Announcements
Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
First Thursday of each month, free to our
subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register
here. It's free!
May Program
Thursday,
May 3, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
 
Being the Chooser: A New
Paradigm for Loving
Yourself
With Frankie Doiron
and special guest, RCI Director of Singles Training, Lynne Michelson
We
have been asking
singles to tell us their biggest
challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions
about the concept of being a ‘Chooser.’ If you've
ever felt rejected when a date didn't reciprocate your feelings of
interest, then this program's for you. We've even lined up a special
guest expert to share her insights.
In
this program you learn-
- What being a
‘Chooser’ really means and why it is your guarantee
to finding the love of your life
- Why self-love and
acceptance are the basis of a ‘Chooser’ perspective
- The top 5 obstacles
you need to overcome to be a ‘Chooser’
- How to forever
eliminate feelings of fear and rejection
- What your ideal
partner is looking for in a mate and how you can stand above the crowd
- Why living your life
fully, in alignment with your values and life vision, makes you a
magnet for love
- And much more!
Mark
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding
program!
Can't
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
Get Ready for Love
For free immediate access
to an outstanding audio program Get
Ready for Love click
here
Get
Ready for Love is an
introduction to our innovative 4-week Conscious
DatingTele-program for singles
who are serious about getting ready for love in 2007.
- Live your life fully
and authentically, while in
alignment with your values and life vision;
- Avoid the repetition
of making poor relationship
choices;
- Remove the blocks and
old behavior patterns that sabotage your relationships;
- Find a partner who is
genuinely aligned with who you are and what you want in life;
- Dramatically increase
your self-esteem,
attractiveness and confidence;
- Live your life as a
'chooser' by staying focused on your relationship goals and forever
eliminating fear of rejection;
- Learn how to say
'yes' to what you truly want and 'no' to what you don't want.
Dates: Tuesdays, May 1,
8, 15 and 22,, 2007
Time: 5:30 - 7:00 PM PST / 8:30 - 10:00 PM EST
Place: By telephone from the comfort of your home or
office.
For more information and
to register go to:
www.consciousdatingprogram.com
"If you are single, the
Conscious Dating program is a
must. The concepts are liberating and innovative. As someone who always
struggled with low self-esteem especially around women, this program
helped me understand the importance of self acceptance and
authenticity. I'll never approach dating or relationships the same way
again."
~ Dave
Wagner, Kitchener, ON
Free Conscious
Dating Tele-Clinic
Thursday, May 17,
6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
This is a monthly
conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
-
Feeling stuck?
-
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
- Frustrated
with dating altogether?
-
Want some free advice and coaching?
This Tele-Clinic is for
you!
Led by David Steele,
Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you
find the love of your life and the life that you love.
When:
Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Duration:
90 minutes
How
to Join: It's free! Simply
register here
Thanks so much for being
a Conscious Dating reader
and we look forward to having you join us!
Ask
Our Coaches:
Single vs Separated: Does it Make a Difference?
...Am
I making a mistake by dating someone who is separated? Do you think
I’m wasting my time?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Dear
Coaches,
I met a great guy 4
months ago through an online dating service. We see each other 3 or 4
times each week and almost every weekend. I’m single, 38, and
never married, but want to get married. Ryan is 48 and has two grown
sons who are on their own. He’s been separated from his wife
for about a year. It will probably be another year until their divorce
is finalized because he owns a fairly large company and a lot of real
estate and other assets which complicate matters.
Everything about our
relationship is great, but I don’t know where it’s
going. It seems that everything has to stay in limbo because he
isn’t really single. While we’re both really
enjoying our time together, I’m wondering if this is
affecting the level of intimacy that we can establish together.
Getting married is
important to me. I’ve never been married and want to enjoy
that experience with the right person. I’ve mentioned
marriage a couple of times but we’ve never had any serious
conversations about it. I think I’m sensitive to bringing it
up because I know he’s still married – at least
technically.
My girlfriend says he's
not really available and it would be in my best interest to stop dating
him and find someone who is really single. She also says he’s
probably not going to want to think about marriage as soon as his
divorce is finalized; she’s convinced he’ll want to
enjoy his freedom. Am I making a mistake by dating someone who is
separated? Do you think I’m wasting my time?
Shannon
in Seattle
Lisa responds ...
Congratulations for
identifying what is important to you in a relationship; intimacy,
commitment and marriage. The key to choosing a good long-term
relationship is identifying your needs and then determining whether or
not the relationship is meeting those needs. Even more important is
verbalizing them to your partner. After verbalizing your needs, then
you must determine whether your partner is willing or able to meet
them. If he is committed to meeting them, then you must determine
within what time frame you are willing to wait for them to be met.
Establish timelines; this
will give you some control back. For example, where would you like to
see the relationship in three months, six months and in one year? Use
this vision as your guide to identify whether you are wasting your time
on this relationship. Check in with the relationship at the
three-month, six-month and one-year marker. If you’re not
seeing the results you’re looking for, you may want to
consider finding another partner who is in a better place to provide
what you are seeking in a relationship. Always honor what is most
important to you and never settle for less.
Lisa
A. Fredette | coach@lisafredette.com|
www.lisafredette.com
| 814.594.5817
LeAnn responds …
Have you considered you
may be in the infatuation phase? During this time, friends
and family can provide valuable assistance in noticing your
behavior when you are in the relationship as well as when you
are around him. You seem understanding about the
circumstances surrounding his divorce. He
has a long list of "unfinished business." It
seems like your reasons for not asserting what you
want are due to his unfinished business.
Where are your
requirements for YOU in this relationship? You described what
we refer to as a "mini marriage." It often develops from the
fear of being alone, that we won't be able to find anyone else like
this person, and so we end up settling for less because of beliefs we
have about ourselves.
If you look at your requirements, needs and wants, how does this
relationship match who you are and what you
want? Shannon, it is clear you are excited about this new
relationship and want it to work. How do you fit in with the
way things are going? It might be helpful to discuss the
issues you mentioned with an experienced RCI Coach who can assist you
in evaluating your situation.
LeAnn
O'Neal, MA, MFT
leann@consciousrelating.org
530.676.3847
Cherice responds
…
Two things jump out at me
- your reluctance to discuss marriage and your statement that your
relationship is in “limbo.” This reveals
that you do not give yourself the liberty to be your authentic
self. Is it possible he does not truly know the real
Shannon? If he were to experience your authenticity, how would
he react?
To determine if you are wasting your time, you must evaluate what you
want. If you want to learn a potentially valuable lesson of
why not to get involved with someone who isn’t single, no,
you are not wasting your time. However, if you are looking to
find the love of your life to create a beautiful future together, yes,
you could be wasting your time. Has he ever talked with you
about his previous relationship? If so, was the conversation objective,
or was it one-sided? Does he understand what went wrong in his last
relationship and how to overcome those issues in the
future? This understanding is crucial for both of you because
when understanding is not present, patterns persist.
Pay attention to your girlfriend’s comments. Friends are a
great resource of wisdom throughout the dating process.
Cherice Tyler
redmole@yahoo.com,
804.931.4229
Lori
responds …
I typically advise people
not to date until one year after divorce because they need to spend
time working on the issues that lead to the ending of their marriage.
Once someone starts dating, they stop working on the previous issues
and get very comfortable in a new, exciting relationship. But that's
not really your question, is it? You want to know, if you stick around,
will he marry you? He is spending virtually no time discussing it with
you, has not made any proposals, and has not even acknowledged to you
that he is leaning in that direction; that leads me to believe he is
happy where the relationship is right now.
From your brief
description, what he wants is to continue to date you. Nothing more.
You have an absolute requirement -- marriage. This is what you
want. Find out what he wants. Ask him about his goals, dreams,
and aspirations. If he refuses to sit down and have a serious
discussion about the future, well then, that is your answer. A healthy
response for you is NEXT! Find someone who wants what you
want. Remember, you deserve to get exactly what you want.
Lori S. Rubenstein,
JD, CPC |
lori@attorney-coach.com
| 928.634.0252
Nan responds
…
Four months is a short
time to know someone before marriage. Technically he's not
single, however, the length of his separation and the fact he's openly
dating in front of his children, indicate his commitment to divorce.
You seem desperate for marriage, without knowing your potential life
partner fully. You've mentioned it twice – that you know he's
unavailable to marry. If you left him today, how long would
the process of finding another potential husband take? If you think
it’s a real possibility that he’s "the one," then
what's the benefit to you if you drop him and start prospecting
again?
He has a lot to deal with right now. Divorce and the division
of assets is often a difficult, angry and bitter experience.
He’d probably appreciate your support a lot more than he
would your pressures to marry. His future is so uncertain right now
that future plans are impossible to make. Worst case scenario
– within the year you discover he's not your ideal partner
and you avoid, luckily, a bad marriage. You would still be
able to continue looking for Mr. Right and marriage. Best case scenario
– you both agree you were meant to marry, and enjoy a happy,
long-term future together.
Nan
Einarson |
http://www.make-it-so.ca
nan@make-it-so.ca|
905.728.5882
Sandy responds …
Yes. If your goal is
marriage, you are wasting your time. Do the
math. You’re 38 now. He won’t be
divorced until you’re at least 39—with no guarantee
that the divorce will be final even then. Then, how long would
it take after the divorce was final for you to be married? You
don’t indicate that he has ever said he wants to be married
again. If this divorce process has been long and involved,
there’s every chance he’ll feel burned and
disinterested in remarriage. And even if he should be
interested, wisdom suggests that he needs time to recover from one
marriage before heading into another. So how long are you
willing to wait for something that’s not in any way a sure
thing?
A simple but valid rule of thumb in these cases is to say: When your
divorce is final, call me. In the meantime, I’ll be looking
for someone truly free and ready for a new
relationship. Listen to your girlfriend; let her be support
for you. Find the man you deserve to have: one in a position for a
committed relationship, and who is eager for a committed
relationship—with you!
Sandra
Rohr, M.A. | Your Personal Love Coach
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540
Feature
Article:
Seven Tips for Living a Fulfilled Single Life
by Sandra Rohr, M.A.
Are you living as a
successful single? Or are you single and hating every minute of it?
Do you believe that
simply being single makes you a loser, and that having a partner will
automatically make your life perfect? While it is true that everyone
longs for a loving relationship, there is no reason to live an
unfulfilled life while you are single. And it is totally possible to
live the life you love—even without a partner.
I
have identified the following seven tips that can transform your life.
#1
Adjust your attitude
Attitude is everything.
As long as you think that you can’t be happy alone, you
can’t be. And the good news is that the reverse is also true:
if you think you can be happy alone, you can be! This is not to suggest
that the blues will never hit, but when they do, you have the choice of
how to deal. Okay, if you must, spend a few minutes crying, but then
blow your nose and put on some bouncy music and dance! Call a friend
and talk only about positive things. Do some unexpected nice thing for
another person. See what this will do for your attitude.
#2
Be grateful for every good thing in your life
One of the best pieces of
advice I ever heard is to keep a gratitude journal. I was told that a
simple listing of five things a day for which I am grateful would
change my life; and it did! And here’s the great part:
it’s not necessary to list only big things. Be grateful for
the smallest of life’s pleasures, such as petting a purring
cat, or sipping a cup of hot, fragrant tea. They can have such a
positive effect on us that we immediately begin to draw more good
things to us. It’s the gratitude that counts.
#3
Vision your ideal life
Find a place where you
love to be—perhaps in your favorite outdoor
location—and sit still for a few minutes, just taking in your
surroundings. Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. When
you are in a relaxed, receptive state, begin to dream about what you
want your life to look like in twenty years. Where do you want to be
living? What kind of house do you want to be living in? What work do
you want to be doing? What kind of activities do you want to be doing
when you’re not working? Is travel part of your vision? If
so, where? White, sandy beaches on the Mediterranean? Safaris in
Africa? Dream really big; know that you deserve only the best and dream
it. Write this all down.
#4
Fill your calendar with meaningful activities
Now that you have
envisioned your ideal life, start to implement it immediately. Join an
activist group; help bring about the reversal of global warming. Become
politically active; volunteer to get out the vote. Travel to Spain. Get
tickets for the theatre—or better yet, take an acting class
and get involved in community theatre. Volunteer for Meals on Wheels;
volunteer to read to children at the library. You get the picture.
Focus on your passion and find a way to become involved with it.
#5
Begin an activity that includes being physically active
What have you always
wanted to do? Dance? Swim? Bike? Bowl? No matter; just choose one.
There are many benefits to being physically active, the most obvious
one that physical fitness looks good! And it feels good; just getting
out of the house on a regular basis changes your view of the world.
Moving produces wonderful endorphins that have a positive effect on
your entire outlook. And you never know who you might meet at the
Sierra Club hike!
#6
Deal with your emotional hangovers
If you are still holding
anger from previous relationships, now is the time to let that anger
go. Holding on to anger only serves to poison your life, making you
unpleasant to be around. If you are still angry at your former spouse,
frequently snarling, “My ex!” you are still locked
in a relationship with that person—whether you see him/her or
not, and you are not free to pursue a relationship with another person.
#7
Throw a party
Celebrate your life and
who you are by inviting friends to party with you—with the
admission price of bringing at least one other person with them. Keep
the party simple: have some upbeat music and lots of simple,
inexpensive food. Not only will you have fun planning the party, you
will have fun at the party; you will enlarge your circle of
friends—and no one ever had too many friends!
The best part of this is
not only will you immediately become a successful single, but with the
change you will experience, you are far more likely to attract the
partner you are seeking.
Copyright © 2007
by Sandra Rohr. All rights reserved in all media.
Sandra
Rohr, M.A. | Your Personal Love Coach
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540
Bonus
Article:
5 Minutes to Finding the Love of Your Life
by
Jeff Herring
Are you tired of going
out on several dates with the same person only to discover that this is
not the person for you?
You know how it goes. You
go on a few dates and think, maybe, there is something here for me.
Then you find out this person never wants kids and you do. Another
wasted few weeks – or more!
Find
out in 5 Minutes
What if you could find
out in 5 minutes whether a new person has the potential to be the love
of your life? Would you like to know how to do that? Would that be cool?
One of the important
skillsets in Conscious Dating includes scouting, sorting, screening,
and testing. Scouting is looking around, out in the world, for people
to whom you are attracted. Sorting is having conversations that tell
you whether this is a person worth pursuing. Screening is doing things
together and having longer conversations that tell you whether someone
could be a life partner. Testing is doing life together to see if this
is doable over the long haul.
In the Sorting stage, in
your initial conversations, is where you can potentially find the love
of your life in just five minutes.
Welcome
to the Power Introduction
The power introduction is
a casual conversation with powerful intentions. You don’t
just ask someone a list of questions and judge them on the answers.
Instead, you bring up in casual conversation topics that reflect what
is important to you, and then you pay attention to the kinds of
responses you receive.
For example, if I just
met someone I think I might want to get to know better, I’m
going to mention my two boys and the time I spend doing stuff with
them. If this person responds, “Two boys! How can you stand
that? When do you ever get time to your self?” then I know I
do not want to pursue this any further. If, on the other hand, the
response I receive is, “Wow, how much fun is that! You must
be a really good dad,” then this might be worth pursuing.
This is an example of a
casual conversation with powerful intentions at the sorting level. So
let’s say you and this new person decide to go on a few
dates. You are now at the screening level of getting to know someone.
Through having longer conversations, you can get a sense as to whether
or not this person could be a potential life partner.
You can use the same
strategies while dating. Let’s say travel is really important
to you. For someone to be right for you, he or she would need to share
this interest as well. Imagine you’re on your fourth date and
thinking this relationship could go somewhere. But, when you mention
your love of travel, your date tells you he or she is a homebody and
absolutely hates to travel. Aren’t you glad to find this out
early on rather than stumble on this information five months from now?
At the very least, using
the “casual conversation with powerful intentions”
strategy can save you time. At the very best, this strategy can help
you find the love of your life.
Jeff
Herring, MS, LMFT
www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com
| www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
jeff@jeffherring.com
| 850.580.5333
©2007 Relationship Coaching
Institute
Conscious Dating
Resources
Free monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-seminars
Free
monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-Clinic
New!
Conscious Dating Audio Programs
Visit
our website at www.ConsciousDating.org
for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of
your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life
Partner"
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your
Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship
Success"
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools,
strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
For More
Information
ConsciousDating.org,
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
________________________________________
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
________________________________________
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
Visit
www.ConsciousMating.org
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
________________________________________
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra
Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious
Dating Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
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Copyright 2007 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
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