Success Story of the Year Contest Results
the two year anniversary of the publication of Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World
here are the results of our second annual-
First Place Winner- Patricia Drury
Success Story of the Year Contest
Second Place Winner- Faith Meenan
Honorable Mention- David Steele!
out last year's winners here
Do you have a success story to share?
Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm
Know anyone with a success story to share? Please
forward this information to them!
Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story
in the making? There is
plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating.
Please send them to www.consciousdating.com
These programs provide
advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of
Each program includes the
MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to
follow along and take notes.
Program #1- Are You
Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The
Program #3- Ten Steps
for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious
Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced
Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious
Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200
them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right
relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating
Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating
and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making
challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are
recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for
playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a
CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the
Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready
to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding
Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We
Program #5- Dealing
With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We
Program #7- Sharing Our
Program #8- Deciding
"Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We
Must Say Goodbye
them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
Exclusivity and Dating: When's the Right Time?
"... Is there a right time to begin dating
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I signed up for an online dating service about 6 months ago. This is
the first time I've ever tried this. I'm a divorced 37-year old male
and share custody of my 10-year-old son.
Recently, I met a nice
young woman online and we've gone on about 9 or 10 dates. I like her
and would like to continue to date her -- to get to know her better. I
want a long-term committed relationship and want to get married again
and I made that clear in my dating profile. I've met several other
women before this, but have only had one or a couple dates with each of
The other night I took her to a really nice restaurant and we had a
great time -- except when the conversation turned to talking about
removing our online profiles. She said she removed hers and that she
wanted me to do the same - immediately.
I told her that I didn't want to rush things, that I didn't want to
start over with the online dating process should things not work out
between us. She seems to feel it's a betrayal of our "relationship." I
didn't know we were in a "relationship!" She thinks we're exclusive,
but I've made it no secret that I'm still communicating with other
women online. Is there a right time to begin dating someone
exclusively? I'm not there, she is. How do I resolve this?
You have clearly
communicated your long-term goals concerning a relationship and at the
same time pointed out you are not ready to be exclusive. Her demand
that you remove your online profile immediately is most likely
motivated by fear. She may be afraid that if you remain online that you
might possibly find someone else.
With only 9 or 10 dates
under your belt, I think you are wise to maintain your single and
dating status. If you go exclusive now, you rule out all other options.
Exclusivity is appropriate when you have determined that all of your
requirements are met in the relationship. A relationship coach can
effectively assist you in determining your requirements. The fact that
she has assumed that you are in a relationship and exclusive sends up a
I suggest you consider
having a conversation with her and share your feelings and state
clearly what you need to move forward. The manner in which you handle
situations like this, from the beginning, will set a precedent for how
you will handle things during the relationship should you enter into
Maddox | www.LoveConsciously.com
Entering into an
exclusive relationship prior to feeling ready is a mistake that will
cause dissention and resentment going forward. The right time is when
you're sure you've found someone who meets all of your relationship
criteria and you no longer want to look at potential matches.
Ask yourself why you want
to continue exploring. Perhaps you're hoping something better comes
along? Is there something you wish was different, or that is lacking?
Is something important to you missing? Do you simply need more time?
Either way, it's time to seek resolution.
First, do some
retrospective thinking. Reflect on conversations or emails with her.
Have you been clear? Ask her if you misled her and listen to her
response without defensiveness. You did not indicate whether you're
seeing anyone else. If not, let her know, but be careful not to give
Your choices are simple and few. You can continue, as is, if she is
willing. She can become active online again. Or, you can take a break
from each other. As long as you're clear and honest and make your
choices consciously based on clear relationship goals, you will be
doing so for the right reasons.
Robbins | www.lifeworksmatchmaking.com
Your dilemma is very
common. Most people feel unloved or unlovable to some degree, and,
therefore, insecure. The result is that they want to remove the
uncertainty by getting a "commitment" to exclusivity. The problem is
that such a commitment is not worth much because it does not have
enough of a basis in reality.
A real "commitment" would be to stick together "through thick and
thin," including a period of non-exclusive dating. If she doesn't have
the courage to stick it out with you during this phase of dating, it's
unlikely she will have what it takes to make a strong lifetime partner.
You can tell her that you really care a lot about her and that you want
to spend enough time so that when you make a commitment it will be one
you believe will last. Hopefully that is what she wants also -- a
lasting commitment, not just a temporary one. Your sincerity with her
will pay higher dividends than a false commitment.
Randy Hurlburt | www.PartnersinLoveandCrime.com
| 858. 455.0799
There are no rights
or wrongs when it comes to dating someone exclusively. I commend you
for wanting to be in the right place before making this kind of
It sounds like this lady
wants to become an "instant couple." My question would be, "why is she
so desperate to turn this into a full-time relationship right now?" It
sounds like this might be a red flag and I suggest you heed your own
If you've been honest
with her about dating others and have not had a conversation where you
mutually agreed to remove your profiles, I don't think you are obliged
to do so. I think her feelings of betrayal might be more about her, not
about being in a relationship with you. Although she is entitled to her
feelings, you are not responsible for her feeling this way.
Not only do you have
yourself to think about, but also you have a child. I highly encourage
you to wait until you are comfortable and you feel it's "the right
time" for you, whether it's with this woman or someone else. Also, if
you haven't already, I suggest you read Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
by David Steele, in which I think you will find wonderful guidance in
this area. I'm sure whatever you decide it will be the right choice for
Hazel Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com
This is a situation that
comes up often in relationships that start online. Your situation is
not an easy one but this is how I see it. The first thing I would ask
you is how do you see this relationship? If you are happy and feel this
is a good one, why not take your profile down while you explore how far
it can go. If you do not feel that this is a good thing, why take her
time and yours while you continue to search?
While you are dating this
lady, and at the same time looking for others, the possibility of a
full relationship developing looks to be weak. I am wondering why you
want to continue seeing this lady so many times if you are unsure. At
the same time I understand that you have been through a difficult time
and there is a child involved which makes things even more challenging
so your caution in making a commitment is understandable.
The risk here is that she
is unlikely to stay around much longer and you may be foregoing a good
relationship in the hope of finding something better. The choices are
yours to make. I see three possibilities.
1. Keep your profile up and risk losing this person.
2. Take your profile down, pursue this relationship and hope it works
3. Negotiate a time frame for keeping your profile up and seek her
agreement. If there is no agreement, your choice becomes more immediate.
You are being cautious
which is good, but make sure you take a good look at who you may be
letting go of by your actions.
Gabor, PhD | www.GaborStrategyGroup.com
| 416.480. 0598
Dating After Divorce: How to Know if You're Ready
Interview with RCI Coach Lisa Fredette
do you know if you're ready to start dating? What should you be doing
if you're not ready? Lisa Fredette, an expert who coaches divorced
women to create the future they desire, shares her wisdom when it comes
to dating after divorce.
What are the signs that someone is NOT ready to begin dating after
Fredette: Three common
signs someone is not ready include having unresolved issues,
unwillingness to forgive, and coming from a place of need rather than
issues from a previous relationship.
You know there are unresolved issues if you still speak ill of your
ex-spouse. This can stem from not properly dealing with your feelings
of anger, guilt or regret. These feelings need to be resolved before
moving forward into another relationship. If they are not, they will
become part of the new relationship and the cycle will continue.
to forgive. If you haven't
forgiven your ex-spouse or yourself for the end of the marriage, or
asked for forgiveness from others, then you are not in the right place
to start a new relationship. When you don't forgive, you are handing
over your control to others and, as a result, your decision-making and
the way you live your life is tainted by this lack of control.
If you are unable to
forgive others, then you are harboring feelings of bitterness, anger
and guilt, which in turn effects how you experience each day. These
feelings cloud how you deal with others and experience life. As a
result, the person you are unable to forgive is controlling your life.
This is not a good place from which to start a relationship.
from a place of need rather than want.
Fear of being alone is very common after a marriage ends. Believing
that no one will want you and your baggage, or that all the good ones
are taken, are common thoughts. When you are in this mindset you need
someone to validate you to make you feel okay about the future.
Coming from a place of
need, while searching for a relationship, is a recipe for another
failed relationship. A relationship is not meant to fill your need or
to validate you; it is there to compliment you and your life. If you
are seeing a relationship as a means to fill a void or to make you feel
better, whether emotionally or financially, then you are not ready to
If you're not ready to begin dating, what can you do to get ready?
Fredette: There are three
things you can start working on right now -- identifying unresolved
issues, forgiving, and becoming comfortable with being single.
the unresolved issue. Gain
the tools and/or support you need to effectively deal with your
feelings of anger, guilt, regret or fear. Resolve to feel the feelings,
get them out of your system so you no longer have animosity toward your
ex or yourself. Heal from the hurt and pain. Only when you can interact
with your ex without conflict and animosity do you know you've made it.
Until then, keep working on it.
Take the steps you need to find forgiveness in your heart for your
ex-spouse and yourself. Ask for forgiveness. Then let it go. If you
can't do it alone, find support or resources to help you get there.
This is one of the biggest pieces to the puzzle. Put this piece in its
proper place and you are well on your way to being ready for a new
comfortable with being single. Take
the time to get to know you again. Learn how to take care of yourself
and be alone. Find out what you like about yourself, what you want to
do with this empty canvas of a future you now have. Become the person
you want to date. Once you are comfortable with being alone, then and
only then will you be ready to search for a partner from a place of
want rather than need.
What's the value of working with a coach to assist with this process?
Fredette: A coach can help
you identify unresolved issues. Sometimes you are just too close to the
situation to see what they are. A coach can help shed some light. They
can hold up an unbiased mirror and reflect what you know but are unable
A coach can provide you
with tools and techniques to help you effectively deal with these
issues so you can finally lay them to rest and begin building a strong
foundation from which to start a new relationship if you choose. A
coach can provide you with a safe environment, without judgment or
their own agenda, where you can begin to heal and grow.
If you could give one piece of advice to someone who is divorced, who
may or may not be ready to move into a new relationship, what would it
Fredette: My first piece
of advice would be to really take the time to deal with all the
emotional baggage from your divorce. Ask for support if you can't do it
alone. Once you have been able get through this stage, I would
encourage you to take the time and really get to know you. All too
often we lose parts of ourselves when we are in a relationship. Now
that the relationship is over, it's time to reconnect with those lost
parts and discover some new things about yourself.
Set your life up the way
you want it to be, become excited about your new found freedom and
begin to envision what you want your future to look like. Step outside
your comfort zone, learn new things, expand your circle of friends and
embrace your singlehood. Become the person with whom you would want to
spend the rest of your life.
Once you have achieved
that, you will be able to attract a life partner that supports this
life. You will find that you no longer need a partner in your life, but
instead want someone with whom you can share your amazing life. Trust
me -- it's worth the journey. And if you don't want to take it alone,
be sure to ask for support from a coach, minister or support group.
Copyright © 2008
by Lisa Fredette. All rights reserved in all media.
Lisa Fredette is a CTA
Certified Life Coach, RCI Licensed Relationship Coach, Author, Speaker
and owner of Passionate About Life Coaching. As a coach Lisa supports
women who are ready to reclaim their relationship with themselves and
who understand that personal and professional success depends on it.
Living Single and Loving It
by Maureen Staiano
Every day, we are
bombarded by ads and tips for navigating the world of dating. If we
didn't know better, we might believe that in order to be complete in
our life we need to have a mate. Well, if that were true, what about
all the folks out there who are living single and apparently loving it?
Single: An Increasing Trend
In 1970, only 7.8% of
Americans aged 30-34 had never married. By 2003, that number had risen
to 27.9%. The reasons are many -- the rise in the divorce rate, the
feminist movement, and the intolerance by many singles to be married
just for the sake of having a partner. Add to that the fact that people
are living longer which has increased the chance they will be living
that way as a widow or widower.
The plus side is that
it's easier than ever to be living single. Though it once may have been
the norm to have a two-parent household, with the rise in the divorce
rate, many parents are doing the job alone or sharing it with their
ex-spouse. Having a child as a single woman or adopting as a single
parent have found an acceptance today that they might not have enjoyed
twenty or more years ago.
Life and Not Settling for Anything Less
Despite what you may have
been led to believe, single people are living full and happy lives and
are not necessarily looking to change their single status. That is not
to say they shun relationships, but instead they feel free to not
settle for anything less than Mr. or Ms. Right. If the perfect person
comes along, it is a blessing; but if it never happens, they certainly
don't feel as though they have been cursed.
A single woman today does
not depend on a partner for financial security. She has her own
investments, buys her own home and has a family if she desires. In
fact, single women are the second largest group of home buyers
nationally. Clearly a man does not define who she is for she is
perfectly capable of defining herself. As for the single men out there,
a woman does not equate to a complete life. They are able to create
that for themselves.
Many singles feel that
marriage is a full-time job and for now they have other goals they want
to achieve. They have career and education goals that take priority. If
a relationship does not interfere with these goals, that's fine, but
clearly a relationship may be a little lower on the list of priorities.
Let's not discount the
population of single adults left in the wake of rising divorce rates.
Living single has allowed them an opportunity to reconnect with
themselves after being in an unsuccessful relationship. By living
single, one can more clearly define the appealing parts of being in a
relationship as well as those things which they would never tolerate
Choices for Today's Single
For some people,
singleness is thrust upon them through the death of a spouse or
partner, but for a growing number of others, it is a conscious choice.
Though many admit that being single was not their first choice, they
have come to accept life on life's terms and pursue nothing less than a
full and happy life.
Researchers may have
found that married people are happier than single people and even live
longer. Many traditionalists may feel that singles are making a mistake
by shunning the accepted view of how men and women should conduct their
lives -- meaning together -- for the benefit of society. Despite these
beliefs, it appears that the marriage rate is slowing down and today's
singles are finding that the traditional married role will not
necessarily guarantee happiness.
Living single today
includes carving out a life that is uniquely one's own. By the looks of
it, single men and women, whether they remain single in the short term
or for the long haul, are finding a way to love it.
Copyright © 2008
by Maureen Staiano. All rights reserved in all media.
Maureen Staiano | www.AchieveYourDreamCoaching.com
F`ree monthy Conscious
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" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
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'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
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glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
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Links to Us
Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious
Dating Newsletter for Singles Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
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