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January 2008

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In this issue:

F`ree to our subscribers!

Conscious Relationship Resources

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

Conscious Relationship Podcast

Conscious Relationship Article Bank


David Steele
Founder and CEO,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron, President
Relationship Coaching Network

Tara Kachaturoff - Photo
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff
Editor | Partners in Life Couples News

Copyright 2008 by All rights reserved.

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Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

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This newsletter is designed especially for YOU if:

  • You have met someone and are wondering if s/he is the "Love of Your Life"
  • You are about to get married and want to co-create a fulfilling life partnership
  • You have a good relationship and want to make it great

Conscious Mating
Audio Programs

Conscious Mating Audio Programs

When you're dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right relationship for me?"

Our Conscious Mating Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making challenges that arise when you're in the pre-commitment stage of a relationship.

These audio programs are recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.

Program #1- Is This the Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage

Program #2- Am I Ready to Be a Couple?

Program #3- Finding Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience

Program #4- Should We Live Together?

Program #5- Dealing With Our Baggage

Program #6- Are We Compatible?

Program #7- Sharing Our Vision

Program #8- Deciding "Is This The One?"

Program #9- When We Must Say Goodbye

Check them out at

Ask Our Coaches:
 How Can We Handle (seemingly) Insurmountable Issues?

"...Where or who can we turn to for help when emotional family issues seem insurmountable? ...."

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches,

We have been struggling in our relationship because of money issues and the high cost of living in our area. All the other issues we have seem to be emotional ones. My partner feels like he can never amount to anything because his parents have put him down emotionally over the years. He is handicapped by his own feelings of worthlessness. We both struggle with trying to be functional in a very dysfunctional family.

Where or who can we turn to for help when emotional family issues seem insurmountable? We keep going back to the only solution we can see right now, which is to end the relationship. What can we do to defuse very emotionally charged conversations when dealing with various relationship and family issues?

Sarah from San Francisco

Hazel responds …

First, congratulate yourself on being aware that you need help to deal with the issues that have occurred. It’s not uncommon to have financial issues in a relationship. You don’t say if you are living together or how long you’ve been in the relationship. It is very important for finances to be dealt with upfront so that they don’t become a challenge as you move forward.This doesn’t mean that the relationship won’t work, however it does mean that you might need to sit down with an objective outsider and perhaps create a financial action plan or budget that you are both able and willing to work with. You could do this with a coach, a financial planner or a trusted friend.

With regard to the emotional issues, if you are getting what you want and need from the relationship in other areas, and lack of self confidence and family interaction is hindering moving forward, I would highly encourage you to get some counseling – either together or separately.

The dysfunction in families can be very challenging to deal with as a couple if you are not both on the same page about how to deal with it; however, there are alternatives to ending the relationship.

Before you make any decision that you may later regret, an objective professional therapist, clergy or coach can help you to learn coping skills to deal with the family and relationship issues and create a safe place for both of you to deal with feelings. I wish you the very best of luck.

Hazel Palache |

Leif responds …

It sounds like there is a lot of stress that you and your husband are trying to deal with! One question I would ask- Is this a time to take action or a time to hunker down and ride out the storm?

In either case, a supportive relationship is vital. Generally, a couple that is supportive of each other can withstand much more stress than a person alone. Learning to listen and respond with empathy and respect for each other's thoughts and feeling can be the first step in enhancing your partnership. Reflective listening can go a long way in bringing warring factions together.

Marital and family problems are quite amenable to change, either with the help of a good relationship coach or therapist. Seeking out professional help can enhance and strengthen your partnership. Keep in mind that if either of you is clinically depressed or struggling with substance abuse, psychological or psychiatric treatment might be needed.

Further, if the "emotionally charged conversations" get dangerous or abusive, you need serious intervention now. Abuse shelters and crisis lines can be a good resource in an emergency.

Being in a strong healthy marriage is protection against the pressures that life can throw at you. Sometimes, pulling together during a tough time can actually make for a better relationship in the long run.

Leif Davis, PsyD |

Feature Article:
Top Ten Actions
for Healthy Relationships

by Ken Donaldson, M.A., L.M.H.C.

Our society has become relationally ignorant and it's coming back to haunt us -- big time! We are all quite aware of the 50%+ divorce rate in the U.S. But did you know that second marriages have approximately a 60% rate, while third marriages hover around 70%?

The fallout from divorce extends even further, and more dangerously, as you look from one generation to the next. Children in a single-parent environment are more likely to drop out of school, become pregnant, abuse drugs, and get into trouble with the law than their two-parent counterparts. These same children also have a higher incidence of divorce in later years.

All too often, divorce breeds dysfunction and more divorce. Added to our less-than-desirable divorce statistics, and perhaps even more unfortunate, is that at least one out of every three women will be physically assaulted by her partner at some point in her lifetime.What is wrong with this picture? It's simple: We have not been taught nor role-modeled how to have happy, healthy or lasting relationships.

Think about it. We receive the “three R's” of reading, writing and arithmetic in our schooling, but the fourth R, of Relationships, is nowhere to be found. You tell me: Which R is most important? So, what's a couple to do?

Here are my top ten actions for healthy relationships:

#1 Learn How to Communicate Effectively

Communication is one of the primary cornerstones of ALL healthy relationships.

#2 Treat Each Other as Best Friends

Research shows that couples who treat each other nicely and who are friendly during non-conflict times stay together longer and are happier.

#3 Commit to Moving "Towards" Rather Than "Away"

Many people avoid conflict (and sometimes deeper intimacy) and distance themselves when anything becomes uncomfortable.

#4 Get Complete With the Past

Bringing "unfinished business" into a relationship will eventually create unnecessary hardships, conflict and drama.

#5 Always Date

Keep the romance and passion going or the "fire" will go out.

#6 Let Your Partner Help You

You are in a partnership. Let go of ego or control issues and allow both of you to benefit from the partnership.

#7 Be Authentic

Always speak your truth with compassion and discernment.

#8 Create a Weekly "Check-In"

Stay current with addressing the challenges and affirming the growth of the relationship.

#9 Create a Shared Relationship Vision

Give the relationship extra value, purpose and direction.

#10 Always Practice Effective Listening

Although this is essential to effective communication, it deserves its own separate acknowledgment. Listen to ALL that is being said AND ALL that is NOT being said.

Practice these ten actions regularly and you can save your relationship from becoming one of "those" statistics. And, if enough people commit to becoming more relationally intelligent, who knows what impact we could have on the world as a whole.

Ken Donaldson, M.A., L.M.H.C.

Bonus Article:
Top Ten Principles of Romance

By Pat Love

Most people think romantic love and romance are the same thing, yet surprisingly, there is quite a difference.

Romantic love is that early period in a relationship when we begin to fall in love. It is a predictable altered state of consciousness. While it is a delightful period of euphoria, it is fleeting and short-lived.

Its purpose is to bond two people together emotionally and physically. This bonding prepares them for the hard work, going forward, of building a life together.

Romance, on the other hand, is an on-going expression of love between two people, even when seeing each other in a less favorable light than might be expressed during the romantic love period. This is where the real work of a relationship begins.

10 Principles of Romance

#1 Be intentional every day, taking the time to please your partner in ways meaningful to them.

#2 Be mindful and attentive of your interactions with each other.

#3 Add an element of surprise that is pleasant and thus meaningful.

#4 Go the extra mile with your time, rather than with your money.

#5 Show mutual respect for each other, listening well with focused attention.

#6 Be playful and flirtatious, two key ingredients in romance.

#7 Be vulnerable, showing your sentimental and sensitive side. Be compassionate and tender with each other.

#8 Design special occasions and celebrations, creating your own rituals of connection with symbols that are meaningful to the two of you.

#9 Include romantic sexual encounters.

#10 Know your partner’s history intimately and pay homage to their past when possible.

~taken from Hot Monogamy by Patricia Love and Jo Robinson

Contributed by Linda A. Marshall | | 937.684.2245

For More Information, is a resource for couples offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping singles 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'; to helping new couples 'make a wise choice in a life partner'; and to helping any couple 'fine tune and keep their relationship healthy and fulfilling.'

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Tara Kachaturoff | Editor, Couples News

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