These programs provide
advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of
Each program includes the
MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to
follow along and take notes.
Program #1- Are You
Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The
Program #3- Ten Steps
for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious
Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced
Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious
Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200
them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right
relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating
Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating
and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making
challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are
recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for
playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a
CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the
Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready
to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding
Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We
Program #5- Dealing
With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We
Program #7- Sharing Our
Program #8- Deciding
"Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We
Must Say Goodbye
them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
Ready for a committed relationship – or not?
"... ready and available to be in a committed
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
How do I assess whether a man is ready and available to be in a
committed relationship with me? I often feel like I'm putting pressure
on a man I'm dating if I am the only one expressing what I am looking
for. Is there a non-threatening way to speak about this?
Hazel responds ...
This is a question I've
been receiving from clients for years. My suggestion is that first you
decide what it is "you" really want. Make a list of 10 things that are
absolutely non-negotiable for you if you were to meet someone. Become
very conscious about what you are looking for, what you want from a
man, how you would like to be treated. Do your values line up with his?
If you've made mistakes in relationships in the past, make a list of
the things you would not want going forward.
If you feel you want to
get to know someone better, you can do this without them feeling you
are putting them through a 3rd degree. Keep it light. Ask them what it
is they are looking for. What goals do they have in life? Have fun.
For much more information
about conscious dating I really encourage you to read David Steele's
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
I think this might answer a lot of the questions you have and will
certainly help you to move forward very consciously with dating so that
you don't make mistakes. I wish you lots of luck.
Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com
I hear your frustration and your desire to have a different kind of
conversation with the men you are dating. You want to be able to speak
what is true for you in a way that it will be well received. What I
notice in your question though, is that your focus seems to be on the
other person. Instead of focusing on the man in question, let's put the
focus on YOU.
How do you know that you are ready to be in a committed relationship?
How do you know that a particular relationship is worth spending time
on? What lets you know? How do you feel about yourself in this
relationship? In what way does it fit your criteria for a good
Often, when we find
ourselves in the kind of situation you describe, it is because we are
not telling ourselves the truth and so we hand our power over to
another. When you know what it is that you want, and are able to honor
your own truth, that will open the way for you to have a different kind
of conversation -- one that allows for both of you to be honest.
Knecht | www.RelationshipCoaching.com
When I read your question, the first thought that came to my mind was
the phrase "Actions speak louder than words." Sometimes it is the
non-verbal signs that you need to be looking for without saying a word.
If you are ready for a relationship and not sure if he is, my
suggestion would be to let him bring it up. However, you need to figure
out a way to do this in a non-threatening manner. Your actions can
speak volumes as well.
Are you always available
when he wants to do something? Do you find that you are compromising
more then he is? When you are in the pre-relationship phase, it is
important that you still remain a little aloof/play hard-to-get. Not in
the sense of deceiving him. But let's face it, it's the challenge and
the mystery in the beginning of relationships that keep us intrigued.
If you are trying to fit into his life, perhaps you should look at it
from a different perspective and see if he fits into yours. Call your
girlfriend and go out. When he asks you, you don't have to tell him
with whom you are going out, just that you have plans. Add a little
mystery and help him focus back on you.
From your question, I get a sense that you are not dating someone at
the moment, so I will deal with it as if you aren't. In dating, I
believe it's very important to get clear from the very beginning if a
person wants a committed relationship, not with you, of course, he
doesn't know you, but with someone in general.
I actually encourage
singles to clarify this up front before their first date or at their
first date. Without this being totally clear for you, there is no point
in continuing with anyone, no matter how many other requirements he
fulfills unless he can say an unequivocal YES to this. IF you are
internet dating, I suggest you ask this question on your first phone
call when you are assessing whether or not to meet.
So, how do you do this?
You ask if he wants such a relationship and why. The "why" bit is very
important, as you get all sorts of information about what commitment
means to him and this lessens the likelihood of him just saying "yes"
to please you.
If you are dating
already, please just take a breath, and ask him as soon as possible.
If he hedges, or freaks out, or gives a vague answer, that is your
And then it's best to move on, unless you are happy to take a chance
and potentially waste a lot of time.
Amaroux | www.Turning-Point.com.au
| 0414 810 148
You've had this problem repeatedly -- this niggly thing where you feel
like you want the commitment, but they're not on-board. So it's not
about "how" you ask that question.
Look at two things:
1) Are you "attached" to
having a commitment? If you "need" commitment, men feel pressure to
commit, to keep you from getting upset. Ironically, even if they want
commitment too, that pressure will make them run! The solution? Make
your single life even happier! When you're happy on your own, you never
need a commitment.
2) What are you
attracting? If you don't need commitment, maybe you're dating men who
won't commit to anyone. These men might be so comfortable to you that
you filter out commitment-oriented men before you even know them!
Look again at every
available man in your life. Date men you normally wouldn't choose, and
discover how your filter changes when you have more choice. Here's to
your happy life as a single and in partnership!
Ann responds ...
If you're asking the right questions and looking for signs and clues,
you should be able to uncover in three to five dates if someone is
relationship-ready and in alignment with you regarding their desire and
availability to engage in a committed relationship. If you feel like
you're putting pressure on a man, you probably are. So here are some
tips to avoid pressure and disappointment.
First, you have to get
comfortable asking questions. This does not mean grilling your date.
But it does mean learning early on about their relationship goals and
desires. This is the screening process you should go through with each
Next, decide what
questions to ask! These should be based on your relationship
requirements. Requirements are the things that if missing would cause
you to walk away. So, if one of your requirements is you must have a
man who is willing and ready to make a commitment, formulate questions
phrasing the questions in a way that is non-threatening. To help with
all this, I would recommend reading two books. The first is David
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
The second is, "Intellectual Foreplay" by Eve Hogan. Both are great
books with "use-it-now" advice to help you seek out, sort, screen and
find someone with compatible values, lifestyle, and relationship goals.
Robbins | www.LifeWorksMatchmaking.com
My guess is that your
intuition is correct if you feel like you're pressuring men. It's
probably based on non-verbal clues, body language, statements made, and
especially if he's not responding positively when you express wanting a
Get over thinking that
it's threatening to ask direct questions; actually, it saves time and
heartache. People are sometimes afraid to ask questions because they
don't want to hear what they don't want to hear. Is that you?
To be able to communicate your requirements, needs, and wants to your
partner without fear is immensely important for successful
relationships. Otherwise, how can they be fulfilled? Know in your heart
that we all have the right to express ourselves understanding that
others may or may not choose to participate in our dreams.
Timing is the issue. If on the first date you pull out your checklist
and begin interrogating your date on his commitment views, expect a mad
dash to the nearest exit. However, well-timed inquiries after a
reasonable number of "getting to know you encounters" is appropriate
conduct for "conscious" daters. If you cringe about doing that, hire a
relationship coach to get "on the Fast Track to Happiness."
Tanner | www.FastTrackHappiness.com
Before you think about
asking a man whether or not he is ready for commitment, make sure that
you are. What if the table was turned and someone were to ask you if
you were ready for commitment -- are you? If so, then you're in a
strong place for yourself, confident that you know what you want for
If you're doing online
dating, clearly communicate your relationship requirements in your
profile. Use it as a filter to attract others who want the same thing.
Describe the type of commitment you're looking for. If it's marriage
and a family, then state that clearly. Why waste your time emailing,
telephoning and/or meeting people who don't meet your requirements?
If you're dating under
other circumstances, be strong and make your intentions clear up front
- at least in the first date or two. You'll save yourself a lot of
heartbreak, time, and energy if you make your intentions known, but do
it in a way that involves gently weaving what you want into the
conversation. It can be as simple as mentioning what you want followed
up by, "What are you looking for in a relationship?" Make sure to leave
plenty of time and space for him to respond.
Listen closely. If you don't hear things that resonate with what you
want, then you have your answer. If things seem aligned, proceed
forward, while continually assessing if what he said is truly aligned
with his future behavior.
Life is short; your time
is valuable. There are men out there looking for exactly what you're
looking for. Quickly sort through the ones who really aren't
interested. Keep dating, keep an open mind, and remain focused on what
How to Become Single and Satisfied
& Find the Love You Deserve
by Robynn Thomas
What does being single
mean to you? What is the first thought that pops up? Does being single
evoke thoughts of possibilities and future endeavors? When you think of
being without a partner, does it conjure up feelings of despair and
Are you feeling hopeless or have you just given up? Your perspective on
being single is a key factor in creating the life you want, your future
choices of partners, and whether your next relationship will be the one
you've dreamed of.
Many will face singlehood, either by choice or circumstance. The number
of single households is growing significantly. What does it mean to be
single today? Being single doesn't have to mean you are destined to a
life of loneliness and despair.
Today, you can be single and live a fulfilling and satisfying life.
More importantly, being single means you have an opportunity to live
the life you dream of and to find the ideal partner for you! What you
do in the state of singlehood determines your destiny!
are 5 stages of singlehood and what you can do to get closer to
creating the life you desire and finding the love you deserve!
1: Single and Stuck
• You're in a
relationship that is not in alignment with who you truly are and you're
• You're unable to let go of current or past relationship and
are still holding on to the possibility of it "working out"
• You're unable to see the future outside of the current
Area of Focus for Positive Change:
Become aware of where you are and where you want to be. Identify what
fears are keeping you stuck where you are. Realize you have options and
2: Single and Healing
emotionally fragile; some good days and some bad days
• You're grieving and experiencing feelings of loss
• You're just trying to get to a place of feeling "ok"
Area of Focus for Positive Change:
Begin the process
of forgiving yourself and others. Identify what lessons can be learned
and what new choices you can make. Forgiveness is a choice that will
speed the healing process.
3: Single and Comfortable
emotionally safe and now ready to take control
• You're living on autopilot and not willing to do anything
outside of your comfort zone
• Thoughts of change or dating causes fear or anxiety
of Focus for Positive Change:
Start envisioning how you want your life to be and the kind of
relationship you want. Be clear on what you want and choose not to
settle for less.
4: Single and Ready
• You're open
to new possibilities
• You're ready to take action
• You have a clear vision of who and what you want in your
life with boundaries set in place
of Focus for Positive Change:
What steps will you take? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to
have what you want? Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.
5: Single and Satisfied
living a satisfying and balanced life -- in all areas - financial,
health, family, friends, career, and social; you're living in alignment
with who you truly are
• You're open to new experiences
• You're living in a world of gratitude
of Focus for Positive Change:
Enjoy being satisfied with your life and you will continue to emanate
an energy that attracts everything you desire.
Being single is a part
of life and nothing is guaranteed. How you approach being single is up
to you. Take the time alone to heal your heart, forgive and identify
lessons learned. Don't allow fear to keep you in one place.
Being single is an opportunity of a lifetime and puts you one step
closer to living your dreams! Once you are able to identify what stage
of singlehood you are in, you can begin to take the steps to move
beyond and to begin creating the life you want. Get support, join a
group, hire a coach! Be willing to do whatever it takes to get you on
Copyright © 2008 by Robynn Thomas . All rights reserved in all
is a Certified Life Coach and a Singles and Relationship Coach. Robynn
works with clients in preparing for, attracting and maintaining ideal
love. 858.455.0799 http://www.RobynnThomas.com
The 14 Dating Traps
by David Steele, CEO and
Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute
A "dating trap" is an
unconscious relationship choice that results in an unsolvable problem
in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the
relationship. When you are single, you can do a lot more than you
realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a successful and lasting
You believe that you need
to make yourself more appealing to attract and "sell" yourself with
attractive packaging and presentation. When you fall into the Marketing
Trap, you fear that nobody will want you as you really are.
By "marketing" yourself,
you risk disappointment and relationship failure. So, when the
excitement and promise of the "sizzle" conflicts with the reality of
the "steak," one or both of you are left feeling disappointed and angry.
You focus on outside
packaging – such as someone's body, looks, job, wealth,
material possessions – and overlook the reality of the person
inside. The Packaging Trap is the opposite of the Marketing Trap;
instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you
focus on the packaging of others.
You believe there is a
limited supply of possible partners, and therefore think that you have
to take what you can get or be alone. The Scarcity Trap results in
relationship failure because there is a temptation to settle for less;
you believe you can't get what you really want because there is not
enough to go around. Unfortunately, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy
because when you expect less, you get less.
Assuming that if you have
fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed
relationship will work. Results in relationship failure when
discovering the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational
"dating" relationship and a long-term committed relationship. Being so
different, the process and criteria for choosing a recreational
relationship needs to be very different from choosing a Life Partner.
Passively expecting your
ideal partner to magically appear and live happily ever after without
any effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will
just "happen". Results in disappointment when the frogs that happen to
jump into your life don't become princes.
Becoming an "instant
couple" as if giving each person you date an extended test drive.
Believing that if you develop an exclusive relationship with someone
you are dating, a successful committed relationship will eventually
happen. Other terms for this are "serial monogamy" and the
"mini-marriage." This approach is a costly use of time and emotional
energy. The inertia in this trap is pressure to make the relationship
work, to attempt to solve unsolvable problems, and to fit the round peg
into the square hole because breaking up and being single again is an
choices based on feelings of attraction. Interpreting a strong
attraction to someone as a sign that the relationship is a good choice
and "meant to be." This approach results in relationship failure when
unsolvable problems surface because you ignored the red flags while
infatuated. Unconscious choices usually result in repeating
unproductive past patterns. Attraction is like the radar that helps you
find your target. But the Attraction Trap is blindly following this
attraction, need, good sex, and/or attachment as Love. "If it feels
good, it must be Love." "Love is all you need." "Love conquers all."
You feel so in love that you believe it must be a good relationship.
After the initial infatuation is gone, you spend the rest of your time
together just trying to get it back.
Focusing on the chemistry
under the covers by interpreting sex as love, using sex as a kind of
"compatibility test" (if the sex is good then the relationship will be
good as well), or becoming emotionally attached and considering
yourself in a kind of committed relationship as soon as you have sex.
Hoping a relationship
will solve your emotional and financial difficulties and bring you
happiness and fulfillment, something like winning the lottery. You
avoid taking responsibility for your life challenges, expecting to be
rescued from them. Results in desperation, neediness, and relationship
failure when your problems multiply instead of disappear.
You expect someone will
love you and give you what you want by giving the other person what
they want. You try to earn love and happiness by acquiescing,
nurturing, giving, and helping. Needing to be needed often results in
unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person who
needs you but is unable to give you what you want. You really want to
be in a relationship. You feel unworthy as you are and feel you need to
earn love. You pursue relationships because you feel incomplete when
you're not in one.
You want to be the hero
and therefore seek someone who wants to be helped. But you learn the
hard way that although it feels good to be needed, someone who needs
you is not necessarily able to give you what you need. Needing to be
needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a
relationship with a person who needs you, but as you discover later, is
unable to give you what you want.
Believing you deserve to
be happy and get what you want in your life without effort or changes
on your part. Results in relationship failure as you rely on your
partner to bring happiness and fulfillment and inevitably experience
disappointment. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what
you've always got."
Virtual Reality Trap
Believing that "what you
see is what you get." Making hasty long-term relationship decisions
based on short-term impressions and inferences instead of actual
experience and knowledge. Getting involved in a relationship focusing
on "potential," hoping that some things that you really need to happen
will get better or change over time. Results in seeing what you want to
see, and relationship failure when later reality doesn't match.
Lone Ranger Trap
You live your single life
focused on your goal of finding your life partner, believing that you
don't need anyone else in your life. You evaluate people you meet for
their relationship potential and do not take the opportunity to
cultivate new friends. Results in isolation, perception of scarcity of
potential partners, and risk of settling for less than what you really
want because you don't want to be alone.
David Steele, MA,
LMFT is the founder of the
Relationship Coaching Institute and author of "The Communication Map: A
One-Page Communication System for All Relationships." For more
information about The Communication Map visit http://www.TheCommunicationMap.com
F`ree monthy Conscious
Conscious Dating Audio Programs
our website at www.ConsciousDating.org
for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of
your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your
Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools,
strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Tara Kachaturoff | Editor,
Conscious Dating Newsletter for Singles Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Members of Relationship
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
subscribe to this newsletter and join our f`ree Conscious Dating Online
refer singles your care about to www.ConsciousDating.org
Free monthly tele-seminars! www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Copyright 2008 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.