September 2007

In this issue:

Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

David Steele
Founder,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email

Copyright 2008 by ConsciousDating.org All rights reserved.

Now Available!

Order a copy today for your single friends and family members at www.ConsciousDating.com

Announcements

Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series

First Thursday of each month, f`ree to our subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register here. It's f`ree!

Thursday, September 6, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Conscious Dating: Managing the Internal Conversation between Inner Critic and Inner Voice

With Frankie Doiron and David Steele

Internal dialogue is the real-time conversation you have with yourself about everything that's happening in your life and the world around you. It can be positive and encouraging, or negative and sabotaging.

Have you ever wondered why your inner dialogue is sometimes supportive, and at other times disruptive and upsetting?

The truth is, the thoughts you have that form these inner conversations come from two distinct sources: One - your “Inner Voice” - provides unerring guidance to help keep you on track with your goals and dreams, while the other – your “Inner Critic” - presents obstacles and limiting beliefs that will keep you from those dreams.

Unfortunately for most people, the Inner Critic’s strong, negative voice is so overpowering, it prevents them from taking action and achieving their goals.

This Tele-Seminar will reveal how you can take control of your internal conversations and create the life you want.

In this program you will learn:

• The origins and workings of the Inner Critic and the Inner Voice;

• Why one will never lie to you, while the other will always mislead you;

• How you can easily identify which one is in charge of the conversation;

• Why habitual behavior is a key to retraining the Inner Critic, eliminating your limiting beliefs and accelerating the Law of Attraction;

• The 5 step process for controlling your internal conversations and your life.

• And more!

Join Frankie and David as we reveal the secrets and strategies for successful Conscious Dating.

Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding program!

Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.

Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series

Each month we strive to bring you the best relationship information from top experts F`REE to our subscribers!

Thursday, September 13, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

Addressing Relationship Energy Drainers

With Ilene Dillon, MSW, MFT, LCSW

Do you know that "the way a relationship starts off, it tends to continue"? 

Too often we spend weeks or months in a relationship, only to find it is not working for us because we feel drained, guilty, very angry, or used in the relationship. 

You can save yourself time, energy, and pain by learning to recognize immediately when your energy is being drained and what you can do about it.  Whether you have a penchant for attracting energy draining individuals or you experience energy draining only occasionally, you'll appreciate having readily-available tools for dealing with this all-too-common relationship challenge.

In this program you will learn:

• How and why energy draining occurs
• 6 ways to immediately recognize when your energy is being drained.
• Two prominent patterns of energy draining.
• Three actions you can take to neutralize energy draining from others.
• How to utilize the 72-Hour Rule to strengthen yourself in relationships.
• The D.E.S.C. Plus-A-Step method for communicating powerfully.

No need to register! To access this seminar use this link-
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminar.com

As a subscriber you will receive reminders a few days prior and the day of the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available f`ree at www.consciousrelationshippodcast.com

Ask Our Coaches:
How Do You Know When You’re
Ready to Date Again?

...How do you know when you’re ready to date again? What should I do to avoid getting into something that just isn’t right?

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches, 

I’m 36 and broke up with my fiancée 3 months ago – her decision. In retrospect, I’m glad things turned out this way because I really don’t think she was right for me. We were together for 2 years. I haven’t dated anyone since then, but instead have focused on my job and spending time with my friends. I think I’m ready to date again – tired of being alone and miss being close with someone. I want to get married and start a family, but when I think about starting over again, it seems like too much work.

I don’t want to get dragged through all of the emotions and “stuff” again. I guess it seems like one big daunting task. While not typically my style, I thought I would ask for some advice. How do you know when you’re ready to date again? What should I do to avoid getting into something that just isn’t right? I just don’t have the bandwidth to go down a wrong path – again. What do you think?

Roberto from Raleigh

Ending a relationship is difficult and can shake your confidence. I
applaud you for asking for support as you take your first steps to get back into the game. You’ll know that you’re ready when:

* You’ve developed a strong network of friends and aren’t looking for someone who’ll provide all your emotional support,

* You’ve taken a thoughtful inventory of your needs and values and know what’s most important to you in a relationship and in life,

* You’re willing to do some recreational dating to get to know people and to have fun without automatic exclusivity. Stay conscious and test the waters before diving in, and

* You’ve gotten clear about what a sexual relationship means to you and you’re willing to discuss it with a potential partner.  If either of you regard it as something you do only when you’re a “couple,” skip it!  Even though people may say it’s purely recreational, sex can stir emotions that signal something totally different.

While discovering and learning about yourself may seem daunting, it’s a whole lot easier than entering another relationship that isn’t “right” for you and going through the drama and disappointment again. Good luck!

Geoff Farnsworth | Single To Soul Mate
coachgf@mac.com | 856-371-4704

- What did you do to create this relationship?
- What did you do to find out what your partner needed and wanted from you?
- How did you tell your partner what you wanted and needed from her?
- What strategies did you have in place to deal with conflicts?
- Did those strategies work?
- How much time did you spend getting to know your partner before you became emotionally attached?

And the biggest question of all: What did you learn from all your past relationships, and how did you incorporate these new skills in this relationship?

A relationship is an invitation to get to know ourselves better. To avoid a relationship is to avoid our own growth. To resist this is painful. To embrace this is bliss.

Anna Manning, MBA, MS | anna@annamanning.com | 830.964.4037

Jack responds …

WOW! – HOO-RAH and WOW! First, you looked for the positive in your break-up and the positive has set you free. Taking time for yourself with work and family is a great way to recover yourself. Second, and this is the really great news, you didn’t run out and jump into a new relationship.

You have given yourself a wonderful gift – THE POWER OF CHOICE! The next step is to put your power of being the chooser to work. The best way I can think of doing this is to employ a Relationship Coach. Immerse yourself in the Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles program and move forward with a sense of confidence, and optimism. Get to know yourself and who and what you want in a relationship and GO FOR IT!

How will you know when it’s time to date again? Roberto, it may not be so much a matter of timing as it is being present to your emotional health and feelings. You have taken steps to heal the past. You are asking questions, looking for a new and better way to re-enter the dating arena.  

You have earned my admiration (and I suspect that of many others) through writing your letter, and by your willingness to express your pain and misgivings about starting over once more. You’ve proved that men hurt, too. More important, you’ve set a path for other men to follow. Lead on! Be Blessed and Know Peace.

Jack Cook |jack@coachjackcook.com | 904.725.6044

Cynthia responds …

Prior to pursuing another relationship, I would spend some time looking inward.  I suggest taking some time and defining your life vision.  Do you really know what you want your life to be like now – or in five years, ten years, or at retirement?  Once you have discovered the life that you want, I recommend taking some time to realize what your requirements, needs and wants are for a relationship.  Until you understand what those are, you are unable to see the type of partner you should be seeking. 

Your partner needs to be aligned with your life vision and anyone short of that simply would not be a healthy choice.  Once those pieces are put together, then I suggest dating.  The process becomes easier when you understand the type of person who will be compatible with you. You’ll waste less energy and dating will not seem like such a chore.
 
Cynthia Simpson | cynthia@lhcoach.com|www.lhcoach.com | 281.464.8836

Michelle responds …

Good for you, Roberto, that you see where your previous relationship was not right for you. Have you looked at the positive and negative patterns that often show up in your significant relationships? Are you confident in knowing the purpose for which you were created and where you are going with your life?

If you are unable to answer “yes” to these questions, I would highly recommend working with a relationship coach and the Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles program. This program will help you to answer these questions for yourself while you become more confident and conscious in your future choices for relationship.

I have found another very important key indicator to relationship readiness is when you are ready to think about what you are able to give to your next relationship. If you are only focused on what you will get and your happiness, you can be sure you are still healing. When you are able to reach out to another in unselfish love, then you will know you are ready for relationship.

I wish you a productive recovery period and the relationship you have been waiting and working for.

Michelle Blacksher | m.blacksher@att.net| 503.504.7052

Brenda responds …

While relationships do require work, it doesn't have to FEEL like a daunting task. Having and maintaining a relationship can be inspiring and enjoyable.   I recommend you work with a relationship coach to become clear about the areas where you are ready and where you aren't. When singles aren't totally ready for relationship, they head down the same old road and end up with the same old results.

With coaching, you'll see where you are right on top of things and where you need to do some work. The more completely ready you can be, the better your chances of having the relationship you desire.

Start living your life as a successful single while you work on becoming ready for that special person. Once you are clear about who you are, what you want and how you are going to attain that, it will be so much easier to avoid investing in a relationship that isn't right for you. Your bandwidth will widen and you'll be able to see dating prospects with a clearer mind and a more knowing heart.  

Finding the right person for you will be well worth the work you put into it!

Brenda Zeller  |  www.VitalLifeCoaching.com
Brenda@VitalLifeCoaching.com   |  610.966.7947 

Feature Article:
Dating on the Rebound

by Sandra Rohr M.A.

After a breakup, whether from divorce or another relationship, we all experience loss. We need time to heal, we need time to re-orient our lives, and then we need to learn how to take the steps to move forward once again.

What is dating on the rebound? What are the dangers of dating too soon? How can we get through the pain? RCI Coach Sandra Rohr explores these and other questions in this month’s special interview with Editor Tara Kachaturoff:

Question:  What exactly is dating on the rebound?

Sandra:  My American Heritage Dictionary defines rebound as, among other things: “A quick recovery from or reaction to disappointment or depression.”  The emphasis here is on the word quick.  In the dating sense, this refers to someone who very quickly after a romantic breakup starts dating and seeking another new relationship. 

Question:  Many singles hate to be alone; they never have any "space" between relationships. They break up with someone one week, and they're already back out there dating someone new the next.  What are your thoughts on this?

Sandra:  It’s easy to understand why anyone would want to rush into a new relationship.  With any breakup, there is a great sense of loss and pain.  There is the loss of the relationship itself, with all the joys that attended it.  For the partner who did not initiate the breakup, there is a loss of self-esteem, with accompanying questions of personal worthiness and doubt of ever having a satisfying, lasting relationship.  And even for the partner who initiated the breakup, there is pain and loss.  As soon as you start a new relationship, all the pain seems to magically disappear with the excitement of being with someone new.

Question:  So what could possibly be wrong with this picture? 

Sandra:  Lots.  The first issue is fairness to the new partner.  When you are still attached to or grieving for the last partner, you are only able to give a part of yourself to the new relationship.  You simply are not free to be wholly present, which shortchanges the new partner.  It’s just unfair to that person.

The greater issue, however, is that when you immediately enter a new relationship, you do not have the chance to do the necessary soul-searching and personal growth that can keep you from a continued round of short-lived relationships.  A part of the rebound mentality is looking over and over for the “right” person, rather than taking the responsibility to clean up your own act and to become the “right” person yourself.

Question:  What's the best way to get through that painful time after a breakup?

Sandra:  The first thing is to accept that breakups are painful.  The only constructive response is to allow the pain.  Grief counselors tell us that the only way out of pain is through.  Pain comes in waves.  When a wave of pain comes, you should not fight it or try to dull it in any way.  Rather, allow it to fill you; let it in.   Don’t fight the tears; they are therapeutic.  Always, when the pain reaches a high point, it then drains away.  Eventually, it becomes less and less, until one day, you will find yourself happy again.

Next, begin a gratitude journal.  As counter-intuitive as this is, it’s a truly powerful way of working through your grief and taking control of your life.  Simply make a daily list of 5 things for which you are grateful—even on the days when you just don’t feel like it.

This is a perfect time to create a new life and a new approach to relationships, an approach that will serve you well.  Here is where a trained relationship coach can be invaluable.  Your first task is to look for patterns in your past failed relationships. 

Your relationship coach can help you analyze your patterns and help you discover what your bottom-line requirements for a relationship are so that you can make better choices in the future. At the same time, your coach will help you explore your own passions so that you can begin to live your ideal life immediately.  Then when a new love appears, you will be ready to enter your new relationship whole-heartedly —and successfully.

Question:  What are the top 3 things you would suggest singles NEVER do after a breakup?

Sandra:  First, don’t fight the pain.  Pain can teach important life lessons that can’t be learned any other way.  Second, don’t immediately start dating seriously again.  This is a good time to socialize with friends and family and use their support to help you.  When you do begin dating, keep it on a friendly basis only, and be upfront with your date that you are not yet available for a committed relationship.  Finally, don’t give up hope.  There is someone for you, and when you have done the deep work of healing, you will be ready to establish a wonderful, satisfying new relationship.

Sandra Rohr, M.A., is a certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in helping singles to connect with their life partners, and couples to establish and maintain strong relationships.  Hear Sandy's workshop on How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com

Copyright © 2007 by Sandra Rohr. All rights reserved in all media.

Bonus Article:
How Singles Can Create Community

by David Steele, Founder and CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

The most common lament I hear from today's singles is their difficulty meeting potential partners. This problem did not occur in past generations when we lived and worked in a community of family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers, all of who would typically help introduce singles to each other.

Without this support system, today's singles increasingly rely upon dating services and personal ads to solve the problem of meeting potential partners, and then wonder why they have so little in common with the people they meet through these services.

Want to find your life partner? Expand your meaningful relationships! If you are becoming frustrated in finding potential partners, remember that relationships are about connection, and start by asking yourself how you can improve the quality and quantity of ALL your relationships.

Isolated singles often find each other and become isolated couples. When they have children, they become isolated families. Whether the family remains intact or not, the legacy of isolation continues. If relationships survive and thrive in community, they tend to shrivel and die in isolation. Could this contribute to the high failure rate of relationships today?

Without a built-in community, today's singles must intentionally create their own support system. While most singles have friends and family, this is not a large enough support community. Building a network of close, mutually beneficial relationships requires time, effort, and intention.

In today's society, the closest example of this kind of support system is the community that exists in most church or temple environments.

Characteristics include:

* Geographical proximity
* Shared values, beliefs, and goals
* Inter-generational
* On-going shared activities
* All members contribute time and resources
* Mobilization in times of crisis and need
* Supportive of all members' needs and accomplishments

A community with the above characteristics can be found or created outside of religious institutions. It can be as close as on your block or in your neighborhood.

The members of a community contribute what they can and receive the support they need. A single male member of the community might volunteer to fix the plumbing of an elderly female member, who happens to think of a friend of her granddaughter that might be good for him to meet.

Only in a community does this kind of spontaneous, mutually supportive relationship develop. A typical, isolated single male wouldn't have much reason to interact with a typical, isolated elderly female, and when she calls a plumber to fix her problem, he misses the opportunity to meet her granddaughter's friend, and they both miss the opportunity to be in a mutually beneficial relationship that enriches each other's lives.

So, where can singles meet potential partners? In my experience the singles asking this question are too isolated in their everyday life, and need to first focus on building their community before finding a partner.

How can singles build a community for themselves? Here are some suggestions:

* Research existing communities aligned with your values and interests- charitable, service, recreational, etc

* Explore personal growth and spiritual organizations

* Check out men's or women's organizations

* Deepen your connection with your existing friends, co-workers, family, and neighbors by getting together more often

* Start "People Collecting;" gather cool people into your life of a variety of ages, genders, etc., that you want to spend time with.

A great relationship is brought together by, and thrives in community. By deepening your connection with others and expanding the circle of people you connect with, you improve the quality of your life and relationships. You can then allow your community to support you in finding and having a successful life partnership.

Copyright ©2007 by David Steele. All rights reserved.
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Founder and CEO, The Relationship Coaching Institute
relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

Conscious Dating Resources

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-seminars

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

New! Conscious Dating Audio Programs

• Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
  
• Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1500 Miles Away
  
• Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate in 2007
  
• Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate


• Check Out Our Advanced Consicous Dating Strategies Audio Package

Visit our website at www.ConsciousDating.org for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
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Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Visit www.ConsciousMating.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious Dating Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org

Relationship Coaching Institute
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

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Please refer singles your care about to www.ConsciousDating.org

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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
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