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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org
"I am completely enjoying, applying, and achieving good results from what I'm learning in Conscious Dating.
You and your team are wizards in
relationships and true gifts to us singles in today's world."
New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles
We have been asking singles to tell us their biggest challenges with Conscious Dating and the overwhelming number of responses mention how difficult it is to find love after 50, especially for women.
So join Frankie and myself as we tackle the biggest, most vexing problem facing singles today- how to find love after 50.
Our brand new Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles meets the first Thursday of each month.
Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding programs!
Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.
New! Free Conscious Dating
This is a monthly conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.
This Tele-Clinic is for you!
Led by David Steele, Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you find the love of your life and the life that you love.
When: Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern
Duration: 90 minutes
How to Join: It's free! Simply register here
Thanks so much for being a Conscious Dating reader and we look forward to having you join us!
New! Conscious Dating Spot Coaching Now Available
Conscious Dating Spot Coaching is a one-time consultation to address a specific problem or challenge you're experiencing with dating and relationships.
Sometimes, when you're feeling stuck, there's no substitute for the life-changing clarity that a conversation with a good coach can provide. Some of our clients have told us that one hour of coaching can be more effective than ten years of therapy!
Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed and you will receive a full refund if you are not satisfied that you received the best value possible.
Free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series:
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
with Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
There are four ways to connect with a man:
Men want closer
marriages just as much as women do, but not if they have to act like a
secret of the silent male is this:
In this teleseminar you will learn:
No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.
Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available free at www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com
For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.
And, you'll meet the winners who will share their stories of how they used conscious dating principles and strategies to find their soul mate.
Bonus gift for all who join us for this special event! Watch your e-mail inbox for your invitation with the bridge number needed to join.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Question for August: When is age a problem?
I'm in my late forties, recently divorced, and I just started dating a gentleman who is 60. I didn't know his true age when we started dating. I like him a lot. We enjoy each other and our values are very similar. He's a gentleman, funny, intelligent, adventurous and family oriented, all things I like very much.
His age is a concern to me. Generally, women outlive men and chances are that I could end up alone, again, in 15 years. I know that it can happen anyway, regardless of his age. I haven't seen him in several weeks and I would like (and need) more connection with him (seeing him more frequently). He calls and emails me often, however. What should I do? Should I tell him my concerns?
Margaret in Minneapolis
Ken responds …
Remember the words of the poet, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." As you acknowledge in your letter, statistically, you will outlive your friend, but you could also die long before he does. If we try to live our lives by statistics and “what ifs,” we become paralyzed and can miss much that life has to offer.
I strongly recommend you speak candidly with this gentleman. Tell him how much you like him, value him, and enjoy his company. Tell him about your fears, acknowledging that the fears are all yours -- they really have nothing to do with him. If he cares for you, "fears and all," then carpe diem, seize the day, and see where this journey leads.
If the relationship blossoms into a long-term commitment, you can be thankful that you took a risk that brought you great happiness. If the relationship ends, you can also be thankful you had the courage to take a risk that took you further along your life journey. You have little to lose and everything to gain.
Barbara responds …
Age is only an issue if
we make it one by choosing a negative perspective. It is never what
happens to us that is most important; it is how we choose to react to
what happens to us. “Youth is a gift; aging is an
When one remains
positive, having an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, life
becomes lighter, more fun and more meaningful. One can be grateful for
having reached this stage of life, having released the heavy
expectations and judgments held in youth.
Nan responds …
Ask yourself which “what if” you are prepared to live with:
The bottom line is that no one knows the future. I understand you want to protect yourself from future sorrow, but since the future is an unknown, there is no guarantee. All we can control is our present. Fear is holding you back from experiencing what could be one of the best times in your life, or one of the worst.
A better question might be “Which decision will cause you the greatest regrets?” Will it be that you allow your fear to hold you back and always keep wondering “what if”? Or, will it be that you might only have a short time together to be happy? Your fears are valid; but, the question is how much you will let your fears govern your lifestyle.
Randy responds …
Sure, age is a concern,
and if the relationship continues to bloom, maybe you might be alone
again. However, if it continues to bloom, would you want to do without
it? There are many factors to consider and there is no right decision.
Caroline responds …
It sounds as if you’ve met a wonderful man! Fear of losing him is a natural part of your deep attraction to him. He is just over ten years your senior, shares similar values and shows behaviors which are right for you. Statistically, it is the lot of a woman to live beyond the life of the man she loves. For many, this becomes reality, but this is life. Many would love the opportunity to aim for the wonderful fifteen years.
A more important question to consider is could you love and care for this man if he became ill and was no longer able to be adventurous, funny or even intelligent? Could he love you if the roles were reversed?
You are only at the beginning of your journey with him. Making the decision to dare to be fully alive while you can is the best foundation for a long, happy and healthy life together. You are both old enough to know there is no time to lose if a relationship is what you want. Good luck and enjoy!
Countess of Minto FRSA
Relationship Readiness Quiz
Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org? Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor
Tara: How do you integrate Christian principles into relationship coaching?
Michelle: I live my life by Christian principles. They are a natural extension of who I am; they are the value I bring to the coaching experience. I don’t impose my beliefs on my clients, but I provide them the option to include Scripture and/or prayer, if that is what they request.
Tara: What particular scriptures offer support to Christians who are in the midst of finding the love of their life?
Michelle: Today’s single man or woman may face many concerns when it comes to finding a mate – a sense of hopelessness, worry, or feelings of loneliness. There are three useful Scriptures that provide useful guidance.
For example, consider Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
This is perfect for singles when they feel a sense of hopelessness about ever meeting that special man or woman. We can find joy in reading the Bible, spending time in prayer as well as taking the time to listen to Him. He delights in our putting Him first; He will fulfill the desires of our heart, which is expressed as our meeting the love of our life.
Worrying is another common issue. Instead of putting our thoughts in that place, we can put them on God. Philippians 4:6-9, 19 describes this well:
As we focus on God, He will guide us to be in certain places where we can meet the love of our life, according to His timing, which is always best for everyone. A final piece of Scripture, especially helpful during those times of loneliness, is Genesis 2:18. “It’s not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”
We don’t have to worry. We can know that God created us for relationship, not to be alone. He has someone for us, for companionship. We must trust in Him and His plans for us.
Spending time with Scripture, thinking deeply about it’s meaning, and combining this with prayer, provides a solid foundation for singles who are in that challenging position of finding the right person. It’s about making a daily commitment to living and believing in Him and His desires for us
Tara: What are some of examples of coaching activities you use with Christian clients and how do they help?
Michelle: In addition to using the Conscious Dating program, I use word studies and self-talk tapes.
A word study uses a “concordance,” an alphabetical listing of the words in the Bible. If the client encounters an obstacle, we find the words that relate to that issue.
For instance, a client may experience the Scarcity Trap, where he or she feels there are a limited number of possibilities when it comes to finding a mate. This pressures him or her to settle, rather than to wait for the right person.
We look up words which relate to “lack” or “fear” and then find the appropriate Scripture to provide direction and encouragement. When a client can see God’s love expressed through Scripture, they gain a new perspective.
Self-talk is another effective method especially with clients who are recently recovering from divorce. It helps them to re-focus on the positive and to reshape their perspective. Working together, we select Scriptures which apply to the client’s situation. For example, we might use something like, “I delight myself in the Lord and He gives me the desires of my heart.”
I have my clients record their affirming Scriptures. Sometimes they even include upbeat music. Then they commit to listening to their tapes -- in the morning, when they’re driving, prior to going to sleep, or at any time when they need to be more positive.
This technique helps a client grow in confidence, joy and peace. As a result, they attract others who share these very same qualities. They become more content to wait for the love of their life, rather than frantically trying to find someone to “complete them.”
In a nutshell, my role is to provide guidance and support to help singles understand that everything they need is encompassed within Scripture. I help them focus on what matters most so they can find the love of their life.
Michelle Blacksher | Manna Coaching and Divorce Recovery | 503.504.7052 | email@example.com
by RCI Coaches
Someday my prince or princess will come. This "Fairytale Trap" is one of the most prevalent of the dating myths. Instead of waiting for him or her to arrive, you need to go out to find this person.
There are three things we all needed to learn in school, yet were never taught:
So where did we get the notion all we have to do is wait around for the right person to show up? It's almost as if we expect the right person to come knocking on our front door.
I remember sitting in a Sunday school class being told we didn’t have to look for the right one for us, because one day, we would look across the church and there he or she would be. Yeah, right. I think we get this notion from fairy tales, popular songs, romance novels and movies.
So what’s the
result? We passively sit around, waiting for the right person to show
up, complaining the entire time because he or she never arrives.
Instead, we need to take action and get out into the world. We need to
scout for the person we want. We need to have our requirements in hand
so we know exactly who we’re looking. Don’t be
surprised if you need to interview a lot of people for the position
you’re trying to fill. You’ll be glad you did.
Myth #8: All the good men and women are already taken.
Several years ago the media got a hold of a statistic that once women reached a certain age, their chances for marriage dwindled dramatically. Just like the media to take one line from one study and play it out with lots of drama. It can then become truth in the minds of many.
What this does is foster the myth that good partners are scarce and hard to find. If this is true, then you better settle for whatever you can find. This leads to one thing -- desperation. You stay with someone who is not right for you, just to be with someone. This is a set-up for a miserable situation.
Attitude is everything.
When you approach dating from an attitude of scarcity, you see
scarcity. When you approach dating from an attitude of plenty and
abundance, you see plenty and abundance.
#9: Online dating is unsafe.
Just because you have
bared your soul, doesn’t mean that you truly know that person
or that you should drop your guard. On the contrary, singles should be
especially vigilant about maintaining their boundaries, just like you
would on a first date, testing the real person against the
Doiron | www.frankiedoiron.com
Myth #10: Women won’t date a man who doesn’t make a lot of money.
If you think women won't date you because you don't make a lot of money, then you have succumbed to the belief that a man's value and desirability is measured by how successful he is in business. This is far from the reality.
Most single women are not gold-diggers. They are caring, loving and hard-working people wanting a life-partnership with a man they can love and respect.
Women are attracted to men who are confident and happy in their work. They want to be around men who feel successful because their work is gratifying. Rather than define a man only by his job, women value men who have interests or hobbies they feel passionate about, activities they value that give their lives meaning and purpose.
A man who thinks a woman is more interested in dating his wallet can, and should, find someone else to date.
Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. |www.doctorlovecoach.com
Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guyss
Recommended by Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.
This book cuts straight
to the chase, telling women the most important "actions speak louder
than words" basic rule to understanding men -- if he's "into you," then
he'll pursue you.
Recommended by Sandra Rohr
Definitely the real thing--none of that "act this way," "act that way." In fact, no acting at all, just great.
Recommended by Paige Armstrong
Something More is beautiful and powerful. It filled with genuine insight, humor, quotes and simple exercises that will help you get in touch with your authentic self, and help you to truly honor your relationships-- especially the one with yourself.
I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
Recommended by Tara Kachaturoff
Learn how to take a proactive role in finding your ideal life partner and create the life you love.
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ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
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