June 2007

In this issue:

Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

David Steele
Founder,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email

Copyright 2008 by ConsciousDating.org All rights reserved.

Now Available!

Order a copy today for your single friends and family members at www.ConsciousDating.com

Announcements

Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series

First Thursday of each month, f`ree to our subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register here. It's f`ree!

June Program
Thursday, June 7, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Conscious Dating Strategies:
Where to Find Your Soul Mate

With David Steele,
Frankie Doiron
and special guest, RCI Coach Jack Cook

We've been asking singles to tell us their biggest challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions about where to meet your soul mate.

If you've ever wondered where to find that special someone, then this program's for you! We've even lined up a special guest expert to share his insights.

In this program you learn-

• Your attitude makes or breaks your potential for success, no matter where you look for a partner

• 5 key principles that will help you find your soul mate

• 4 levels of attraction venues and why you need to show up in all 4 to maximize your chances of meeting your special love

• The specific social and dating skills you need for each level of attraction venue

• How to effectively apply the “Rule of Three” to engage and connect with a potential date

• Why flirting skills are an essential part of every single’s toolkit

• And much more!

Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding program!

Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.

Conscious RelationshipTele-Seminar Series

Each month we strive to bring you the best relationship information from top experts F`REE to our subscribers!

June Program
Thursday, June 14, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

The Chemistry of Love

With Helen Fisher, Ph.D.

We are excited to feature pioneering anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher who will share her as-yet-unpublished research (unless you count the June issue of Oprah Magazine) proposing Four Love Types, the neuro-chemicals that determine each type, and the role of these four types in relationship compatibility.

In this program you will learn:

• Four love types found in all romantic relationships
• The role of neuro-chemicals in determining each type
• Compatibility strengths and weaknesses of each type
• How to determine your Love Type
• Which types you're compatible with and how to spot them

No need to register! To access this seminar use this link-
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminar.com

As a subscriber you will receive reminders a few days prior and the day of the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available f`ree at www.consciousrelationshippodcast.com

F`ree Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
Thursday, June 21, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

This is a monthly conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

• Feeling stuck?
• Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
• Frustrated with dating altogether?
• Want some free advice and coaching?

This Tele-Clinic is for you!

Led by David Steele, Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you find the love of your life and the life that you love.

When: Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Duration: 90 minutes

How to Join: It's f`ree! Simply register here

Thanks so much for being a Conscious Dating reader and we look forward to having you join us!

Ask Our Coaches:
Love the Girl, Hate the Parents

...Love the girl, hate the parents. What's your advice?

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches, 

I’m a 32 year-old business manager, never married, and dating a 30 year-old elementary schoolteacher. We’ve been dating for 4 months. I’m in love with her, but I haven’t told her yet because I’m taking my time, not rushing into things, and also I don’t want to influence her feelings by telling her this too soon. She’s definitely hinted along the lines of marriage, however.

I’ve worked with an RCI coach last year so I feel I’m very tuned in to my requirements, needs, and wants. She definitely fits my requirements and is the type of woman with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to propose marriage, with at least a year engagement, to ensure things are what they appear to be now. There’s only one thing holding me back. And, it’s holding me back enough that I’m thinking I just need to completely leave this relationship --permanently. It’s her parents! I really don’t like them.

They are abrasive, complainers, and they don’t seem to really like me much. I can’t figure out how they managed to raise such a wonderful, kind-hearted, happy daughter because they don’t seem to share any of those qualities. I never really addressed the “parents” issue with my RCI coach because I never thought it would be an issue when dating. Love the girl, hate the parents. What's your advice?

Andrew from West Palm Beach

Congratulations on clarifying your requirements, needs and wants, on taking your time and not rushing too far too fast. Regarding the "parents" issue, what's underneath your reluctance to bring it up? Fear of your friend's reaction, fear that she may choose her parents over you if she feels she has to make a choice, or...?

It's important that you have this open and honest conversation earlier rather than later. If there's any underlying psychodynamic issue that may be in play here, it's better to expose it up front. You will discover whether your friend has psychologically and emotionally separated from her family of origin or is emotionally tied to them in some way that may impact her relationship with you, i.e., whether you come first in her life, or third (after her parents). 

Her response to your perspective about her parents will tutor your decision as to whether you want to pursue this relationship. It's time you outed the elephant in the room and then see the effect that your comments about her parents have on her and thus on your relationship.

If she does have deep emotional ties to her family, feels guilty about agreeing with your perspective (even if you are correct), or feels you are criticizing her because you are criticizing her parents, additional "work" is necessary for her if she is to otherwise emotionally and psychologically separate from her parents and move out into the world and the world of healthy relationship.

Peter Vajda, Ph.D., C.P.C. | pvajda@spiritheart.net | 770.804.9125

Bravo! You are applying conscious relating skills when a "red flag" brings up feelings of wanting to leave the relationship. This is an opportunity to explore your level of commitment and how this relationship fits your vision of partnership. Parents have been part of the deal in her life and this "red flag" may or may not be a "deal breaker." Have you communicated your concerns to her? Have you asked her about how she sees a relationship between you and her parents?

There is hope and more to explore. You both may be able to develop boundaries with her parents that work quite well for your relationship. As you describe her, she seems capable of discovering with you how to move forward. Of course, your RCI Coach can be helpful in assisting both of you in exploring your relationship further.

LeAnn O'Neal, MA, MFT | http://leannoneal.com |
leann@leannoneal.com | 530.676.3847

There are two issues to consider. First, we are, in large part, a product of our parents and any others, e.g., grandparents, who were our primary caretakers as children. Chances are she has some of her parents' traits, though you may or may not have seen them yet.

Since we are attracted to potential partners who remind us in some way of our own caretakers, some of her qualities may remind you of some parts of your own parents or caretakers. Second, however, many of us grow up with difficult parents, and many of us make choices to be different than our parents, even if it takes professional help to do that. What is this woman's attitude toward her parents? Does she see their flaws or does she admire them?

If your relationship continues to move forward, you need to express your concerns. Don't end the relationship and keep her in the dark. Listen carefully to her responses and let those responses guide your decision. Good luck.

Ken Sprang | ksprang@piw-dc.com | 301.907.3377, ext. 3

Michelle responds …

It sounds as though you have done some good work with your RCI coach and have set some healthy boundaries.  Good job!
 
Have you spoken with your love about her parents and her relationship with them? Have you discussed how she ended up to be a different type of person or about how she feels when they are abrasive, complaining, or indicate they don’t seem to like you? Have you inquired as to what you can do to support her to continue to make positive choices?
 
Of course, you can ask her these questions in a way that does not put her parents down, but affirms her choices in how she wants to live her life.
 
You may also want to ask her about her parents’ background and why she thinks they may have made the choices they have.  This will not change them, but it may change the way you look at them and help you to understand.  I have found the book, “The Blessing,” by Gary Smalley and John Trent to be helpful in my life to bring about positive changes in some negative family relationships.
 
You may also want to work a bit more with your RCI coach, as your love sounds as though she is worth the effort.

Michelle Blacksher | m.blacksher@att.net | 503.504.7052

There is an old adage: You don’t marry just the person; you marry their whole family. And there is certainly some truth to this. As difficult at it may be at the moment, it’s time for you to have a frank discussion with your partner about her parents. If, as you say, she is wonderful and kind-hearted, she may be aware of her parents’ qualities—and may deplore them as much as you do. That could mean that she is willing to keep her parents at a distance—but not necessarily so. They are still her parents.

You need to explore with her just what her vision is regarding contact with her family. If you would be living at a great distance from them and see them only rarely, you could probably suck it up for a short period. On the other hand, if she envisions them being a daily part of her life, that would be another matter entirely.

From what you say, it sounds as though your life vision includes a warm extended-family relationship with both sets of parents, and it is possible that this person is not your match. I commend you for seeing the importance of this issue, as well as knowing your own bottom line.

Sandra Rohr, M.A. | Your Personal Love Coach
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540

Feature Article:
Interview with Relationship Coach
Sandra Rohr, M.A.

Tara: Who do you coach in your practice?

Sandy: Mostly mature people—both men and women—35 and up. I was widowed at 52 and thought I’d never again have a romantic partner, so I can empathize with those who feel somewhat chewed up by the dating/mating scene. Now I can offer a helping hand to empower them to find a new relationship.

I like to work with people who have some life experience and who have been doing personal growth work; they are most open to the idea of dating and mating consciously—and they are unwilling to settle for second-best.

Also, I have a great deal of experience with internet dating, and I think the internet is a great way to meet potential dates. With my experience in a former life as an English teacher, I can help people write a winning profile and get it posted to the internet. Then I can coach them through the issues that come with internet dating. I also have a f.ree 5-part e-course on Posting a Winning Profile, which is available on my website.

Although I feel I have a natural gift for coaching and have been doing it for most of my life, I’ve officially been a life coach for about 5 years and a relationship coach for the past 3.

Tara: What are some of the common issues you address with your clients?

Sandy: One of the greatest obstacles mature singles face is their own fear. Many of them have been in multiple relationships and those relationships have ended painfully, so they’re afraid to even dream of finding a satisfying, blissful relationship that will last. And many women have heard the “statistic” that a woman over 50 is about as likely to marry as to be struck by lightning, and they fear that they will never be “struck.”

And because the law of attraction is at work, their fears become self-fulfilling prophecies; when they become conscious of this law, they are able to see how they have been attracting either the wrong lover or no lover at all. My work then is to teach and coach them in the law of attraction so they can use it to attract what they want. Of course, they also need to do the work of determining just what it is that they want in a relationship.

A recent client tried for years to understand why she couldn’t attract a partner. She is an attractive woman in her 40’s and lives a successful single life. That is, she is entirely self-supporting, and she fills her life with activities and relationships that are meaningful to her. But she’s come to the conclusion that something she can’t identify is keeping her from the relationship she really wants.

When we talk, the one thing I hear over and over is that she has this block, and she doesn’t know what to do about it. Recently, I pointed out that every time she focuses on this block, she gives it more power, and it becomes stronger. Her work now is to turn her gaze away from the why not to what she wants and to using the law of attraction to bring that to her.

Tara: What do you think is the reason most singles can't find the love of their life?

Sandy: Most singles go about seeking a mate unconsciously. They’ve bought into our society’s myths that the way to find love is to meet someone attractive, and when the fun and the hormones line up, to believe that this must be real love, destined to last forever. Of course, our divorce rate tells us that this isn’t working so well.

Being conscious as a seeker involves knowing ourselves deeply, and knowing what our core being demands as bottom-line aspects in a relationship. When we’re armed with self-knowledge, we can combine head and heart to find exciting chemistry with someone who meets our requirements!

Tara: What is one of the biggest mistakes singles make as they start a new relationship?

Sandy: Rushing into a relationship. Becoming a couple too soon. It’s important to avoid the “mini-marriage,” where couples become exclusive before they’re really sure that this relationship is really right for them. Often, one of the partners is less committed than the other, and the more committed partner often winds up hurt.

It’s important to go slowly, enjoying the journey, paying attention to how well the other person meets our absolute bottom-line requirements. Then it’s important that both people be on the same page in terms of commitment to the relationship and to each other.

Sandra Rohr, M.A., is a certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in helping singles to connect with their life partners, and couples to establish and maintain strong relationships.  Hear Sandy's workshop on How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com

Bonus Article:
Conscious Dating: Being Commit-able

by Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT

Dating regularly does not mean that you are commit-able. Dating regularly can just mean that you are dating regularly. Some people date recreationally, some people date to look for a life partner, and others date for still other reasons.

Are You Commit-able?

If you are dating to look for a life partner, then you need to be commit-able. What does commit-able mean?

It does not mean that you need to be committed to a mental institution, even though that is what it sounds like. Being commit-able does mean that you are ready and available for commitment. This means you are emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually ready.

If you are dating to seek your life partner and are not ready and available for commitment, two things are going to happen:

1. You are going to get confused,
2. And, so is the person you are dating.

Get Clear

When what you say you want doesn’t align with what is really going on inside of you, you can’t help but send mixed messages. To be ready for commitment, you need to bring your heart into alignment with your words.

You need to get clear within yourself on what you really want. If you are still healing from a past relationship and just want to date recreationally, that is perfectly acceptable -- just be clear about it – to yourself and to your partner.

When you’re clear about what you truly want for yourself, then it’s easier to find who and what you are looking for. When you’re clear about what you want from a relationship, you’ll be able to communicate that more clearly to someone else and increase your chances of finding a relationship that’s right for the both of you.

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT     
www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com | www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
jeff@jeffherring.com  |  850.580.5333

©2007 Relationship Coaching Institute

Conscious Dating Resources

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-seminars

F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

New! Conscious Dating Audio Programs

• Consicous Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
  
• Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1500 Miles Away
  
• Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate in 2007
  
• Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate

Visit our website at www.ConsciousDating.org for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
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Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Visit www.ConsciousMating.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious Dating Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
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Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org

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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
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