First Thursday of each month, f`ree to our
subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register
here. It's f`ree!
June 7, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Where to Find Your Soul Mate
With David Steele,
and special guest, RCI Coach Jack Cook
We've been asking
singles to tell us their biggest
challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions
about where to meet your soul mate.
you've ever wondered where to find that special someone, then this
program's for you! We've even lined up a special guest expert to share
this program you learn-
• Your attitude makes or breaks your potential for success, no
matter where you look for a partner
• 5 key
principles that will help you find your soul mate
• 4 levels of
attraction venues and why you need to show up in all 4 to maximize your
chances of meeting your special love
• The specific
social and dating skills you need for each level of attraction venue
• How to
effectively apply the “Rule of Three” to engage and
connect with a potential date
• Why flirting
skills are an essential part of every single’s toolkit
• And much
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
Each month we strive to bring you the best
relationship information from top experts F`REE to our subscribers!
June 14, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern
The Chemistry of Love
We are excited to feature
pioneering anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher who will share her
as-yet-unpublished research (unless you count the June issue of Oprah
Magazine) proposing Four
Love Types, the
neuro-chemicals that determine each type, and the role of these four
types in relationship compatibility.
this program you will learn:
- Four love types found
in all romantic relationships
- The role of
neuro-chemicals in determining each type
strengths and weaknesses of each type
- How to determine your
- Which types you're
compatible with and how to spot them
No need to register! To
access this seminar use this link-
As a subscriber you will
receive reminders a few days prior and the day of the seminar.
Can't attend? No problem.
The recordings of all our programs are available f`ree at www.consciousrelationshippodcast.com
Thursday, June 21,
6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
This is a monthly
conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
with dating altogether?
Want some free advice and coaching?
This Tele-Clinic is for
Led by David Steele,
Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you
find the love of your life and the life that you love.
Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
to Join: It's f`ree! Simply
Thanks so much for being
a Conscious Dating reader
and we look forward to having you join us!
Love the Girl, Hate the Parents
the girl, hate the parents. What's your advice?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
I’m a 32
year-old business manager, never married, and dating a 30 year-old
elementary schoolteacher. We’ve been dating for 4 months.
I’m in love with her, but I haven’t told her yet
because I’m taking my time, not rushing into things, and also
I don’t want to influence her feelings by telling her this
too soon. She’s definitely hinted along the lines of
with an RCI coach last year so I feel I’m very tuned in to my
requirements, needs, and wants. She definitely fits my requirements and
is the type of woman with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I
want to propose marriage, with at least a year engagement, to ensure
things are what they appear to be now. There’s only one thing
holding me back. And, it’s holding me back enough that
I’m thinking I just need to completely leave this
relationship --permanently. It’s her parents! I really
don’t like them.
They are abrasive,
complainers, and they don’t seem to really like me much. I
can’t figure out how they managed to raise such a wonderful,
kind-hearted, happy daughter because they don’t seem to share
any of those qualities. I never really addressed the
“parents” issue with my RCI coach because I never
thought it would be an issue when dating. Love the girl, hate the
parents. What's your advice?
from West Palm Beach
clarifying your requirements, needs and wants, on taking your time and
not rushing too far too fast. Regarding the "parents" issue, what's
underneath your reluctance to bring it up? Fear of your friend's
reaction, fear that she may choose her parents over you if she feels
she has to make a choice, or...?
It's important that you
have this open and honest conversation earlier rather than later. If
there's any underlying psychodynamic issue that may be in play here,
it's better to expose it up front. You will discover whether your
friend has psychologically and emotionally separated from her family of
origin or is emotionally tied to them in some way that may impact her
relationship with you, i.e., whether you come first in her life, or
third (after her parents).
Her response to your
perspective about her parents will tutor your decision as to whether
you want to pursue this relationship. It's time you outed the elephant
in the room and then see the effect that your comments about her
parents have on her and thus on your relationship.
If she does have deep
emotional ties to her family, feels guilty about agreeing with your
perspective (even if you are correct), or feels you are criticizing her
because you are criticizing her parents, additional "work" is necessary
for her if she is to otherwise emotionally and psychologically separate
from her parents and move out into the world and the world of healthy
Peter Vajda, Ph.D.,
C.P.C. | firstname.lastname@example.org
LeAnn responds …
Bravo! You are applying
conscious relating skills when a "red flag" brings up feelings of
wanting to leave the relationship. This is an opportunity to explore
your level of commitment and how this relationship fits your vision of
partnership. Parents have been part of the deal in her life and this
"red flag" may or may not be a "deal breaker." Have you communicated
your concerns to her? Have you asked her about how she sees a
relationship between you and her parents?
There is hope and more to
explore. You both may be able to develop boundaries with her parents
that work quite well for your relationship. As you describe her, she
seems capable of discovering with you how to move forward. Of course,
your RCI Coach can be helpful in assisting both of you in exploring
your relationship further.
O'Neal, MA, MFT | http://leannoneal.com
There are two issues to
consider. First, we are, in large part, a product of our parents and
any others, e.g., grandparents, who were our primary caretakers as
children. Chances are she has some of her parents' traits, though you
may or may not have seen them yet.
Since we are attracted to
potential partners who remind us in some way of our own caretakers,
some of her qualities may remind you of some parts of your own parents
or caretakers. Second, however, many of us grow up with difficult
parents, and many of us make choices to be different than our parents,
even if it takes professional help to do that. What is this woman's
attitude toward her parents? Does she see their flaws or does she
If your relationship continues to move forward, you need to express
your concerns. Don't end the relationship and keep her in the dark.
Listen carefully to her responses and let those responses guide your
decision. Good luck.
Sprang | email@example.com
| 301.907.3377, ext. 3
It sounds as though you
have done some good work with your RCI coach and have set some healthy
boundaries. Good job!
Have you spoken with your love about her parents and her relationship
with them? Have you discussed how she ended up to be a different type
of person or about how she feels when they are abrasive, complaining,
or indicate they don’t seem to like you? Have you inquired as
to what you can do to support her to continue to make positive choices?
Of course, you can ask her these questions in a way that does not put
her parents down, but affirms her choices in how she wants to live her
You may also want to ask her about her parents’ background
and why she thinks they may have made the choices they have.
This will not change them, but it may change the way you look at them
and help you to understand. I have found the book,
“The Blessing,” by Gary Smalley and John Trent to
be helpful in my life to bring about positive changes in some negative
You may also want to work a bit more with your RCI coach, as your love
sounds as though she is worth the effort.
Blacksher | firstname.lastname@example.org
Sandy responds …
There is an old adage:
You don’t marry just the person; you marry their whole
family. And there is certainly some truth to this. As difficult at it
may be at the moment, it’s time for you to have a frank
discussion with your partner about her parents. If, as you say, she is
wonderful and kind-hearted, she may be aware of her parents’
qualities—and may deplore them as much as you do. That could
mean that she is willing to keep her parents at a
distance—but not necessarily so. They are still her parents.
You need to explore with
her just what her vision is regarding contact with her family. If you
would be living at a great distance from them and see them only rarely,
you could probably suck it up for a short period. On the other hand, if
she envisions them being a daily part of her life, that would be
another matter entirely.
From what you say, it
sounds as though your life vision includes a warm extended-family
relationship with both sets of parents, and it is possible that this
person is not your match. I commend you for seeing the importance of
this issue, as well as knowing your own bottom line.
Rohr, M.A. | Your Personal Love Coach
Interview with Relationship Coach
Sandra Rohr, M.A.
Who do you coach in your practice?
Mostly mature people—both men and women—35 and up.
I was widowed at 52 and thought I’d never again have a
romantic partner, so I can empathize with those who feel somewhat
chewed up by the dating/mating scene. Now I can offer a helping hand to
empower them to find a new relationship.
I like to work with
people who have some life experience and who have been doing personal
growth work; they are most open to the idea of dating and mating
consciously—and they are unwilling to settle for second-best.
Also, I have a great deal
of experience with internet dating, and I think the internet is a great
way to meet potential dates. With my experience in a former life as an
English teacher, I can help people write a winning profile and get it
posted to the internet. Then I can coach them through the issues that
come with internet dating. I also have a f.ree 5-part e-course on
Posting a Winning Profile, which is available on my website.
Although I feel I have a
natural gift for coaching and have been doing it for most of my life,
I’ve officially been a life coach for about 5 years and a
relationship coach for the past 3.
What are some of the
common issues you address with your clients?
One of the greatest obstacles mature singles face is their own fear.
Many of them have been in multiple relationships and those
relationships have ended painfully, so they’re afraid to even
dream of finding a satisfying, blissful relationship that will last.
And many women have heard the “statistic” that a
woman over 50 is about as likely to marry as to be struck by lightning,
and they fear that they will never be “struck.”
And because the law of
attraction is at work, their fears become self-fulfilling prophecies;
when they become conscious of this law, they are able to see how they
have been attracting either the wrong lover or no lover at all. My work
then is to teach and coach them in the law of attraction so they can
use it to attract what they want. Of course, they also need to do the
work of determining just what it is that they want in a relationship.
A recent client tried for
years to understand why she couldn’t attract a partner. She
is an attractive woman in her 40’s and lives a successful
single life. That is, she is entirely self-supporting, and she fills
her life with activities and relationships that are meaningful to her.
But she’s come to the conclusion that something she
can’t identify is keeping her from the relationship she
When we talk, the one
thing I hear over and over is that she has this block, and she
doesn’t know what to do about it. Recently, I pointed out
that every time she focuses on this block, she gives it more power, and
it becomes stronger. Her work now is to turn her gaze away from the why
not to what she wants and to using the law of attraction to bring that
What do you think is
the reason most singles can't find the love of their life?
Most singles go about seeking a mate unconsciously. They’ve
bought into our society’s myths that the way to find love is
to meet someone attractive, and when the fun and the hormones line up,
to believe that this must be real love, destined to last forever. Of
course, our divorce rate tells us that this isn’t working so
Being conscious as a
seeker involves knowing ourselves deeply, and knowing what our core
being demands as bottom-line aspects in a relationship. When
we’re armed with self-knowledge, we can combine head and
heart to find exciting chemistry with someone who meets our
What is one of the biggest mistakes singles make as they start a new
Rushing into a relationship. Becoming a couple too soon. It’s
important to avoid the “mini-marriage,” where
couples become exclusive before they’re really sure that this
relationship is really right for them. Often, one of the partners is
less committed than the other, and the more committed partner often
winds up hurt.
to go slowly, enjoying the journey, paying attention to how well the
other person meets our absolute bottom-line requirements. Then
it’s important that both people be on the same page in terms
of commitment to the relationship and to each other.
Sandra Rohr, M.A., is a
certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in
helping singles to connect with their life partners, and couples to
establish and maintain strong relationships. Hear Sandy's
workshop on How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at
Conscious Dating: Being Commit-able
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT
Dating regularly does not
mean that you are commit-able. Dating regularly can just mean that you
are dating regularly. Some people date recreationally, some people date
to look for a life partner, and others date for still other reasons.
If you are dating to look
for a life partner, then you need to be commit-able. What does
It does not mean that you
need to be committed to a mental institution, even though that is what
it sounds like. Being commit-able does mean that you are ready and
available for commitment. This means you are emotionally, physically,
financially and spiritually ready.
If you are dating to seek
your life partner and are not ready and available for commitment, two
things are going to happen:
1. You are going to get
2. And, so is the person you are dating.
When what you say you
want doesn’t align with what is really going on inside of
you, you can’t help but send mixed messages. To be ready for
commitment, you need to bring your heart into alignment with your words.
You need to get clear
within yourself on what you really want. If you are still healing from
a past relationship and just want to date recreationally, that is
perfectly acceptable -- just be clear about it – to yourself
and to your partner.
clear about what you truly want for yourself, then it’s
easier to find who and what you are looking for. When you’re
clear about what you want from a relationship, you’ll be able
to communicate that more clearly to someone else and increase your
chances of finding a relationship that’s right for the both
Herring, MS, LMFT
©2007 Relationship Coaching
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
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