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Thursday, September 6,
Conscious Dating: Managing the Internal
Conversation between Inner Critic and Inner Voice
With Frankie Doiron
and David Steele
Internal dialogue is the real-time conversation you have with yourself
about everything that's happening in your life and the world around
you. It can be positive and encouraging, or negative and sabotaging.
Have you ever wondered
why your inner dialogue is sometimes supportive, and at other times
disruptive and upsetting?
The truth is, the
thoughts you have that form these inner conversations come from two
distinct sources: One - your “Inner Voice” -
provides unerring guidance to help keep you on track with your goals
and dreams, while the other – your “Inner
Critic” - presents obstacles and limiting beliefs that will
keep you from those dreams.
Unfortunately for most
people, the Inner Critic’s strong, negative voice is so
overpowering, it prevents them from taking action and achieving their
This Tele-Seminar will
reveal how you can take control of your internal conversations and
create the life you want.
In this program you
• The origins
and workings of the Inner Critic and the Inner Voice;
• Why one will
never lie to you, while the other will always mislead you;
• How you can
easily identify which one is in charge of the conversation;
• Why habitual
behavior is a key to retraining the Inner Critic, eliminating your
limiting beliefs and accelerating the Law of Attraction;
• The 5 step
process for controlling your internal conversations and your life.
• And more!
Frankie and David as we reveal the secrets and strategies for
successful Conscious Dating.
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
Relationship Tele-Seminar Series
Each month we strive to bring you the best
relationship information from top experts F`REE to our subscribers!
September 13, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern
Relationship Energy Drainers
Do you know that "the
way a relationship starts off, it tends to continue"?
Too often we spend
weeks or months in a relationship, only to find it is not working for
us because we feel drained, guilty, very angry, or used in the
You can save yourself
time, energy, and pain by learning to recognize immediately when your
energy is being drained and what you can do about it. Whether
you have a penchant for attracting energy draining individuals or you
experience energy draining only occasionally, you'll appreciate having
readily-available tools for dealing with this all-too-common
In this program you
- How and why energy
- 6 ways to
immediately recognize when your energy is being drained.
- Two prominent
patterns of energy draining.
- Three actions you
can take to neutralize energy draining from others.
- How to utilize the
72-Hour Rule to strengthen yourself in relationships.
- The D.E.S.C.
Plus-A-Step method for communicating powerfully.
No need to register! To
access this seminar use this link-
As a subscriber you will
receive reminders a few days prior and the day of the seminar.
Can't attend? No problem.
The recordings of all our programs are available f`ree at www.consciousrelationshippodcast.com
Ask Our Coaches:
How Do You Know When You’re
Ready to Date Again?
...How do you know when you’re ready to date
should I do to avoid getting into something that just isn’t
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I’m 36 and
broke up with my fiancée 3 months ago – her
decision. In retrospect, I’m glad things turned out this way
because I really don’t think she was right for me. We were
together for 2 years. I haven’t dated anyone since then, but
instead have focused on my job and spending time with my friends. I
think I’m ready to date again – tired of being
alone and miss being close with someone. I want to get married and
start a family, but when I think about starting over again, it seems
like too much work.
I don’t want to
get dragged through all of the emotions and “stuff”
again. I guess it seems like one big daunting task. While not typically
my style, I thought I would ask for some advice. How do you know when
you’re ready to date again? What should I do to avoid getting
into something that just isn’t right? I just don’t
have the bandwidth to go down a wrong path – again. What do
Geoff responds …
Ending a relationship is
difficult and can shake your confidence. I
applaud you for asking for support as you take your first steps to get
back into the game. You’ll know that you’re ready
developed a strong network of friends and aren’t looking for
someone who’ll provide all your emotional support,
taken a thoughtful inventory of your needs and values and know
what’s most important to you in a relationship and in life,
willing to do some recreational dating to get to know people and to
have fun without automatic exclusivity. Stay conscious and test the
waters before diving in, and
gotten clear about what a sexual relationship means to you and
you’re willing to discuss it with a potential partner.
If either of you regard it as something you do only when
you’re a “couple,” skip it!
Even though people may say it’s purely
recreational, sex can stir emotions that signal something totally
While discovering and
learning about yourself may seem daunting, it’s a whole lot
easier than entering another relationship that isn’t
“right” for you and going through the drama and
disappointment again. Good luck!
Farnsworth | Single To Soul Mate
Let’s play with the future for a moment. It’s one
year from today, and you’ve been in the happiest relationship
- What did you do to
create this relationship?
- What did you do to find out what your partner needed and wanted from
- How did you tell your partner what you wanted and needed from her?
- What strategies did you have in place to deal with conflicts?
- Did those strategies work?
- How much time did you spend getting to know your partner before you
became emotionally attached?
And the biggest question of all: What did you learn from all your past
relationships, and how did you incorporate these new skills in this
A relationship is an
invitation to get to know ourselves better. To avoid a relationship is
to avoid our own growth. To resist this is painful. To embrace this is
Anna Manning, MBA,
MS | email@example.com
WOW! – HOO-RAH
and WOW! First, you looked for the positive in your break-up
and the positive has set you free. Taking time for yourself
with work and family is a great way to recover yourself. Second, and
this is the really great news, you didn’t run out and jump
into a new relationship.
You have given yourself a
wonderful gift – THE POWER OF CHOICE! The next step is to put
your power of being the chooser to work. The best way I can think of
doing this is to employ a Relationship Coach. Immerse yourself in the
Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles program and
move forward with a sense of confidence, and optimism. Get to know
yourself and who and what you want in a relationship and GO FOR IT!
How will you know when
it’s time to date again? Roberto, it may not be so
much a matter of timing as it is being present to your
emotional health and feelings. You have taken steps to heal the past.
You are asking questions, looking for a new and better way to re-enter
the dating arena.
You have earned my
admiration (and I suspect that of many others) through writing your
letter, and by your willingness to express your pain and misgivings
about starting over once more. You’ve proved that men hurt,
too. More important, you’ve set a path for other
men to follow. Lead on! Be Blessed and Know Peace.
Prior to pursuing another
relationship, I would spend some time looking inward.
I suggest taking some time and defining your life
vision. Do you really know what you want your life to be like
now – or in five years, ten years, or at
retirement? Once you have discovered the life that you want,
I recommend taking some time to realize what your
requirements, needs and wants are for a
relationship. Until you understand what those are, you are
unable to see the type of partner you should be seeking.
Your partner needs to be
aligned with your life vision and anyone short of that simply would not
be a healthy choice. Once those pieces are put together, then
I suggest dating. The process becomes easier when you
understand the type of person who will be compatible with you.
You’ll waste less energy and dating will not seem like such a
Cynthia Simpson | firstname.lastname@example.org|www.lhcoach.com
Good for you, Roberto, that you see where your previous relationship
was not right for you. Have you looked at the positive and negative
patterns that often show up in your significant relationships? Are you
confident in knowing the purpose for which you were created and where
you are going with your life?
If you are unable to
answer “yes” to these questions, I would highly
recommend working with a relationship coach and the Conscious Dating
Relationship Success Training for Singles program. This program will
help you to answer these questions for yourself while you become more
confident and conscious in your future choices for relationship.
I have found another very
important key indicator to relationship readiness is when you are ready
to think about what you are able to give to your next relationship. If
you are only focused on what you will get and your happiness, you can
be sure you are still healing. When you are able to reach out to
another in unselfish love, then you will know you are ready for
I wish you a productive
recovery period and the relationship you have been waiting and working
Blacksher | email@example.com|
While relationships do
require work, it doesn't have to FEEL like a daunting task. Having and
maintaining a relationship can be inspiring and
enjoyable. I recommend you work with a relationship
coach to become clear about the areas where you are ready and where you
aren't. When singles aren't totally ready for relationship,
they head down the same old road and end up with the same old results.
With coaching, you'll see where you are right on top of things and
where you need to do some work. The more completely ready you can be,
the better your chances of having the relationship you desire.
Start living your life as a successful single while
you work on becoming ready for that special person. Once you are clear
about who you are, what you want and how you are going to attain that,
it will be so much easier to avoid investing in a
relationship that isn't right for you. Your bandwidth will
widen and you'll be able to see dating prospects with
a clearer mind and a more knowing heart.
Finding the right person
for you will be well worth the work you put into it!
Zeller | www.VitalLifeCoaching.com
Dating on the Rebound
by Sandra Rohr M.A.
After a breakup, whether from divorce or another relationship, we all
experience loss. We need time to heal, we need time to re-orient our
lives, and then we need to learn how to take the steps to move forward
What is dating on the
rebound? What are the dangers of dating too soon? How can we get
through the pain? RCI Coach Sandra Rohr explores these and other
questions in this month’s special interview with Editor Tara
What exactly is dating on the rebound?
My American Heritage Dictionary defines rebound as, among other things:
“A quick recovery from or reaction to disappointment or
depression.” The emphasis here is on the word
quick. In the dating sense, this refers to someone who very
quickly after a romantic breakup starts dating and seeking another new
Many singles hate to be alone; they never have any "space"
between relationships. They break up with someone one week, and they're
already back out there dating someone new the next. What are
your thoughts on this?
It’s easy to understand why anyone would want to rush into a
new relationship. With any breakup, there is a great sense of
loss and pain. There is the loss of the relationship itself,
with all the joys that attended it. For the partner who did
not initiate the breakup, there is a loss of self-esteem, with
accompanying questions of personal worthiness and doubt of ever having
a satisfying, lasting relationship. And even for the partner
who initiated the breakup, there is pain and loss. As soon as
you start a new relationship, all the pain seems to magically disappear
with the excitement of being with someone new.
So what could possibly be wrong with this picture?
Lots. The first issue is fairness to the new
partner. When you are still attached to or grieving for the
last partner, you are only able to give a part of yourself to the new
relationship. You simply are not free to be wholly present,
which shortchanges the new partner. It’s just
unfair to that person.
The greater issue, however, is that when you immediately enter a new
relationship, you do not have the chance to do the necessary
soul-searching and personal growth that can keep you from a continued
round of short-lived relationships. A part of the rebound
mentality is looking over and over for the “right”
person, rather than taking the responsibility to clean up your own act
and to become the “right” person yourself.
What's the best way to get through that painful time after a breakup?
The first thing is to accept that breakups are painful. The
only constructive response is to allow the pain. Grief
counselors tell us that the only way out of pain is through.
Pain comes in waves. When a wave of pain comes, you should
not fight it or try to dull it in any way. Rather, allow it
to fill you; let it in. Don’t fight the
tears; they are therapeutic. Always, when the pain reaches a
high point, it then drains away. Eventually, it becomes less
and less, until one day, you will find yourself happy again.
Next, begin a gratitude journal. As counter-intuitive as this
is, it’s a truly powerful way of working through your grief
and taking control of your life. Simply make a daily list of
5 things for which you are grateful—even on the days when you
just don’t feel like it.
This is a perfect time to create a new life and a new approach to
relationships, an approach that will serve you well. Here is
where a trained relationship coach can be invaluable. Your
first task is to look for patterns in your past failed
Your relationship coach can help you analyze your patterns and help you
discover what your bottom-line requirements for a relationship are so
that you can make better choices in the future. At the same time, your
coach will help you explore your own passions so that you can begin to
live your ideal life immediately. Then when a new love
appears, you will be ready to enter your new relationship
whole-heartedly —and successfully.
are the top 3 things you would suggest singles NEVER do after a breakup?
First, don’t fight the pain. Pain can teach
important life lessons that can’t be learned any other
way. Second, don’t immediately start dating
seriously again. This is a good time to socialize with
friends and family and use their support to help you. When
you do begin dating, keep it on a friendly basis only, and be upfront
with your date that you are not yet available for a committed
relationship. Finally, don’t give up
hope. There is someone for you, and when you have done the
deep work of healing, you will be ready to establish a wonderful,
satisfying new relationship.
Rohr, M.A., is a certified
Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in helping
singles to connect with their life partners, and couples to establish
and maintain strong relationships. Hear Sandy's workshop on
How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at
2007 by Sandra Rohr. All rights reserved in all media.
How Singles Can Create Community
by David Steele, Founder
Relationship Coaching Institute
The most common lament I
hear from today's singles is their difficulty meeting potential
partners. This problem did not occur in past generations when we lived
and worked in a community of family, friends, neighbors, and
co-workers, all of who would typically help introduce singles to each
Without this support
system, today's singles increasingly rely upon dating services and
personal ads to solve the problem of meeting potential partners, and
then wonder why they have so little in common with the people they meet
through these services.
Want to find your life
partner? Expand your meaningful relationships! If you are becoming
frustrated in finding potential partners, remember that relationships
are about connection, and start by asking yourself how you can improve
the quality and quantity of ALL your relationships.
Isolated singles often
find each other and become isolated couples. When they have children,
they become isolated families. Whether the family remains intact or
not, the legacy of isolation continues. If relationships survive and
thrive in community, they tend to shrivel and die in isolation. Could
this contribute to the high failure rate of relationships today?
Without a built-in
community, today's singles must intentionally create their own support
system. While most singles have friends and family, this is not a large
enough support community. Building a network of close, mutually
beneficial relationships requires time, effort, and intention.
In today's society, the
closest example of this kind of support system is the community that
exists in most church or temple environments.
* Geographical proximity
* Shared values, beliefs, and goals
* On-going shared activities
* All members contribute time and resources
* Mobilization in times of crisis and need
* Supportive of all members' needs and accomplishments
A community with the
above characteristics can be found or created outside of religious
institutions. It can be as close as on your block or in your
The members of a
community contribute what they can and receive the support they need. A
single male member of the community might volunteer to fix the plumbing
of an elderly female member, who happens to think of a friend of her
granddaughter that might be good for him to meet.
Only in a community does
this kind of spontaneous, mutually supportive relationship develop. A
typical, isolated single male wouldn't have much reason to interact
with a typical, isolated elderly female, and when she calls a plumber
to fix her problem, he misses the opportunity to meet her
granddaughter's friend, and they both miss the opportunity to be in a
mutually beneficial relationship that enriches each other's lives.
So, where can singles
meet potential partners? In my experience the singles asking this
question are too isolated in their everyday life, and need to first
focus on building their community before finding a partner.
How can singles build a
community for themselves? Here are some suggestions:
* Research existing
communities aligned with your values and interests- charitable,
service, recreational, etc
* Explore personal growth and spiritual organizations
* Check out men's or women's organizations
* Deepen your connection with your existing friends, co-workers,
family, and neighbors by getting together more often
* Start "People Collecting;" gather cool people into your life of a
variety of ages, genders, etc., that you want to spend time with.
A great relationship is
brought together by, and thrives in community. By deepening your
connection with others and expanding the circle of people you connect
with, you improve the quality of your life and relationships. You can
then allow your community to support you in finding and having a
successful life partnership.
by David Steele. All rights reserved.
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Founder and CEO, The Relationship Coaching Institute
F`ree monthy Conscious
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a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious
Dating Newsletter for Singles firstname.lastname@example.org
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Members of Relationship
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
subscribe to this newsletter and join our f`ree Conscious Dating Online
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Copyright 2007 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
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