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October 2012

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Daniel Leonardi

Does your relationship history sound like a broken record?


We all want the same thing, whether we are rich or poor, young or old:
to love and to be loved.

Are you looking for true love, but keep finding the same "wrong" person time and time again? If you do, you're not alone – the natural tendency is to do what we have always done-we get stuck in old patterns and end up in unhappy relationships.

Ever have a friend set you up on a date, only to find that your friend doesn't seem to know you at all, and you're left wondering why they set you up with such a mismatch? How do you break the patterns so you can attract a person that is truly a good match? And, how do you communicate what you're looking for in a partner so clearly that your friends find just the right person for you?

If you are ready to find your perfect match, join us October 11, 2012 when RCI Member,
Daniel Leonardi will present:

Attracting True Love

In this program you will learn:

  • How to remove the two biggest obstacles to attract love
  • How one word stops you from having what you want
  • Why you gotta love yourself first!
  • Why your actions determine the coming attractions
  • The attitude of gratitude and how it's essential to your relationship success!
  • Join us and learn how to attract and recognize your soulmate with ease, confidence and clarity. You deserve a fulfilling relationship with the special someone who is just right for you. What you will learn will save you invaluable time on your journey finding your partner!

    Visit http://consciousrelationshipseminars.com/ for information on how to join this call.

    Ask Our Coaches: 
    What else do I need to do to meet someone?

    "...it seems like I never meet anyone."

    This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

    Dear Coaches,

    I consider myself attractive and intelligent and so do my friends. I'm employed, pretty social and am active in several community groups. I'm 31 and never married. I would love to be dating someone but it's such a struggle. I'm always going out with my girlfriends to different events, but it seems like I never meet anyone. I don't seem to attract single men and I'm really not sure what to do about it. What can I do to change this?

    Ricki


    Anita responds ...

    First, repeat after me: "I AM A GREAT CATCH." You are! And a great man will love you, for you. Next, here are a few tips to keep in your "Coach" purse (Get it? Coach?):

    #1 You mentioned, " … it's a struggle." Make a list of what those struggles are. As you reveal each struggle, ask yourself, "What are my responsibilities in this?", "What could I contribute to help myself in this situation?" and "If I could do this again, what would I do differently?"

    #2 Love, inside out. Spend quality time getting to know you with regard to relationships. And, if there are areas to work on, like removing bad habits, negative assumptions and fear, work towards mending and healing. Phase out the unnecessary that keeps your confidence from shining, and nurture the lovely that your friends and family embrace about you.

    #3 Positive mental imagery. Mentally envisioning successful outcomes will help train your mind to believe in attaining those goals. Olympians practice this exercise to achieve their successes. Through trial and error, they maximize their abilities envisioning their goals. Why shouldn't you? Imagine your successes in meeting, dating and having a healthy relationship, and go for your own gold!

    Anita Myers | www.innerscopeconsulting.com


    Mari responds ...

    We all have a degree of "self talk." We tell ourselves every day we can do this or can't do such and such. What immediately jumped out at me from your letter was that you've unfortunately been engaging in negative "self talk." You stated that it's a struggle to date, you never meet anyone and you don't attract single men.

    My advice is to turn your "self talk" around because it all begins within us. The vibes we send out are immediately subconsciously picked up by others, and create a self-fulfilling purpose. It sounds like your vibes are screaming, "I'm getting desperate because I think 31 is old," or "I'm a loser in the dating arena." When we tell ourselves a million times that something is difficult, it subsequently becomes a rock-hard belief that makes the task or situation much more difficult than it really is.

    Determine to concentrate on what you're bringing to the table, and see yourself as a magnificent catch for any guy. Every time a negative thought comes, determine to put a positive one in its place. Try this technique faithfully and then enjoy the results!

    Mari Lyles | Mybeautifulrelationship.com | 1.301.249.5921


    Ann responds ...

    It appears you have no plan in place to meet someone, which is a common singles problem. Try these few tips to help you create a real relationship plan.

    First, make a list of your values, relationship requirements, and what you really want. Next, create a written profile of your ideal partner. This captures your partner's desired attributes, values, and personality traits. In doing so, keep in mind your ideal relationship. You must be clear on what is it, exactly, that you are looking for in a relationship, and what type of person it will take to co-create this with you. Once this is complete, think about where you might find this person.

    We know what you're doing is not working, so it's time to change it up. When you're out, be sure you're approachable. Pay attention to your body language. Are you welcoming? Do you smile and make eye contact? Also consider, sometimes, going out in a group can make you seem unapproachable – a guy does not want to risk rejection in front of a group. Join a club, take a class, begin venturing out of your comfort zone.

    Ann Robbins | www.lifeworksmatchmaking.com | 1.407.895.8222


    Lisa responds ...

    It sounds as if you are off to a good start by keeping socially active, but you might increase your chances of meeting a single guy by mixing up your options a bit. First, keep in mind that sometimes a pack of women is a formidable obstacle for an interested man. Trying to meet one woman in the group leaves him subject to the scrutiny of several. Consider heading out with one other friend, or even alone if the environment is safe.

    Or, consider taking a class or joining a special interest group open to men and women. Shared interests invite immediate common ground and create conditions for easy conversation. If you haven't yet tried online dating, give it a whirl. The more popular systems are set up to keep your identity private until you choose to divulge it. Always follow recommendations for online dating safety.

    Also, take an honest look at what you're putting out there. Even a hint of desperation or urgency could be a deterrent. Make sure you're not wearing your frustration on your sleeve. Lastly, network, network, network. Sixty-three percent of married couples say they found their spouse through a friend.

    Lisa Manyoky | www.maverickinspired.com | 1.609.890.6645


    Udall responds ...

    Being single and ready to meet that someone with whom you can spend wonderful moments can seem quite daunting. Since you are finding it hard to meet someone, several questions come to mind that you can address to open up your opportunities. Is there any healing you need to address regarding past relationships? Hankering over your past love interferes with a new love coming in. What type of relationship are you seeking?

    The type of relationship –- recreational dating, bootie call, long-term commitment, marriage, etc. -- you want (or don't want) can determine who flocks to you. What characteristics do you want in your partner? Tall, handsome and rich doesn't cut it. Develop a substantive list which leads into the question -- What are your requirements, needs and wants? Requirements make or break the relationship. Needs are necessary for your emotional and functional health. Wants are nice-to-haves.

    Are the events you are attending worthwhile? Attend events at which the type of man you are interested frequents. How is your presence (i.e. nonverbal signals) when you are hanging out? You have to be open and receptive in order for someone to approach. Otherwise, it's just a night out with friends (again).

    Udall DeOleo | www.allaboutrelationships.us

    Feature Article:
    Online Dating: What you need to know

    What to Include or Not Include in Your Dating Profile
    by Ann Robbins

    The goal of a good online profile is to attract matches. Not everyone – just appropriate matches. Here are a few tips to get you started:

    Be Authentic. Don't try to appeal to everyone, or package yourself in a way that you think others will think is "better." Not everyone is a match for you! Be sure your profile is a true reflection of your values, your relationship requirements, and your desires.

    Honesty Is Non-negotiable. Many online daters fudge a little on age, photos, as well as lifestyle. They believe saying they are 45 when really they are 51 will make them more marketable. Or, that saying they work out 5 days a week when in fact they've only worked out 5 times in the last 5 months will make them appear more active and fit. Let's face it. Relationships, true love, and real partnerships last due to connection and a foundation of honesty. Fudging is lying –- don't do it. Why begin with a lie?

    Avoid Clichés. Holding hands on the beach in the moonlight, dinner by candlelight at a quiet restaurant, a glass of wine at a romantic wine bar … need I say more?

    TMI*. I have a saying: "You have to know all you tell, but you do not have to tell all you know." This means, everything you write in your profile must be true, but don't include every gory detail! Sharing information comes in steps, by degrees, as appropriate. So don't tell your entire life story with all the details of your last divorce and what you ate for dinner last night. (*TMI = Too much information!)

    Be Positive. If you harbor negative or hostile feelings toward dating in general, or you're still angry about your recent divorce, it's probably too soon to be dating. Do the inner work first. Remember, "like attracts like." Statements such as "If you're a liar or cheater, don't bother to contact me!", or "I'm over it with users and losers", guess what? You will attract negative people. No positive person will respond to that type of statement! Want great matches? Be a great match!

    What to Include or Not Include in Your Dating Profile ©2012 by Ann Robbins. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission. Ann Robbins at www.lifeworksmatchmaking.com


    Online Dating Photos: Tips to Help Choose
    by Lisa Manyoky

    Your online dating photo is an important companion to your written profile. Make it work FOR you, not against. Sure, not everyone is a skilled photographer or has the resources for a professional shot. However, your photo can give information about you, your style and interests that your written profile cannot. Since it is one of the first ways prospective dates get to "meet" you, choose your photo wisely.

    1. Most importantly, INCLUDE A PHOTO! Profiles without photos are frequently bypassed, raise questions about secrecy, or are red flags for spammers.

    2. Your picture should be recent. Six years ago is not recent.

    3. Include more than one shot. Lighting, perspective and environment affect how you look, so offer variety.

    4. Include a close-up of your face. Blurry images might give the impression you're not serious about the process or that you're hiding something.

    6. If you're a smiler, then smile. If you're not, then don't. A forced smile looks unnatural. Choose a photo that accurately represents who you are.

    7. Include conversation-worthy shots. Photos of you doing something you like establish common ground for conversation.

    8. Avoid glamour shots. They're lovely but don't reflect you in everyday real life. Of course, if you're always glamorous, then go ahead.

    9. Save hats and sunglasses for the beach. They hide features most like (and want) to see.

    10. Who owns that arm slung over your shoulder? Don't draw attention away from you by including someone else, or parts of someone else.

    11. Cleavage and abs? Choosing to flaunt your body might be perceived as overt sexuality and not pride in fitness. Be sure your intent is clear and expect mixed results.

    12. Photoshop is not your "phriend" if you're altering your image just to get attention. You will surely disappoint when the un-retouched you shows up.

    13. Studies show that evidence of self-care is more attractive than perfection. Don't worry so much about your crooked nose or a few wrinkles. Focus on grooming, hygiene, posture, etc.

    14. Let a friend help choose.

    Now...say CHEESE!

    Online Dating Photos: Tips to Help Choose ©2012 by Lisa Manyoky. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission. Lisa Manyoky at www.maverickinspired.com


    How to Follow Up with Interested Prospects
    by Rev. Scott Simpson

    It is the moment you've waited for. Someone who is interested in you has responded to your profile and picture with an e-mail. You are so excited!

    So you respond and the conversation is amazing and you're sure you've found your match. You agree to a first date and sadly discover there is no chemistry at all.

    Does this situation happen often in online dating today? Absolutely. Everyday singles fall into a trap of rushing into a relationship with someone they met online without following a well thought out process that will increase their success of connecting with their mate.

    If you want to connect with your potential mate, here are a few tips to use when you follow up with interested prospects:

    1. Clarify your relationship requirements

    What are your relationship requirements, needs and wants? What must you absolutely have (or not have) to be in a relationship? Write them down on paper and make sure that you align with the person who is interested in you.

    2. Practice safe dating

    Take your time in communicating with this person by e-mail until you are comfortable going further. When you are certain that you are comfortable, give your phone number. Then when you feel comfortable meeting in person, tell your date that you will drive your own car.

    Ask for your date's contact information, perhaps a cell phone number, and then tell a friend where you're going. Don't forget to watch your valuables and keep your personal information private.

    3. The first date

    Meet in a public place such as a coffee shop or a public park for no more than 45 minutes. Have an exit strategy and plan what you want to say so that you can leave after 45 minutes or sooner. The goal here is to screen this person.

    If you are still interested after the first date, you can arrange for a second date. Remember to have fun and that your safety is first priority!

    How to Follow Up with Interested Prospects ©2012 by Scott Simpson. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission. Rev. Scott Simpson at www.theloveplan.com

    Bonus Article:
    Can holiday romances ever work?

    by Carol Page


    A holiday romance is just that –- a romance for the holiday. For many people holidays are about having a good time, making new friends and enjoying new experiences, and a holiday romance might just be the icing on the cake that makes the holiday so memorable. However, complications can arise, especially when one of the couple decide they want it to be more than just a one-week fling. So if you're contemplating a holiday romance, here are a few thoughts that might be helpful:

    Play safe. If your holiday romance involves having sex, make sure you protect yourself. You don't want to come home with more than you bargained for!

    Be sensible about who you meet and where – and tell someone else where you are going. It might also be a good idea to keep in touch with a friend via your mobile phone, throughout your date.

    Don't neglect the people you have come on holiday with. You'll be going home with them so make sure you don't leave them feeling dumped.

    Be honest with the other person. If you have absolutely no intention of continuing the relationship beyond your holiday then make sure the other person realizes that. Allowing someone to fall in love with you and then walking out of their life can be unnecessarily hurtful.

    Go into it with your eyes wide open. The chances are that if you meet a local they will be after a bit of sex and fun, then on to the next person as soon as you have gone home, so don't expect it to turn into anything more than that, otherwise you might just get your heart broken.

    Be aware that people tend to act very differently when they are on holiday. So if you are hoping that this romance will continue when you go home, you might want to ask a few pertinent questions before you leave. Long distance relationships are always challenging so before you get involved in one, you will want to at least have some idea that this one could be worth it. For example, you will want to know:

    - Is he/she single and unattached (not necessarily the same thing)?
    - Do they feel the same way about you?
    - What do they do for a living (financially viable)?
    - Do you share similar interests?
    - What is their relationship history (do they have a lot of baggage)?
    - Have they done this before?
    - How do you both intend to continue with the relationship?

    Having said all that, meeting someone while you (or they) are on holiday can be an exciting adventure that could just possibly turn into a long-term relationship. After all, if you feel that you've already met all the eligible singles in the area where you live, then looking further afield is definitely a good idea.

    If you are hoping to find love and romance during your holiday, then consider choosing your destination with that purpose in mind. There are plenty of organized holidays for singles that you could link up with. The advantage of these type of holidays is that everyone else will be single too and (hopefully) available and therefore maybe open to the possibility of friendship – or more.

    But bear in mind that unless you fall within the average age range of the group there may not be many suitable people to choose from, and you could end up spending the week with people you have very little in common with.

    There are also countless activity and interest holidays, where you stand a higher chance of meeting someone who shares your interests, which must be a good basis for a lasting relationship. Yes, there will be couples on the holiday too, and people who are there on their own but who are already in a relationship, but there will probably also be people there who are genuinely single, like you. And even if you don't meet that special someone during the week, at least you will be doing something you enjoy, with like-minded people.

    One further piece of advice if you are hoping to meet someone special: go with a truly open heart and mind. Whether you are aware of it or not, you will be giving out vibes that tell other people much more about you than you may realize. So if you are secretly feeling "no one is going to be interested in me," or "if I get close to someone I'll get hurt" then you will inadvertently be putting up a wall.

    If, on the other hand, you go with confidence in who you are, secure in the knowledge that whatever happens you will cope, then the world is your oyster. Step into each room or situation as someone who counts, and make a commitment to yourself to enjoy every moment of your holiday.

    So to summarize, be consciously aware of what you are doing. Take sensible care not to get hurt or to hurt anyone else, and allow yourself to be open to a world of exciting possibilities.

    Happy holidays!

    Copyright ©2012 by Carol Page. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

    Carol Page

    Carol Page, MA, is an internationally known Relationship Coach for Singles and Personal Life Coach. Through her Soulmate Discovery Program Carol works with singles to find and deeply connect with their ideal partner. She also works with individuals on a whole spectrum of life issues, helping them become truly fulfilled. www.new-relationship.com +357 9907 8545

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