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February 2007

In this issue:

Now Available!

Conscious Dating book

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Order a copy today for your single friends and family members at www.ConsciousDating.com





Exclusively For Our Subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series

www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com


Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org
All rights reserved.


"I am completely enjoying, applying, and achieving good results from what I'm learning in Conscious Dating.

You and your team are wizards in relationships and true gifts to us singles in today's world."
~Susan Race, Exton, PA

Welcome!
This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"


Announcements

New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles

March Program
Thursday, March 1, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern


Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50

With Frankie Doiron and David Steele

We have been asking singles to tell us their biggest challenges with Conscious Dating and the overwhelming number of responses mention how difficult it is to find love after 50, especially for women.

So join Frankie and myself as we tackle the biggest, most vexing problem facing singles today- how to find love after 50.

Our brand new Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles meets the first Thursday of each month.

Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding programs!

Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.


New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
Thursday, February 15th, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

This is a monthly conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

  • Feeling stuck?
  • Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
  • Frustrated with dating altogether?
  • Want some free advice and coaching?

This Tele-Clinic is for you!

Led by David Steele, Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you find the love of your life and the life that you love.

When: Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Duration: 90 minutes

How to Join: It's free! Simply register here

Thanks so much for being a Conscious Dating reader and we look forward to having you join us!


New! Conscious Dating Spot Coaching Now Available

  • Feeling Stuck?
  • Want Expert Help NOW?

Conscious Dating Spot Coaching is a one-time consultation to address a specific problem or challenge you're experiencing with dating and relationships.

Sometimes, when you're feeling stuck, there's no substitute for the life-changing clarity that a conversation with a good coach can provide. Some of our clients have told us that one hour of coaching can be more effective than ten years of therapy!

Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed and you will receive a full refund if you are not satisfied that you received the best value possible.

www.ConsciousDatingSpotCoaching.com


Free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series:

February Program
Thursday, February 8, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

Steven Stosny

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It


with Steven Stosny, Ph.D.


Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. In this program Dr. Steven Stosny reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:

  • Love is not about better communication. It's about connection.
  • You'll never get a closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to one of your girlfriends.
  • Male emotions are like women's sexuality: you can't be too direct too quickly.

There are four ways to connect with a man:

  1. Touch
  2. Activity
  3. Sex
  4. Routines

Men want closer marriages just as much as women do, but not if they have to act like a woman.

Talking makes women move closer; it makes men move away.

The secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life
.

In this teleseminar you will learn:

  • The same vulnerabilities that bring us together tear us apart
  • Why we fight
  • The worst thing a woman does to a man
  • The worst thing a man does to a woman
  • The Power Love Formula: 4 3/4 minutes a day to a powerful relationship

No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available free at www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com


Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year

You are invited to join us for a very special Valentine's Day conference call-
Wednesday, February 14th, Noon pacific/3:00pm eastern

For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.

And, you'll meet the winners who will share their stories of how they used conscious dating principles and strategies to find their soul mate.

Bonus gift for all who join us for this special event! Watch your e-mail inbox for your invitation with the bridge number needed to join.


Ask Our Coaches:
When is age a problem?

Generally, women outlive men and chances are that I could end up alone, again, in 15 years ...

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Question for August: When is age a problem?

Dear Coaches,

I'm in my late forties, recently divorced, and I just started dating a gentleman who is 60. I didn't know his true age when we started dating. I like him a lot. We enjoy each other and our values are very similar. He's a gentleman, funny, intelligent, adventurous and family oriented, all things I like very much.

His age is a concern to me. Generally, women outlive men and chances are that I could end up alone, again, in 15 years. I know that it can happen anyway, regardless of his age. I haven't seen him in several weeks and I would like (and need) more connection with him (seeing him more frequently). He calls and emails me often, however. What should I do? Should I tell him my concerns?

Margaret in Minneapolis


Ken responds …

Remember the words of the poet, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." As you acknowledge in your letter, statistically, you will outlive your friend, but you could also die long before he does. If we try to live our lives by statistics and “what ifs,” we become paralyzed and can miss much that life has to offer.

I strongly recommend you speak candidly with this gentleman. Tell him how much you like him, value him, and enjoy his company. Tell him about your fears, acknowledging that the fears are all yours -- they really have nothing to do with him. If he cares for you, "fears and all," then carpe diem, seize the day, and see where this journey leads.

If the relationship blossoms into a long-term commitment, you can be thankful that you took a risk that brought you great happiness. If the relationship ends, you can also be thankful you had the courage to take a risk that took you further along your life journey. You have little to lose and everything to gain.

Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com ken@bcccounseling.com| 301.907.3377, ext. 3


Barbara responds …

Age is only an issue if we make it one by choosing a negative perspective. It is never what happens to us that is most important; it is how we choose to react to what happens to us. “Youth is a gift; aging is an art!”

Appreciation for all we hold dear, and mindfulness, living each moment without regrets from the past or fears of the future, makes aging a delightful process. Age happens and we may choose to view it as a curious adventure, or take the perspective that we're “over the hill.”

When one remains positive, having an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, life becomes lighter, more fun and more meaningful. One can be grateful for having reached this stage of life, having released the heavy expectations and judgments held in youth.

Barbara Epstein, M.A.
born2coachu@aol.com | 301.881.1111


Nan responds …

Ask yourself which “what if” you are prepared to live with:

• What if you choose to break it off now, in case something might happen to him?

• What if you break it off and spend the next 15 years alone and lonely, searching for a younger man?

• What if you stay and he lives 20 or 30 more years?

• What if you stay with him and he outlives you?

• What if you continue to date and he turns out to be someone you don’t want to continue with?

• what if you continue to date others, seeking a younger man with qualities you want?

The bottom line is that no one knows the future. I understand you want to protect yourself from future sorrow, but since the future is an unknown, there is no guarantee. All we can control is our present. Fear is holding you back from experiencing what could be one of the best times in your life, or one of the worst.

A better question might be “Which decision will cause you the greatest regrets?” Will it be that you allow your fear to hold you back and always keep wondering “what if”? Or, will it be that you might only have a short time together to be happy? Your fears are valid; but, the question is how much you will let your fears govern your lifestyle.

Nan Einarson | 905.728.5882
http://www.make-it-so.ca | nan@make-it-so.ca


Randy responds …

Sure, age is a concern, and if the relationship continues to bloom, maybe you might be alone again. However, if it continues to bloom, would you want to do without it? There are many factors to consider and there is no right decision.

You describe a very enjoyable relationship and those are rare. How long will it take to find another like this? How old will you be then? You haven’t known each other for a long time; this suggests postponing judgment.

He knows there is an age difference, so you don't need to bring it up just to tell him what he already knows. There is little point in discussing it if you don't know your position. You need to get clear with yourself about whether you want a great relationship for a little while, or a so-so relationship for a long while, or how long you are willing to look for another great relationship. It may be a good idea to continue gathering data by dating him and others.

The age difference could actually be a healthy one, because he is more likely, than would a younger man, to maintain his interest in you over the long term.

Randy Hurlburt | www.consciousdatingsandiego.com
randy@loveisnotagame.com | 858.455.0799


Caroline responds …

It sounds as if you’ve met a wonderful man! Fear of losing him is a natural part of your deep attraction to him. He is just over ten years your senior, shares similar values and shows behaviors which are right for you. Statistically, it is the lot of a woman to live beyond the life of the man she loves. For many, this becomes reality, but this is life. Many would love the opportunity to aim for the wonderful fifteen years.

A more important question to consider is could you love and care for this man if he became ill and was no longer able to be adventurous, funny or even intelligent? Could he love you if the roles were reversed?

You are only at the beginning of your journey with him. Making the decision to dare to be fully alive while you can is the best foundation for a long, happy and healthy life together. You are both old enough to know there is no time to lose if a relationship is what you want. Good luck and enjoy!

Caroline, Countess of Minto FRSA
consultcm@virtualcom.it


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Relationship Readiness Quiz

Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org?  Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff  |  Editor


Feature Article:
Interview with a Christian Relationship Coach

This month, I interviewed Michelle Blacksher, a long-time member of the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is a Christian coach who works with singles and those in divorce recovery.
Tara Kachaturoff | Editor

Tara: How do you integrate Christian principles into relationship coaching?

Michelle: I live my life by Christian principles. They are a natural extension of who I am; they are the value I bring to the coaching experience. I don’t impose my beliefs on my clients, but I provide them the option to include Scripture and/or prayer, if that is what they request.

Tara: What particular scriptures offer support to Christians who are in the midst of finding the love of their life?

Michelle: Today’s single man or woman may face many concerns when it comes to finding a mate – a sense of hopelessness, worry, or feelings of loneliness. There are three useful Scriptures that provide useful guidance.

For example, consider Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

This is perfect for singles when they feel a sense of hopelessness about ever meeting that special man or woman. We can find joy in reading the Bible, spending time in prayer as well as taking the time to listen to Him. He delights in our putting Him first; He will fulfill the desires of our heart, which is expressed as our meeting the love of our life.

Worrying is another common issue. Instead of putting our thoughts in that place, we can put them on God. Philippians 4:6-9, 19 describes this well:

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. Fill your minds and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; …. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."

As we focus on God, He will guide us to be in certain places where we can meet the love of our life, according to His timing, which is always best for everyone. A final piece of Scripture, especially helpful during those times of loneliness, is Genesis 2:18. “It’s not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”

We don’t have to worry. We can know that God created us for relationship, not to be alone. He has someone for us, for companionship. We must trust in Him and His plans for us.

Spending time with Scripture, thinking deeply about it’s meaning, and combining this with prayer, provides a solid foundation for singles who are in that challenging position of finding the right person. It’s about making a daily commitment to living and believing in Him and His desires for us

Tara: What are some of examples of coaching activities you use with Christian clients and how do they help?

Michelle: In addition to using the Conscious Dating program, I use word studies and self-talk tapes.

A word study uses a “concordance,” an alphabetical listing of the words in the Bible. If the client encounters an obstacle, we find the words that relate to that issue.

For instance, a client may experience the Scarcity Trap, where he or she feels there are a limited number of possibilities when it comes to finding a mate. This pressures him or her to settle, rather than to wait for the right person.

We look up words which relate to “lack” or “fear” and then find the appropriate Scripture to provide direction and encouragement. When a client can see God’s love expressed through Scripture, they gain a new perspective.

Self-talk is another effective method especially with clients who are recently recovering from divorce. It helps them to re-focus on the positive and to reshape their perspective. Working together, we select Scriptures which apply to the client’s situation. For example, we might use something like, “I delight myself in the Lord and He gives me the desires of my heart.”

I have my clients record their affirming Scriptures. Sometimes they even include upbeat music. Then they commit to listening to their tapes -- in the morning, when they’re driving, prior to going to sleep, or at any time when they need to be more positive.

This technique helps a client grow in confidence, joy and peace. As a result, they attract others who share these very same qualities. They become more content to wait for the love of their life, rather than frantically trying to find someone to “complete them.”

In a nutshell, my role is to provide guidance and support to help singles understand that everything they need is encompassed within Scripture. I help them focus on what matters most so they can find the love of their life.

Michelle Blacksher | Manna Coaching and Divorce Recovery | 503.504.7052 | m.blacksher@att.net


Bonus Article:
Dating Myths 7- 10

by RCI Coaches

Myth #7: If it’s meant to be, he or she will find me.

Someday my prince or princess will come. This "Fairytale Trap" is one of the most prevalent of the dating myths. Instead of waiting for him or her to arrive, you need to go out to find this person.

There are three things we all needed to learn in school, yet were never taught:

• How to manage money,
• How to be a great parent, and
• How to find the love of our life.

So where did we get the notion all we have to do is wait around for the right person to show up? It's almost as if we expect the right person to come knocking on our front door.

I remember sitting in a Sunday school class being told we didn’t have to look for the right one for us, because one day, we would look across the church and there he or she would be. Yeah, right. I think we get this notion from fairy tales, popular songs, romance novels and movies.

So what’s the result? We passively sit around, waiting for the right person to show up, complaining the entire time because he or she never arrives. Instead, we need to take action and get out into the world. We need to scout for the person we want. We need to have our requirements in hand so we know exactly who we’re looking. Don’t be surprised if you need to interview a lot of people for the position you’re trying to fill. You’ll be glad you did.

Jeff Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com | 678.778.7660

Myth #8: All the good men and women are already taken.

Several years ago the media got a hold of a statistic that once women reached a certain age, their chances for marriage dwindled dramatically. Just like the media to take one line from one study and play it out with lots of drama. It can then become truth in the minds of many.

What this does is foster the myth that good partners are scarce and hard to find. If this is true, then you better settle for whatever you can find. This leads to one thing -- desperation. You stay with someone who is not right for you, just to be with someone. This is a set-up for a miserable situation.

Attitude is everything. When you approach dating from an attitude of scarcity, you see scarcity. When you approach dating from an attitude of plenty and abundance, you see plenty and abundance.
When you believe there is a limited supply of possible partners, you have to take what you can get or be alone. This results in relationship failure; you’re settling for less and compromising your requirements. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when you get less, because you expect less. Instead, don’t settle for who is less than right for you.

Jeff Herring |www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com
Jeff@ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com | 678.778.7660

Myth #9: Online dating is unsafe.

Online dating can be a fun and effective way of meeting other singles, but it does present challenges. While most singles take precautionary measures when dating strangers, online daters need to deal with ‘virtual intimacy,’ often resulting in a false sense of security.

Just because you have bared your soul, doesn’t mean that you truly know that person or that you should drop your guard. On the contrary, singles should be especially vigilant about maintaining their boundaries, just like you would on a first date, testing the real person against the “online persona.”

Online Dating Tips

1. Schedule a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Find out sooner rather than later whether your cyber-attraction translates well into the physical world.

2. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't seem right, don’t ignore it. Ask questions and find out more.

3. Don’t provide your personal information. Use a free email account and never provide your home or work telephone numbers (it is easy to find an address through a telephone number).

4. Take your time and get to know the person. Let the relationship develop slowly while screening and testing for compatibility and inconsistencies.

5. Report any threats. Don’t hesitate to report any threats or harassment to the police and to the online dating service.

Frankie Doiron | www.frankiedoiron.com
905.453.7451

Myth #10: Women won’t date a man who doesn’t make a lot of money.

If you think women won't date you because you don't make a lot of money, then you have succumbed to the belief that a man's value and desirability is measured by how successful he is in business. This is far from the reality.

Most single women are not gold-diggers. They are caring, loving and hard-working people wanting a life-partnership with a man they can love and respect.

Women are attracted to men who are confident and happy in their work. They want to be around men who feel successful because their work is gratifying. Rather than define a man only by his job, women value men who have interests or hobbies they feel passionate about, activities they value that give their lives meaning and purpose.

A man who thinks a woman is more interested in dating his wallet can, and should, find someone else to date.

Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. |www.doctorlovecoach.com


Recommended Reading for Singles



He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guyss
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

Recommended by Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.

This book cuts straight to the chase, telling women the most important "actions speak louder than words" basic rule to understanding men -- if he's "into you," then he'll pursue you.




How to Get Married After 35 Revised Edition: A User's Guide to Getting to the Altar by Helena Rosenberg

Recommended by Sandra Rohr

Definitely the real thing--none of that "act this way," "act that way." In fact, no acting at all, just great.





Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self
by Sara Ban Breathnach

Recommended by Paige Armstrong

Something More is beautiful and powerful. It filled with genuine insight, humor, quotes and simple exercises that will help you get in touch with your authentic self, and help you to truly honor your relationships-- especially the one with yourself.




If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
by Susan Page

Recommended by Brenda Strausz


This is an encouraging book, one that has practical and wise advice on how to follow through with your goal of finding the right person with whom you'd like to be in a relationship.



The Bridge Across Forever: A Lovestory
by Richard Bach

Recommended by Jeff Herring


The search for a soul mate in novel form.




Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
by David Steele

Recommended by Tara Kachaturoff

Learn how to take a proactive role in finding your ideal life partner and create the life you love.



Conscious Dating Resources

Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org and join (no charge) for cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

  • Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

  • Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

  • Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

  • Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

  • Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach


For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org






Exclusively For Our Subscribers

Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series


March 1, 2007:
Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Your Soul Mate After 50

www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com


Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

www.ConsciousDatingTeleClinic.com

 

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series


February 8, 2007: How to Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It

www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

 

Conscious Relationship Podcast and Audio Programs

www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com


Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach


NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.PartnersInLife.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.


Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit http://relationshipcoachinginstitute.com


Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com


Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org and become a member (no charge)!

Relationship Coaching Institute
Complimentary introductory training! relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

To subscribe to this newsletter

Please refer singles your care about to ConsciousDating.org

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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Please share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.

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