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January 2013

In this issue:





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Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

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Frankie Doiron
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Ask Our Coaches: 
Starting the New Year Right!

As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

To start off this New Year, we asked our relationship coaches to submit New Year's Resolutions that would be inspirational for singles. These were written from the viewpoint of a Conscious Single. We hope these motivate you to create some of your own!

"As a Conscious Single, I resolve to..."


Anita responds ...

As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

...start taking ownership of my life by addressing my fears, mending my pains, and celebrating and using my talents to achieve personal success.

Anita Myers | www.innerscopeconsulting.com


Jianny responds ...

As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

Prioritize my well being:

  • Keep it simple
  • Get 8 hours of sleep
  • Eat 3 healthy meals a day
  • Exercise 1 hour a day
  • Dance 3 times a week (in my home when no one is watching, zumba or salsa class)
  • Learn to do 1 thing at a time
  • Eat my dessert

Jianny Adamo | www.fearlesslove.net


Carol responds ...

As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

  • Find my soul mate before the end of 2013. As this is what I want more than anything else I will do everything I can to ensure it becomes a reality.
  • I will find a Relationship Coach to work with.
  • I will spend time working on myself so that I do not make the same mistakes as in previous years.
  • I will work on overcoming my negative thoughts.
  • I will create a Vision Board of how I want my life to be.
  • I will meditate regularly, starting each day with a positive mindset.
  • I will develop my social and relationship skills so that I am more confident in the dating scene.
  • I will put myself out there to give myself the best opportunity of finding the right person for me.
  • I will say 'No' to those who are not a good match for me.
  • I will attract the right person to me, like a magnet.
  • I will spend Christmas this year with the love of my life.
  • Carol Page | www.new-relationship.com


    Barbara responds ...

    As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

    ... neglect the whole world rather than myself, my dreams, desires, and aspirations for life.

    Barbara Williams | www.barbarawilliams.relationshipcoach.org/


    Courtney responds ...

    As a Conscious Single, I resolve to...

    ... never give up hope on the genuine love and epic romance that awaits me. I resolve to do whatever it takes to call in my perfect partner, starting by treating myself with the respect, compassion, and love that I desire from another. I resolve to nurture my passions, cherish my dreams, and live out my authentic purpose here on earth, and in doing so, I expertly prepare myself for the divinely timed moment when my soulmate will arrive to share this joyful life experience with me.

    Courtney DeVon | www.Courtneydevon.com

    Feature Article:
    Starting Fresh in the New Year:
    Three Steps to Opening Your Heart Again
    After a Painful Break-Up

    By Courtney DeVon


    You’ve just been through a break-up. You’re probably attempting to cope with a whirlwind of emotions ranging from anger to disappointment. The relationship you had such high hopes for didn’t go as planned. Besides dealing with real-time pain, anxiety about the future creeps in. Will you find someone else? And if you do, will you be able to open up your heart again?

    The tendency to put up walls around your heart after a painful breakup is only natural. If you’ve ever had your heart broken in pieces, you may have said things to yourself like, “I’ll never be able to trust another man/woman again” or “I don’t need another partner in my life, it’s too much trouble".

    This type of defense mechanism plays out in many ways. It may show up as the rejection of dating altogether, or dating people you know aren’t right for you. After all, it’s safer to fall from a first story window than from the 100th floor. Your mind and broken heart may trick you into believing the best option is simply to never fall deeply in love again.

    Of course you need time to grieve and explore life as a single person, but, if after an appropriate amount of time, you notice your defenses are still up, it’s time to rethink and take action. After all, even though this behavior may keep you "safe," it will never get you the type of relationship you really want and deserve. As humans, true love is our lifeblood, and we need it to nourish our minds, bodies, and souls.

    Here are three steps to opening your heart again after a painful breakup:

    1. Focus on what you've gained.

    No relationship, no matter how painful it ends, was a waste of time. Focus on what you learned about yourself and relationships, and how you can use your experience to become a better partner in the future. You were in the relationship for a reason-- to teach you something! It may be helpful to spend some time journaling or in meditation to figure out the valuable lessons you've learned.

    2. Treat yourself the way you want your future partner to treat you.

    The people in our lives act as our mirrors. Therefore, opening your heart again to the possibility of love must begin by making sure you are fully loving yourself.

    Questions to ask yourself: "Do I honor my feelings? Heed my intuition when I feel unsafe? Only speak well of myself, even in my own head? Take care of my mind, body, and spirit?"

    Do you doubt yourself, judge yourself, or criticize yourself? What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror? Do you stay in relationships that you know aren't right for you because you’re afraid of being alone? If you want someone to love you fully and unconditionally, you must first love yourself this way.

    3. Remember: You create whatever you put your attention upon.

    If your attention is on pain, pain is your reality. Instead of focusing on what you don't want (to get hurt again), focus on what you do want. It could be true love, a respectful and kind partner, or a passionate romance. How can you fill your life with passion now? What are ways you can be more respectful and kind to yourself? How can you tend to the true love relationships that already exist in your life with friends and family? Sooner or later, the positive energy created by living this way will only attract more positivity to you in the form of the partner you’ve always wanted.

    In the book “A Return to Love” Marianne Williamson says, "Love is within us. It cannot be destroyed, but can only be hidden." If you fear the pain of a past relationship is going to destroy your chances of finding love again, remember that this is impossible. You can never lose love; you can only lose sight of it.

    Copyright © 2013 by Courtney DeVon. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

    Courtney DeVonCourtney DeVon is a Dating Coach and professional member of Relationship Coaching Institute. She specializes in helping conscious, soulful, heart-centered women create authentic dating experiences that nourish their souls.
    www.Courtneydevon.com


    Bonus Article:
    Why New Year Resolutions Don't Work
    and What You Can Do About It

    by Maeve Crawford


    Most people focus on their New Year's Resolutions in early January. That's all well and good, but I'm sure I don't have to convince you that New Year's Resolutions rarely work. We start with great gusto in January only to discover by mid January to February that we're no longer interested and struggle to keep the momentum going. And why is that?

    Here are my top three reasons why New Year's resolutions don't work:

    1. They are often made under the influence of alcohol.
    2. There is rarely any follow up.
    3. There is rarely support for follow through.

    Planning

    How romantic is it to spend your life waiting around for Mr. or Miss Right to show up, and never experience the true love you've always dreamed of because you were too afraid to step out of your comfort zone and make it happen?

    To make your dreams a reality, it's always a good start to have a plan. If you don't, you are less likely to fulfill your goals, and that means remaining single through lack of knowledge, confidence, skill or belief you can attract the love of your life and create the loving relationship you've always wanted!

    Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with being single, quite the contrary. I believe that if you're single, happy and know you're in the driver's seat for your life and love life, then you are in a good position to make a great conscious choice romantically. But if you're single because you haven't a clue about what's holding you back or what steps to take to find true love, then that's a whole other category of problem.

    Getting Help

    You can achieve your romantic goals as long as you are committed, ready, willing and able to do the work. But once you have set your goals, what should you do next? It's highly advisable to seek the support of a relationship coach so you can stay on track and make sure you don't repeat mistakes from the past or run away at the first hurdle.

    You can, of course, continue to work alone. It will take longer and you will probably continue to make the same mistakes you've already been making. However, dating is not an isolated activity and really is best done in the company of good friends, a strong support network and a leader who will guide you through the process.

    Some Tips to Get Started

    • Spend time each day visualizing your perfect day with your perfect partner. If you can believe it and see it you can be it!

      "Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."
      ~Napoleon Hill
    • Enliven it with a sense that it is happening. Write about how it feels doing this and what is showing up for you. Keeping a journal will help you monitor and evaluate your progress and what is showing up for you.

      "One simple, practical and cost-free way to process your emotions, gain insight and clear your head is through journaling. It is particularly good for liberating yourself from self-limiting beliefs and thoughts, healing emotional pain, finding new meaning and purpose and supporting spiritual growth." ~Dr. Mark Atkinson
    • Connect with the emotions you have when you visualize your perfect day. Your emotions are your personal indicators which let you know if you're moving towards or pushing away that which you say you want.

      "Pay attention to the emotions that you feel all day every day, because they are your indicator of this vibrational mix between who you are letting yourself be by virtue of the thoughts you're thinking... your emotions are your indicator of where you are in terms of what you want!" ~Esther Hicks and Abraham

    Four Steps to Success:

    1. Write down three goals you would like to achieve by Christmas 2013
    2. Write three actions you are willing to take to make each goal happen
    3. Write a realistic date for completion of each action
    4. Get the support you need to follow through and complete each action

    Copyright © 2013 by Maeve Crawford. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

    Maeve CrawfordMaeve Crawford is a certified relationship coach for singles.  Now affectionately known as ‘The Soul Mate Catalyst,’ she specialises in empowering women who feel they’ve left it too late for children and marriage, to fall in love with themselves as part of the soul mate attraction process she teaches.
    www.BecomingYourOwnSoulMate.com

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