Welcome!
This newsletter is
designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Announcements
New! Free Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series for Singles
March Program
Thursday,
March 1, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
With Frankie Doiron and David Steele
We
have been asking
singles to tell us their biggest
challenges with Conscious Dating and the overwhelming number of
responses mention how difficult it is to find love after 50, especially
for women.
So
join Frankie and myself as we tackle the biggest, most vexing problem
facing singles today- how to find love after 50.
Our
brand new Conscious
Dating Tele-Seminar Series for
Singles meets the first Thursday of each month.
Mark
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding
programs!
Can't
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
New! Free Conscious Dating
Tele-Clinic
Thursday, February
15th, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
This is a monthly
conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
-
Feeling stuck?
-
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
- Frustrated
with dating altogether?
-
Want some free advice and coaching?
This Tele-Clinic is for
you!
Led by David Steele,
Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you
find the love of your life and the life that you love.
When:
Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Duration:
90 minutes
How
to Join: It's free! Simply
register here
Thanks so much for being
a Conscious Dating reader
and we look forward to having you join us!
New! Conscious Dating Spot Coaching
Now Available
- Feeling
Stuck?
- Want
Expert Help NOW?
Conscious Dating Spot
Coaching is a one-time consultation to address a specific problem or
challenge you're experiencing with dating and relationships.
Sometimes, when you're
feeling stuck, there's no substitute for the life-changing clarity that
a conversation with a good coach can provide. Some of our clients have
told us that one hour of coaching can be more effective than ten years
of therapy!
Your
satisfaction is 100% guaranteed and you will receive a full refund if
you are not satisfied that you received the best value possible.
www.ConsciousDatingSpotCoaching.com
Free Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series:
February Program
Thursday,
February 8, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern
How to Improve Your
Marriage Without Talking About It
with Steven
Stosny, Ph.D.
Men are right. The "relationship talk" does
not help. In this program Dr.
Steven Stosny reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
- Love is not
about better communication. It's about connection.
- You'll never get a
closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to
one of your girlfriends.
- Male emotions are like
women's sexuality: you can't be too direct too quickly.
There
are four ways to connect with a man:
- Touch
- Activity
- Sex
- Routines
Men want closer
marriages just as much as women do, but not if they have to act like a
woman.
Talking makes women move closer; it makes men move away.
The
secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life.
In
this teleseminar you will learn:
- The same
vulnerabilities that bring us together tear us apart
- Why we fight
- The worst thing a
woman does to a man
- The worst thing a man
does to a woman
- The Power Love
Formula: 4 3/4 minutes a day to a powerful relationship
No need to register! As a
subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number
needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.
Can't attend? No problem.
The recordings of all our programs are available free at www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com
Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year
You are invited to join us for a very special Valentine's Day
conference call-
Wednesday, February
14th, Noon pacific/3:00pm eastern
For
the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World
we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious
Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.
And,
you'll meet the winners who will share their stories of how they used
conscious dating principles and strategies to find their soul mate.
Bonus
gift for all who join us for this special event!
Watch your e-mail inbox for your invitation with the bridge number
needed to join.
Ask
Our Coaches:
When is age a problem?
Generally,
women outlive men and chances are that I could end up alone,
again, in 15 years ...
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com.
She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Question
for August: When is age a problem?
Dear
Coaches,
I'm in my late forties,
recently divorced, and I just started dating a gentleman who is 60. I
didn't know his true age when we started dating. I like him a lot. We
enjoy each other and our values are very similar. He's a gentleman,
funny, intelligent, adventurous and family oriented, all things I like
very much.
His age is a concern to
me. Generally, women outlive men and chances are that I could end up
alone, again, in 15 years. I know that it can happen anyway, regardless
of his age. I haven't seen him in several weeks and I would like (and
need) more connection with him (seeing him more frequently). He calls
and emails me often, however. What should I do? Should I tell him my
concerns?
Margaret
in Minneapolis
Ken
responds …
Remember the words of the
poet, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at
all." As you acknowledge in your letter, statistically, you will
outlive your friend, but you could also die long before he does. If we
try to live our lives by statistics and “what ifs,”
we become paralyzed and can miss much that life has to offer.
I strongly recommend you
speak candidly with this gentleman. Tell him how much you like him,
value him, and enjoy his company. Tell him about your fears,
acknowledging that the fears are all yours -- they really have nothing
to do with him. If he cares for you, "fears and all," then carpe diem,
seize the day, and see where this journey leads.
If the relationship
blossoms into a long-term commitment, you can be thankful that you took
a risk that brought you great happiness. If the relationship ends, you
can also be thankful you had the courage to take a risk that took you
further along your life journey. You have little to lose and everything
to gain.
Ken
Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
ken@bcccounseling.com|
301.907.3377, ext. 3
Barbara
responds …
Age is only an issue if
we make it one by choosing a negative perspective. It is never what
happens to us that is most important; it is how we choose to react to
what happens to us. “Youth is a gift; aging is an
art!”
Appreciation
for all we hold dear, and mindfulness,
living each moment without regrets from the past or fears of the
future, makes aging a delightful process. Age happens and we may choose
to view it as a curious adventure, or take the perspective that we're
“over the hill.”
When one remains
positive, having an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, life
becomes lighter, more fun and more meaningful. One can be grateful for
having reached this stage of life, having released the heavy
expectations and judgments held in youth.
Barbara Epstein,
M.A.
born2coachu@aol.com
| 301.881.1111
Nan
responds …
Ask yourself which
“what if” you are prepared to live with:
• What if you
choose to break it off now, in case something might happen to him?
• What if you break it off and spend the next 15 years alone
and lonely, searching for a younger man?
• What if you stay and he lives 20 or 30 more years?
• What if you stay with him and he outlives you?
• What if you continue to date and he turns out to be someone
you don’t want to continue with?
• what if you continue to date others, seeking a younger man
with qualities you want?
The bottom line is that
no one knows the future. I understand you want to protect yourself from
future sorrow, but since the future is an unknown, there is no
guarantee. All we can control is our present. Fear is holding you back
from experiencing what could be one of the best times in your life, or
one of the worst.
A better question might
be “Which decision will cause you the greatest
regrets?” Will it be that you allow your fear to hold you
back and always keep wondering “what if”? Or, will
it be that you might only have a short time together to be happy? Your
fears are valid; but, the question is how much you will let your fears
govern your lifestyle.
Nan
Einarson | 905.728.5882
http://www.make-it-so.ca
| nan@make-it-so.ca
Randy
responds …
Sure, age is a concern,
and if the relationship continues to bloom, maybe you might be alone
again. However, if it continues to bloom, would you want to do without
it? There are many factors to consider and there is no right decision.
You describe a very enjoyable relationship and those are rare. How long
will it take to find another like this? How old will you be then? You
haven’t known each other for a long time; this suggests
postponing judgment.
He knows there is an age difference, so you don't need to bring it up
just to tell him what he already knows. There is little point in
discussing it if you don't know your position. You need to get clear
with yourself about whether you want a great relationship for a little
while, or a so-so relationship for a long while, or how long you are
willing to look for another great relationship. It may be a good idea
to continue gathering data by dating him and others.
The age difference could actually be a healthy one, because he is more
likely, than would a younger man, to maintain his interest in you over
the long term.
Randy Hurlburt | www.consciousdatingsandiego.com
randy@loveisnotagame.com
| 858.455.0799
Caroline
responds …
It sounds as if
you’ve met a wonderful man! Fear of losing him is a natural
part of your deep attraction to him. He is just over ten years your
senior, shares similar values and shows behaviors which are right for
you. Statistically, it is the lot of a woman to live beyond the life of
the man she loves. For many, this becomes reality, but this is life.
Many would love the opportunity to aim for the wonderful fifteen years.
A more important question
to consider is could you love and care for this man if he became ill
and was no longer able to be adventurous, funny or even intelligent?
Could he love you if the roles were reversed?
You are only at the
beginning of your journey with him. Making the decision to dare to be
fully alive while you can is the best foundation for a long, happy and
healthy life together. You are both old enough to know there is no time
to lose if a relationship is what you want. Good luck and enjoy!
Caroline,
Countess of Minto FRSA
consultcm@virtualcom.it
Top
Relationship
Readiness Quiz
Did you know you can take
the Relationship Readiness Quiz
at www.consciousdating.org?
Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other
resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Tara Alexandra
Kachaturoff | Editor
Feature
Article:
Interview with a Christian Relationship Coach
This
month, I interviewed Michelle Blacksher, a long-time member of the
Relationship Coaching Institute. She is a Christian coach who works
with singles and those in divorce recovery.
Tara Kachaturoff |
Editor
Tara:
How do you integrate Christian principles into relationship coaching?
Michelle:
I live my life by Christian principles. They are a natural extension of
who I am; they are the value I bring to the coaching experience. I
don’t impose my beliefs on my clients, but I provide them the
option to include Scripture and/or prayer, if that is what they request.
Tara:
What particular scriptures offer support to Christians who are in the
midst of finding the love of their life?
Michelle:
Today’s
single man or woman may face many concerns when it comes to finding a
mate – a sense of hopelessness, worry, or feelings of
loneliness. There are three useful Scriptures that provide useful
guidance.
For example, consider
Psalm 37:4 “Delight
yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your
heart.”
This is perfect for
singles when they feel a sense of hopelessness about ever meeting that
special man or woman. We can find joy in reading the Bible, spending
time in prayer as well as taking the time to listen to Him. He delights
in our putting Him first; He will fulfill the desires of our heart,
which is expressed as our meeting the love of our life.
Worrying is another
common issue. Instead of putting our thoughts in that place, we can put
them on God. Philippians 4:6-9, 19 describes this well:
“Don’t
fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray, letting God know your
concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness,
everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.
Fill your minds and meditate on things true, noble, reputable,
authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst;
…. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you
need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from
Jesus."
As we focus on God, He
will guide us to be in certain places where we can meet the love of our
life, according to His timing, which is always best for everyone. A
final piece of Scripture, especially helpful during those times of
loneliness, is Genesis 2:18. “It’s
not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a
companion.”
We don’t have
to worry. We can know that God created us for relationship, not to be
alone. He has someone for us, for companionship. We must trust in Him
and His plans for us.
Spending time with
Scripture, thinking deeply about it’s meaning, and combining
this with prayer, provides a solid foundation for singles who are in
that challenging position of finding the right person. It’s
about making a daily commitment to living and believing in Him and His
desires for us
Tara:
What are some of examples of coaching activities you use with Christian
clients and how do they help?
Michelle:
In addition to using the Conscious Dating program, I use word studies
and self-talk tapes.
A word study uses a
“concordance,” an alphabetical listing of the words
in the Bible. If the client encounters an obstacle, we find the words
that relate to that issue.
For instance, a client
may experience the Scarcity Trap, where he or she feels there are a
limited number of possibilities when it comes to finding a mate. This
pressures him or her to settle, rather than to wait for the right
person.
We look up words which
relate to “lack” or “fear” and
then find the appropriate Scripture to provide direction and
encouragement. When a client can see God’s love expressed
through Scripture, they gain a new perspective.
Self-talk is another
effective method especially with clients who are recently recovering
from divorce. It helps them to re-focus on the positive and to reshape
their perspective. Working together, we select Scriptures which apply
to the client’s situation. For example, we might use
something like, “I
delight myself in the Lord and He gives me the desires of my
heart.”
I have my clients record
their affirming Scriptures. Sometimes they even include upbeat music.
Then they commit to listening to their tapes -- in the morning, when
they’re driving, prior to going to sleep, or at any time when
they need to be more positive.
This technique helps a
client grow in confidence, joy and peace. As a result, they attract
others who share these very same qualities. They become more content to
wait for the love of their life, rather than frantically trying to find
someone to “complete them.”
In a nutshell, my role is
to provide guidance and support to help singles understand that
everything they need is encompassed within Scripture. I help them focus
on what matters most so they can find the love of their life.
Michelle
Blacksher | Manna Coaching and Divorce Recovery | 503.504.7052 | m.blacksher@att.net
Bonus
Article:
Dating Myths 7- 10
by RCI Coaches
Myth #7: If
it’s meant to be, he or she will find me.
Someday my prince or
princess will come. This "Fairytale Trap" is one of the most prevalent
of the dating myths. Instead of waiting for him or her to arrive, you
need to go out to find this person.
There are three things we
all needed to learn in school, yet were never taught:
• How to
manage money,
• How to be a great parent, and
• How to find the love of our life.
So where did we get the
notion all we have to do is wait around for the right person to show
up? It's almost as if we expect the right person to come knocking on
our front door.
I remember sitting in a
Sunday school class being told we didn’t have to look for the
right one for us, because one day, we would look across the church and
there he or she would be. Yeah, right. I think we get this notion from
fairy tales, popular songs, romance novels and movies.
So what’s the
result? We passively sit around, waiting for the right person to show
up, complaining the entire time because he or she never arrives.
Instead, we need to take action and get out into the world. We need to
scout for the person we want. We need to have our requirements in hand
so we know exactly who we’re looking. Don’t be
surprised if you need to interview a lot of people for the position
you’re trying to fill. You’ll be glad you did.
Jeff Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
| 678.778.7660
Myth
#8: All the good men and women are already taken.
Several years ago the
media got a hold of a statistic that once women reached a certain age,
their chances for marriage dwindled dramatically. Just like the media
to take one line from one study and play it out with lots of drama. It
can then become truth in the minds of many.
What this does is foster
the myth that good partners are scarce and hard to find. If this is
true, then you better settle for whatever you can find. This leads to
one thing -- desperation. You stay with someone who is not right for
you, just to be with someone. This is a set-up for a miserable
situation.
Attitude is everything.
When you approach dating from an attitude of scarcity, you see
scarcity. When you approach dating from an attitude of plenty and
abundance, you see plenty and abundance.
When you believe there is a limited supply of possible partners, you
have to take what you can get or be alone. This results in relationship
failure; you’re settling for less and compromising your
requirements. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when you get less,
because you expect less. Instead, don’t settle for who is
less than right for you.
Jeff Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
| 678.778.7660
Myth
#9: Online dating is unsafe.
Online dating can be a fun and effective way of meeting other singles,
but it does present challenges. While most singles take precautionary
measures when dating strangers, online daters need to deal with
‘virtual intimacy,’ often resulting in a false
sense of security.
Just because you have
bared your soul, doesn’t mean that you truly know that person
or that you should drop your guard. On the contrary, singles should be
especially vigilant about maintaining their boundaries, just like you
would on a first date, testing the real person against the
“online persona.”
Online Dating Tips
1. Schedule a
face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Find out sooner rather than
later whether your cyber-attraction translates well into the physical
world.
2. Trust your
instincts. If something doesn't seem right, don’t ignore it.
Ask questions and find out more.
3. Don’t
provide your personal information. Use a free email account and never
provide your home or work telephone numbers (it is easy to find an
address through a telephone number).
4. Take your time and
get to know the person. Let the relationship develop slowly while
screening and testing for compatibility and inconsistencies.
5. Report any threats.
Don’t hesitate to report any threats or harassment to the
police and to the online dating service.
Frankie
Doiron | www.frankiedoiron.com
905.453.7451
Myth
#10: Women won’t date a man who doesn’t make a lot
of money.
If you think women won't
date you because you don't make a lot of money, then you have succumbed
to the belief that a man's value and desirability is measured by how
successful he is in business. This is far from the reality.
Most single women are not
gold-diggers. They are caring, loving and hard-working people wanting a
life-partnership with a man they can love and respect.
Women are attracted to
men who are confident and happy in their work. They want to be around
men who feel successful because their work is gratifying. Rather than
define a man only by his job, women value men who have interests or
hobbies they feel passionate about, activities they value that give
their lives meaning and purpose.
A man who thinks a woman
is more interested in dating his wallet can, and should, find someone
else to date.
Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. |www.doctorlovecoach.com
Recommended
Reading for Singles
He's
Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys s
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Recommended by Janice D.
Bennett,
Ph.D.
This book cuts straight
to the chase, telling women the most important "actions speak louder
than words" basic rule to understanding men -- if he's "into you," then
he'll pursue you.
How
to Get Married After 35 Revised Edition: A User's Guide to Getting to
the Altar by
Helena Rosenberg
Recommended by Sandra
Rohr
Definitely the real
thing--none of that "act this way," "act that way." In fact, no acting
at all, just great.
Something
More: Excavating Your Authentic Self
by Sara Ban Breathnach
Recommended by Paige
Armstrong
Something More is
beautiful and powerful. It filled with genuine insight, humor, quotes
and simple exercises that will help you get in touch with your
authentic self, and help you to truly honor your relationships--
especially the one with yourself.
If
I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
by Susan Page
Recommended by Brenda Strausz
This is an encouraging book, one that has practical and wise advice on
how to follow through with your goal of finding the right person with
whom you'd like to be in a relationship.
The
Bridge Across Forever: A Lovestory
by Richard Bach
Recommended by Jeff
Herring
The search for a soul mate in novel form.
Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
by David Steele
Recommended by Tara
Kachaturoff
Learn how to take a
proactive role in finding your ideal life partner and create the life
you love.
Conscious
Dating Resources
Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org
and join (no charge) for
cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life,
including:
-
Register for our
5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"
-
Take our proprietary
Relationship Readiness Quiz
-
Listen to outstanding
audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That
You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"
-
Access our Knowledge
Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts
-
Check out our
talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
For More Information
ConsciousDating.org, a
resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org

Exclusively For Our Subscribers
Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series
March 1, 2007: Conscious
Dating for Boomers: Finding Your Soul Mate After 50
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com
Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleClinic.com
Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
February
8, 2007: How to Improve
Your Relationship Without Talking About It
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com
Conscious Relationship Podcast and Audio
Programs
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com
Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com
Tired of being alone? Get
a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach
NEW RELATIONSHIP?
Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG
at http://www.PartnersInLife.org
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other
helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to
know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools
to your professional toolbox, visit http://relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Please share this
newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you
can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org
Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Visit
our website for singles at
www.ConsciousDating.org
and become a member
(no charge)!
Relationship
Coaching Institute
Complimentary introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Members
of Relationship Coaching Network
Resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
To
subscribe to this newsletter
Please
refer singles your care about to ConsciousDating.org
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Copyright 2007 by
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