Relationship Coaching Institute News- check out our great F`REE programs this month!
Relationship Coaching News
December 2006

In this issue:

Editor- David Steele
Founder and CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Copyright 2006 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#1530-3055.

Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Available at


Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

Conscious Relationship Podcast

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

If you received this from a friend and wish to subscribe, or are interested in our newsletters for Singles, Couples, or for Practice Building, visit


1 F`ree Tele-Seminar: Creating Passive Income December 6
2 F'ree Tele-Seminar:  Overcoming the Three Core Beliefs That Cause Relationship Failure December 9
3 Top 7 F`ree Ways to Get Clients New e-Program!
4 F'ree Training:  Introduction to Relationship Coaching Tuesdays
Dec 5, 12, 19
5 Win an iPod! Feb 14

Build Your Ideal Practice!

F`REE TELE-SEMINAR: Wednesday December 6-
9am Pacific/12pm Eastern/5pm UK

Developing Passive Income
with David Steele and Jeff Herring

Would you like to earn income while you sleep? Passive income is revenue you earn without your direct involvement. You can vacation in the Bahamas and your business continues to maintain it's cash flow!

In this seminar you will learn:

  • Three types of income
  • Why passive income is the best kind
  • Five types of passive income for helping professionals
  • How to leverage your current business to earn passive income
  • How to get started, with or without a website

Don't miss this teleseminar!

No need to register. This seminar is F`REE for subscribers of our f`ree monthly practice-building newsletter GETTING CLIENTS

To subscribe and receive your invitation to this seminar, please visit

Can't attend? No problem. The recording of this program will be available for 30 days as our Seminar of the Month

Please share with your colleagues!


F`ree Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar:

December Program
Thursday, December 9, 2006, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

Overcoming the Three Core Beliefs That Cause Relationship Failure

With Paul and Layne Cutright

If you have even one of these beliefs your relationships don't stand more than a 5% chance of success.

It's not what you consciously think that determines the quality of your relationships, but what you subconsciously believe. Until you are able to observe the hidden thoughts, beliefs and feelings that occupy your subconscious mind, and learn to change them, you are doomed to continue repeating the same old patterns in your relationships.

Paul and Layne will share intimately about how they transformed their own unhappy relationships into a lasting, loving, mutually empowering personal and professional partnership that has lasted thirty years. If you ever wonder why your relationships don't last or seem to work out, you will want to hear what Layne and Paul have to say.

In this teleseminar you will learn:

  • how to access your subconscious mind to root out self-sabotage
  • how to avoid getting sucked into the abyss of endless "processing"
  • why you need direct access to your Superconscious mind and how to get it
  • the truth about affirmations and why they often don't work for people
  • and much more . . .

No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available f`ree at

Please share with your colleagues!


New e-Program!
Top 7 F`ree Ways to Get Clients

. . . Because the most effective ways to get clients and
build your private practice don't cost anything!

In this e-program David Steele and Jeff Herring reveal their top seven f`ree ways to get clients and market your private practice.

Here is what you get when you register-

Day 1 - How to Create an Effortless Referral System

Day 2 - Talk Your Way to More Clients

Day 3 - Write Your Way to More Clients

Day 4 - Our Top Strategy for Creating Prospects

Day 5 - Automated Client Magnets

Day 6 - Network Your Way to More Clients

Day 7 - Our Top Strategy for Enrolling New Clients
(Hint- it's NOT the "Complimentary Session")

This program doesn't cost anything, it's easy to join, and it will knock your socks off!

Register here!


Introduction to Relationship Coaching

Starts December 5th

Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.

Introduction to Relationship Coaching includes 3 one-hour tele-classes, Tuesdays, October 3, 10 and 17, 2006; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.

Class #1 How to Coach Singles Dec 5
Class #2 How to Coach Couples Dec 12
Class #3 How to Build a Successful Relationship Coaching Practice Dec 19

Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice.

Can't make our training dates/times? Each class is recorded for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION.

Please share with your colleagues! To register or for more information, visit /forms/freeteleclass.htm


Click here to enter!Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest

For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World on February 14, 2007 (Valentine's Day) we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.

We're awarding an iPod loaded with 20 of our best Conscious Relationship Audio Programs ($369.00 value) to-

- Best male success story
- Best female success story
- Referrer of best male success story
- Referrer of best female success story

This means that if you know someone who could benefit from reading Conscious Dating, or someone who has read it and has a great success story, YOU can also win by referring them!

Submissions will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating book. Current and past members and staff of Relationship Coaching Institute are not eligible to enter this contest. All submissions become property of Relationship Coaching Institute and by entering this contest entrants grant us permission to publish their story online and in print.

- Do you have a success story to share? Go immediately to

- Know anyone with a success story to share? Please forward this announcement to them!

- Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story in the making? With 6 months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating. Please send them to

Let the contest begin!

Feature Article:
The Chemistry of Love

By Linda Marshall, RCI Director of Couples Programs is not an emotion but a physiological drive as powerful as hunger

As we noted in last month’s article, phenylethylamine (PEA for short) acts as a “love drug” stimulating feelings of euphoria during the early stage of a relationship. We noted that this altered state of infatuation suppresses the part of our brain designed to warn and protect us from danger.

Author, anthropology professor, and human behavior researcher, Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is one of the major researchers in the field of interpersonal chemistry. She has studied romantic love in 170 societies and found it to be a universal phenomenon and bears all the basic characteristics of addiction. In her research, she has found that MRI images of the brain reveal that the cognitive area of our brain actually loses blood when we are in love!

Dr. Fisher’s research has revealed that there are different hormones driving sex, romance, and attachment; the three most common aspects of love. Fisher reveals that love is not an emotion but a physiological drive as powerful as hunger. Romantic love is actually a basic drive that has evolved for the purposes of mating and reproduction.


The sex drive is driven by testosterone--a libido-enhancing, energy producing chemical secreted in the testes of males and ovaries of females. On average, the men produce about twenty times more testosterone than women. What do you suppose that means?


In the breathless phase of romantic attraction we are elated, full and overflowing with energy, and obsessed with our love interest, thinking of them almost every waking second and often dreaming of them while we sleep. This is a period of extreme pleasure in which we feel more alive and are more alert; thinking and acting more quickly than usual.

This response is involuntary and enhanced by increased levels of naturally-occurring dopamine and norepinephrine. Novelty of any kind, especially when infatuated in a new relationship, increases levels of these two chemicals in our brains. The elevated activity of these two “love drugs” increases the production of testosterone, linking our attraction to someone with our desire for them sexually. It is a time when sexual tension is overpowering.

An interesting phenomenon that occurs simultaneously is a decrease in serotonin, the chemical that eases tension and produces a sensation of relaxation. Our system is truly excited and experiencing a sustained “high."

During this time we focus our attention on our love interest and everything that occurs between us takes on special meaning. Along with our euphoria commonly comes swings of insecurity and fear that our love interest isn’t as interested as we. We develop an emotional dependence upon the other and experience separation anxiety when not in their presence. Our craving for emotional union is intense and difficult to control. We can become possessive as we guard our lover from the intrusion of any outside threat. We are protecting life’s greatest prize--a mating partner.

Fisher states that in general, men are more visually stimulated because their brains are wired to accommodate their search for a woman to give them healthy babies, while the memory part of a woman’s brain is wired to accommodate her need to find a man who keeps his promises. And thus this ensures the survival of our species.


And, love changes over time. Eventually the euphoria subsides as we settle into the next phase, attachment, characterized by feelings of security and calm. At this point, oxytocin and vasopressin are the chemicals at play in our bodies. Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both the male and the female. In the brain, both these chemicals are involved in social behavior and bonding. Researchers believe these chemicals are in play in supporting the formation of trust between two people and the bond they experience during sexual activity.


Dr. Fisher is the guiding force behind the matching technology of the on-line dating service, It has long been known that we tend to be attracted to people similar to ourselves—with the same ethnic, social, religious, educational and economic background. This also extends to our attraction to people with a similar amount of physical attractiveness, a comparable intelligence and parallel attitudes, expectations, values, and interests.

What is only beginning to be known is that the chemicals in our bodies affect our personalities. Dr. Fisher has identified four personality styles that accompany the characteristic dominant level of one of four hormones- dopamine, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone. These personality styles are also predictive of whom we are more likely to be attracted.

Higher Dopamine = “Explorer”

Someone with high levels of dopamine Fisher calls an “Explorer.” What makes an explorer a desirable partner is their high energy, high creativity, and spontaneity. They tend to be artistic and seek novelty, risk, and pleasure. They are intellectually curious and not easily swayed by the opinions of others. The challenges in relating to an explorer are their propensity toward addiction and their tendency to philander.

Higher Serotonin = “Builder”

Someone with high levels of serotonin Fisher calls a “Builder.” What makes a builder a desirable partner is their calm demeanor and low anxiety. They have a deep attachment to their home and family and are often consistent, loyal, and protective of those they love. They have managerial skill; are sympathetic and cooperative. They work hard and have a lot of common sense. Their patience gives them the ability to complete detailed, painstaking jobs more easily than most people. The challenge in relating to a builder is their propensity to be “right” and to know the “right way” to do things.

Higher Estrogen = “Negotiator”

Someone with high levels of estrogen Fisher calls a “Negotiator.” What makes a negotiator a desirable partner is their idealistic, big picture thinking. They are relational, egalitarian, non-hierarchical, intuitive, flexible, and excel at long-term planning and consensus building. They usually have high verbal and social skills, tending to be networkers who are imaginative, capable of deep empathy, and nurturing. The challenge in relating to a negotiator is their absolute need to establish a deep connection with you.

Higher Testostrone = “Director”

Someone with high levels of testosterone she calls a “Director.” What makes a director a desirable partner is their daring, originality, directness, and inventiveness. They usually are good leaders who are conscious of rank and appropriate behavior. Achieving positions of power and influence often comes easily to them. They can be very assertive and tough minded, focusing on schedules, rules, and routines. They tend to be competitive and efficient. As an independent thinker, they are skilled at abstract thinking and short-term planning. The challenge in relating to a director is their mental inflexibility and limited social sensitivity.

According to Fisher, Builders are best matched with Explorers, and Directors are best matched with Negotiators. Negotiators, with their flexibility, empathy, and nurturing abilities, are compatible and sought after by all the other personality styles.

This part of Dr. Fisher’s work is so new that we learned about them from attending a lecture and at this writing there is little published information about these personality types. We look forward to learning more about her work and sharing with you in the future.


Conscious Mating requires we understand what motivates us, what we are feeling and why we are feeling it. We are complex creatures driven by primal biological forces as well as our higher cognitive abilities. Successful relationships depends upon our ability to make good long-term partner choices and understanding the chemistry of love enables us to "balance our heart with our head."

© 2006 Relationship Coaching Institute– All rights reserved.

Linda MarshallLinda Marshall, M.Div., lives in Centerville, Ohio and is Director of Couples Programs for Relationship Coaching Institute as well as in private practice as a relationship coach specializing in working with couples, both over the telephone and in person.



Invitation #1
Please share this newsletter with a colleague.  There is a tremendous need for our services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.

Invitation #2
I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings 24 hours a day at your convenience by visiting /audio/index.htm (some are available by telephone)

  • Commitment: The Secret Ingredient to Relationship Happiness
  • The Communication Map™
  • Introduction to Relationship Coaching
  • Conscious Dating for Relationship Success
  • Conscious Mating: Is This the Right Relationship for Me?
  • And more!

Invitation #3
I invite you to join our f`ree Introduction to Relationship Coaching tele-training.

Invitation #4
To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, our newsletter for COUPLES, or our GETTTING CLIENTS newsletter, visit

Invitation #5
To learn more about Relationship Coaching this article is a great place to start-
Relationship Coaching: New Hope for Singles and Couples

Invitation #6
To learn more about Relationship Coaching Institute check out-
RCI: More Than Relationship Coaching Training

How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome!  Until next time....

Best regards,
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
CEO and Founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
Telephone:  888.268.4074


For More Information

For Past Issues of this Newsletter

Our Purpose
The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission
To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

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U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055

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