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designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Finding the Love of
Your Life in Today's World
is available for immediate
by top relationship experts!
Conscious Dating, David Steele provides a new concept for dating
and insightful advice, effective exercises and useful illustrations
that will help anyone who uses them make their journey to love
successful. We recommend this book to anyone looking for love.
Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D.,
co-authors of Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting
Yourself Be Loved
dating can lead to disaster. Given
the serious effect of relationships gone awry, Conscious Dating is a
must-read for singles who want to make better relationship choices.
David Steele provides sound guidance and practical advice for today's
Love, Ed.D. Author, The
Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy
Steele has made a significant contribution to the world of relationships
by mapping two previously foreign countries- consciousness and dating,
bringing them together at last in this customized guide. Packed with
practical strategies that really work, Conscious Dating is THE book for
helping singles navigate the dating world.
and Kathlyn Hendricks,
authors of Conscious Loving and the new Spirit-Centered Relationships
book is filled with practical strategies that work.
Packed with solid advice, assessments and exercises, as well as
interesting stories, Conscious Dating is a book that will completely
change the way singles view dating and relating. A must-read for anyone
who wants to create his or her next great relationship.
Eschner Hogan, Author of
Intellectual Foreplay and How to Love Your Marriage
order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family
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FREE Audio CD with
(available for a limited time while supplies last)
the Children: When and How?
what point it would be best to introduce my children (and vice versa)
to someone I’m dating?
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com.
She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
for July: Meet
When and How?
I am a
38-year-old divorced mother of two, with children aged 8 and 10 years
I’ve been on
my own for the last 3 years and am now ready to date.
decided to attend various singles functions in town and at my church. I’m
also going to investigate online dating. I
really want to prepare myself as well as possible for this undertaking
because it’s all very new to me.
I’d like to know at what point it would be best to introduce
my children (and vice versa) to someone I’m dating.
certainly don’t want to introduce them to anyone until I know
we have both agreed we want to pursue a relationship.
is the right time to do this?
How should it be done? Do
you have any suggestions for explaining this to my children? I
would really love your help.
from Santa Cruz
don’t need a parade of dates and
“friends” who come and go through their lives. They
need to see protection, selectivity and values modeled to them on a
other’s children after emotional intimacy has grown, but
before sexual intimacy takes place. The
children will feel safer, even if they don’t entirely grasp
the exact nature of your relationship. More importantly, you will have
modeled something for them that’s very important. They will
see by your example what true emotional intimacy looks like and feels
don't think it's necessary to wait until you have "agreed to
pursue a potential relationship." Your children are entitled
to know you’re dating, that you’re interested in
finding a good relationship, and that you’re are in the
process of meeting a number of men. They will be in this same
situation sometime in the future (dating), so why not learn from
you the skills and pitfalls.
I wouldn't introduce them to every person you meet, but why not include
them in outings with those you’ve seen several times and with
whom you feel comfortable? To me, this is much more natural
than the "wait for true love" approach, which could be quite a
while (and even then, it's not for certain).
suggestion is to explain to your children that you would like to have a
Tell them you are
dating towards that end and that you’re looking for a person
who is good with kids.
Let them know you plan
to include them in activities, from time to time, because you love them. I
hope this approach might prove helpful.
Dating San Diego
believe there are two extremes and that each may have undesirable
One extreme is to
introduce your children to all of your dates, involving them in such a
way they’re reeling from “all the new men in your
life” and then they learn to remain emotionally unattached
from all of them.
extreme is to wait until “the right one” proposes
marriage, you accept (possibly 12 – 18 months from the time
you meet, or longer?), and then you discover than none of the three
like each other!
high a priority are your children? If they’re
paramount, you'll want to make the introductions at the time most
beneficial to them. Consider waiting until they ask to meet
him -- perhaps after 3-6 months, at which time you will have a better
feel for the relationship.
The precise timing will
most likely reflect the collective wisdom of you and your partner; it
may even require a fair amount of dating before you gain that wisdom
opinion, I think introducing your children later rather than sooner is
See how you feel,
assess where you are in the relationship, and consider the feelings of
your dating partner.
Good luck and have fun!
you’re wondering about the “how” and
“when” part of introducing your children,
you’re very clear about what criteria needs to be in place
for them to meet -- being on the same "relationship page" with your
One way my clients have
found it helpful to deal with this situation is to honor the uniqueness
of each child. One child may feel soothed by metaphor and resonate with
a story, while another may need an occasional reference to your
“special friend.” Other
children are "psychic sponges" and know what’s going on so
they need a more direct approach.
trying to determine the best solution, you might want to consider these
do I want my children to come away with? What about my partner?
is the safest, most loving and nurturing way to do this?
does my body feel when I entertain the idea of introducing
my friend to my children? Honor that.
adore these three mantras. “You can't not know what you
know,” “You can't boss around the heart,”
and "The body doesn't lie.”
choice you make, wait until you’re comfortable and clear.
Children really pick up where you're at and what you’re
feeling. A final suggestion is to reinforce your love and special
connection with them by reassuring them these feelings will always be
In any case, take into
consideration the nature of the child and the answers to these
Through this process,
you will find the right “how” and
“when” answers for you.
lois@1Dreamatatime.com | 212.682.5225
you know you can take the Relationship
Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org?
Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other
resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor
On Your Relationship Quest
by Shirley Vollett
is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole
journey to find a loving relationship may have some discouraging twists
It can be challenging
to “keep the faith” during your relationship quest.
faith is an essential part of realizing any goal, whether that goal is
a new job, a healthy body or a loving relationship.
is a belief in a positive outcome to your relationship search. Faith
is trusting that the partner you desire exists, and that you will find
an attitude of faith, even the best dating service or internet site is
unlikely to bring you success.
Without an attitude of
positive expectation, you probably won’t recognize Mr. or Ms.
Right even if they do show up!
is not a passive state of being. It
doesn’t just “happen.” Quite
the contrary, an attitude of faith is both active and creative. I
believe there are three important aspects to “keeping the
faith” in your quest for true love.
Believe you can have it.
a belief that you will find true love is essential to having faith. Belief
comes from within you.
It often arises from
your inner knowing that this deep longing for relationship or for love
is there for a reason.
It is meant to be
satisfied and fulfilled.
Therefore, you believe
that it will be.
isn’t wishful thinking or vague hope. Belief
is focused and precise. Belief
is the conviction that a loving relationship is POSSIBLE for you and IT
WILL HAPPEN – even if there is no visible evidence or proof.
is the committed stance there is a “right” person
out there for you and you will find them. It
involves engaging your imagination, your determination, and your trust
in a loving and creative intelligence in the universe.
you believe, the only question that remains is
“when” and not “if” it will
you listen to someone make a promise, you can usually tell by the tone
of his or her voice if he or she will follow through on it. If
they sound hesitant and unsure, it’s likely that
If their tone is
definite and strong, you know that they will likely deliver on their
desire to be in a loving relationship must translate into a strong
intention, to gain the power it needs to come to fruition.
intention inspires you to pick yourself up and try again, like when a
date is disappointing or your phone call isn’t returned. Intention
means taking a stand, again and again, that you can have the
relationship of your dreams and that you won’t settle for
strongly held intention is like a line drawn in the sand.
This is what I want,
this is where I’m headed, and I will stay the course.
you’ve taken a stand on having the relationship you desire,
you will need persistence to see you through to success.
attitude of faith involves remaining loyal to your vision of the
relationship you desire.
often been said that you will only fail if you quit -- if you give up
before you’ve reached your goal. This
is true regarding relationships, too. There
are plenty of opportunities to become discouraged and negative. An
attitude of faith involves persisting towards your goal, despite the
emotional ups and downs along the way.
DOES NOT mean pursuing a relationship obsessively.
all met people who fall into that trap. This
will only drive away from you what (or who) you desire.
become obsessed with finding a relationship, you may need to practice
emotional detachment from your goal. Detaching
is very different from quitting. You
can still hold true to your goal and desire, while detaching from
trying to control the process of getting there.
you can have what your heart desires, persist in your intention and
take action in faith.
If you can do that, I
believe you will be guided to the life experiences you need to prepare
you for relationship -- and to the people and resources who can help
and support you along the way.
Every step you take in
faith, will draw you closer to your real, live partner who is out there
right now, looking for you.
©2006 by Shirley Vollett. All
Vollett, BSW is a Life & Relationship Coach who loves to
support and encourage singles in their quest to succeed in life and
relationship. To find out more about Shirley, visit www.shirley.vollett.com.
and Dating Venues:
Interview with Brenda Zeller
You’ve probably heard a quotation along the lines of
… “If it’s going to be, it’s
up to me.”
be more true when it comes to building community. Read
my July interview with RCI Coach, Brenda Zeller, as she comments on
singles, dating and dating venues.
Why is it important for
singles to try out a variety of dating venues?
out a variety of dating venues gets you out there, off the couch and
into the pool, so to speak.
The variety gives you
many great places to meet others and to test your requirements with
Make sure you chose
venues interesting to you.
You want to have fun
and enjoy yourself – which is very attractive to others. Also,
you can meet other like-minded individuals for friendship and possibly
an example of an interesting dating venue you’ve heard about?
my area, Lehigh Valley, PA, we have a group called the Off
The Couch Gang.
It was started about 6 years ago by a handful of friends who
didn't want to become couch potatoes, who wanted to do fun things on
the weekends – without relying on the local bar scene to meet
people. Since then, it’s grown to hundreds of
members. There are a few couples in the group, but most are
singles (remember, many couples have single friends).
group looks for different things to do in the area, but they also make
up their own activities.
They send an email
newsletter several times per month listing all the activities in the
area – there’s something to do almost every single
day of the week!
Attendance at events
varies, from about twenty to several hundred people.
have a website now, but for nine years they advertised by email and
word of mouth.
types of activities do they offer?
do group hikes, bike rides, walks, trips to New York City as well as
other places -- and they’re even planning a trip to
Rome! Sometimes they meet for dinner and then a movie at the
local theatre to enjoy the latest film. There's a monthly
dinner where people just meet and greet. They go to local
dance clubs, music venues and festivals. They meet for cards,
book clubs and discussion groups and they volunteer at local events
like the Special Olympics, Habitat for Humanity and
MusicFest. They even take dance lessons. Newcomers
always feel welcomed because they have them join someone
already involved with the group, and then they introduce them
to everyone at the event they attend.
past week, for instance, some of the activities included hiking,
dinners, a house party, fireworks, picnics, theatre, the county fair,
tour of local venues, camping, canoeing, and kayaking.
something for everyone!
singles I’ve talked to say there’s nothing
available for singles in their local area. How
would you respond?
simply have to get off the couch and open yourself up to meeting people
and finding things to do. If there isn't a singles activity
group in your area, see what you can do to start one! I'm
sure there are many singles in your area sitting on their couches
wondering what to do on a Friday or Saturday night.
people about starting a group.
Start with your friends. You
can even check with your local churches, too. One group in my
area started with about five people and it has grown to hundreds of
members in just a few years.
live in a college town, there are a lot of art, music and sporting
venues. Also, check for interesting places to walk,
hike, and bike.
Select a day and time,
then post flyers around town listing local activities and asking
volunteers to help you form and grow the group. Post
notices at the post office, library, supermarket, coffee shops and
churches. Sure, you might be the only person showing up that
day, but you may also be surprised at who else joins you.
local group started out with a weekly hike and a monthly dinner, and
now it has grown to a huge, fun group offering lots of activities every
day of the week. A member of the group, who works at the
local TV station, even took the group on a tour of the facilities
earlier this year!
you have any final thoughts?
often singles spend time alone at home because they think there isn't
anything to do. I've met lots of other singles through the
Off The Couch Gang and also by creating my own
activities – like going for walks at a local park or visiting
places in my home town. I make it a point to say
“hello” to everyone I meet. Even if
you're shy, try it - it gets easier over time and you'd be surprised
how many great people you can meet.
single female client of mine recently went to Florence, Italy,
for two weeks, by herself. She was eager to go, but yet was
scared and wondered what she would do while visiting. I
suggested she introduce herself to everyone she could - at cafes,
museums, etc. No one would know her there, so there was
nothing to lose. When she returned, she was excited about all
the new people she met having made many social connections for future
simply have to get out there and do it. Find venues that
appeal to you.
Check your community
college or other local venues for classes and activities of
interest. If you need help with your communication
or dating skills, hire a relationship coach. It
can make all the difference in the world and soon you'll be absolutely
loving your life as a successful single!
Brenda Zeller, NCTMB
Vital Life and Relationship Coach
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What You Need to Know You
can’t afford to ignore dating red flags if you want to be
successful in finding the love of your life. What
attitudes or behaviors should you watch for? What
steps can you take to select better relationships?
define red flags, why they’re often ignored, review more than
3 dozen of them, as well as discuss ten effective strategies you can
use to counter them.
Tara Kachaturoff, RCI
Master Certified Coach for Singles
July 12, 7:00 – 9:30 p.m.
Community House, Birmingham, Michigan
Community House, Birmingham, MI, www.communityhouse.com | 248.644.5832
resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org
Paths to Union
14: Secrets of Successful
12: The Journey from I to
9: Reptiles in Love
Conscious Relationship Podcast
Conscious Relationship Article Bank
Tired of being alone? Get
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Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
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Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org
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