March 2007

In this issue:

Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

David Steele
Founder,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email

Copyright 2008 by ConsciousDating.org All rights reserved.

Now Available!

Order a copy today for your single friends and family members at www.ConsciousDating.com

Announcements

Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series

First Thursday of each month, free to our subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register here. It's free!

April Program
Thursday, April 5, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate

With Frankie Doiron and special guest, RCI coach Sandra Rohr

We have been asking singles to tell us their biggest challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions about internet dating, so if you've ever wondered how to effectively scout, sort, screen and test to find your life partner on the internet, this program's for you. We've even lined up a guest expert to show you the ropes.

In this program you learn-

• 10 Tips for creating a winning profile
• How to avoid the top 5 pitfalls of internet dating
• How to be the ‘Chooser’ and eliminate feelings of rejection
• Important safety tips (for your profile and when meeting an online date)
• How to sort, screen and test internet dates
• And much more!

Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding programs!

Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.

New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
First Thursday of each month, free for readers of Conscious Dating. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register here. It's free!

Thursday, March 15th, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

This is a monthly conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

• Feeling stuck?
• Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
• Frustrated with dating altogether?
• Want some free advice and coaching?

This Tele-Clinic is for you!

Led by David Steele, Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you find the love of your life and the life that you love.

When: Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Duration: 90 minutes

How to Join: It's free! Simply register here

Thanks so much for being a Conscious Dating reader and we look forward to having you join us!

New! Get Ready for Love Program

For free immediate access to an outstanding audio program Get Ready for Love click here

Get Ready for Love is an introduction to our innovative 4-week Conscious DatingTele-program for singles who are serious about getting ready for love in 2007.

- Live your life fully and authentically, while in alignment with your values and life vision;

- Avoid the repetition of making poor relationship choices;

- Remove the blocks and old behavior patterns that sabotage your relationships;

- Find a partner who is genuinely aligned with who you are and what you want in life;

- Dramatically increase your self-esteem, attractiveness and confidence;

- Live your life as a 'chooser' by staying focused on your relationship goals and forever eliminating fear of rejection;

- Learn how to say 'yes' to what you truly want and 'no' to what you don't want.

Dates: Tuesdays,April 10, 17, 24 and May 1st, 2007
Time: 5:30 - 7:00 PM PST / 8:30 - 10:00 PM EST
Place: By telephone from the comfort of your home or
office.

For more information and to register go to:
www.consciousdatingprogram.com

"If you are single, the Conscious Dating program is a
must. The concepts are liberating and innovative. As someone who always struggled with low self-esteem especially around women, this program helped me understand the importance of self acceptance and authenticity. I'll never approach dating or relationships the same way again."
      ~ Dave Wagner, Kitchener, ON

Ask Our Coaches:
My Dating Project

...I've been told that it's best to continue to date others for at least 3 months while you're dating someone you really like. What do you think?

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches, 

In September 2006, I decided to make dating into a project, with plans to be married by December 31, 2007. For that to occur, I plan to date from one to three men per week, so I can get to know them as friends, and to make sure they match my relationship requirements.

Recently, I've been dating someone for 6 weeks. He appears, so far, to meet most of my requirements. Do I continue to date other men until I find out if he meets ALL of my requirements -- even though I just want to date him at this time?

I've been told that it's best to continue to date others for at least 3 months while you're dating someone you really like. What do you think? What should I do?

Kim in Atlanta

Sandy responds …

This one is really easy -- continue to date others for at least 3 months. Consider these points:

1. One of the relationship traps is the “mini-marriage,” where you rush to be exclusive with someone. When you stop dating others and become exclusive you begin thinking "we" rather than "I." Your mindset is as a couple, rather than "single and available." There is enormous pressure to stay with that person because breaking up feels like a divorce. This pressure, alone, could cause you to overlook red flags that may be present.

2. Six weeks is not long enough to know a person well, and, if you add up all the hours you have spent with him during those 6 weeks, you will see clearly that this is not a great deal of time (and really, 3 months is only 6 weeks more).

3. If it turns out that he disappoints you and you stop seeing him, you won’t be starting back at square one, having to establish dating relationships all over again; instead, you’ll simply be able to continue with the others whom you’ve been dating.

4. Your goal is to build a relationship that will be enduring and satisfying, so patience and discipline will more than pay off in the long run.

Keep your eye on the goal, keep the mindset that you're single and take your time and continue to see others until you know that he meets all of your requirements—even if it takes more than 3 months. My very best to you!

Sandra Rohr, M.A.
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540

Your desire to commit to someone is a strong desire -- maybe as strong as self-preservation. Do you know his requirements? Do you meet them? Has he done similar work with a coach to determine his vision for the future and his relationship requirements -- both which are crucial to relationship success? Are you prepared to love him in the way he needs to be loved? Does he know you well enough, after only six weeks of dating, to know how you need to be loved?

You indicate you've been advised to date other men for at least three months, yet in the interest of self-preservation, I suggest it may be important to maintain a more casual and less committed relationship for as long as it takes to determine the answers to the questions above.

If you move too quickly, you may become caught in the "date-to-mate" or the "mini-marriage" trap, either of which can lead to heartache. These situations pressure you to create a relationship even though you haven't fully validated your requirements or developed enough of a real connection, worthy of commitment, with the other person.

By continuing to date others, you're keeping your options open while still getting to know him, and while continuing to learn more about yourself. I would encourage you to ask God for His wisdom as you proceed in making such an important decision because He loves you and wants the best for you. God bless you.

Michelle Blacksher
www.myspace.com/mastercoachmichelle
m.blacksher@att.net| 503.504.7052

Randy responds …

Every situation is unique, so there is no hard and firm rule.
You have known him for only six weeks, which is a very short time. Three months is about the duration of "infatuation," and so you're still deep in the middle of that stage. Putting all your eggs in his basket with so little information may not be wise.

Even after three months you're still in the "sincere uncertainty" phase, characterized by power struggles and testing. Many relationships fail during this time, and if you cut yourself off from everything you will be hurt unnecessarily. Also, putting all your eggs in one basket makes you not only vulnerable, but more likely to put pressure on him to commit before he is ready. This can create a double jeopardy for the relationship.

Having said that, a lot depends on the individual and where he might be with regard to a relationship. If he's ready for a sincere commitment because he's had experience and sees what a good "fit" you are, then perhaps you can have more eggs in his basket. On the other hand, if he's not ready for a commitment, or wants a commitment out of insecurity, then protecting your eggs seems the wiser course.

Then there's the question of what does it mean to date other men? Does it mean every week? Does it mean sex? How many men? Does coffee once a month with a friend you might be interested in constitute a date? My point is that there are a variety of relationship styles that might work for you - without causing you to feel guilt and without placing you in a vulnerable position that might trigger insecurities.

My advice is not to jump into "Commitment" (note the capital "C") too fast. Instead, make gradual commitments -- nothing too big at first, and nothing you can't keep, even if you may be dating others. Gradual commitments, when kept, build trust more that big commitments which ultimately cannot be kept. Also, I do not favor arbitrary deadlines for measuring relationship progress! I hope this helps.

Randy Hurlburt |www.loveisnotagame.com
randy@loveisnotagame.com| 858. 455.0799

Feature Article:
Making Conscious Choices
Three Keys to Your Success

1. Unconscious (awake but unaware)

This is when you forget where you put your keys, you leave the headlights on and are surprised by a dead battery, you drive past your freeway exit, etc. You're simply not paying attention.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're unconscious, we crash and sink before we see it.

2. Semi-conscious (aware of what's in front of you)

This is when you're sure you know what's what. We believe that our stories (beliefs, interpretations, etc) and our sensory perceptions (see, hear, feel, etc) are true and correct.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're semi-conscious we're aware of the iceberg and truly believe we know how to avoid it, but then we crash and sink because it's larger than we thought.

3. Conscious (aware of the big picture)

This is when we humbly understand that "we don't know what we don't know," and realize that there may be more to a situation than we can see or understand at the time. We are aware of our goal and do our best to learn more about the situation. We examine our options to make the best possible choice.

If life is like an iceberg, when we're conscious, we realize that we need to know more about what's under the surface before making our choices about how to proceed.

Three Keys to Making Conscious Choices

1. Be clear about who you are and what you want.

What's the purpose of your life? What is your Vision for your life, work, and relationships? What are your requirements, needs, and wants in any situation?

Strive to lower the waterline on the iceberg that is your Self, to achieve the clarity you need to be motivated and empowered.

2. Stay focused on what's important to you. Don't settle for less!

Most people "lead lives of quiet desperation." They want to be happy, but don't know how and don't think it's possible. However, the Law of Attraction can work for you or against you; if you expect less, you get less.

Go after what you really want in your life and assume you can find the resources needed to be successful if you're looking for them.

3. Be supportable -- with enough help you can do anything!

We're human, and no-one is successful alone. We need to be conscious of our support needs and proactively seek to get them met. Continually ask yourself what help you need and who can help you.

Wishing you a healthy, happy, and conscious life.

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World. www.ConsciousDating.com

Copyright © 2006 by David Steele.

Bonus Article:
The "Time to Settle Down" Trap
and How to Avoid It

by Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT
________________________________________

Did you know that many people will stay with and even marry someone just because it feels like it's time to get married? Read on to discover the signs of this dating trap, how to avoid it, and what to do instead.

Often we find wisdom in the lyrics of popular songs. In the early seventies, Carly Simon sang:

"But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be"

When you look at the bottom line, the feeling that it's "time" to commit and/or get married is the reason many people do get married. I know it sounds crazy, but in all of my years of working with people in relationships, I know this to be true.

This is what I believe happens. The notion that it's "time to settle down" intersects with who you're dating and you wind up married.

The problem is that you commit as a result of timing, and not because you are well matched. This dating trap results in relationship failure because both people realize they are not aligned on their relationship requirements or needs.

The solution to this trap is to commit when you are ready to commit - when you and the other person are aligned in terms of your values, requirements, needs and wants

You don't need to live out the old Carly Simon song; you get to write your own when you're ready to do so.

Jeff Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com| 678.778.7660

Conscious Dating Resources

Free monthy Conscious Dating Tele-seminars

Free monthy Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

New! Conscious Dating Audio Programs

• Consicous Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
  
• Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1500 Miles Away
  
• Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate in 2007
  
• Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate

Visit our website at www.ConsciousDating.org for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
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Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Visit www.ConsciousMating.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________

Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org

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Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
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