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July 2008

Couple holding hands

In this issue:

F`ree to our subscribers!
Conscious Relationship Resources

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

Conscious Relationship Podcast

David Steele
Founder and CEO,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron, President
Relationship Coaching Network

Tara Kachaturoff - Photo
Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Partners in Life Couples News

Copyright 2008 by All rights reserved.

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Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

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This newsletter is designed especially for YOU if:

  • You have met someone and are wondering if s/he is the "Love of Your Life"
  • You are about to get married and want to co-create a fulfilling life partnership
  • You have a good relationship and want to make it great

Conscious Mating
Audio Programs

Conscious Mating Audio Programs

When dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right relationship for me?"

Our Conscious Mating Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making challenges that arise when you're in the pre-commitment stage of a relationship.

These audio programs are recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.

Program #1- Is This the Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage

Program #2- Am I Ready to Be a Couple?

Program #3- Finding Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience

Program #4- Should We Live Together?

Program #5- Dealing With Our Baggage

Program #6- Are We Compatible?

Program #7- Sharing Our Vision

Program #8- Deciding "Is This The One?"

Program #9- When We Must Say Goodbye

Check them out at

Ask Our Coaches:
 Should We Live Together? -- That is the Question

"I'm concerned with what it will be like to live with someone every day since it's been so long since I've done that."

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches,

I'm a retired finance professional and my girlfriend runs a small public relations firm. We've been dating about 3 years. We live about 40 miles from each other so we both do a lot of driving to meet for dates. And we can't see each other as regularly as we would like because it can be quite challenging. We both own our own large homes (debt free), but I've been thinking about selling mine to move in with her to cut down on commute time, the duplicate expenses, and of course the high cost of gasoline.

We're both really on board with this idea, but I want to know if there are some things we might not be considering if we make this move. I live in a fairly economically depressed area so if I sell my home, I certainly won't be getting the top dollar I would have if I had sold it years earlier. I may not be able to sell it at all since there are a lot of homes for sale around here.

She and I have no intention of ever getting married, but we want to live together. We both have grown children and they are provided for in our wills. We do intend to keep our money separate and split expenses. I haven't lived with a woman since I lived with my ex-wife and that was over 10 years ago. As you can imagine, this will be a big change on many fronts for the both of us.

I'm also concerned with what it will be like to live with someone every day since it's been so long since I've done that. I'm wondering how this might change the dynamic of the relationship, our attractiveness to one another (absence does make the heart grow fonder), and even our sex life. I am a little bit concerned, but not sure exactly what I should be concerned about. What's your advice? What are some things we should be thinking about before considering this change? Should I move or not?

David from Jamestowne

Jennifer responds ...

I think for the move to be successful for both of you, you should consider why it is that you are moving in together to begin with. Is it for convenience? To make life easier? Or are you wanting to move in together because you need to be with that person need to see them...they need to be around you for you to feel that life is right?

In this hectic day and age, sometimes we have a tendency to take intimacy steps based on the convenience of them as opposed to the appropriateness/necessity of them. If you spend every evening with this individual, unless you are out of town, and are ready for the intimate living arrangements that will naturally develop (good and bad) then I would encourage it. If, however, you still enjoy the quiet evening to yourself more than twice a month, I might re-evaluate.

Jennifer Wallingford | | 727.443.4919

Jack responds ...

I think you already know that distance is relative. It can span room-to-room or town-to-town. It's the closeness of your love that keeps your relationship intact. You have done exceptionally well to keep a relationship of distance going for three years – a cause for much celebration!

Living together encompasses shared time, meals, outings, TV, movies, bed, and seeing family, to name a few. During your relationship you've done all these. The mystery is gone. That's exciting! Everything else is periphery.

"Just do it."  A relationship is a wondrous, awe-inspiring melding of mind, body, and Spirit. A relationship has its own dynamic – there will always be change in the wind.  Embrace that change like you would your girlfriend after an absence. Your relationship is and will be what the two of you create together, just as it has been. Talk to each other.  Share your fears – meet them head on, share your joys, celebrate them.  I believe that in keeping wonder, awe and joy in your relationship all your cares will be dissolved.  Good fortune and God's Blessing to you.

Jack Cook  |  |  904.312.0693

Ann responds ...

David, I hear many doubts expressed in your letter. I am a believer in "going with your gut," and right now, your gut is telling you to wait.

You've indicated you would not fare well economically if you were to sell your home. And, assuming you do sell your home ... then what? I sense a lot of doubt as to whether or not this proposed living arrangement will work out. If it does not, will you then be the one to move out and be faced with buying a new home?

It appears your desire to live together is being driven by economics and convenience. It is not being driven by a passion to be together as much as possible. I would suggest to you that living together for convenience will manifest many inconveniences.

Is there a way to transition into a live-in arrangement? Could you lease your home, short term, and see how it goes? This would also give you time to see if the market will turn in your favor and a sale at a later time may be more lucrative. It will also give you time to "try before you buy" so to speak - see how it works living together for perhaps six months or so. You have voiced numerous concerns about changing dynamics, attractiveness, and your sex life. This will give you a test drive before making a full commitment.

Consider some coaching to help uncover what it is you really need and want from this relationship and whether or not your requirements and needs are being met. If you're still unsure, go with my motto ... "When in Doubt ... Don't."

Ann Robbins  |  |  954.561.4498

Ellie Pope responds ...

You have obviously considered the logistics of moving in together, and I applaud your desire to cover your bases. But remember, you'll never foresee every possible scenario. The only way to know what it's like to move in together is to actually move in together! In the end, it's just a choice, and there is no right or wrong answer in logic.

Here's something you can ask yourself instead: If you move in together and the relationship isn't smooth, are you committed to working it out? Or will you regret it if it's not perfect? I think you'll find your answer in these questions.

Ellie Pope  | | 303.455.0606

Tara responds ...

With the recession now in play, economic factors are, indeed, affecting the choices made by today's singles and couples.  Here are some things you might consider with regard to your dilemma:

Consider holding on to your home rather than risk economic loss which may impact your future retirement assets.  You don't mention if you work part-time or not, but if you don't, you might consider planning "extended stays" with your girlfriend.  This would definitely cut down on commute time, gasoline and some house-related expenses.

More time together will give you both the opportunity to experience what it might be like to live together.  It wouldn't be exactly like the real thing because you can return to your own home at any time, but it's close enough. I believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. If you do move in together, the dynamic will change, but I think how it does is up to both of you.  Seeing each other more frequently might actually increase your connection and bring more joy to the relationship.    

Be sure to check out Conscious Mating: Should We Live Together here

Tara Kachaturoff | 248.723.1926

Feature Article:
Couples Connection: An Invigoration of the Senses

By Natalie Lamb

When you have been living with someone for a long time, every-day life sometimes sucks out the juice from the relationship. Couples begin to live rather separate lives, or become bored with each other and stop relating with any spark and desire. In the routine and rush, we begin to focus on all that is wrong and get so clouded in the darkness that we forget to see the good, or even ponder how to light up the relationship again. Maybe you've found yourself saying: "I can't make sense of this, things used to be so good!"

You can MAKE SENSE of your life again – using all 6 senses and the masculine and feminine essences within us all:

The SIXTH SENSE: The Sense of Knowing or Intuition

Play the game of connecting beyond the day-to-day mundane reality; develop the skill of tuning in and knowing what would light up your partner. Each day, become more aware of your Sixth sense and how it communicates with you: is it inside or outside of you? Are the messages seen, felt, or heard?

Masculine beings: Ask yourself, "If I knew what I could do to light up my partner's life, what would it be?"

Feminine beings: Tune in to, "How can I love and embrace him right now?"

The FIFTH SENSE: The Sense of Touch

Often touch is only used last thing at night as a function of sexual intimacy -- where it lasts a short while. We get into habits of doing the same thing so that after a while, it gets boring or even turns each other off. Have you discovered where the most sensual part of your partner's body is? How does it like to be touched: scratched, nibbled, licked, kissed, bitten, crawled, slapped, and pinched? Don't get caught in doing the same old thing – people change, we grow. Keep trying things to bring to life a new touch that enlivens your relationship.

Masculine beings: Can you touch her in a way that ravishes her, that opens her to your love, making her yearn for more?

Feminine beings: Can you change your touch from one of duty to one of love and desire? How could you use your touch to bring him into the present and awake with life?

The FOURTH SENSE: The Sense of Taste

We get so rushed by life that we forget to taste how delicious things are. In our devouring, we miss the subtlety. Have you tried a food and liked it and slipped it into your partner's mouth lately?

Masculine Beings: Can you make a platter of tasty morsels and feed them to your partner, making her surrender to taste?

Feminine Beings: Can you find things like honey, cream, and chocolate to lick off your partner and bring him out of his head… and into his body?

The THIRD SENSE: The Sense of Sound

Amazingly we get turned on not only by tones and pitch but also by sounds and the direction they come from.

Masculine beings: Talk to your partner in a deep sexy voice from different angles. Behind her, in front of her, to the right and left of her. Take note of which side melts her and has her surrendering for more.

Feminine beings: Try different sounds to see which get him turned on and awake to you. Maybe a deep lustful sigh, or a desireful groan, or a pleasured ahhhhh will get him connected to you.

The SECOND SENSE: The Sense of Sight

While looking strong or beautiful may turn someone on, the WAY we look at them also gets juices flowing.

Masculine beings: How can you use your eye contact to make her feel like she can trust you? Like you are there for her? Walk up to your partner strongly and firmly. Looking deep into her eyes with a powerful sexy connection, imagine fully opening her to your love. Then walk away smiling.

Feminine beings: As you are busy doing something around the home -- out of the corner of your eye, try to catch his attention. Give him a look like you fancy him. Nod slightly, letting him know you approve of him and find him gorgeous.

The FIRST and FINAL SENSE: The Sense of Smell

When most animals are born, what connects them initially to their mother is smell. It's so primary to our connection. Yet it's the sense that most often gets forgotten. Have you noticed, in this second, the smells in the air?

Masculine Beings: Can you bring home some flowers with a scent that fills the air with the perfume of your love?

Feminine Beings: Can you wear perfumes that subtly evoke desire in him so your scent lingers as he breathes your love as you saunter past?

As you breathe in the smell of your partner, breathe out the stale tedium of togetherness. Push every last bit of dullness from the depth of your being and release it to infinity. With each in-breath invigorate your desire in exploring the ecstasy in each other. Don't lead a senseless life of monotony. Your body is calling to be enlivened by the miracle of this luscious life -- a journey filled with magical moments of mystery together.

Copyright © 2008 by Natalie Lamb. All rights reserved in all media.

Natalie Lamb | Integral Love Coach | +44 1342 826237

Bonus Article:
Top Ten Practices of Enlightened Partnerships

By Paul and Layne Cutright

Are your relationships ship-shape?

Relationships are in many ways like real, seagoing ships. Just like a sailing vessel needs regular, constant care and upkeep, your relationships need regular care and upkeep. The crew of a sailing ship is knowledgeable in the standard practices of seamanship, which is absolutely required to maintain a ship's seaworthiness. Unfortunately, most people are not knowledgeable in the standard practices of maintaining their relation-ships.

Yet, most people in relationships of any kind are usually focused on the goals of the relationship, whether building a life or a business or a community center. There is very little attention paid to the relation-ship itself. And often, somewhere along the voyage of life, the relation-ship is unable to withstand the inevitable and predictable storms of life that can damage both the individuals in the relationship and the relation-ship itself. Maintaining a strong, stable, satisfying relation-ship requires knowledge and skill - neither of which is commonly taught in our culture.

Enlightened relationships are distinguished both by the shared vision that guides the relationship as well as the standard practices of its partners. Enlightened relationships are created and maintained through specific standard practices. Unfortunately, these practices are uncommon in a popular culture gripped by fear and ignorance. But, through the commitment to learn and use these practices, the individuals and the relationship are elevated to new heights that uplift and evolve the soul.

Below we offer for your consideration our Top Ten Practices of Enlightened Relationships to help you in building and maintaining strong, durable and enlightened relationships.

1. Write down the purpose and desired results for your relationship. A relationship without a stated purpose and intended results is like a ship setting sail without a chart or plotted course. The purpose should be stated in a way that lifts the spirit of all partners.

2. Make choices grounded in love rather than fear. Become aware of your automatic reactions that are based in fear and look for the love choice instead. Ask yourself, what would love do or say in this situation?

3. Mutually agree upon strategies for dealing with predictable break-downs, i.e., miscommunications, upsets or disagreements and use them when needed. It is important to have these strategies in place before the breakdowns occur. It is difficult, if not impossible, to create and implement them in the middle of a breakdown.

4. Commit to win/win outcomes; don't settle for anyone being the loser. For the relationship to win, all participants in the relationship need to win. If anyone in the relationship loses, the entire relationship loses. Keep asking questions that lead you to the win/win outcome.

5. Practice "high performance" communication from the heart. People respond positively to the expression of heart-felt truth because it builds trust, even if they don't agree with it. High performance communication involves four specific skills, plus the ability to listen without judgment for the concerns of the other person that may be hidden behind their words.

6. Assume personal responsibility for your emotional reality and refrain from blame. Blame and projection will pollute the emotional climate of a partnership faster than anything.

7. Take the initiative for the satisfaction of your own needs and wants and make clear requests of others that inspire their cooperation. Don't wait for people to guess what will make you happy. Nobody likes to endure demands or covert manipulation.

8. Share power rather than struggle for it. Let go of the need to be right all the time. Value others ideas and perceptions as being as valid as your own. Heal your unresolved power/authority issues from the past.

9. See problems as opportunities. Every problem contains the gift of spiritual development within it. Learn to unwrap the package.

10. Nurture a conscious relationship with your Soul. The more spiritually attuned you are, the more enlightened you and your relationships will be.

Copyright © 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright. All rights reserved in all media.

Layne and Paul Cutright are relationship coaches and teachers who have been offering secrets and strategies for successful relationships at home and in business since 1976. They are authors of the best selling book, You're Never Upset for the Reason You Think: Secrets and Strategies for Resolving Any Upset Quickly and Easily. You may learn more about Paul and Layne's work at their web site – where they offer a free online program called Successful Relationships 101 and other resources for your relationship success.

For More Information, is a resource for couples offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping singles 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'; to helping new couples 'make a wise choice in a life partner'; and to helping any couple 'fine tune and keep their relationship healthy and fulfilling.'

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Tara Kachaturoff | Editor, Couples News

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