This newsletter is
designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Finding the Love of
Your Life in Today's World
is now available for immediate
by top relationship experts!
Conscious Dating, David Steele provides a new concept for dating
and insightful advice, effective exercises and useful illustrations
that will help anyone who uses them make their journey to love
successful. We recommend this book to anyone looking for love.
Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D.,
co-authors of Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting
Yourself Be Loved
dating can lead to disaster. Given
the serious effect of relationships gone awry, Conscious Dating is a
must-read for singles who want to make better relationship choices.
David Steele provides sound guidance and practical advice for today's
Love, Ed.D. Author, The
Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy
Steele has made a significant contribution to the world of relationships
by mapping two previously foreign countries- consciousness and dating,
bringing them together at last in this customized guide. Packed with
practical strategies that really work, Conscious Dating is THE book for
helping singles navigate the dating world.
and Kathlyn Hendricks,
authors of Conscious Loving and the new Spirit-Centered Relationships
book is filled with practical strategies that work.
Packed with solid advice, assessments and exercises, as well as
interesting stories, Conscious Dating is a book that will completely
change the way singles view dating and relating. A must-read for anyone
who wants to create his or her next great relationship.
Eschner Hogan, Author of
Intellectual Foreplay and How to Love Your Marriage
order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family
member, visit www.consciousdating.com
this direct order link
FREE Audio CD with
(available for a limited time while supplies last)
Long Distance Love or Out of Touch?
used to think long distance relationships were insane, until it
happened to me.
This column answers
questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue,
we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Month's Question: Long Distance Love or Out of Touch?
a single guy, 42 years old, divorced with no children, and am
definitely interested in getting married in the next couple of years. I
met this fantastic woman on the internet 4 months ago. She’s
37, never married and incredible. We’ve only seen each other,
in person, four times (for several days each time) as I live in Del
Mar, California and she lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I never thought
I could find someone with whom I seem to have so much in common.
friends say I’m crazy to even consider a long distance
relationship. Am I? Neither of us has discussed plans to move, yet
there is an undeniable truth that we’re both incredibly
attracted to each other on all levels and that we would like to take
things further. I’m told there are thousands of wonderful
women in San Diego County who I could easily date and see more often.
For some reason, however, I’ve not been able to find anyone
I’m particularly attracted to in my own area. While
it’s definitely not fun to have a relationship like this,
what do you think the chances are of making it work? I used to think
long distance relationships were insane, until it happened to me.
Should I continue with this or move on and try something else? Is long
distance just too far to make a real connection?
Mark from Del Mar
Are you too far away to
make a real connection? Speaking from personal experience, I don't
think so. I met my husband while we lived at opposite ends of the
country and we eventually moved in together after dating long-distance
for almost two years. We will soon be celebrating our fourth wedding
Are long distance
relationships possible? Absolutely!
Before going any further,
I would suggest you consider these important questions:
are your Requirements for a relationship?
These are the deal breakers or non-negotiables for a relationship. It
is imperative that ALL of your requirements are being met in the
relationship - if not, then the relationship will ultimately suffer and
break down. Some examples of requirements include being financially
responsible, honest, or open to new experiences.
are your Needs? Needs
are the things that are not deal breakers, but if they were not present
in the relationship, they would cause friction. There are functional
needs like being organized or respecting each other’s space,
and there are emotional needs like generosity or patience.
are your Wants? These
are like the icing on the cake. If she looks like Angelina Jolie
that’s a bonus! If not, it won't be a deal breaker.
Create a solid list of
your requirements, needs and wants. The wonderful thing about
long-distance relationships is that you really get to know the other
person on an emotional level. Quite often in relationships, the
physical attraction that one feels towards another can cloud
one’s judgment. Since you are relying so much on verbal
communication, you are able to explore some of these areas in a deeper
way. That is exactly what I did with my husband. Once I realized that
all of my requirements were being met, we were then able to take our
relationship to the next level.
Shilo Shannon |
I was a successful
long-distance dater. I was born and raised in Los Angeles with no
desire to live anywhere else. One day, I went to N.Y. to attend a
wedding and was introduced to my future husband. We were both
marriage-oriented, so our dating focused on gathering enough
information about each other to make that decision. Four months later,
I moved to New York and got married shortly thereafter. That was 18
Singles today need to be
willing to date outside of their "geographical comfort zone." Refusing
to date anyone who is "geographically undesirable" can create an
obstacle if you want to find a life partner.
virtual world, the borders between states and countries are more fluid.
Why limit yourself to being single in one small corner of the world
just because you're comfortable or you’ve "made a life"
there? I suggest you find out if you have the same relationship goals
as this woman. Then rise to the challenge and create ways to see each
other as often as possible.
Talk on the phone, email
and text message. Have fun together, but be sure to talk about how
you’ll handle things and where you will live if you decide to
move in together or to get married. You won't know if your relationship
will work out until and unless you make the effort. Just keep in mind
that it can be done!
Janice D. Bennett,
Ph.D. | www.DoctorLoveCoach.com
212.874.1470 | Janice@DoctorLoveCoach.com
First, your relationship
can work. Second, it will take work. The key to success is frequent
(daily) contact—both by email and by telephone.
Since you don’t
see each other on a daily basis, things that would arise naturally if
you did, don’t happen. You don’t know what you
don’t know, so you must find a way to learn the unknown about
each other. I would suggest that you get a copy of Intellectual
Foreplay by Eve
and Steven Hogan, a couple who did exactly what you are trying to do.
This book contains hundreds of questions that will help you explore
every conceivable aspect of yourself and the relationship.
Finally, I would suggest
that you have a conversation, as soon as possible, about the
possibility of one of you relocating. If neither of you is willing to
consider this, all the rest is moot. Best of luck to you both.
Sandra Rohr |
Generally, long distance
relationships should be approached with a high degree of caution. Much
depends on your experience, the specifics of the relationship, and the
goals you have for your life. Personally, I would rather experience a
fantastic relationship that is infrequent, rather than a hum-drum one
every day. If you can realistically determine if this is true love or
infatuation, and you have carefully assessed your own emotions and
future goals, then you’re in a place to decide what you truly
want and whether or not this situation could be the right one.
Should you continue with
it? I say "Sure, why not?" Because you’re only four months
into it, you don’t need to get married, or even date
exclusively. Continue to find out where it leads without cutting
yourself off from opportunities closer to home.
Randy Hurlburt | www.ConsciousDatingSanDiego.com
In my opinion, long
distance relationships only work as a casual dating situation, when
both individuals just want to have fun and to get together
occasionally. Once you cross the threshold and open up to considering
that person as a potential life partner, things change and trouble
could be brewing.
Why? Love partners need
to be together in order to make a relationship work. This means that
one of you will need to move (or, maybe, both of you can move to a new
location). I suggest that you have a conversation about relocation as
soon as possible. The longer you delay, the deeper you will get into
the relationship without having any idea of where it could be heading.
This puts both of you at tremendous emotional risk.
If neither of you are
prepared to move for love, it’s best to know that immediately
and to cut your losses, as painful as that may be. It won't be any
easier to arrive at this crossroad six months or even a year down the
road. Have a serious chat with your lady love once you have considered
your own situation and assessed your options.
Frankie Doiron |
Helping you Create the Relationship of your Dreams
Did you know you can take
the Relationship Readiness Quiz
Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other
resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Kachaturoff | Editor
Long Distance Love
by Marcia Augustine
Do you constantly find
yourself falling madly in love with flames
who live in distant towns -- so that you can only see each other on
weekends or even less often than that? If this describes you, you may
be using physical distance in order to maintain emotional distance. In
short, you could be protecting yourself with long-distance
Long-distance affairs can
be full of romance and passion, the stuff that makes us feel alive.
After all, you didn't travel so far just to spend your one precious
weekend each month together doing laundry. What we often fail to grasp
is that geographic distance creates emotional distance.
We tend to use emotional
distance as a form of emotional protection because we mistakenly
believe that if someone cannot get close to us, they won’t
hurt us. Therefore, we pick various Mr. or Ms. Wrongs who offer
distance through their inability to commit, through involvement with
substance abuse, or through geographic obstacles.
Until you're ready to
fully embrace a deeper, more genuine level of closeness, you maintain
that familiar, safe distance through the creative use of geography.
Enjoy your long-distance relationship if you must; but at the same
time, get wise to its real role in your life.
I lived a long-distance
love story. He was good to me, very kind, not a mean bone in his body.
He lived at the beach, so that made for some fun mini-vacations. We
dated long-distance for a few years, but I never was able to manage
relocation to his city. It worked out for the best, because now I can
see that he was really my first true love. Since I wasn't quite
emotionally ready for a permanent marriage commitment, I wisely picked
a great guy in a city that would never work out for me in the long run.
He did, however, show me that nice guys don't have to be kept at a
distance -- nice guys don't have to finish last.
You can love someone who
lives closer to home once you understand your motivation for choosing a
long-distance love. See your long-distance relationship as a reflection
of both a fear of real love and an opportunity to learn to welcome in
real love. If you've found a good partner in a city far away, he or she
may be your Mr. or Ms. Right, but he or she may also be a measure of
your ability to open your heart to love.
If you are learning to
welcome a new type of romantic partner into your life while still
needing emotional distance, love at a long-distance can serve both
agendas. You can enjoy the company of a compatible, close love, but in
manageable, measured amounts.
A partner who
consistently acts kindly and lovingly toward you helps your inner self
understand that he or she can be trusted. Enjoy the company of the
person who treats you well, and consciously absorb the good feelings of
having someone who is there for you.
If the relationship
doesn't work out because your flame lives too far away, you'll take
from the romance a new skill - that of being able to enjoy the company
of a quality partner. You'll move up to a place where you can welcome a
similar suitor (or this same person if the distance issue is overcome)
on a more regular basis. For this reason, you don't need to regard a
long-distance love affair that doesn't lead to marriage as a failure.
The success of long
distance relationships lies in learning to welcome the intimacy it
offers. If it teaches you to welcome a more loving partner into your
life, you've succeeded in rising up the emotional wavelength spectrum,
where you’ll be better prepared to receive more intimacy the
next time it's offered.
Marcia Augustine |
Copyright © 2006 by Marcia Augustine. All rights reserved.
Long Distance Relationships:
18 Questions to Think About
by Tara Alexandra
A long distance
relationship has an added dimension of difficulty -- the aspect of
distance. Relationships can be challenging enough when two people are
living in the same general location. When you add the fact that you
cannot see or be with someone you love at a moment’s notice,
there’s a possibility you might be adding anger, frustration,
loneliness, and possibly resentfulness to the equation.
long distance relationships work? Yes,
they can and they have for many men and women, even under the most
difficult of circumstances. Do they have an added measure of difficulty
to them? Absolutely. Difficult does not mean impossible, however.
results usually come from good planning.
If you're not currently involved in a long-distance relationship, take
some time to think about the implications of getting involved with
someone who doesn't live in your area. If you are involved with
someone, and you're feeling unhappy, disconnected, or questioning why
you are in such a relationship, it's time to do some deeper thinking on
some of these questions as
you explore your thoughts and feelings about engaging in a
long-distance relationship and whether or not it might be right for you.
you have any experience
with dating someone long distance? What were the results?
you willing to be open and honest
about your willingness to move to the other person's location should
the relationship progress to a level where you choose to be together?
you willing to leave your job/career,
possibly other family ties, friends, and other familiar things and
places to be with someone you love?
there anything you might be avoiding
in your current environment that is making the pursuit of a
long-distance relationship seem more attractive at the moment?
you received input from others
– like your family and friends -- either about your current
long-distance relationship or your desire to seek one out?
you made an effort to meet others within your local environment?
What have you done? What places have you visited? Why do you think
you’re unable to meet someone in your own area?
you comfortable with the idea that
you can only see someone infrequently and that you won't be able to
just "go out on a date" when you want to?
will you deal with the loneliness,
time spent apart, as well as the lack of intimacy that might be created
because of the distance between you and your loved one?
you have family responsibilities like
caring for an elderly parent or taking care of children which might be
made more difficult should you be the one who must move?
you truly ready and available
for a long-distance relationship?
you know anyone who has
engaged in a long distance relationship? If it turned out successfully,
what did they do to make it work?
you strongly committed in
heart and mind to make this work?
far is too far (geographically
speaking) when it comes to long distance romance?
you financially able to
afford phone calls, flights and other travel expenses to maintain and
sustain a long distance relationship?
now? What is it about
this period of time in your life that is drawing you to pursue or be
involved in a long distance relationship?
do you feel about your
partner not being involved with your family and friends and your
typical, everyday lifestyle?
your personality and behavior conducive to
being in a long-distance relationship? Are you comfortable spending
long periods alone? Do you need to be in the physical presence of
others to be happy or comfortable? Are you comfortable passing up
social opportunities because you aren't able to attend them with
someone? Are you comfortable socializing on your own, but still able to
commit to a long distance relationship?
you clear on you relationship requirements, needs, and wants?
If you need guidance in
reviewing these questions, engage the services of a qualified
relationship coach. By talking about your thoughts and feelings around
the topic, and by exploring the answers to these questions, you be able
to see your way to making the right decision for you.
Tara Kachaturoff | Master
Certified Relationship Coach
Copyright © 2006 by Tara Kachaturoff. All rights reserved.
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Dating Coaches Around the World
The following are classes
for singles being offered by Certified and Master RCI Coaches (trained
by and affiliated with Relationship Coaching Institute). Some are
offered locally, and some are teleclasses that you can join from
wherever you are!
San Diego, CA:
Dating: How to Find the Love of Your Life in Today's World
RCI's founder, David Steele, will join with Conscious Dating San Diego
and Volunteer Singles of San Diego to present a seminar based on his
book Conscious Dating.
Learn why the old way of dating doesn’t work, how the rules
have changed, and how you can stop making choices based on impulse,
misinformation, or desperation. Learn about the three levels of
consciousness, the ten principles of conscious dating, and the fourteen
April 15. Social event starts at 7 PM, program starts at 8 PM (Pacific
Diego (Mission Valley area), California
Planning for Successful Singles
businesses have plans – so do successful singles. This
information-packed course includes lively discussions, exercises and
information to guide you in designing a plan for dating success. Create
your life vision, define your relationship requirements, profile your
ideal partner, customize a dating strategy to fit your needs, and more.
Create a relationship plan that works for you! With RCI Master
Certified Coach, Tara Kachaturoff
Mondays, 4 sessions, 7:00 – 9:30 pm EST, begins 4/10
Community House, Birmingham, Michigan
Birmingham, MI, www.communityhouse.com
resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a
worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you
'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more
information about us, please visit our web site at
April 13: Secrets
of Married Men with Scott
Love Beyond Words with Pat Love
Conscious Relationship Podcast
Conscious Relationship Article Bank
Tired of being alone? Get
a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at:
Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
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glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other
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know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools
to your professional toolbox, visit
Please share this
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can be a partner in their success, too!
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org
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