. Relax. Enjoy. Leave shoulda, coulda, and woulda behind as you
move into the future. Be at peace knowing you are surrounded in love.
Jack Cook | www.CoachJackCook.com
I'm pleased you and your
sweetheart are serious about being conscious daters! It's wonderful to
be "happy, content and calm" as you stated. Still, your question about
whether the difference in passion is a problem is what we're discussing
here. Have the two of you discussed this?
You said that in your two prior relationships things didn't work out
and you attributed this to the lack of "fireworks." What else in these
prior relationships didn't work? If you can determine if it was simply
lack of excitement, or if there were other problems, you may be able to
gain some clarity around your question.
I do not believe that passion has to diminish the longer we're with
someone we love. I'm afraid that is a myth we've bought into which has
caused a lot of pain in many relationships. I have seen that when it
does diminish in one partner, the other becomes frustrated and feels
I think that healthy intimacy in a relationship is necessary for a
relationship to thrive, although "healthy" means different things to
every couple. Having said that, I would encourage you to talk with your
sweetheart about this because it is a valid concern. It would be a
wonderful idea for both of you to do some premarital planning with a
relationship coach if you do get to the stage of talking seriously
about marriage. I wish you the best.
The dilemma of one person
being more attracted than the other is not uncommon. It doesn't mean
the relationship can't work. Sometimes the most successful happy
relationships are those that don't have actual "fireworks" and are
built on a different kind of solid base.
"fireworks" can be a big red flag even though they may feel wonderful
at the time. If the person doesn't fit other relationship requirements,
and the relationship is based on chemistry instead of friendship and
getting to know and respect each other, it often doesn't last because
that's all it was to begin with.
As a coach, I would ask
you to consider these questions:
• Am I open
enough to allow or let this person fully into my heart and
consciousness, or have I shut down a part of myself based on past
• Is fear the reason I say having strong chemistry is not a
• Is this someone I could see waking up next to for the rest
of my life?
Sometimes it takes longer
than five months (a fairly short time period) to feel really connected
to someone and to know this is the person you want to spend your life
with. In the meantime, it sounds to me like you have a lot going for
you with this man and perhaps you just need a little longer. Allow your
heart to be fully open to him, let go of doubt, have fun and enjoy the
relationship you have.
Hazel Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com
Rick and Jo Harrison respond ...
Jo and I can definitely say that chemistry – the euphoria of
falling "head over heels in love" – is not necessary for a
soulmate relationship. However, there does need to be some mutual
physical attraction allowing for physical intimacy. Without it, one or
both of you will be left unsatisfied -- which could be a recipe for an
While the euphoria of falling head over heels for someone is a
wonderful feeling, Jo and I believe that the euphoric chemistry is
actually a red flag, and the stronger the chemistry, the greater the
Given that you seem to be contemplating making a commitment to creating
a family with this man, we suggest that you do some more work on your
requirements. Why? Because if you were certain about your requirements,
there would be no doubt as to whether this man is your potential
Once you are sure of your requirements, our experience is that you
don't need chemistry. You do need some attraction and you must be sure
your requirements can be met.
And the wonderful thing we've found is that as a soulmate relationship
grows and develops, the attraction and chemistry grow steadily, too.
Finally, Kathryn, don't rush it. Pre-commitment coaching could make a
huge difference in putting this concern behind you.
Rick and Jo Harrison
My first reaction is your
relationship to this word – it's "pleasant." After reading
your post several times for understanding, one thing that really stands
out as a question is, Are you willing to marry someone who you are not
physically attracted to?
While it is certainly possible that you will grow in attraction to your
partner/spouse, it's not something that can be counted on. I would
worry that you're basing your choice on the fear that this is as good
as it gets, or that you're getting older and worried you might not find
someone. It is possible to have all of your requirements met. While
chemistry doesn't appear to be on your written list, it apparently
means something to you or you wouldn't be posing the question. Just a
few things to think about.
Moorman | 603.387.6114
The fact that you say,
"Having strong chemistry wasn't one of my requirements," should
reassure you that you are on the right track with this man. I don't
believe it's anyone else's place to tell someone what their
relationship wants, needs and requirements should be. So, if you have
consciously determined that this man shares enough of your relationship
values and goals, then I say "go for it." But I do have two caveats:
#1 Is your boyfriend aware of how you feel in the chemistry department?
I hope that you are being genuine in your affection towards him and
that he is not expecting mutual fireworks if you cannot generate any.
He, too, should have enough information to make his own decision about
moving ahead with the relationship;
#2 Since you ask if chemistry can grow over time, I would say "yes."
However, chemistry can grow only if you work really hard to pay
attention to the inner characteristics that make your boyfriend (and
potential husband) unique and special. These are the enduring qualities
that I believe truly attract people to one another -- kindness,
loyalty, honesty, generosity -- and are more lasting than sparks and
If you can navigate these two caveats, then I say "go for it!" And good
Janice D. Bennett,
Ph.D. | www.DoctorLoveCoach.com
Great food for thought
from the above responses and I would just add-
1. Do you have physical
Does he turn you on? Do
you enjoy physical closeness and intimacy with him?
tends to be there or not, you can't "make" it happen. If you don't feel
physically attracted to him that may be OK with you, but is that OK
with him? In my experience this could become a serious problem over
time if he's hot for you but you're cool to him.
2. Do you have
Is he your best friend?
Do you feel safe and enjoy emotional intimacy with him?
stimulates oxytocin and you feel warm, loved, loving, and bonded. This
is the experience most of us want in a long-term relationship after the
fireworks die down and is part of a fulfilling relationship.
If you can say "Yes" to
both questions you might be compatible as long as one or both of you
are not rationalizing and settling to make it work. I strongly
recommend talking this over with him, preferably with a relationship
coach so you both can become clear if this relationship will meet both
of your needs and requirements without "settling." The extent you
settle for less than you really want sets you up for future
unhappiness, as we never really let go of what we want, need, and
Steele | www.consciousdating.com
Your Personal Image: Improve Your Dating Success
month I interviewed Melanie Matcek, a Certified Professional Matchmaker
and dating and relationship coach for singles. Melanie discusses
professional image and how it can help singles to achieve more dating
Kachaturoff: What is image consulting?
Matcek: In addition to
offering professional matchmaking services, I offer image consulting to
single men and women to help them fine-tune their overall persona and
how they project themselves to others.
Image consulting is a
very personalized service. We work on everything from the client's
general aesthetic appearance and body language, to their communication
and etiquette skills.
I've provided guidance on literally hundreds of issues including proper
table manners, makeup application, and eye contact all the way to
referring clients to cosmetic surgeons for post-mastectomy
reconstructive surgery. I have a large professional referral network so
if something falls outside my area of expertise, I can easily refer my
clients to the right person who can assist them.
The benefits of image
consulting are many whether for personal or professional reasons. For
single men and women, when they feel good about themselves, they tend
to exude more confidence and positive energy and thus attract the same.
Even just a few simple changes in habits or attitude can make a
difference in their dating success.
Why is our image so important when it comes to dating?
First impressions do count. Just as in business, it's important to make
a solid first impression when it comes to our social lives. It's your
premiere – your opportunity to project the best of who you
are and what you have to offer. It's important to look and feel your
best when you meet someone for the first time.
Remember – you only get one chance to make a good first
impression – and first impressions make lasting impressions.
By working on little things about how we project ourselves to others,
we can create more success when it comes to dating.
Etiquette is an important part of one's image. What are three areas
which would help virtually anyone to make a better impression?
Etiquette is a culmination of decency, decorum, social graces and
courtesy. Here are three areas where a little more attention will make
a big difference in creating a positive impression with others.
Although I deal with strong independent women, the vast majority still
appreciate old-fashioned chivalry in their men. One example that comes
to mind is opening the door. Whether it's a car door or a restaurant
door, the majority of single women expect this from their partner, mate
And don't forget pulling out the chair for the female to be seated
first. Chivalry is not dead! It's important for both men and women to
know the rules of social graces, including such things as saying "thank
you" in acknowledging the courtesy of others.
I've run across many individuals who do not know how to properly hold a
knife and fork during a dining experience. Some hold them like they're
tools being used on an archeological dig, or even as weapons being
wielded. This gives the impression of a lack of proper upbringing and
Understanding dining etiquette is an important part of a successful
dining experience, not to mention a successful date. Providing proper
guidance in this area is an important part of image consulting.
attention to your date.
During a date, it's important to focus on the individual you're with.
Towards this end, it's best to not answer or make calls on your cell
phone (unless it's an emergency), refrain from sending text messages,
and certainly don't have a wandering eye.
I interviewed one woman who was out on a date with a man that checked
his online dating email while they were seated for dinner. Needless to
say, that was their only date! Engage the person you're with --
maintain proper eye contact and always be respectful of the time and
effort they've put forth in meeting you.
What are the top three image areas that you work on with singles to
help them increase their dating success?
There are many different areas that can make a big difference when it
comes to dating success. A firm handshake, a pleasant smile, and
engaging conversation can really create a better dating experience for
handshake with eye contact.
Properly greet your date from the start. Be firm with your handshake
and immediately engage him or her by introducing yourself. I find that
more women than men need to sharpen their skills in this area.
A weak handshake (I refer to this as the dead fish handshake) gives the
impression of disinterest, passiveness and dismissal. Be engaging. Gone
are the days of a woman simply holding out her hand, in a demure way,
to be gripped by the opposite sex. Everyone needs to shake that hand
firmly and make it count!
This can be an instant "turn on" or "turn off." A nice smile showing
well-cared-for teeth is important when it comes to increasing your
dating success. As part of my client intake process, I have prospects
list physical attributes they're seeking in a mate. Good teeth and a
nice smile win, hands down, over body type. That's how important this
Some clients need a little guidance or referral to resources to help
get their dental health in check. To that end, I often work in
conjunction with a hygienist who offers cleaning and whitening
procedures. Nowadays, accessibility to these procedures, at a
reasonable cost, makes it easy for everyone to afford a nice smile.
communication and content.
What you talk about and when is an important part of your dating
success. In one example, I introduced two wonderfully compatible
people, but things went awry during dinner when the client started
talking about his former relationships and the issues he dealt with
after the break-ups.
Discussing prior relationships during a first date is a big faux pas,
plus a major turn off. It gives the impression that there is still a
lot of baggage being carried around, not to mention unresolved issues.
A first date is about exploring the possibilities of something new,
thus old relationships should not be brought along.
What are some of the results and benefits that you've seen for singles
who take the time to polish up their image?
I think increased self-confidence is one benefit. Obviously, when
someone feels good about their image, there is an increase in their
personal confidence. They have a better sense of self and project a
positive attitude, hence attracting the like.
Also, it makes it easier for both single men and women to engage in
striking up conversations and asking each other out. It's easier to
connect with others when you feel more confident.
Respect and self-worth is
another benefit. We teach others how to treat us. If you carry yourself
with value and decorum, people tend to follow suit. This is true both
personally and professionally.
Finally, I think a
forward momentum is created when singles start working on their image.
Polishing social skills, communication skills and tweaking physical
appearance have helped many of my clients get over certain internal
barriers that have held them back from dating success.
Taking care of you is the first building block in being a successful
single and a successful mate. Getting over your hurdles can be very
liberating and can put you on the fast track to gaining personal
If you could give one simple piece of advice to singles when it comes
to professional image, what would it be?
If you feel your current image is holding you back, start by making
just a few simple changes today. Whether it's your handshake, your
smile, or even how you introduce yourself to others, keep in mind that
these little things can greatly affect not only your personal
confidence, but also the impression you make on others.
Remember to stay true to who you are. Fine tune your image to be in
alignment with what you want and who you aspire to be. If you don't,
you will end up projecting someone who you aren't, and attract someone
you don't want. Be yourself -- but be the better version of you.
Copyright © 2008 by Melanie Matcek. All rights reserved in all
Melanie Matcek is
the president and owner of Innovative Encounters, LLC and Heart and
Soul-mates. She is a Certified Professional Matchmaker and a Date and
Relationship Coach for singles. She is currently earning her
certification through RCI. www.HeartandSoul-mates.com
Healthy Patterns in Dating
By Don Bailey
Nancy met Tom at a
meeting of their church singles group. She wasn't really interested in
dating at the time because she had been divorced only a short while and
felt she needed some time to recover and get her life stabilized.
Tom, on the other hand,
was anxious to find a mate for life. He had been involved in numerous
relationships which always ended with him feeling the women he dated
just didn't measure up to his standards. Of course, he never told them
his reason for breaking it off. He didn't want to put them down or hurt
their feelings. He just wanted to find the perfect woman, get married
and settle down to family life.
Both found themselves attracted to each other and were soon dating,
with Tom pushing toward commitment even though he saw certain
characteristics in Nancy that he wasn't OK with. Nancy reluctantly went
along with the exclusive relationship even though she didn't feel ready
for this. But, he seemed like a great guy and she didn't want to lose a
great Christian guy.
Do you see mistakes in the way this relationship is developing? Yes,
there certainly are and I'd like to show you some strategies to help
prevent this. We'll begin by exploring the stages of dating and
discover how to use them to find the "love of your life." Frankly,
being single can be a time for careful planning in how to get what you
really want in your life and relationships.
Just because Nancy is still recovering from a troubled relationship
doesn't mean she can't have fun. In fact, there may be many reasons you
aren't ready for developing a serious committed relationship, but you
may still need fun and distraction from the seriousness of your present
Recreational dating is just what the name implies. It requires serious
honesty with the people you date and a commitment on your part to
sticking to your plan. In our example, if Nancy had clearly presented
her limitations in dating, both she and Tom would not have found
themselves in such a compromising position as they are in right now.
Your dating plan must define the personal growth, emotional development
and recovery required -- before you date with a committed relationship
in mind. I admit this is not a popular concept in our world, but it may
prevent you from falling into the trap of repeating past mistakes.
This is a fairly new concept in the dating world. Just like Tom and
Nancy, too many couples move quickly to exclusive dating and acting
committed before they have consciously evaluated whether this is the
Pre-commitment is a time
of serious opportunity for couples to gain experience and knowledge
about their relationship. It's about really getting to know one
another. For example, Tom might use this time to evaluate whether these
things which weren't OK about Nancy are deal-breakers or something he
could live with.
During the pre-commitment stage you may or may not date exclusively.
Remember, if you date someone exclusively who isn't really right for
you, you may just miss Mr. or Ms. Right along the way.
Make it a serious and conscious time of evaluation before you become
committed. Also, make sure you are not trying to make the relationship
work when it isn't right. Pay attention to red flags.
The distinction of a committed relationship is that you are not moving
toward commitment, you're moving toward marriage for life. The
beginning of this stage should be marked by a conscious decision by
both to "be committed." Having one person committed to the relationship
without the other is a disaster in the making. You just can't become
committed by yourself.
To have Tom and Nancy
begin to talk and act committed at their current stage of dating would
likely be one of those disasters. Further, the move to commitment
should be marked by an event such as engagement, a commitment pledge or
ceremony along with an announcement to friends and family. It is a time
that signifies a change in behavior and expectations as witnessed by
Following these stages of dating properly has great potential to bring
you to a wedding ceremony with lasting love and relationship.
Copyright © 2008 by Don Bailey. All rights reserved.
Bailey is the founder of
LIFECare Coaching/Counseling. He is an ordained minister, a
Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and RCI Licensed Relationship Coach.
His passion is to see new love relationships "begin right"
and existing ones "reach their peak."www.LifeCareCoach.net
F`ree monthy Conscious
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