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January 2006

In this issue:

Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

Conscious Relationship Podcast

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

David Steele
David Steele
Relationship Coaching Institute

Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Tara Kachaturoff - Photo
Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News

Copyright 2005 by
All rights reserved.


This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"

Special Announcement

Conscious Dating Book Now Available

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World is now available for immediate shipping!

Visit for Free:

  • Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter of the book
  • PDF download of three complete chapters

To order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family member in time for the holidays, visit or use this direct order link

Free CD with book!

Free Audio CD with each book!
(available for a limited time while supplies last)

Ask Our Coaches:
What’s the Next Step

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

This Month's Question: What’s the Next Step?

Dear Coaches,

I’m a 46 year old man, with no children. I’ve been widowed for 5 years and still haven’t found someone I seem to click with. I’m a senior partner of a prestigious Boston-based legal firm, very social, involved with my community and church, and considered attractive.

I loved being married and want to meet the right woman to enjoy that experience once again and for the rest of my life. I’ve tried all sorts of dating venues, blind dates, friends fixing me up, and everything for singles at my church. I’ve always made time for others even though I have a demanding job.

Until now, I’ve felt confident about the things I’ve done, the plans I’ve made, and the successes I’ve achieved. Now, for the first time, I find myself not experiencing success. I don’t know what to do and actually feel at a loss as to the next step to take.

I’m starting to wonder… do you think that sometimes it just isn’t meant to be? Am I meant to be single for the rest of my life and disappointed that I cannot share all that I have with a special woman? What’s the next step?

Brendan from Boston

Janice responds …

While I'm sure others will suggest ways to stay positive and motivated in your search for a life partner, I want to draw your attention to another issue I believe relevant to your dating endeavors -- the seduction of work.

It is common for singles that are successful in their work lives tend to have less tolerance for the frustrations inherent in their dating lives. Upon discovering the dating process to be a rocky road, they become discouraged when they see the investment of their time and energy turn into rejections and dead ends.

Staying focused on dating is especially challenging if you’re frequently invited to participate in professional projects promising greater gratification. So rather than continue to be discouraged and frustrated by dating, you might be tempted to fill your life with more work.

Since it’s likely your work life provides you with opportunities to feel desired, competent and capable, it’s understandably going to be preferable to the unpredictability and uncertainty inherent in dating. And this is my concern -- that you may be unknowingly seduced by the comfort and familiarity of work, thus sacrificing the time and energy necessary to date with full deliberation and consciousness.

Being more aware of how you’re being pulled away from pursuing a life partner by the comfort of work, you’ll be in a better position to implement the many motivating and encouraging strategies offered by other coaches. If you make finding love your "business,” I'm confident that you'll be successful. Good luck!

Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. | | 212.874.1470

Ken responds …

Losing a spouse is an extraordinarily difficult loss. My first question is -- have you allowed yourself to fully grieve this loss? Only if you’ve worked through your grief, you’ll be able to be more emotionally available for a new relationship.

You can enjoy the experience of a loving marriage if that’s what you want. To accomplish your goal, you’ll need to approach your search for your new partner with the same kind of conscious effort that you use in your law practice.

First, you need to be introspective to determine who you are and what you really want in a partner. In exploring your wants, it may help to think about the things you really loved about your late wife--as well as the things you may not have loved so much. With that information, create a picture of the kind of partner you want.

Rather than being open ended in dating, focused on places where you are likely to meet such a person. For example, if you value someone who appreciates the arts, spend time at arts events. These are the types of carefully planned steps that we teach through our Conscious Dating coaching programs. Believe in yourself and what you have to offer in a relationship, and then focus your search.

Ken Sprang | | 301.907.3377, ext. 3

Mike responds …

My observation is that dating is a numbers game. The bad news is that if you are as "picky" as most of us are (and ought to be) you'll need to meet hundred of gals before you meet the one you're likely to spend the rest of your life with. The good news is she'll be worth the work and the wait.

For example, if I lined up a hundred attractive gals in front of you, you'd likely say they're all attractive, but you'd probably be attracted to only a couple of them. It's the mystical “chemistry” thing.

Now for my encouragement. Title this new chapter of your life something like, "Meet as many wonderful women as possible, and enjoy every moment and memory." Focus less on the long-term goal, (which is probably making you feel like a failure) and more on enjoying each woman with whom you get to meet and spend time. With this approach, your life will be filled with wonderful experiences and discoveries each and every Friday night -- and one of these Friday nights you may just be in for a wonderful surprise.

Mike McCartney |

Nan responds …

You’ve described yourself as an attractive, social, widower with a successful, demanding career, active in your church and community, who will be unhappy unless you re-marry for the rest of your life.

All the activities you’ve described above involve searching for another wife. The Law of Attraction seems to make it necessary to be a successful single before you can truly find happiness in your next relationship. How can you create a life you love as a single?

You mentioned you always make time for others. What about time for yourself? What are you passionate about doing or learning? Are you trying new experiences, to bring joy and happiness back into your life? On the other hand, is your pursuit of finding a new life partner blocking you from developing your own fulfilling and happy life? Instead of focusing on the fear of never finding that special someone, focus on how you can create a life you love, even if you never find her.

Try new experiences that don’t involve dating, and really start living and loving yourself and your life. You’ll find that your outlook will change, you’ll widen your circle of contacts and friendships, and you’ll increase your chances of attracting the person who will meet your requirements and needs and who could potentially become your new life partner. Don’t be discouraged and never give up.

Nan Einarson | Life and Relationship Coach
Make It So Life Coaching | 905.728.5882

Lori responds …

I definitely hear that you are ready and wanting to meet a great woman to share your life and dreams. However, you may have missed a step in going from being a widower to seeking true love.

Have you had an opportunity to examine, in depth, who you are, to really uncover your passions, dreams and desires? Besides work, are you living a lifestyle aligned with the type of woman you want to attract in your life? If this seems uncomfortable or odd to you, you may wish to seek the assistance of a coach. Take some time to get clear about your life vision and then create the "special woman" you want to attract in your life. Sometimes just having the clarity of what you really want makes all the difference in the world.

Lori Rubenstein | | 928.634.0252


Relationship Readiness Quiz

Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor

Feature Article:
Quit Singing “The New Year’s Blues”

by Sandra Rohr, M.A.

Another year has come and gone, and you’re still single. Maybe, you’ve spent another holiday pining for those beautiful holiday dreams. No decorating the tree together, no warm cuddling by the fire, no searching for that special gift, no kisses at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s eve. The holidays may have been bleak and lonely for you, and you may have found yourself singing “Blue Christmas” instead of “Winter Wonderland.”

Now what? Well, it is that time of year for New Year’s resolutions. This year, try some resolutions that are guaranteed to give you a brand new outlook on life and which will speed you on your quest to being a successful single.

First, try an attitude adjustment. When we’ve created a truly meaningful life, with a partner or not, we focus more easily on the blessings we do have, rather than on what we don’t have.

When I was at the lowest place in my life, I heard that keeping a gratitude journal would change my life. Since it really needed some changing, I decided to go for it. Each day, I listed five things for which I was grateful—and trust me, some days, it was a real effort to find those five things! But I persisted, and my life began to change. Acknowledging what we are grateful for allows us to change our perception of the existing moment. It allows us to be happier right now. A grateful heart actually draws good things into our lives. Practice being truly grateful, and see how this changes your life.

Second, with your new attitude firmly in place, spend some time considering the singing-the-blues-traps that are likely to snare you in the coming days. When are you most likely to feel blue? Weekends? Valentine’s Day? Your birthday?

In the past, you may have stepped squarely into one or more of these traps and found yourself caught in a deep funk because you lacked a partner to share the good times with. This year, your goal is to sidestep these potential traps to fill your life with joy.

Consider some of these following possibilities for the upcoming year:

  1. Find a group of singles with whom to socialize; get together with your gang on a regular basis.
  2. Go home to visit your parents or your siblings; plan a family reunion.
  3. Volunteer at a homeless shelter and help those who are truly less fortunate than you are. We are never so satisfied as when we are focused outside of ourselves.
  4. Volunteer to work for a political cause—something in which you really believe.
  5. Take a trip to an exotic locale, a place that you have long wanted to visit.
  6. Invite an elderly neighbor to dinner or visit a retirement home; many people in such homes receive no visitors—ever.
  7. Treat yourself to a special theatrical performance—the best seats you can afford. Find a friend to go with you, or just go by yourself—you are worth it!
  8. Take a class, perhaps salsa lessons if you have always wanted to dance, or ski lessons. What have you always wanted to learn?
  9. Prepare special meals—just for yourself. Play some upbeat music you enjoy and light some candles. You’re worth it!

Third, grab a copy of the calendar section of your local newspaper and create your own list of possibilities. Don’t stop until you have listed at least 20 items. If you’re unable to think of anything for your list, it is surely time to engage the services of a capable relationship coach, one who can help you see possibilities in your life.

Next, start calling family and friends to join you in some meaningful, fun activities.

Finally, take a look at the list you’ve created. You’ll see that the items on that list include much of what you need in your life in order to be a successful single, a powerful key to attracting the best things and the best people to you. If you’re engaged in things you love, the people you meet will be enjoying these same interests. You never know who you might meet!

In short, be proactive. Anticipate the difficult moments and find a way to fill your life with love and joy so that you find yourself singing, instead, “Oh What a Beautiful Morning!”

© 2005 by Sandra Rohr. All rights reserved.

Sandra Rohr, M.A. is a certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in helping singles connect with their life partner

Sandra Rohr, MA |
sandy@wellspringscoaching | 714.774.8540


Bonus Article #1:
New Year Resolutions for Singles

Featuring Relationship Coaching Institute Coaches

In 2006 … As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… that whenever I feel fear get in the way, I will reframe fear to mean forward. This energy will attract the results I desire.

Louise Rouse | | 541.846.0661

In 2006… As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… to use my special list that includes my requirements for a great, spiritual partnership, when looking for my mate,

… to not get caught up in feeling deprived or lonely and settling for less than the conscious-spiritual partnership I deserve,

… to be open to love, to be vulnerable and trusting and not allow past hurts and fears to interfere with current relationships, and

… most of all, to love myself first and foremost and to live my own life with courage, love and passion.

Lori Rubenstein | | 928.634.0252

In 2006… As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… to let go of the past and live in the present,

… to live life with intentionality,

… to let go of what others think and not take anything said personally (it’s about them, not me), and

… to be grateful for everything I already have.

Tara Kachaturoff |
Master Certified Relationship Coach for Singles


Bonus Article #2:
Back to School: Dating Lessons

Featuring Relationship Coaching Institute Coaches

Lesson #4: Be Kind and True to Yourself

If you’re single again, eventually you begin to think about dating. I suggest you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. Why is this so important? After the transition of becoming single again, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn’t I? It seems difficult to make a decision.

Start by honoring yourself. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn’t feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting, you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily. Becoming single again can be an exciting time in your life. Be gentle with yourself. Honor yourself and listen to your heart!

Joanie Winberg | | 508.947.2750


Lesson #5: Have a Dating Exit Strategy

All too often, dating relationships continue longer than one or both of the daters really want because neither person knows how to end the relationship with grace. Having a pre-planned exit strategy is a kindness to the other person to help avoid false hope. When it's over, it's over. Both your time and his/hers are better spent meeting other people instead of fumbling for a way out.

Remember, all your future relationships will end, except for the last one. Why not be prepared? The first time you realize that your requirements will not be met, try this: you can say, "I think you're a really great person, but I don't think we're a good match". If you rehearse this at home as a Hollywood actor would, you'll be more comfortable when you have to "say your lines" to the other person. You never know, but that date you let down gently, may become a future referral source for meeting someone who is right for you.

Alan Stafford | | 704.795.9596


Lesson #6: Be Authentic

Character is who you are at 4 a.m. in the morning, when no one is watching you. Authenticity means showing up, in character, in your relationships, as the person you really are,- not as an imposter, not wearing masks, not taking on a false persona, not being driven by an ego that says you must be different from your true self.

Authenticity means not reflecting a personality or a self- image that is dictated by someone "outside your self", e.g., your family, your friends, society, the media, reality TV, or your own ego. Authenticity means not being driven by sabotaging needs for control, recognition and security. Authenticity means showing up, in mind, body and spirit, as you, with your own internal set of sincere feelings, emotions, and moods.

When you show up as less than "100% you", the Law of Attraction says you will attract others who are less authentic. You must be the authenticity you expect in others. Being authentic, you will attract others who are authentic -- - a wonderful way to connect in relationship.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. | SpiritHeart: Integrated Coaching | 770.804.9125

© 2005 by / All rights reserved.


Conscious Dating Resources

Visit our website at and join for Free cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

  • Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

  • Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

  • Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

  • Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

  • Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at


Conscious Dating Coaches Around the World

The following are classes for singles being offered by Certified and Master RCI Coaches (trained by and affiliated with Relationship Coaching Institute). Some are offered locally, and some are teleclasses that you can join from wherever you are!


Soulmate Success Training:
Based on the book Conscious Dating by David Steele, you’ll discover what you want and need to be happy in a relationship and how to go out and create it!

When: Friday evening 7-10 and Saturday 9-4pm, January 27-28, 2006
Where: Denver, Colorado
Cost: Tuition: $199. plus workbook $30.
Register: Sign up at or call 303.986.2223

Contact: Deb Melton, 303.986.2223


The 12 Dating Traps :
Learn about the 12 dating traps and how to avoid them.

When: Thursday, January 26, 2006, 7:00 – 9:30 pm
Where: Birmingham Community House,, 248.644.5832 to register
Contact: Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff,
Master Certified Relationship Coach for Singles, 248.723.1926


For More Information, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at

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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

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Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, Newsletter for Singles

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