Announcements
Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
First Thursday of each month, free to our
subscribers. If you've received this from a friend and wish to join us register
here. It's free!
April Program
Thursday,
April 5, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
 Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your
Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
With Frankie Doiron
and special guest, RCI coach Sandra Rohr
We
have been asking
singles to tell us their biggest
challenges with Conscious Dating and we've received many questions
about internet dating, so if you've ever wondered how to effectively
scout, sort, screen and test to find your life partner on the internet,
this program's for you. We've even lined up a guest expert to show you
the ropes.
In
this program you learn-
- 10 Tips for creating a
winning profile
- How to avoid the top 5
pitfalls of internet dating
- How to be the
‘Chooser’ and eliminate feelings of rejection
- Important safety tips
(for your profile and when meeting an online date)
- How to sort, screen
and test internet dates
- And much more!
Mark
your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend this outstanding
program!
Can't
make it? No problem! Each
program in recorded and you can get the MP3
audio file for playing on your
computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete
written transcript for following
along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via
telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other
supplementary information here.
Get Ready for Love
For free immediate access
to an outstanding audio program Get
Ready for Love click
here
Get
Ready for Love is an
introduction to our innovative 4-week Conscious
DatingTele-program for singles
who are serious about getting ready for love in 2007.
- Live your life fully
and authentically, while in
alignment with your values and life vision;
- Avoid the repetition
of making poor relationship
choices;
- Remove the blocks and
old behavior patterns that sabotage your relationships;
- Find a partner who is
genuinely aligned with who you are and what you want in life;
- Dramatically increase
your self-esteem,
attractiveness and confidence;
- Live your life as a
'chooser' by staying focused on your relationship goals and forever
eliminating fear of rejection;
- Learn how to say
'yes' to what you truly want and 'no' to what you don't want.
Dates: Tuesdays, May 1,
8, 15 and 22,, 2007
Time: 5:30 - 7:00 PM PST / 8:30 - 10:00 PM EST
Place: By telephone from the comfort of your home or
office.
For more information and
to register go to:
www.consciousdatingprogram.com
"If you are single, the
Conscious Dating program is a
must. The concepts are liberating and innovative. As someone who always
struggled with low self-esteem especially around women, this program
helped me understand the importance of self acceptance and
authenticity. I'll never approach dating or relationships the same way
again."
~ Dave
Wagner, Kitchener, ON
Free Conscious
Dating Tele-Clinic
Thursday, April 19,
6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
This is a monthly
conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
-
Feeling stuck?
-
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
- Frustrated
with dating altogether?
-
Want some free advice and coaching?
This Tele-Clinic is for
you!
Led by David Steele,
Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you
find the love of your life and the life that you love.
When:
Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Duration:
90 minutes
How
to Join: It's free! Simply
register here
Thanks so much for being
a Conscious Dating reader
and we look forward to having you join us!
Ask
Our Coaches:
Is It Too Soon?
...Things
have moved very quickly, so much so that he asked me this past weekend
to marry him. I said “yes.”
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Dear
Coaches,
I’m 47 with two
children and I’m dating a man who is 45 (no children). We are
both divorced and both of us have been out of those prior relationships
for over 3 years. We started dating about 4 months ago and we see each
other about 4 to 5 times per week. Things have moved very quickly, so
much so that he asked me this past weekend to marry him. I said
“yes.”
We love each other, we
have similar visions for our lives and each of us has completed
relationship classes with two different RCI coaches. We seem compatible
in all aspects. We feel we’re being conscious singles because
we’ve done the work.
Are we moving too fast?
Do you think we may be missing something? We’re not
inexperienced in relationships, but at the same time we want to make
sure we’re seeing things clearly. Do you have any advice for
us?
Together
in Toronto
Frankie responds …
It sounds like you've
been very conscious about screening and testing each other to make
certain you are compatible. Kudos to you both! Conscious Dating really
works and it's always good to see it in action.
Rather than give advice,
I'd like you to ask yourselves, "What's the rush to get married?" In my
opinion and experience, four months is not enough time to get to know
someone and test for all your requirements.
Because of your
experience with the Conscious Dating principles, you have an advantage
over most couples. You understand that you are still in the first flush
of “falling in love” AND you know how to navigate
the traps. Use your knowledge wisely and make this the best
relationship choice you have ever made. You have the makings of an
amazing relationship. If that requires waiting a few months, isn't it
worth the wait?
This is the perfect
opportunity to work with an RCI coach who can help you dig a little
deeper, get further clarity about your relationship and decide how to
best move forward. I wish you much happiness and love!
Frankie
Doiron
President, Relationship Coaching Network
www.frankiedoiron.com
| 905.453.7451
LeAnn responds …
What an exciting time for
you and your new love. It seems as though you have done the
preparation work to provide a solid foundation to build a life
together. It is not clear how the children are progressing in their
acceptance of this new relationship. Depending upon their ages, they
may also be living with your partner when you marry and their
transition into this relationship is of great consideration here. Your
partner's integration into the family can go more smoothly with time
and intention.
Also, what about the
infatuation stage of a relationship? How does that show up to enhance
your feelings for each other? It is wonderful, isn't it? In 4 months,
so much is learned about one another and there are so many more aspects
of a character that come forward over time. In the beginning of any
relationship, the wonderful emotions of love can cause us to look past
any red flags. What is the hurry to get married? Is there any reason
time would be a problem? It sounds like a beautiful relationship
blooming into a life together. How exciting. I wish you both and your
children a joyful union.
LeAnn
O'Neal, MA, MFT
leann@consciousrelating.org
530.676.3847
Cherice responds
…
Congratulations on your
engagement! Relationships are so beautiful because each one
has its own recipe which has the potential to bake into the most
delicious cake ever – “Finding the Love of Your
Life.” Thankfully, each recipe is different;
however, this hinders one from saying, “You need to date
exactly x number of months prior to entering into a committed
relationship.”
To determine if you are overlooking anything, both of you might
consider taking several months (or more, if desired) to really enjoy
your engagement. Continue to discover the beauty of the
unknown. This time will be very important as you will be able
to observe patterns in one another. You may find out how your
fiancé reacts to hard days at work, to rainy days outside,
or even to important events that have time constraints.
Through these continual observations, consistency of character can be
determined. This consistency may help further authenticate the
unconditional love that you share. Keep on walking together, hand in
hand, towards your vision!
Cherice Tyler
redmole@yahoo.com,
804.931.4229
Cher responds …
What's the rush? Last I
checked the average lifespan today is 83! There’s plenty of
time for marital bliss. That's what you want, right? Not a big T-N-T
explosion/divorce 5 to 10 years down the road (which occurs in 39% of
remarriages).
Go back to your RCI
training. Refresh your memory about the Pre-commitment Stage, the arena
into which you have only just entered. Yes, you have decided that real
potential exists for a compatible marriage. But, slow down and take the
time to really dig deeply into each other's long-standing core values
and non-negotiable requirements.
Get clarity on each
other’s individual vision, purpose, and goals for
confirmation. His asking and you accepting his marriage proposal
demonstrates that you’ve consciously entered into this
exciting, extremely private realm of mutual discovery. Don't
short-change yourselves.
I always promote the
"Fast Track to Happiness," however with only four months together there
is still much unknown to determine if he’s "The One." Take
the time NOW to discover each others nuances -- to be confident that
there will not be future "unsolvable" conflicts that may ultimately
destroy your love. Consider engaging in “Partners in
Life” coaching, together as a Pre-committed/Pre-marital
couple, which should optimize a flourishing marriage in the future.
Cher
Tanner | Fast Track Happiness Coaching
cher
@FastTrackHappiness.com
727-432-9494
Nan responds
…
Four months is not a long
time to know one another before deciding to marry. Since both of you
have completed relationship classes and you have been dating
consciously and frequently, you might very well be ready to take the
relationship to another level.
What have you done to
prepare your children for the fact that you are in a serious
relationship and have become engaged? What is your
fiancé’s relationship with your children, and vice
versa? You mentioned you have similar visions for your lives
– his hasn’t included children (and potential
grandchildren) until 4 months ago.
Perhaps, a longer
engagement period will help the four of you to communicate your
individual and collective requirements, needs and wants to the other 3
partners in the new relationship. Even if your children no longer live
at home, their access and relationship to you will change once you are
married. Asking “what if” questions and planning
contingencies for various future scenarios (good and bad) will help
each of you to handle events as they occur in your new family.
Nan
Einarson |
http://www.make-it-so.ca
nan@make-it-so.ca|
905.728.5882
Sandy responds …
Generally speaking, 4
months is a bit quick. You have not yet seen each other through a year,
which is best. There’s a strong chance that some surprises
could develop that would give you pause, and the fact of your
engagement could keep you from paying attention to those surprises.
On the other hand, you
enumerate some good reasons in favor of your quick movement, not the
least of which is that neither of you is a love-struck teen (although
love at any age feels just the same as when we were 16). Add to that
your relationship classes and your determination to be conscious, and I
am somewhat less concerned.
My advice for you is to
continue to be conscious; pay attention to any red flags that
arise—and keep your determination strong to deal with them.
Also, you should actively work on your communication skills, ideally
with the help of your relationship coach. Time spent now, planning and
preparing for your marriage (as opposed to just preparing for your
wedding), will pay off in the long run. Get a copy of Intellectual
Foreplay: Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be , an
excellent book by Hogan and Hogan. This book lists literally thousands
of questions for couples to discuss, questions that will illuminate
issues that may arise in the marriage.
Sandra
Rohr, M.A. | Your Personal Love Coach
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
sandy@yourpersonallovecoach.com
714.774.8540
Michelle responds
…
You ask if you are moving
too fast and if you might be missing something. Have you seen
each other mad? ...with your extended families? …with your
friends? … in normal as well as possibly stressful
situations outside of dating? What feedback have you received
from friends and family members? What do each of you feel in
your “innermost being” when you are away from each
other and quiet with yourself (and your God)?
Have you asked all the
questions and received all the answers from the book by Eve Hogan
entitled Intellectual
Foreplay ? It
includes questions that each of you can explore and answer for
yourselves and each other. If after doing all of this, you feel you are
ready and you believe you know “the good, the bad, and the
ugly” about each other and still feel ready to marry, I would
encourage you to move ahead. However, still be cautious and aware of
any possible hesitations that arise along the way. God bless
you.
Michelle
Blacksher | www.mannacoaching.com
www.myspace.com/mastercoachmichelle
m.blacksher@att.net
| 503.504.7052
Feature
Article:
Four Common Dating Mistakes
By RCI Coaches
Mistake
# 1: You stay in a relationship too long (even though you
know it's not right for you) …
LeAnn comments
…
Mistake:
Staying in a relationship you know is wrong keeps your energy and
intention focused on something that is not in integrity with who you
are. When you apply the "Law of Attraction" to this scenario, you
quickly conclude you will attract more of "what you don't
want." When you’re in a relationship you KNOW you
don't want, you take "action" in a different direction than you would
if you were in a relationship you did want.
Solution:
Take a risk by taking action to move in the direction of your chosen
goal -- a relationship with someone with whom you FIT -- and end the
relationship that is not resonating with who you are. Be authentic and
choose YOU and what is BEST for YOU.
LeAnn
O'Neal, MA, MFT
leann@consciousrelating.org
Mistake
#2: You become exclusive too soon …
Randy
comments …
Mistake:
Many people mistake the "desire to be exclusive" for "love," when, in
fact, it is "insecurity." It’s a mistake to become
exclusive too soon for several reasons:
#1 It takes a long time
to really get to know someone
#2 Human nature is such
that once a person agrees to be exclusive, he or she
begins to feel trapped. This instinctive and irrational fear
magnifies otherwise small problems.
#3 Once you
agree to exclusivity, you restrict your ability to meet other
people, and when the exclusive relationship falters, you find yourself
with no backup.
Solution:
The solution is to delay exclusivity, at least beyond the three-month
infatuation period, and as far into the two-year power struggle phase
as each of you can stand. If you must be
exclusive, consider how far to go. Can’t have sex
with others? Can’t date others? I favor starting out
with the fewest restrictions possible.
Randy Hurlburt
Randy@LoveIsNotaGame.com
Mistake #3: You ignore relationship red
flags …
LeAnn comments
…
Mistake:
“Red flags" are things you notice about the relationship or
behaviors of the person with whom you are in relationship that
aren’t aligned with you and the way you live your life. For
example, let’s say you don't smoke and you don't want to be
around smoke, but you’re in a relationship with someone who
does smoke.
This may not seem like a
"red flag" because this person "fits" with your requirements for the
relationship in all other ways. Ignoring this will put off
the thoughts and feelings you relate to "smoking" for a later time;
however, those thoughts and feelings will surface at some point in the
future when you have much more time and energy invested into the
relationship. The more you invest over time, the more difficult it will
be to break it off.
Solution:
Before you begin a relationship, determine your relationship
requirements that are your "deal breakers." The more you
explore who you are, the more clear you will be about who you choose as
a potential date – before you invest time and energy into the
relationship. Identify your red flags and be confident YOU can have the
relationship you want without settling for what happens to show up.
LeAnn
O'Neal, MA, MFT
leann@consciousrelating.org
Mistake
#4: You set up unrealistic expectations of yourself or the relationship
…
Randy
comments …
Mistake:
Unmet expectations are one of the biggest sources of
disappointment and conflict. Our expectations in relationships
are deeply programmed into us by parents, peers, and the
media. "If we love each other we can solve any problem," "love
should lead to exclusivity and marriage," and "happily ever
after," are just a few of the many and varied expectations we may have.
Solution:
Being realistic requires giving up programmed beliefs, and this is not
easy. The key is to recognize that you
and the other person are uniquely different
and imperfect individuals, but possibly capable of
growth.
If you can
learn the skills to accept differences and imperfections
(particularly the ones that hurt you most), and at the same time
develop new and better behaviors, then the relationship has a chance to
succeed. It helps to view relationships as a continuum
of unexpected stages, possibly leading towards a
desirable goal, while at the same time avoiding stereotypical
relationship expectations such as
“dating-exclusivity-marriage.”
Randy Hurlburt
Randy@LoveIsNotaGame.com
LeAnn
comments …
Mistake:
Talk about a perfect opportunity for sabotaging yourself! Why
set yourself up for failure? The point of a relationship is to enhance
life and to enjoy it. Setting up unrealistic expectations for yourself
or the relationship creates a catalyst effect.
First, you set up the
relationship to move forward with a "desperate" type feeling inside
you, or in both you and your relating partner. This
"desperation" has a snowball effect, gaining momentum and becoming
bigger and bigger over time. There will be a "crash" at the
bottom of the hill. Someone is going to feel pain when the "crash"
occurs.
There are many issues
that come up with this type of relationship "set up" -- unmet
expectations, disappointments, anxiety to perform, feelings of not
being "good enough," fear of failure, and list goes on. Why
sabotage your relationship by setting it up with unrealistic
expectations?
Solution: Identify
your own expectations before you enter into a relationship. Then,
working with your partner, identify what both of your expectations are
for the relationship. Determine your relationship boundaries, what you
need to have in the relationship to feel appreciated and loved, how
close you want to be and how you want the closeness to progress
– what is comfortable for both of you. Take the
Conscious Dating RESTS (Relationship Success Training for Singles)
course with a qualified coach from RCI and become conscious about what
you want and what would assist you in choosing the RIGHT relationship
for YOU.
LeAnn
O'Neal, MA, MFT
leann@consciousrelating.org
©2007 Relationship Coaching
Institute
Bonus
Article:
She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not
by
Taina Ketola
A few weeks ago as I
watched a child pull the petals off a daisy, I was struck by this
little ritual that our civilization has invented to determine the
success of a love relationship. Of course no one actually
believes that the outcome of this ritual will determine whether or not
one has found true love, but the attitude of superstition, the sense of
not really knowing what is going on and the tendency to pull the flower
of love apart in our innocent search for the secret to its fulfillment,
is something that is familiar to us all.
Most of us dive into love
like a blindfolded swimmer, unaware that we are wearing the blindfold
and hoping for the best. We need to learn how to take that blindfold
off and make conscious decisions so that we stop jumping into rocky or
shark-infested waters.
We can overcome our
earlier mistakes and learn how to make new and better
decisions. We don’t have to keep repeating the
past. This is what relationship coaching is all
about. We can learn how to make our ideal relationship
possible. Armed with that knowledge we become more secure and
less impulsive. We can define our life’s vision and
commit to getting all of our needs and requirements met. In
this way we can avoid what David Steele, founder of the Relationship
Coaching Institute, calls the "mini-marriage."
In the mini-marriage, we
become emotionally involved too quickly with someone we feel attracted
to. Without a clear relationship plan we get in too deep and
too fast. Then once we’ve lost sight of land, the
sharks start closing in. Before we know it, we have another
failed relationship on our hands. Our self-confidence has
taken a beating and we begin to despair of ever finding a workable
relationship. All of the petals are off the daisy and she loves me not.
Putting all of
one’s emotional investment into one relationship before we
have determined whether or not this is the right relationship for us is
the cause of the time-wasting and confidence-destroying pattern of the
mini-marriage. Underneath this pattern is often found fear
and/or ignorance of our true goals in life and how to fulfill them or
how to utilize them to strengthen and succeed in our relationship quest.
You don’t have
to fall into the negative patterns of the past. You can make
conscious relationship choices and learn the skills that we were not
taught in school and that few of us ever had the chance to learn at
home.
Most people think that
they know what they want, but not how to get it. The truth is
that we almost always need to fully clarify what it is that we truly
require, need and want in life and in our primary
relationship. Only when we are crystal clear about what it is
that we are seeking can we develop confidence in our ability to achieve
these unique goals. Then we can begin to develop the skills that will
enable us to find the partnership that we truly need in life.
Relationship coaching addresses all three of these aspects of a
successful relationship quest – to know what, to know how and
to know that it can and must be achieved.
Not only is it possible
for us to achieve a life partnership that is an essential part of a
truly fulfilling life, if we look closely at this issue we realize that
it is also something that we are obligated to achieve. This
is so because people who are true and functional life partners are able
to give so much more to life than they could in solitary
isolation. A true life partnership represents a creative
contribution to the world.
Even more importantly for
those of us who choose to be parents, a fully functional life
partnership is the foundation of a healthy family. When you
have created a partnership that fulfills your life vision the two of
you have created a powerful sanctuary to support your children to go
forward into life fully armed to achieve their own unique life
potential and to develop healthy relationships of their own.
Avoid making choices that
sabotage love. Consider working with a qualified relationship
coach to help you discover the life and relationship you will truly
love and enjoy.
Taina Ketola is
an RCI coach and the author of Sun
Signs: Portrait of the Soul .
She offers Relationship Success Training for Singles through private
and group sessions. (416)
855-9517, (250) 412-7160 or at
talktoarealperson@ambava.com
©2007 Relationship Coaching
Institute
Conscious Dating
Resources
Free monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-seminars
Free
monthy Conscious
Dating Tele-Clinic
New!
Conscious Dating Audio Programs
Visit
our website at www.ConsciousDating.org
for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of
your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life
Partner"
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your
Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship
Success"
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools,
strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
For More
Information
ConsciousDating.org,
a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
________________________________________
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches
at: www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
________________________________________
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life
partner quest! WHAT NOW?
Visit
www.ConsciousMating.org
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
________________________________________
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles
and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating
Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and
co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra
Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious
Dating Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
________________________________________
Visit our website for
singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
Relationship Coaching
Institute
Free introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Members of Relationship
Coaching Network
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
To
subscribe to this newsletter and join our free Conscious Dating Online
Community click
here
Please
refer singles your care about to www.ConsciousDating.org
BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Free monthly tele-seminars! www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Copyright 2007 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with
others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
________________________________________
|