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February 2006

In this issue:




Free to our subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series

www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com
Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com


David Steele
David Steele
Founder,
Relationship Coaching Institute



Frankie Doiron
President & CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute


Tara Kachaturoff - Photo
Tara Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email


Copyright 2006 by ConsciousDating.org
All rights reserved.

 

Welcome!
This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"


Special Announcement

Conscious Dating Book Now Available

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in TodayÕs World is now available for immediate shipping!

Visit www.consciousdating.com for FREE:

  • Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter of the book
  • PDF download of three complete chapters

To order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family member in time for the holidays, visit www.consciousdating.com or use this direct order link

Free CD with book!


FREE Audio CD with each book!
(available for a limited time while supplies last)



Ask Our Coaches:
Husband Wanted: Running Out of Time

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

This Month's Question: Husband Wanted: Running Out of Time

Dear Coaches,

I'm a 40 year old, divorced professional. I've been single for 2 years, don't have any children but am still hoping that I can meet the right guy so I can start a family. A family is my top priority. I'm running out of time and really need to find someone who wants to get married and have children as much as I do. Some of my friends have criticized me for my "obsession" with finding someone. So far I haven't been very successful finding anyone. I tend to bring up marriage and children in the first few dates and that seems to end things. Maybe I sound a bit desperate, but my biological clock is ticking. What do you think? Is it wrong for a woman to want children? Is there anything I can do to find men who are still interested in having them?

Hillary from Hawaii

 


Ken responds …

There is nothing wrong with wanting children! Ignore your friends' criticisms and hold fast to your dreams. For many people parenthood is an important part of their role and purpose in life.

One way to get your questions answered without sounding desperate is to ask your date about his vision for his future. If all goes well in the next five years, what will his life look like? Where would he live? What would he be doing professionally? What things might he want to accomplish? Does he want to marry some day? Have children? Rather than telling him what you want, allow him to talk about himself and his dreams.

To find potential partners, think about where men who want children might work or spend their leisure time. Teachers and others in helping professions might be more inclined towards having a family and children. Perhaps there are volunteer or other organizations in your area that focus on kids. The key is finding venues of kindred spirits. Also, consider men who already have one child but who might want more.

Remember to have a positive attitude and the Law of Attraction will help you- "what you believe you can achieve."

Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
ken@bcccounseling.com | 301.907.3377, ext. 3


Sandra responds …

You do sound a little desperate and that is always a put-off. It’s not a compliment to a man to want to marry him just for children. How would you feel if someone wanted to marry you for anything less than love?

Longing for a family is a legitimate desire. So, what can you do to fill that need? You might consider adoption. Many children are in need of loving homes, if you are willing to accept a slightly older child rather than a baby. Or perhaps, you could fill that need by being a foster parent. Maybe you could volunteer to work with children. The key is finding creative ways to take care of your own needs, rather than just hoping to be rescued by a man.

Keep in mind that as we find better ways of living our own lives and meeting our own needs, we’ll actually increase our chances of meeting someone who would like to do that along with us.

Sandra Rohr, MA | www.wellspringscoaching.com
sandy@wellspringscoaching | 714.774.8540


 

Peter responds …

You seem very attached to the outcome of marriage and children within a short time period. If you're feeling desperate that your time is running out, the energy you send out consciously and unconsciously is creating a reality of agitation, which others can easily sense and feel. This turns men off. When engulfed in worry and fear, you’re creating a reality that doesn't work out, thus reinforcing your worry and fear. You may want to try focusing on patience. Try to have your goals, while letting go of attachment to specific outcomes. Wayne Dyer says, "Infinite patience brings immediate results."

Try this test. For two months, try engaging in some mind-body work focusing on breathing and relaxation. Practice visualizing, in detail, what you want. Trust your heart and your soul to guide events and circumstances and see what unfolds. During this time, choose to transform the energy of your obsessing, worry and fear into positively engaging in areas of your life where you feel you can be more involved and productive.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. | SpiritHeart: Integrated Coaching
pvajda@spiritheart.net | 770.804.9125

 

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Relationship Readiness Quiz

Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org? Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor

 

Valentine's Day For Singles

 

Soon it will be Valentine's Day. Not everyone has a special someone with whom they can share this time. However, that doesn't mean you need to stay home or be alone. We asked our RCI coaches to make some suggestions as to how you might spend this day and celebrate its meaning.

Valentine's Day reminds us of love. To live fulfilling, healthy lives, and to be a good partner with another person, we need to love ourselves first.

When you’re single, you need to do for yourself the things a devoted partner might do. Join some friends for dinner at a romantic restaurant. Order a lovely bouquet of flowers for yourself. Book a massage, a facial, or both. Do a get-away weekend alone or with friends. Show love for yourself in the way you would have that special someone show it to you.

Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
ken@bcccounseling.com | 301.907.3377, ext. 3


Valentine's Day is all about honoring love. Spend the day being grateful for all the love that you have already in your life. You might also want to spend some time envisioning your life as having all of the love that you could possibly want. How many different ways have you been loved in your life? How many different ways would you like to be loved? And, most importantly, how can you show and share love with others?

Michael Murray | Profound Connections
murray@profoundconnections.com | 647.477.2325


Love is not just for couples, it’s for everyone. Don’t define yourself by your relationship status. Make Valentine’s Day have its own meaning for you. Focus on the positive things that are going well in your life. Plan an evening out with friends or family, select your favorite outfit, your favorite restaurant and celebrate you and the love you already have in your life. If you plan to stay home, enjoy a pampering activity like a spa treatment, a makeover, a girl’s or guy’s night in. If you have children, plan a special activity, meal or evening celebrating the love you share.

Treat yourself special. Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers or that special item that you’ve had your eye on. If you’re single and want to create a love relationship, use one of many resources and tools available at ConsciousDating.org to help you on the journey to creating the relationship of your dreams!

Estelle Gibson | Journey To Freedom
estelle@journey-to-freedom.com | 937. 657.1873

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Feature Article

9 Secrets to Living
Happily Ever After… Divorce

by Laurie Cameron

When you go through a divorce*, almost everything changes -- your daily routine, social connections, finances, living arrangements, time with your children, even your identity. You might be glad to just survive from one day to the next. Is it enough to stay in this survival mode? How do you turn the corner and begin to thrive?

* The term "divorce" applies to the break-up or ending of any long-term committed relationship, including same-sex unions, and common-law and traditional marriages.

SECRET #1: Accept What Is.

Are you spending a lot of time, or any time wishing things were different? Do you keep focusing on how you think things “should” be? Stop struggling with what you think your life is supposed to be like. It is the way it is. When you stop fighting reality, you can use more energy to take action and live the life you want to live. When you’re able to accept your life the way it exists in the moment, you create the freedom to open up to the infinite possibilities of how your life CAN be.


SECRET #2: Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life.

Your life is your responsibility, no one else's. You have no control over what happens to you, or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over how you respond. Taking 100% responsibility for your actions and responses means you have to remain in integrity.

Staying stuck in blame or victim mentality closes you off from the rest of the world. Taking responsibility allows you the space to acknowledge your part in the divorce, to learn from the experience, and to move forward with more confidence.


SECRET #3: Practice 2 Strategies for a Successful Life.

Strategy 1: Figure out what's not working in your life and stop doing it.

Strategy 2: Figure out what works better and start doing that instead!

These two strategies may sound oversimplified, but they can sometimes be tricky to implement. Continuing to do what doesn't work in your life can be very frustrating. Until you explore what you want to do instead -- what works better -- it's nearly impossible to break old, toxic patterns and habits. Developing both of these strategies while you're adjusting to your divorce will help you move quickly toward a more effortless and joyful life.

SECRET #4: Take Extremely Good Care Of Yourself (and your children).

When you put your own health and well-being first, you place a personal priority on growth and positive change. Your outlook is better and you adjust to your divorce more quickly and effectively. Do things that nurture your mind, body and spirit.

Build your reserves of energy on a regular basis, and be selfish about protecting and maintaining those reserves. When you take good care of yourself, you also have more energy to help your children adapt, adjust and grow in healthy ways.

Remember that your children have their own needs during and after your divorce, and those needs might not be in alignment with yours. Listen well to them, and don’t put them in the middle. If you feel you're not strong enough to help your children during or after your divorce, find a professional who can.

SECRET #5: Create A Vision & Focus On It.

If you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there? Since you get what you focus on, you may as well focus on what you want! Vision and focus go hand-in-hand. Define your vision. If everything in your life were just right after your divorce, what would it look like and feel like? What is the best you can possibly imagine? When you have a clear vision, create a plan to help you stay focused on what you want. Define goals and action steps that will help you live your vision.

SECRET #6: Take Action.


It's not enough to have a vision and a plan; you must actually DO something with them. It's easy to get caught in "overwhelm-induced inertia." To get started, pick one thing you can do today to take one step towards living your vision. If the action you choose still feels too big or too risky, keep breaking it down until you have one thing you feel you can do today. No matter how small it seems, JUST DO SOMETHING!

SECRET #7: Create A Fulfilling Single Life.

Being single is not a disease to be cured; it's a wonderful opportunity for growth. Living your life as a successful, fulfilled single adult after your divorce is the best way to attract the people and resources that can help you live your vision and fulfill your dreams. Focus on your own life and do what makes you feel strong, powerful and happy. Live your life on your terms, and say “NO” to everything and everybody that takes you away from your vision.

SECRET #8: Make Conscious Life Choices.

When you know who you are, what you want and what you value, your choices are more conscious. If your thoughts and actions are in alignment with your values, your decisions will take you toward your vision rather than away from it. When you make conscious life choices, you reclaim your own power and nobody can take that away from you.

SECRET #9: Expect To Be Human.

It's easy to be human – a wonderful work in progress; but sometimes it's a lot harder to actually accept that you're human. It's a waste of time and energy to beat yourself up for not doing what you think you should be doing or not being who you think you should be. You are who you are. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your child or best friend.

The joy of being human is the ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow and evolve, and to make better choices tomorrow than you did today. When you expect to be something other than what you are, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure, and you give your power away. When you expect to be human, you can see yourself with more loving eyes, and the possibilities for your life become endless!

BONUS SECRET: There Is No "Happily Ever After"…
… There Is Only Happily Right NOW.


"Happily ever after" -- riding off into the sunset, with no more worries or problems -- doesn't exist. You can't assume that you've "arrived" and that you can switch your happiness to automatic pilot. Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice. It's a choice that comes from that deeper place of "being-ness" inside you. Within that place, your happiness is protected from external forces.

You can be happy no matter what's going on outside of you. When adjusting to a divorce, there will be ups and downs. How you respond to each one of them is your choice. Following these "Secrets" will help you be very successful at Living Happily…Right NOW!

Copyright (c) 2006 Laurie Cameron. All rights reserved in all media. Laurie Cameron, CC, MCRC, is the Happy After Divorce™ Coach. She works with men and women who are ready to turn fear into focus and chaos into confidence, both during and after their divorce. 303.740.0352 www.HappyAfterDivorce.com

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Conscious Dating Resources

Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org and join for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

  • Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

  • Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

  • Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

  • Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

  • Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

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Conscious Dating Coaches Around the World

The following are classes for singles being offered by Certified and Master RCI Coaches (trained by and affiliated with Relationship Coaching Institute). Some are offered locally, and some are teleclasses that you can join from wherever you are!

MICHIGAN

Are You Ready and Available for a Relationship?

When: Tuesday, February 14, 2006, 8:00 – 9:00 pm EST
Where: Teleclass, send a blank email to valentine1@aweber.com to register

Contact: Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff,
Master Certified Relationship Coach for Singles
www.relationshipplanning.com, 248.723.1926

 

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For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org




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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.PartnersInLife.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.


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Links to Us

Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com


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