Announcements
Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series
First Thursday of each month, free to our
subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register
here. It's free!
April Program
Thursday,
April 5, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
 Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your
Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
With Frankie Doiron
and special guest, RCI coach Sandra Rohr
We
have been asking
singles to tell us their biggest
challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions
about internet dating, so if you've ever wondered how to effectively
scout, sort, screen and test to find your life partner on the internet,
this program's for you. We've even lined up a guest expert to show you
the ropes.
In
this program you learn-
- 10 Tips for creating a
winning profile
- How to avoid the top 5
pitfalls of internet dating
- How to be the
‘Chooser’ and eliminate feelings of rejection
- Important safety tips
(for your profile and when meeting an online date)
- How to sort, screen
and test internet dates
- And much more!
Mark
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding
programs!
Can't
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
New! Free Conscious Dating
Tele-Clinic
First
Thursday of each month, free for readers of Conscious
Dating. If you've received this
from a friend and wish to join us register
here. It's free!
Thursday,
March 15th, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
This is a monthly
conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
-
Feeling stuck?
-
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
- Frustrated
with dating altogether?
-
Want some free advice and coaching?
This Tele-Clinic is for
you!
Led by David Steele,
Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you
find the love of your life and the life that you love.
When:
Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Duration:
90 minutes
How
to Join: It's free! Simply
register here
Thanks so much for being
a Conscious Dating reader
and we look forward to having you join us!
New! Get Ready for Love Program
For free immediate access
to an outstanding audio program Get
Ready for Love click
here
Get
Ready for Love is an
introduction to our innovative 4-week Conscious
DatingTele-program for singles
who are serious about getting ready for love in 2007.
- Live your life fully
and authentically, while in alignment with your values and life vision;
- Avoid the repetition
of making poor relationship choices;
- Remove the blocks and
old behavior patterns that sabotage your relationships;
- Find a partner who is
genuinely aligned with who you are and what you want in life;
- Dramatically increase
your self-esteem, attractiveness and confidence;
- Live your life as a
'chooser' by staying focused on your relationship goals and forever
eliminating fear of rejection;
- Learn how to say
'yes' to what you truly want and 'no' to what you don't want.
Dates: Tuesdays,April 10,
17, 24 and May 1st, 2007
Time: 5:30 - 7:00 PM PST / 8:30 - 10:00 PM EST
Place: By telephone from the comfort of your home or
office.
For more information and
to register go to:
www.consciousdatingprogram.com
"If you are single, the
Conscious Dating program is a
must. The concepts are liberating and innovative. As someone who always
struggled with low self-esteem especially around women, this program
helped me understand the importance of self acceptance and
authenticity. I'll never approach dating or relationships the same way
again."
~ Dave
Wagner, Kitchener, ON
Ask
Our Coaches:
My Dating Project
...I've
been told that it's best to continue to date others for at least 3
months while you're dating someone you really like. What do you think?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Dear
Coaches,
In September 2006, I
decided to make dating into a project, with plans to be married by
December 31, 2007. For that to occur, I plan to date from one to three
men per week, so I can get to know them as friends, and to make sure
they match my relationship requirements.
Recently, I've been
dating someone for 6 weeks. He appears, so far, to meet most of my
requirements. Do I continue to date other men until I find out if he
meets ALL of my requirements -- even though I just want to date him at
this time?
I've been told that it's
best to continue to date others for at least 3 months while you're
dating someone you really like. What do you think? What should I do?
Kim
in Atlanta
Sandy
responds …
This one is really easy
-- continue to date others for
at least 3 months. Consider
these points:
1. One of the
relationship traps is the “mini-marriage,” where
you rush to be exclusive with someone. When you stop dating others and
become exclusive you begin thinking "we" rather than "I." Your mindset
is as a couple, rather than "single and available." There is enormous
pressure to stay with that person because breaking up feels like a
divorce. This pressure, alone, could cause you to overlook red flags
that may be present.
2. Six weeks is not long
enough to know a person well, and, if you add up all the hours you have
spent with him during those 6 weeks, you will see clearly that this is
not a great deal of time (and really, 3 months is only 6 weeks more).
3. If it turns out that
he disappoints you and you stop seeing him, you won’t be
starting back at square one, having to establish dating relationships
all over again; instead, you’ll simply be able to continue
with the others whom you’ve been dating.
4. Your goal is to build
a relationship that will be enduring and satisfying, so patience and
discipline will more than pay off in the long run.
Keep your eye on the
goal, keep the mindset that you're single and take your time and
continue to see others until you know that he meets all of your
requirements—even if it takes more than 3 months. My very
best to you!
Sandra
Rohr, M.A.
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540
Michelle responds
…
Your desire to commit to
someone is a strong desire -- maybe as strong as self-preservation. Do
you know his requirements? Do you meet them? Has he done similar work
with a coach to determine his vision for the future and his
relationship requirements -- both which are crucial to relationship
success? Are you prepared to love him in the way he needs to be loved?
Does he know you well enough, after only six weeks of dating, to know
how you need to be loved?
You indicate you've been
advised to date other men for at least three months, yet in the
interest of self-preservation, I suggest it may be important to
maintain a more casual and less committed relationship for as long as
it takes to determine the answers to the questions above.
If you move too quickly,
you may become caught in the "date-to-mate" or the "mini-marriage"
trap, either of which can lead to heartache. These situations pressure
you to create a relationship even though you haven't fully validated
your requirements or developed enough of a real connection, worthy of
commitment, with the other person.
By continuing to date
others, you're keeping your options open while still getting to know
him, and while continuing to learn more about yourself. I would
encourage you to ask God for His wisdom as you proceed in making such
an important decision because He loves you and wants the best for you.
God bless you.
Michelle Blacksher
www.myspace.com/mastercoachmichelle
m.blacksher@att.net|
503.504.7052
Randy
responds …
Every situation is
unique, so there is no hard and firm rule.
You have known him for only six weeks, which is a very short time.
Three months is about the duration of "infatuation," and so you're
still deep in the middle of that stage. Putting all your eggs in his
basket with so little information may not be wise.
Even after three months you're still in the "sincere uncertainty"
phase, characterized by power struggles and testing. Many relationships
fail during this time, and if you cut yourself off from everything you
will be hurt unnecessarily. Also, putting all your eggs in one basket
makes you not only vulnerable, but more likely to put pressure on him
to commit before he is ready. This can create a double jeopardy for the
relationship.
Having said that, a lot depends on the individual and where he might be
with regard to a relationship. If he's ready for a sincere commitment
because he's had experience and sees what a good "fit" you are, then
perhaps you can have more eggs in his basket. On the other hand, if
he's not ready for a commitment, or wants a commitment out of
insecurity, then protecting your eggs seems the wiser course.
Then there's the question of what does it mean to date other men? Does
it mean every week? Does it mean sex? How many men? Does coffee once a
month with a friend you might be interested in constitute a date? My
point is that there are a variety of relationship styles that might
work for you - without causing you to feel guilt and without placing
you in a vulnerable position that might trigger insecurities.
My advice is not to jump
into "Commitment" (note the capital "C") too fast. Instead, make
gradual commitments -- nothing too big at first, and nothing you can't
keep, even if you may be dating others. Gradual commitments, when kept,
build trust more that big commitments which ultimately cannot be kept.
Also, I do not favor arbitrary deadlines for measuring relationship
progress! I hope this helps.
Randy
Hurlburt |www.loveisnotagame.com
randy@loveisnotagame.com|
858. 455.0799
Relationship Readiness
Quiz
Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org?
Enjoy the quiz as well as other Conscious Dating resources developed by
RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor
Feature
Article:
Making Conscious Choices
Three Keys to Your Success
by David Steele, MA, LMFT
CEO and Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute
________________________________________
Our life, relationships, and our planet would work so much better if
all choices were conscious. What does it mean to be '"conscious?" To
illustrate, I propose the following three levels of consciousness:
1.
Unconscious (awake
but unaware)
This is when you forget
where you put your keys, you leave the headlights on and are surprised
by a dead battery, you drive past your freeway exit, etc. You're simply
not paying attention.
If life is like an
iceberg, when we're unconscious, we crash and sink before we see it.
2.
Semi-conscious (aware of what's in front of you)
This is when you're sure
you know what's what. We believe that our stories (beliefs,
interpretations, etc) and our sensory perceptions (see, hear, feel,
etc) are true and correct.
If life is like an
iceberg, when we're semi-conscious we're aware of the iceberg and truly
believe we know how to avoid it, but then we crash and sink because
it's larger than we thought.
3.
Conscious (aware of the big picture)
This is when we humbly
understand that "we don't know what we don't know," and realize that
there may be more to a situation than we can see or understand at the
time. We are aware of our goal and do our best to learn more about the
situation. We examine our options to make the best possible choice.
If life is like an
iceberg, when we're conscious, we realize that we need to know more
about what's under the surface before making our choices about how to
proceed.
Three Keys to Making Conscious Choices
1.
Be clear about who you are and what you want.
What's the purpose of
your life? What is your Vision for your life, work, and relationships?
What are your requirements, needs, and wants in any situation?
Strive to lower the
waterline on the iceberg that is your Self, to achieve the clarity you
need to be motivated and empowered.
2.
Stay focused on what's important to you. Don't settle for less!
Most people "lead lives
of quiet desperation." They want to be happy, but don't know how and
don't think it's possible. However, the Law of Attraction can work for
you or against you; if you expect less, you get less.
Go after what you really
want in your life and assume you can find the resources needed to be
successful if you're looking for them.
3.
Be supportable -- with enough help you can do anything!
We're human, and no-one
is successful alone. We need to be conscious of our support needs and
proactively seek to get them met. Continually ask yourself what help
you need and who can help you.
Wishing you a healthy,
happy, and conscious life.
David
Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of
Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new
book for singles Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
www.ConsciousDating.com
Copyright © 2006
by David Steele.
Bonus
Article:
The "Time to Settle Down" Trap
and How to Avoid It
by
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT
________________________________________
Did you know that many people will stay with and even marry someone
just because it feels like it's
time
to get married? Read on to discover the signs of this dating trap, how
to avoid it, and what to do instead.
Often we find wisdom in
the lyrics of popular songs. In the early seventies, Carly Simon sang:
"But
you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be"
When you look at the
bottom line, the feeling that it's "time" to commit and/or get married
is the reason many people do get married. I know it sounds crazy, but
in all of my years of working with people in relationships, I know this
to be true.
This is what I believe
happens. The notion that it's "time to settle down" intersects with who
you're dating and you wind up married.
The problem is that you
commit as a result of timing,
and not because you are well matched. This dating trap results in
relationship failure because both people realize they are not aligned
on their relationship requirements or needs.
The solution to this trap
is to commit when you are ready to commit - when you and the other
person are aligned in terms of your values, requirements, needs and
wants
You don't need to live
out the old Carly Simon song; you get to write your own when you're
ready to do so.
Jeff
Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com|
678.778.7660
Conscious Dating
Resources
Free monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-seminars
Free
monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-Clinic
New!
Conscious Dating Audio Programs
Visit
our website at www.ConsciousDating.org
for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of
your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life
Partner"
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your
Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship
Success"
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools,
strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
For
More Information
ConsciousDating.org,
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
________________________________________
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
________________________________________
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
Visit
www.ConsciousMating.org
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
________________________________________
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links
to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra
Kachaturoff | Editor,
ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
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Institute
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Copyright 2007 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
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