This newsletter is
designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Finding the Love of
Your Life in Today's World
is available for immediate
by top relationship experts!
Conscious Dating, David Steele provides a new concept for dating
and insightful advice, effective exercises and useful illustrations
that will help anyone who uses them make their journey to love
successful. We recommend this book to anyone looking for love.
Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D.,
co-authors of Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting
Yourself Be Loved
dating can lead to disaster. Given
the serious effect of relationships gone awry, Conscious Dating is a
must-read for singles who want to make better relationship choices.
David Steele provides sound guidance and practical advice for today's
Love, Ed.D. Author, The
Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy
Steele has made a significant contribution to the world of relationships
by mapping two previously foreign countries- consciousness and dating,
bringing them together at last in this customized guide. Packed with
practical strategies that really work, Conscious Dating is THE book for
helping singles navigate the dating world.
and Kathlyn Hendricks,
authors of Conscious Loving and the new Spirit-Centered Relationships
book is filled with practical strategies that work.
Packed with solid advice, assessments and exercises, as well as
interesting stories, Conscious Dating is a book that will completely
change the way singles view dating and relating. A must-read for anyone
who wants to create his or her next great relationship.
Eschner Hogan, Author of
Intellectual Foreplay and How to Love Your Marriage
Meet the Parents — Or Not?
think three months of dating is plenty of time to qualify for
“meeting the parents.” What do you think?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Month's Question: Meet the Parents- Or Not?
a single guy, 35 years old and am definitely interested in getting
married in the next couple of years. I’ve been dating this
really nice woman, single, 31 years old, for about three months. I
really like her and think she might be “the one”.
We share many common interests, have similar plans for the future, and
we have a great time together. I like her and want to get to know her
I have one big problem. She’s always talking about her
family, how great they are, and tells me about the nice times she has
visiting with them when she’s not out with me. They actually
only live a couple miles from her home.
strange thing about this is that she’s never once asked me to
attend a family event with her so that I could meet them. I talked to
her about this, but she didn’t seem really engaged in the
conversation and merely said, “it’s too early in
the relationship to introduce you to them.” Is this a red
flag? Is there something wrong when someone doesn’t introduce
you to their family or should I just give her more time? I think three
months of dating is plenty of time to qualify for “meeting
the parents.” What do you think?
Brad from Balboa
Although you say you like this woman and she might be "the one," you
speak of her in broad terms, e.g., you "share many common interests"
and "have a great time together." You "like her and you want to get to
know her better."
From your language I infer that the two of you have not decided to
become exclusive at this point. In some cultures and families, e.g.,
Latino, a woman does not bring a man home to meet the family until
things are serious and marriage appears to be on the horizon. Her
hesitance could be a cultural norm. Or, it may be something else.
First, if you haven’t done so already, tell her
there’s something special about her and that she might be
Second, candidly discuss where your relationship is at and where you
think it’s headed.
Finally, ask her why it’s too early to meet her family.
Explain that you would really like to meet them, in particular, because
they sound terrific. Ask when would be the right time to meet them.
This might also be a good time to share your own feelings about her not
having extended an invitation. Good luck.
Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
| 301.907.3377, ext. 3
You and your flame share many commonalities, but that's not enough.
After three months, you also want to feel emotional intimacy growing
Her lackluster response
about introducing you to her family is indeed a red flag, and you're
wise to heed it. You're socializing with them, not announcing your
engagement to them. Don't be afraid to let her know that you feel left
out. If she cares about your feelings, she'll include you in her plans.
You need to get her to reveal her feelings for you. Make yourself less
available. Call or text message her less often than you might be doing
now and check her response. Does she call you? Does she tell you she
misses you? When you're together, does she offer you signs of affection
before you offer them to her?
Commonalities and liking someone aren't enough upon which to build a
future. The real one for you will love you and care about you. Look for
signs that her feelings for you are growing. It's also not enough to
want to get married in a couple years. Instead, decide you want to get
married to the right person, however long it takes to find that person.
Your relationship sounds
like a good one. Just as you’re questioning, "Is she the
one?" she may very well be thinking the same thing.
healthy she’s not introducing you to her family until she
knows that you are in fact the one for her. Have you discussed
exclusivity with her? Have you told her that you’re
interested in a committed relationship?
You’re at a
stage where many people make assumptions that the other person is
thinking and feeling the same things. Open a discussion around this and
find out what she’s really thinking.
Demonstrate a little
vulnerability by letting her know where you stand with regard to your
thoughts and feelings. Her response should give you a clearer idea of
whether you’re both on the same track.
Lori Rubenstein | www.daretotranscend.com
The question here is,
“Does she think you’re the one for her?”
Have you discussed your feelings and your desire to be in a
pre-committed relationship with her? If not, that’s your next
step. If she reacts by drawing back or tells you she really likes you
but doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, you have
your answer. You can continue to date her, just for fun, knowing your
chances of marriage to her are slight. Alternatively, you can move on
to find a woman who wants to marry you.
On the other hand, if she
says she feels the same as you do, it’s time to press her for
meeting her family. If she continues to be evasive, she might be
telling you with her actions what she can’t manage to tell
you with words. If that’s the case, it’s clearly a
sign it’s time to move on.
Sandra Rohr | Your
Personal Love Coach
Did you know you can take
the Relationship Readiness Quiz
Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other
resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Kachaturoff | Editor
Finding the Love of Your Life
by Jeff Herring
In his book The
Bridge Across Forever,
Richard Bach asks the question …
you ever felt alone in a world of strangers, missing someone you have
The book goes on to describe his search for a partner in life, what he
calls a "soul mate." I believe that all of us have a profound desire to
find someone with whom to have a deep and abiding, intimate
relationship. This search springs from a longing inside each of us to
find completion and wholeness with another person.
in Our Path
Let's take a look at
three of the obstacles to finding this kind of relationship.
A. Human Beings are
Many people deeply fear the very thing they most want. Striking a
healthy balance between a fear of and a desire for an intimate
relationship can be very difficult. When a fear of intimacy takes over,
people can become experts at relationship sabotage.
Some people continually make the same poor choices of partner. It's as
if each of us had “internal radar" that picks up "our kind"
of person. Whether your radar scans for healthy or unhealthy choices
depends on how it is set.
How your internal radar
is set depends on three factors:
1) Your self-esteem
2) The model of relationships set by the family in which you grew up,
3) Your own relationship experience
Movies, literature and
music have given us the notion that "somewhere out there" is the one
perfect person for each of us. I'll probably get some letters about
this, but I don't think this matches reality. If you just look around,
you'll notice that many "perfect matches" are divorced within a few
In one episode of the program "M•A•S•H" is a
scene in which Hawkeye and Margaret are sitting at a bar commiserating
about their relationships, which have both just ended. One says to the
other, "Our problem is that
we keep looking for a perfect, tailored fit in an off-the-rack
This is where a great many people become stuck. It's my belief that, in
fact, there are many people out there who have the potential to be a
"good fit" as our soul mate.
In much the same way that chain smokers will smoke one cigarette after
another, some people move out of one relationship and then immediately
into another. These people are typically running from something and
have very little knowledge or sense of self when they are not in a
What to Do?
Now that we have looked
at a few of the obstacles to finding a soul mate, here are my top two
tips that might aid in your search.
Becoming the Right
Person vs. Looking for the Right Person
This statement has two meanings:
1) Develop yourself to
the point you become eligible to be someone's right person, and
2) Adjust your own relationship radar so you bring yourself into
contact with suitable potential partners
The truth of this has
been borne out in my interviews with hundreds of couples. When asked
the question "How did you two find each other?” countless
people said when they stopped looking and focused on something else in
their lives, their current partners just showed up. It's an interesting
paradox – finding someone by not looking for someone.
You’re Looking For
I was on a radio program recently when a man phoned in to say that
going to singles meetings to look for a partner was like going to a
used-car lot to find a nice car. I bet he doesn’t get a lot
That aside, a different car analogy is useful here. When we go shopping
for a car, we usually have a mental list of things we must have, well
as things we would like to have. Sometimes, we find one with many
things we would like to have, but without one of the must-haves. It
would still drive OK, but it's just not for us.
Looking for a soul mate, it's important to know what you would like to
have and what you must have. That's one list worth taking the time to
By understanding some of our obstacles to creating relationships, and
by focusing more on being the right person while knowing what
we’re looking for, we’re preparing ourselves in the
best way possible to meet the love of our life.
Copyright © by Jeff Herring. All rights reserved.
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.comand
Ten Principles of Conscious Dating
by David Steele, Founder
of Relationship Coaching Institute
1. Know who you are and
what you want
Like an iceberg, we are
typically aware only of the tip, while our success and happiness
depends upon what lies below the surface.
2. Learn how to get what
Assess the information,
tools, and skills you will need and acquire them. Develop creative
strategies and action plans. “When you fail to plan, you plan
3. Be the
Take initiative and
responsibility for your outcomes. Don’t react to what, or
who, chooses you. Seek to create what you want in your life.
4. Balance your heart
with your head
Make your relationship
choices consciously. It’s still exciting!
5. Be ready and
available for commitment
Live your life and bring
your dating strategy into alignment with how ready you really are for a
6. Use the
“Law Of Attraction”
Be the partner that you
are seeking. Attract the partner that you want by developing yourself
and living the life that you want. “If you build it, they
7. Gain relationship
knowledge and skills
Prepare for the love of
your life by learning about relationships, improving your relationship
skills, and deepening your relationships with your family, friends, and
colleagues. Date for fun and practice. Take more emotional risks. Read
about relationships. Get relationship coaching. Take relationship
classes and workshops.
8. Create a support
Isolated singles become
lonely in their relationships when they focus on a partner to meet all
their social and emotional needs.
9. Practice assertiveness
To get what you really
want, you need to say “No” to what you
10. Be a
Don’t put your
life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen. Live your life
vision and purpose while you are single. The best way to find your life
partner is to be a happy, successful single person living the life that
you really want.
© 2006 ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved.
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After Divorce™ OPEN DOOR Virtual Forum
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Day and time varies, go to http://www.happyafterdivorce.com/opendoor.html
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Contact: Laurie Cameron, CC, MCRC, 303.740.0352, Laurie@HappyAfterDivorce.com
Dating: What You Need to Know
Save time, money and energy using the internet to find your next
relationship. First, you’ll define your dating plan and
requirements. Then we’ll discuss designing a dating strategy,
how to use the most popular dating websites, writing ads to attract the
person you want to meet, methods for keeping track of contacts,
communication strategies, what to do and NOT do before and after your
first meeting, as well as safe dating practices. Tara Kachaturoff, RCI
Master Certified Coach for Singles
June 21, 28, 7:00 – 9:30 p.m.
The Community House, Birmingham, Michigan
The Community House, Birmingham, MI, www.communityhouse.com|
resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at
Conscious Relationship Podcast
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Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
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glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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can be a partner in their success, too!
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org
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