Relationship Coaching News
Copyright 2006 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#1530-3055.
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The Single Most Effective Marketing Tool for Getting High Paying Clients
What if I told you that after more than 20 years in private practice and mentoring hundreds of private practice professionals just like you, I've discovered a magic wand that can easily:
Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.
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For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World on February 14, 2007 (Valentine's Day) we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.
We're awarding an iPod loaded with 20 of our best Conscious Relationship Audio Programs ($369.00 value) to-
This means that if you know someone who could benefit from reading Conscious Dating, or someone who has read it and has a great success story, YOU can also win by referring them!
Submissions will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating book. Current and past members and staff of Relationship Coaching Institute are not eligible to enter this contest. All submissions become property of Relationship Coaching Institute and by entering this contest entrants grant us permission to publish their story online and in print.
- Do you have a success story to share? Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm
- Know anyone with a success story to share? Please forward this announcement to them!
- Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story in the making? With 6 months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com
Let the contest begin!
The following professionals recently joined our ranks:
By Linda Marshall, RCI Director of Couples Programs
YOU ARE A PIONEER
You are the pioneer of your life. And, if you are reading this, as a member of our network you are most likely a relationship pioneer. I appreciate my colleagues at Relationship Coaching Institute and our subscribers around the world who help others have successful relationships, as well as all singles and couples who strive to make conscious relationship choices. We are relationship pioneers and can applaud ourselves for dating and mating with conscious intention. I believe our choices impact humanity more than we can fathom.
ROMANTIC LOVE AND PRE-COMMITMENT
There are many misconceptions about love. Our culture glorifies the romantic love stage of relationship in literature, theatre, television, and movies. It is that initial infatuation stage of a relationship when our chemistry is in high gear and we experience euphoria. Powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitters flood and alter our brain chemistry.
While unsustainable, the romantic love stage serves an important purpose because it gives us a taste of our best and most powerful selves. If the relationship turns out to be a good long-term choice, this stage bonds us together and prepares us to weather life’s inevitable storms. Confusing this initial romantic stage with real, sustainable love is a mistake that can be our undoing.
We want and expect to be happy, and romantic love is eternally optimistic. We don’t want to believe that when we experience this intense chemistry with someone that it won’t work. We want to avoid the pain of failure and can be tempted to try hard to fit a round peg into a square hole, twisting ourselves into a pretzel trying to “make” a relationship work.
I can personally attest to this. I have experienced this intense chemistry in past relationships that I hoped would work long-term. My most intense experience came before I was conscious of any of this. The euphoria lasted for ten months and when the relationship ended after fourteen months, I was devastated. I know now that I had been in a “mini-marriage” with this man, focusing on being a couple without examining the big picture. I was a counselor working with couples and families, and at that time I had no knowledge of conscious dating and mating.
In today’s world when singles become couples, few jump blindly into immediate commitment. Most new couples are “pre-committed,” meaning they are an exclusive couple, but they haven’t yet decided the future of their relationship. This stage coincides with romantic love, and conscious couples who understand relationships realize the need to get to know one another long enough for the infatuation to wear off and experience the reality before making irreversible long-term choices.
“CONSCIOUS DATING” AND “CONSCIOUS MATING” – A RADICAL POSITION
My training with David Steele at Relationship Coaching Institute opened my eyes to conscious dating and the “pre-commitment” stage of relationship. Soon after I joined David’s faculty and began teaching the “Conscious Mating” program for coaching pre-committed couples I had another experience of intense chemistry with a man. This time I wanted to be as conscious as possible so I hired a relationship coach who immediately spotted some serious red flags that I wasn’t aware of. She saved me the effort of twisting myself into a pretzel, trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. This time it only took me two months to recognize that this relationship would not be successful long-term. It would have taken a lot longer without her support.
Here is the radical truth: Relationships do break up. As hard as we might try to prevent and avoid relationship failure, it happens anyway. Because there are many unconscious forces at work in every stage of a relationship, being fully aware isn’t easy and controlling the outcome is impossible.. These unconscious forces have the potential for undermining our best efforts to sustain love if we are not aware.
In “Conscious Mating,” rather than unconsciously believing romantic fantasies of living happily ever after, we accept this truth. Since relationships break up anyway, why not be as conscious as possible in the process and increase our odds of success?
THE WISDOM OF GETTING SUPPORT
As a relationship pioneer I want you to know that there is no shame in seeking support at any stage of your relationship. We have no hesitation about getting support and training for jobs, careers, sports, or even volunteer activities. But when it comes to relationships, we seem to believe that we should just know how. And if we don’t, we are inadequate or there is something wrong with us. That just doesn’t make sense.
What relationship pioneers know intuitively is that relationships are complex and nothing more important than a solid relationship to bring fulfillment and joy into your life. It takes just as much support, knowledge and skill to navigate relationships successfully as it does any other important and complex activity in your life.
Getting the support, knowledge, and skills you need to find and have a successful relationship just makes good sense. Doing so before you make a commitment in a romantic relationship makes even more good sense. In fact, it is most likely the best investment you can make to assure your future relationship success.
And if you choose to move forward towards commitment, a pioneering
couple will set themselves up for success by getting support before they are
hit with challenges they haven’t yet learned how to handle. Couples in
trouble typically wait six or more years to reach out for help, and by then it
is often too late. No one is successful alone. Putting a little effort in keeping
your good relationship good is a great investment you can make in your future
relationship success. It just makes good sense.
Every relationship has challenges. This is normal and does not mean there is something inherently wrong with your relationship. Some challenges are solvable and can be addressed and resolved, others are perpetually unsolvable. Prior to making a commitment in a relationship, or in the "pre-commitment" stage, is your opportunity to choose your future as objectively as possible.
You can use the pre-commitment stage of a relationship to identify the solvable and unsolvable challenges in this relationship and make a conscious choice to take them on and live with them, or decide that they sabotage the long-term sustainability of your relationship and walk away while you still can with much less pain and cost than further down the road.
In pre-commitment you are in an exclusive relationship that
is not yet committed. This gives you an opportunity to identify whether this
relationship meets your requirements and needs for a successful long-term relationship
before you make a commitment. Using the pre-commitment stage to make conscious
long-term choices makes good sense.
Even if you experience the pain of breaking up in the pre-commitment
stage, this prevents you from experiencing even greater pain down the road. Breaking
up after a commitment is made, especially if children are involved, is even more
MY CONTRIBUTION TO CONSCIOUS MATING
Our journey of capturing and writing what we've learned about
Conscious Mating in the past six years has officially begun...
© 2006 Relationship Coaching Institute– All rights reserved.
Linda Marshall, M.Div., lives in Centerville, Ohio and is Director of Couples Programs for Relationship Coaching Institute as well as in private practice as a relationship coach specializing in working with couples, both over the telephone and in person.
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