Relationship Coaching Institute News- check out our great F`REE programs this month!
Relationship Coaching News
August 2006

In this issue:

Editor- David Steele
Founder and CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Copyright 2006 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#1530-3055.

Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Available for order NOW at


Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

Conscious Relationship Podcast

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

If you are receiving this from a friend and wish to subscribe, or are interested in our newsletters for Singles, Couples, or for Practice Building, visit /forms/subscribe.htm

To pass the word about us to a friend or colleague click here


1 Free Tele-Seminar: How to Fill Your Practice Using an Audio CD August 2
2 Free Tele-Seminar:  Life as a Waking Dream August 10
3 New! Private Practice Magic Launches this month!
4 Free Training:  Introduction to Relationship Coaching Tuesdays
August 1, 8, 15

Build Your Ideal Practice!

FREE TELE-SEMINAR: Wednesday August 2nd-
9am Pacific/12pm Eastern/5pm UK

How Fill Your Practice Using an Audio CD
with David Steele, aka Your CD Guy

Audio CDs are the single most effective marketing tool for getting high paying clients in your niche.
In this seminar you will learn how to use an audio CD to:
  • Attract high-paying clients like magic

  • Prove your credibility and expertise

  • Compel prospects to contact you

  • Convince high paying clients to hire you

  • Quadruple your response rate from presentations

  • Triple your response rate from your website

  • Double your conversion rate of prospects to clients
Don't miss this teleseminar!

No need to register. This seminar is FREE for subscribers of our free monthly practice-building newsletter GETTING CLIENTS

To subscribe and receive your invitation to this seminar, please visit

Can't attend? No problem. The recording of this program will be available free for 30 days as our Seminar of the Month

Please share with your colleagues!


Free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar:

August Program
Thursday, August 10, 2006, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

Life as a Waking Dream

With Arleen Lorrance
and Mariamne Paulus
of Teleos Institute

This seminar will cover:
  1. How to strengthen your relationship(s) by looking at your vivid life experiences as waking dreams
  2. How to move beyond repetitive life experiences by finding their deeper meaning and how they can serve you
  3. How to deal with emotional occurrences so that they empower you
  4. How to wake up in the midst of an argument and change the course of the interaction
  5. How to see what bothers you in your partner as a symbolic reflection of something in you
  6. How you and your partner can strengthen and mutually support your life purposes and objectives

No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available free at

Please share with your colleagues!


Launching This Month!

The Single Most Effective Marketing Tool for Getting High Paying Clients

      • Attract new clients like magic
      • Prove your credibility and expertise
      • Compel prospects to contact you
      • Convince high paying clients to hire you

What if I told you that after more than 20 years in private practice and mentoring hundreds of private practice professionals just like you, I've discovered a magic wand that can easily:

- Quadruple your response rate from presentations

- Triple your response rate from your website

- Double your conversion rate of prospects to clients

Free Special Report that details sixteen specific ways you can use an audio CD to fill your practice, divided into four categories-

A) Generating Prospects

B) Converting Prospects to Clients

C) Boosting PR Efforts

D) Product Sales

To access this Special Report please use this link-


Introduction to Relationship Coaching

Starts August 1st

Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.

Introduction to Relationship Coaching includes 3 one-hour tele-classes, Tuesdays, Aug 1, 8, 15, 2006; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.

Class #1 How to Coach Singles Aug 1
Class #2 How to Coach Couples Aug 8
Class #3 How to Build a Successful Relationship Coaching Practice Aug 15

Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice.

Can't make our training dates/times? Each class is recorded for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION.

Please share with your colleagues! To register or for more information, visit /forms/freeteleclass.htm


Welcome New RCI Coaches

The following professionals recently joined our ranks:

Melvin Allen, MA

Los Angeles, CA

Sherrie Allen, MA

Los Angeles, CA

Michala Storm

Denmark, Europe

Feature Article:
Introduction to Conscious Mating for Pre-committed Couples

By David Steele

It's been six months since the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World. My goal for this book was to provide a much-needed comprehensive and practical paradigm for how today's singles can find their life partner. Based upon eight years of development and research involving hundreds of Relationship Coaching Institute graduates and thousands of singles, Conscious Dating has been very well received by top relationship experts as well as single men and women, as you can see here.

Now it's time to focus attention to the phenomenon that singles become couples and their journey towards a successful and fulfilling life partnership.

We've decided to call this journey "Conscious Mating." Just as a conscious single must have clarity about who they are, what they want, and how to get it, so must a conscious couple. As challenging as it is for singles to make good long term relationship choices in alignment with what they want, it can be even more challenging to make good long-term relationship choices when in a pre-committed relationship, which is the focus of "Conscious Mating."

My goal for writing and publishing "Conscious Mating" is to educate the public about the pre-commitment stage of relationship and how to use it as a launching pad for a successful and fulfilling life partnership.


When singles become couples in today's world, most are wondering at some level "Is this 'The One'? Should I be with this person for the rest of my life?" They are an exclusive couple, but not yet committed.

It may be tempting to call these couples "pre-marital" as a catch-all term to include all couples that haven't yet taken the step of becoming committed. However, in my opinion, the mindset of a pre-marital couple is "We want to be married," which is very different from the pre-commitment mindset of "Is this the right relationship for me?"

Many helping professionals do not distinguish between committed and pre-committed couples, approaching all couples in the same manner, either always being neutral about whether the couple should stay together, or always advocating making the relationship work. In my opinion, it is a mistake to take the same position with all couples, because the agenda, attitude, and circumstances of a committed couple can be very different from that of a pre-committed couple, and must be highlighted and taken into account when working with them.

I believe we need to be an advocate for making committed relationships work, and we need to be neutral when working with pre-committed and pre-marital relationships. Our priority with pre-committed and pre-marital couples should be to support their agenda of making a good long-term choice and avoid the "round-peg/square hole" situation that often leads to relationship failure.


A committed couple have typically performed an identifiable act, symbolic or formal, to become committed; usually, but not always, with the intention of staying together for Life. Their commitment is explicit, and both are well aware of it. In this context, most people would say there are no exits, and unhappiness alone is not a viable reason to leave the relationship.

Many people fear commitment but want the benefit of a committed relationship, so they will make committed choices and actions, but not make a mental or emotional commitment. Sorting out whether the couple is committed or not, and helping them align their attitudes with their choices, is often my first step in coaching today's couples.

I have talked with many unmarried people who described themselves as being in "committed" relationships. They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.


    • Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
    • You are wondering if this relationship is committed
    • You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
    • Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
    • You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
    • You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it. And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.


Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me"). It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").


Pre-committed couples generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.


Here at Relationship Coaching Institute we developed our "Partners in Life" (PIL) program for pre-committed and pre-marital couples eight years ago, shortly after launching our "Conscious Dating" program for singles.

PIL includes a client workbook with a series of exercises and steps that help couples identify their life vision, purpose, requirements, needs, and wants, and faciliate a process of dialoguing to develop clarity about their long-term compatibility. It is not the coaches job to judge the relationship. The coach's role is to faciliate the process and support the couple to have enough detachment to be willing to unchoose the relationship if it does not appear to a good long-term choice.

Years ago when I identified the pre-commitment stage and started developing some approaches to working with these couples, I recognized this stage as different than "pre-marital" but didn't know what to call it. The label "pre-commitment" was intended to be temporary, but it stuck. I was amazed at the lack of recognition, information, and resources for this stage of relationship among mainstream relationship experts and the available research and literature. As I write this today I'm still amazed at the lack of recognition of this stage of relationship in the mainstream and hope to change that with the publication of "Conscious Mating," which will benefit from our experiences with our graduates and clients of the Partners in Life program.


Linda Marshall is our Director of Couples Programs and has trained hundreds of RCI graduates to help pre-committed couples using the Partners in Life Program. Between her own work coaching couples for many years in her practice and her role here at RCI, Linda is in a position to make substantial contributions to a book on pre-committed relationships.

When I approached her about this earlier this month she agreed to co-write the book with me and suggested the title "Conscious Mating." I immediately went online and did a domain search to find that the URL was indeed available. Amazing! It's like the name was waiting for us. I bought the domain name and it forwards to for now.

Linda and I will work together to develop and write Conscious Mating, enlisting the help of RCI graduates for their feedback and leads for case studies. So watch this space for more information about Conscious Mating in the future.


Pre-commitment and Cohabitation
State of Our Unions Report for 2005
What is Commitment?
Relationship Coaching: New Hope for Singles and Couples
Commitment: The Path to Relationship Happiness?
Benefits of Committed Relationships
Coaching Committed vs. Pre-committed Couples
Pre-commitment Coaching: Keeping Up With the Times

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

© 2006 David Steele– All rights reserved.



Invitation #1
I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect!  Send them to me at

Invitation #2
I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague.  There is a tremendous need for our services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.

To pass the word about us to a friend or colleague, please visit

Invitation #3
I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings 24 hours a day at your convenience by visiting /audio/index.htm (some are available by telephone)

  • Commitment: The Secret Ingredient to Relationship Happiness
  • The Communication Map™
  • Introduction to Relationship coaching
  • All about RCI
  • Building Your Ideal Practice
  • And more!

Invitation #4
I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.

Invitation #5
If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to visit our web site and contact us at
for information on joining us and becoming a RCI Relationship Coach. Join our free "Introduction to Relationship Coaching teleclass series.

Invitation #6
To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, our newsletter for COUPLES, or our PRACTICE BUILDING newsletter, visit

Invitation #7
For a description of RCI relationship coaching trainings, schedule, and enrollment info, select "Joining RCI" from the left menu at

How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome!  Until next time....

Best regards,
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
CEO and Founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
Telephone:  888.268.4074


For More Information

For Past Issues of this Newsletter

Our Purpose
The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission
To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

Copyright Notice
This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055

Links to Us

Relationship Coaching Institute
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Conscious Dating for Singles
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!

Partners in Life for Couples
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!

Free Monthly Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series

Free Conscious Relationship Audio Programs

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