IN THIS ISSUE:
Steamy Nights - Rejuvenate Your Love LifeBy Lori Ann Davis
Intimacy is essential for any relationship. Without it you have a friendship, not an unstoppable relationship full of love and passion. Everyone deserves and wants to have that kind of relationship. Demands of life get in the way and become the priority sometimes. You come home tired at the end of the day and still have lots to do, and somehow making love takes a back seat in your relationship. On top of that, after a period of time, the "passion" hormones start to decrease which makes it even easier to find reasons not to have sex as often. As the friendship part of our relationship grows, the differences and newness that caused some of the spark and passion in the beginning starts to wear off as well.
There are many reasons why you want to keep the passion alive in your relationships. The hormone oxytocin that is released during sex create a bonding feeling between couples. Besides feeling good, this hormone also help us focus on how much we love our partner. Couples who have active sex lives focus on the positive attributes of their partners more and are more tolerant, less critical and generally happier with their partner. Added to that are the physical benefits of making love. It is aerobic and good exercise; it is relaxing and helps to reduce stress. So if it is that good for you and your relationship, how do you rejuvenate your sex life if it has taken a backseat in your relationship? It is easier than you think.
Remember that intimacy is important in keeping connected with your partner. Make it a priority and work on this part of your relationship like you work on other parts. Have fun and be creative!
Copyright © 2014 by Lori Ann Davis and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Lori Ann Davis MA empowers singles and couples to live richer, fuller, happier lives by helping them create unstoppable relationships. Lori is a Certified Relationship Specialist with over 25 years experience.
She doesn't care that our house is a mess... HELP!
My wife and I constantly fight over keeping the house clean. Our house is small and has clutter everywhere. She doesn't care that it is messy and would rather spend her time doing just about anything else except housework. The mess is overwhelming to me and I don't invite people over anymore because I am embarrassed. I don't mind cleaning it myself, but within a day or two it looks the same. She just won't put anything away. I canít live like this anymore. What can I do? Please help!
~ D.B. from San Diego, CA.
Kiki responds ...
Great question! My husband and I also have different cleaning styles. I hate cleaning. We like having people over regularly and to be honest, that is the only time I feel compelled to do a deep cleaning. The rest of the time he will 'tidy up' the home because he likes everything just so.
If you are the clean one, why not do it? I'm sure there are other areas that your wife is doing more than you. Does she do most of the cooking? Or taking care of the kids/pets? If you are better at cleaning and more concerned with it, don't require her to do more than she already does. Hire a reasonably priced cleaner if you need help. There are companies these days that charge only $20 per hour. She may be willing to pay for it herself as her contribution to the cleanliness of the home.
Don't let something that can be easily remedied by outside helpers cause problems in your marriage. Extend grace to her in this area, as Iím sure she is extending grace to you in some other area. Hope this helps!
Kiki Strickland | www.kikistrickland.com
Marian responds ...
The solution might be for each of you to share your deepest thoughts and feelings around the "mess" issue so you can figure out how to help each other get your needs met and be happier.
Regardless of how justified your feelings are, there's no doubt that nagging and criticizing your wife are a real turn off for her. You may be surprised to hear from her that she wants to feel respected and cherished and that instead, she's been feeling unloved and worthless. She may be feeling like she's living with her boss.
You need to kindly share with her that a tidy, organized home makes you feel good, and that (I'm guessing) you feel disrespected and unloved, and unimportant, and sad, and distressed when she creates clutter and you aren't able to relax in your ideal environment.
Only by being vulnerable with your feelings can you understand and empathize with each other, which then motivates you to help each other get your needs met and be happier.
Marian Meade | www.marriagemindedcoaching.com
Daniel responds ...
I understand your difficulties. I suggest that you both agree to create a safe space, sit down and just listen to each other.
So here's what it might look like:
She may not be able fulfill on your request to put things away. Negotiate so that it can work for both of you. Maybe she can start with keeping a portion of the house organized. Or make a game out of it-when she keeps the house organized, celebrate by taking her to her favorite restaurant.
Daniel Leonardi | www.loveunlimitedcoaching.com
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Free Tutorial- How to Stop Arguing and Start Communicating!
The quality of our communication determines the quality of our relationships, and the quality of our relationships determines our happiness. It really is that simple.
How to Stop Arguing and Start Communicating!
for innovative relationship information, tools and strategies for couples
|Darlene Steele | Editor, Couple for Life News | CONTACT DARLENE
Copyright © 2014 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved.
Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.