This newsletter is
designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Conscious Dating Success Story
of the Year
the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World
on February 14, 2007 (Valentine's Day) we'll announce the results of
our first annual-
Dating Success Story of the Year Contest
awarding an iPod loaded with 20 of our best Conscious Relationship
Audio Programs ($369.00 value) to-
- Best male success story
- Best female success story
- Referrer of best male success story
- Referrer of best female success story
means that if you know someone who could benefit from reading Conscious
Dating, or someone who has read it and has a great success story, YOU
can also get an iPod by referring them!
will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be
eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating
book. Current and past members and staff of Relationship Coaching
Institute are not eligible to enter this contest. All submissions
become property of Relationship Coaching Institute and by entering this
contest entrants grant us permission to publish their story online and
Do you have a success story to share?
Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm
Know anyone with a success story to share? Please
forward this announcement to them!
Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story
in the making? With 6
months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles
of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com
the contest begin!
Breaking Up is Hard. Now What?
I’ve been feeling sad and lonely since the breakup. How do
you work through the awful feelings as quickly as possible?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com.
She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
for August: Breaking
up is hard. Now what?
just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years about a month ago.
I’m 32 and am a successful mortgage broker. I really wanted
to get married, but she decided she just wasn’t ready and
that she wanted to concentrate on her career. I needed to move on
because I want to get married and have a family and I knew that
wasn’t going to happen with her.
My career is great and
I’m ready to settle down. I just thought it would be with
her. I’ve been feeling sad and lonely since the breakup. I
made a clean cut because I didn’t want to be emailing and
talking on the phone as that would make it worse. I’m feeling
a little hopeless about the future because I need to start all over to
find the right woman. It seems like a daunting task!
How do you work through
the awful feelings as quickly as possible? I want to get out there and
date again, but I know I’m just not ready. Do you have any
suggestions on how to work through this and how to get back on track
and focused as quickly as possible?
with any broken relationship, you need to take time to complete the
grieving process. You’ve been in a long-term relationship and
now it’s important to experience the feelings and emotions
that you’ve had about it. Create the space and time to see
what happens, and then you’ll be ready for your next step.
breaking up from a relationship, many people feel afraid to be alone.
They either immediately begin another relationship or they become
discouraged and decide they don’t want to try any more. You
need to work on where you are now-- work with your feelings. Educate
yourself about relationships. Find a good book to read about the
subject. Seek out a relationship coach who can guide you through this
process. Go to workshops or classes and discover your own mysteries.
When you’re ready, you’ll find the right person to
share the rest of your life with. Best of luck.
McParland-Gonzalez | www.mydreamrelationship.com
Jumping into finding another relationship that will lead to marriage
after you just broke up is probably not the best place to be at the
moment as you still have some healing that needs to take place.
Why not consider trying some other things. Instead of boxing yourself
in to the “daunting task” of dating, what if you
socialized with like-minded individuals, doing some fun and interesting
things together? Most likely, these activities will improve your mood
and you’ll feel much happier. By enjoying time with others,
you’ll become more aware of what you truly want in a
relationship, and most importantly, you’ll start attracting
someone who shares the values and interests that you do.
Don’t try to force outcomes; all things will unfold
naturally. Relax and have some fun, Derek. Take action to get out there
and meet some new and interesting people who share similar interests to
yours. Let go of that sense of urgency and let the attraction happen.
My best to you Derek!
Lois Galloway |
Discover Yourself Coaching
The key to surviving (and
thriving) after a break up is to be mindful of the four stages of a
healthy breakup: grieving, learning, growing, and leaving.
While many people jump
right from the grieving stage into dating and into another relationship
(which definitely feels better than the suffering you're going through
right now), it leaves them stuck with the same patterns and knowledge
they had before. The result it that they end up making the same
The keys to a successful
and healthy breakup are …
… to grieve
… to learn everything you can from the relationship
… to build your strength and your reserves, and
… leaving the past behind to move on to a fuller, easier life
While you're doing this,
remember to take things one day at a time. The pain you’re
feeling will subside as you work through these stages. Sometimes it
helps to have support around you during this process.
You might consider
engaging the services of a professional relationship coach. We work
with clients to help them navigate these stages as quickly and
effectively as possible. I wish you healing and wholeness.
I’m sorry to
hear about your disappointment. You were wise to cut off all
communication so you can focus on the future you wish to create for
yourself. Consider your 3-year relationship as great training for the
amazing woman you intend to attract and marry in the future.
Partnership and family
issues require that we make important choices. We need to take the time
to be sure our relationships match our dreams and requirements. You are
at an excellent age to find women who share your desire for family and
partnership. Here’s a prayer ritual I use myself and also
share with my clients:
1) I now release all
people, places and things that no longer serve my highest and best
good. I thank you for being my teacher and for blessing my life, and I
now release you, with love, to your highest and best good.
2) I now invite all
people, places and things that are meant for my highest and best good.
I am open and available to attract my perfect, divine partner with love
Best of Luck to you!
Holley | www.TheMateDoctor.com
You made a tough choice
-- one most people wouldn’t have the courage to act upon. You
ended a relationship with a woman you loved because of incompatibility
issues. The issue of having children is without middle ground or room
for compromise. Many people make the mistake of staying in a
relationship even though some of their fundamental requirements are not
being met -- and that’s why divorce rates are so high.
It’s natural to feel sad and lonely because you’re
mourning your lost love. Take time to grieve. The experience of the
last three years was not a waste. It played an important role in your
personal growth. Allow yourself to honor that. Rather than feel
hopeless, try to envision a future of wonderful possibilities and hope!
Now, you have a real chance of finding exactly what you’re
looking for in a partner.
Your likelihood of relationship success is extremely high because
you’ve demonstrated you have what it takes to make difficult
choices based on your values and life goals. Don’t feel
pressured by time. Remember that slow and steady wins the race. Since
your eyes are wide open, you will get there without all the detours. I
wish you the best.
Doiron | www.frankiedoiron.com
Sandy responds …
reaching out for help and not just jumping into another
relationship—one in which you would be on the rebound.
You’re wise to have broken off contact entirely with your
former girlfriend, and you’re absolutely correct thinking
that you are not ready for dating just yet. Unfortunately, you must go
through this pain and take all the time you need to heal.
Grief counselors tell us that the only way out is through. When the
pain comes, don’t try to fight it; rather, allow it to fill
you up, as hard as that may be. The pain will reach a high point, and
then it will begin to subside. Each time it returns, it has a little
less hold on you, until eventually, it leaves.
While going through the healing, there are several things you can do to
speed up the process:
yourself with caring, supportive friends and relatives. Be sure that at
least one of those friends is someone to whom you can confide your
• Begin a
gratitude journal. I know of nothing that gets us focused in the right
direction as quickly as creating a daily list of 5 things for which we
working with a caring relationship coach to help you explore your inner
being. Explore your interests and passions so you can live your ideal
life now. Then, when your new love appears, you’ll be ready
to enter into a relationship whole-heartedly.
I can assure you that
you’ll get through this difficult time. You will find that
loving partner you deserve. Hang in there.
Sandra Rohr |SDRohr@aol.com
Randy responds …
Breakups are difficult,
and it's painful to try to date when you’re still hurting.
Forgive yourself, acknowledge that this is painful and not fun, and
then get out there and do some dating anyway. "Recreational" dating may
be appropriate for a while. Don’t date with an agenda; don't
think of someone you meet as "this might be the one." Instead, think of
dating as having fun and getting to know and understand other people.
Also, it’s important to expand your knowledge around
relationships. The last thing you want is to meet the right person and
not know it, or not know how to handle it. Repeating mistakes is a
favorite American pastime. You’ll start to feel better about
yourself if you learn what’s really going on in relationships.
There are many good books you can read to increase your dating
knowledge. David Steele's, Conscious
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World,
is a good resource for learning about dating skills.
Forgive yourself, get back into circulation, and learn about love.
These things will make you strong. Let me know how it goes!
Hurlburt | Randy@ConsciousDatingSanDiego.com
Rosanne Rosen, in her
Complete Idiot's Guide to Handling a Breakup talks
about the empowering aspects of breaking up with someone. These words,
quoted directly from her book, help us appreciate this event in a
A breakup can do these
things for you …
• It gives you
back control over your life
• It demonstrates that you will not allow yourself to be
treated poorly or unfairly
• It shows you aren’t afraid to say you’ve
made a mistake
• It shows you have the courage to move on
• It proves you have confidence in your ability to fly solo
• It shows you haven’t found what you want and
deserve and are not willing to settle for less
• It demonstrates a fundamental belief in yourself
• It shows you aren’t afraid to make things happen
Tara Kachaturoff | Master
Certified Singles Coach
www.relationshipplanning.com | 248.723.1926
you know you can take the Relationship
Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org?
Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other
resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor
Too Old for Love?
Over 50 and Starting Over
by Sandra Rohr, M.A.
a fine wine, life and love can become more wonderful because of, not in
spite of, aging.
Recently, I met a woman
with an interesting story. It seems that she and her husband have been
separated for many years. They went through almost all of the steps of
divorce: filing the petition, discovery, mediation, the trial, receipt
of the final divorce decree, and signing.
one remaining step to make the divorce final -- to take the signed
documents to the judge who will pronounce the divorce final in open
court. The interesting thing is that she’s held on to these
documents for 2 ½ years! She and her husband have lived in
limbo for all that time.
As she told me this story she sorted out the reasons for not completing
her divorce, which included the security she felt by still being
connected to someone, the ability to rely on her husband in a pinch,
along with half a dozen other reasons. However, the main reason she has
dragged her feet for so long is that she’s 59 and fearful
about re-entering the dating/mating scene.
“I’m just too old! And I don’t know
anything about dating anymore. It’s just been too long!
Everything has changed!” She was nearly in tears as she
related this to me. She was talking to the right person because I have
been in her position. When I was widowed at 52, I felt I had little
chance of ever being in a relationship again. For the next 6 years, I
didn’t date at all.
Then, at 58, I was
inspired by a friend (also a widow) who had found a new relationship. I
began to date, tentatively at first, but I soon fell deeply in love.
While this relationship didn’t work out in the long run
(thank goodness!), it was the beginning of a new life for me.
my experiences I’ve identified 5 deadly myths about being of
a mature age and starting over:
Myth #1: It just
No matter what images
the media projects and in spite of statements like, “A woman
over 50 is as likely to marry again as to be hit by
lightning,” it’s not true that a life of love and
intimacy is only for the young and the beautiful. All it takes is one
person, and using the laws of attraction, to draw that person to you.
#2: I don’t know enough
I’m too old to start over again
Sure, the dating scene
has changed since you were a teen, but the people you’re
likely to date, people of similar age, were born and raised in your
era. This means they learned to date for the first time when you did.
They’ll have the same understanding of how to date and relate
as you do.
Consider that most of
your potential dates will be just as nervous as you are. If you focus
on putting your date at ease, you’ll feel more comfortable
yourself, and you’ll make a better impression.
In spite of the tired
cliché, “You can’t teach an old dog new
tricks,” you can learn all you need to know about dating
right now. Consider that you probably learned how to date when you were
16, and now, you have considerably more life experience than you did
then. If you recall, you are probably just as nervous now as you were
as a teenager. Your maturity and life experiences will help you to
learn all you need to know—and very quickly.
#4: I will just get my heart broken
can’t promise that this won’t happen, but I can
promise you will recover, and you will learn from the experience. Life
is risky, and when we put ourselves out there with the intent to love,
we are vulnerable.
When I recall the
relationship I had at 58, the one that broke my heart, my memories are
wonderful. I loved feeling alive, sexy, and young. I rely every day on
the lessons I learned from that experience. Did I think I might die
after we broke up? Absolutely! Did I wish that it had never happened?
Not for a minute! Since that time, I have continued to have other
wonderful relationships that have greatly enriched my life.
#5: Love, now, could never be as sweet as it once was
One thing that amazed
me when I fell in love at 58 was that I felt like I was 16 again. I was
just as nervous, just as eager, just as giddy. The love we shared was
just as sweet, just as exciting, and just as fulfilling. Humans never
get too old to feel that zing! And the sex, even with our aging bodies,
can actually be far better, far more fulfilling than when we were
Like a fine wine, life
and love can become more wonderful because of, not in spite of, aging.
There is a dessert wine known as late harvest wine. This wine is
created from select grapes left to hang on the vine late into the
season. The grapes are affected by botrytis, the “noble
rot,” that causes them to become dry and shriveled on the
vine, and therefore highly concentrated with sugar.
When harvested by hand,
pressed, and fermented, these grapes produce a sweet, luscious,
honeyed, nectar-like wine. Love, later in life, can be just like that
late harvest. It’s never too late for love, and
it’s worth the risk. So go for life. Go for love. Drink deep
from that sweet, luscious, honeyed, nectar-like cup!
Copyright ©2006 Sandra Rohr
Sandra Rohr, M.A. is a
certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in
helping singles to connect with their life partners and couples to
establish and maintain strong relationships. Hear Sandy’s
workshop on How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at www.YourPersonalLoveCoach.com
The Scarcity Trap
by Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT
Many times, we fall into the trap of believing there’s a
limited supply of possible partners. Then when you do the math, the
natural conclusion is that you had better take what you can get.
Taking what you can get, however, can get you into a lot of trouble.
One possible outcome is relationship failure. That happens when you get
together with someone with whom you’re not compatible. You
both know it, but you get together anyway, hoping that things will get
This is compromising in
the worst possible way. It also becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you expect less, you get less.
Signs of the Scarcity Trap
Some of the signs which
indicate you may be falling into the Scarcity Trap include:
#1 You commit to the
first person who shows you any attention
#2 You know something
is wrong, but you do all you can to deny it to yourself
#3 Your friends who
truly care about you are asking, “What the heck are you
doing?” You choose to ignore them
#4 You believe
you’re running out of time and options
Get clear by defining
what and who you truly want in a relationship and persevere. Be the
chooser. Trust that if you apply yourself, you can get what you really
want in life. You must be able to say "No" to what you DON'T want, to
be available to say "Yes" to what you DO want.
If you cannot say “no,” then your
“yes” has no meaning. You have the power to choose
who, what, where, when, and how to get what you truly want in life. It
starts with clearly defining what you want in your relationship and
then aligning your choices.
Herring, MS, LMFT
Reading for Singles
Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time
by Jaci Rae
Recommended by Brenda Zeller
Fun and humorous football-themed book geared towards men who are
looking to better their relationships with the woman in their life -
includes relationship tips from prized NFL Players as well as personal
stories about their lives.
Truth About Love: The
Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make it Last Forever
by Pat Love
Recommended by Linda
Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
by David Steele
Recommended by Tara
Learn how to take a
proactive role in finding your ideal life partner and create the life
Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org
and join (no charge) for
cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life,
Register for our
5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"
Take our proprietary
Relationship Readiness Quiz
Listen to outstanding
audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That
You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"
Access our Knowledge
Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts
Check out our
talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org
Exclusively For Our Subscribers
12: The Journey from I to
9: Reptiles in Love
Conscious Relationship Podcast
Conscious Relationship Article Bank
Tired of being alone? Get
a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach
Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be
glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other
helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to
know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools
to your professional toolbox, visit http://relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Please share this
newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you
can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org
Newsletter for Singles firstname.lastname@example.org
our website for singles at
and become a member
Complimentary introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
of Relationship Coaching Network
Resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
subscribe to this newsletter
refer singles your care about to ConsciousDating.org
Fr,ee live monthly tele-seminars! www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Copyright 2006 by
ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Please share this with others
as long as our contact information and authorship is included.