Relationship Coaching News
February 2001

In this issue:

1. Announcements:
   
2. Welcome New RCI Coaches
   
3. Congrats!
   
4. Relationship Coaching Technology: "The Ten New Laws Of Love"
   
5. Practice Tips: "Creating A Singles Community That Supports Your Practice"
   
6. Invitations
   

Announcements

1. RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS TRAINING FOR SINGLES training teleclass beginning February 2nd is full, and we have added another to begin February 23rd, for 8 Fridays at Noon eastern. This class is FREE to RCI Coaches who wish to use it for their training. If you are a coach or therapist and have been thinking about becoming a RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach, this would be a very good time to do so! To register, simply reply to this e-mail and let us know you would like to join us.
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2. RELATIONAL RECOVERY teleclass series with Terence Real February 13, March 6, 13, 20, 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern. In preparation for the release of his latest book, "The Intimacy Gap: Restoring Connection Between Men and Women", Terry will be teaching how the roles of men and women make intimacy impossible and what to do about it. Cost: $100.00. To register, e-mail your credit card info to Training@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com or call/fax 650-345-7324. Questions? Contact Linda Marshall at Linda@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
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3. CONSCIOUS RELATING LEADERSHIP TRAINING; Mondays beginning 2/5 at 11:00am pacific/2:00pm eastern, and Wednesdays beginning 2/7, 4pm pacific/7pm eastern. This class will provide training in leading the Imago Education Program. The cost is $300.00 and includes a Leader's Kit for offering this program in your practice. To register, e-mail your credit card info to Training@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com or call/fax 650-345-7324. Questions? Contact Linda Marshall at Linda@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
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4. ATTRACTION COACHING TRAINING with David Steele and Marvin Cohen; Four Thursdays February 1, 8, 15, and 22, 10-11:00am pacific, 1-2:00pm eastern. This FREE training is for RCI Coaches who have completed the RESTS training and are ready to learn how to coach singles to be successful in finding their Life Partner. To register, simply reply to this e-mail and let us know you would like to join us.
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5. COUPLES COACHING TRAINING with David Steele and Linda Marshall, 8 Fridays, March 2-April 20, 11-Noon pacific/2-3 eastern. This training is for RCI Coaches who have completed the RESTS training for singles, and would like training in coaching pre-committed and committed couples. Cost is $200.00. To register, e-mail your credit card info to Training@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com or call/fax 650-345-7324. Questions? Contact Linda Marshall at Linda@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
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6. RCI COACH CONFERENCE CALLS
February 6; Attraction Stage Focus Group with Laurie Cameron February 13; Practice Development Group with Laurie Cameron February 20; Couples Coaching Group with Linda Marshall Our conference calls are FREE to RCI Coaches, and fall on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Tuesday of each month, 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.
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7. CONSCIOUS RELATING TELECLASS PROGRAMS is a joint project of David Steele, Dorsey Cartwright, Linda Marshall, and Ed Shea, affiliated with RelationshipCoachingInstitute, for the purpose of sponsoring high quality relationship teleclass programs for helping professionals and the public. Seminars, workshops, and conferences often involve costly travel, lodging, meals, time off work, and other expenses- consider getting your relationship training and information by teleclass! Last month featured "Passion And Sex" with Pat Love and Sunny Shulkin, and this month is "Relational Recovery" with Terence Real. Future programs include "Zazen Sex" with Daniel Mars, "Intellectual Foreplay" with Eve Hogan, and "The New Couple" with Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor. For information about these programs, contact us at ConsciousRelating@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Welcome New RCI Coaches!

The following coaches joined our ranks this past month:

Alfred DePew, MA, Portland, ME
Deki Fox, Delavan, WI
Bonnie Kaufman, MA, Champaign, IL
Laura Marshall-Sapon, MSW, North Wales, PA
Caroline Minto, Roxburghshire, Scotland
Jeanne Sharbuno, Marietta, GA
Angela Skene, 100 Mile House, BC, Canada
Ron Skene, 100 Mile House, BC, Canada

THANK YOU to:

• Michael Cohen(CT) for referring Alfred DePew!
• Helene Levin (NJ) for referring Caroline Minto!

Many of our new coaches come to RCI by word of mouth; we appreciate your confidence in us by telling your colleagues!

Congrats!

CONGRATS TO Bridget Brennan (St. Louis, MO) whose client writes:

"Thank you so much for the "readiness" classes. You are definitely a blessing to us singles trying to get a handle on what we are "really" looking for and not what the world tells us we should be looking for. God has led you to teach for the obvious reason that you are a natural and can reach out to all of us. Thank you so much."

CONGRATS TO Salila Shen (Pagosa Springs, CO) and Barry North (Seattle, WA) who are collaborating to lead a RESTS teleclass for gay and lesbian singles in April. Also, congratulations to Barry for the debut of his new web site at http://www.coachbarry.com.

CONGRATS TO Wendy Slotton (Menlo Park, CA) who recently completed the training to become a "Master RCI Coach", and writes:

"Being part of this teleclass training was a great learning experience for me. It gave me an opportunity to co-facilitate without having full responsibility for the class, and now I feel much better prepared to lead my own class. I was inspired both personally and professionally, and I recommend the class to any coaches who would like support, encouragement and hands-on experience before taking on a class of your own."

CONGRATS TO Louise Hutner (Princeton, NJ) who also completed her training to become a "Master RCI Coach", and writes:

"I'm in the last week of the RESTS teleclass as a master-coach-in-training with Laurie. I've absolutely loved it! I'm truly hooked on your materials, finding all sorts of value in them. I can say the same about Laurie. It's so much fun to work with her. Thanks for these opportunities!"

CONGRATS TO Brenda Strausz (Southfield, MI) who was interviewed in her local paper, and at the last minute, was able to fill her first RESTS class. She writes:

"Someone interviewed me for the Jewish News a few weeks ago about the class I am offering at The Jewish Community Center. It is such a wonderful tribute to RelationshipCoachingInstitute. I love the title the writer gave it: "Love for Life: An Expert teaches how to Make a Match that Ignites Forever." I didn't think the class was going to go, and lo and behold got 7 sign-ups the day before. So, the lesson is, I should always have some (workbooks) on hand. Appreciate your speedy reply."

CONGRATS TO Roz Van Meter (Dallas, TX) for the debut of her outstanding new newsletter and website. She truly sets the standard! Check out www.The-Wizard-Of-Roz.com And a belated CONGRATS for being elected to the Board of Directors for International Coach Federation (ICF). Roz is truly a coach's coach!
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Our coaches are certainly committed and talented! It is my honor to be part of this community that is making such a difference in the lives and relationships of others.

Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from your RCI coaching "find the love of their life and the life that they love?" Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it!

Relationship Coaching Technology

THE TEN NEW LAWS OF LOVE

In our efforts to develop an effective model of Relationship Coaching for couples we discovered Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor and their foundational book "The New Couple" (Harper Collins, 2000), in which they feature "The Ten New Laws Of Love". Their work resonates so strongly with our thinking and experience, that we decided to use these laws in developing our model of couples coaching. We highly recommend their book as required reading for singles and couples. For more information, check out their web site at www.NewCouple.com

Here are "The Ten New Laws Of Love":

1. CHEMISTRY
   Chemistry is the magic, the special energies that signal partners possess the raw material for success. Chemistry is not optional because it provides the synergy couples need to get through the rapids of relationship -- and keep them high on course to their grandest goals.
   
   
2. PRIORITY
   Priority is a couple's commitment to keep the health of their relationship front and central. It asks partners to begin to psychologically "leave the nest" of their first families -- and to address any compulsions and addictions, including codependence -- in order to be fully available to their second family.
   
   
3. EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY
   Emotional Integrity asks partners to create an "emotional safe zone" with each other. They do this by taking responsibility for their feelings -- especially by learning the difference between "acting them out" and expressing them healthily. This law also guides partners in identifying and healing blind spots and "buttons" that cause disharmony in all relationships.
   
   
4. DEEP LISTENING
   Deep Listening is the greatest act of love -- and a skill. It is partners' ability to hear each other's words, and the feelings underneath, with compassion and empathy.
   
5. EQUALITY
   Equality is about fairness and respect. It involves acknowledging power imbalances in the relationship and helps partners see through the tyranny of unnegotiated -- and often antiquated -- roles, responsibilities and unconscious expectations.
   
   
6. PEACEMAKING
   Peacemaking is a couple's commitment to maintain their emotional safe zone through the use of anger management and conflict resolution tools and New Couple agreements.
   
   
7. SELF-LOVE
   Relationship landmines are precise gauges of pockets of low self-love and unfinished emotional business from childhood. This law teaches partners how to deeply defuse conflict and fall back in love with everyone.
   
   
8. MISSION IN LIFE This law teaches that true love cannot be sustained until both parties are on some level engaged in his or her own true work. Mission in Life is partners' commitment to the fulfillment of their own and the other's life purpose. Intimates are either a mission's most powerful support or its most formidable saboteur.
   
   
9. WALKING
   Walking involves addressing the primary insecurities that plague all partners, because emotional and financial dependencies can mean slow death -- of respect, trust and passion. When intimates are willing and able to leave the relationship if need be, it's their best insurance that they won't!
   
   
10. TRANSFORMATIONAL EDUCATION
    Transformational Education is the fail-safe mechanism of the Ten New Laws of Love. It represents partners' commitment to do whatever learning and healing is necessary if they get stuck on any of the first nine laws.
    
    Taylor and McGee include many practical tips, exercises, and practice for implementing each law, and provide a very compelling, useful model for developing successful Life Partnerships. We have incorporated their work into our Level I Couples Coaching Training coming up in March (their book is a required text), and will have them personally conduct a training for helping professionals through our Conscious Relating Teleclass Series, most likely in May of this year, so stay tuned to learn more about "The New Couple"!

Practice Tips

CREATING A SINGLES COMMUNITY THAT SUPPORTS YOUR PRACTICE
By RCI Coach David Bentley
Friday Harbor, WA

In January, I held an evening of "Relationship Resolutions for the New Year" and invited my former RESTS participants. Well, it was a total success. They ALL showed up and brought friends. We had a potluck dinner and then revisited the RESTS material using the 10 Elements of a Successful Life Partner Quest and a glossary that I had cut, pasted, and printed.

After a lively discussion, some of the results are:

1. Three of the group members are going to organize a party for singles,invite the other participants, and tell everyone to bring friends. At the party they are going to talk up our Single-Minded Fridays group.
   
   
2. Most of them are going to partner up with their original workshop buddies and check in a few times a month to see how it is going.
   
   
3. They are all going to encourage other single friends to take the RESTS workshop.
   
   
4. Several are going to subscribe to the RCI singles newsletter. The January issue came just in time for me to pass out at the meeting.
   
   
5. A few of them are considering forming an attraction team and are going to get back with me.
   
   
6. Several are going to plan carpooled outings (ski trips, visits to museums, trips to see plays, etc.) and announce them at Single-Minded Fridays. SMF will not "sponsor" them for obvious liability reasons, but anyone who is planning a trip is free to announce it on Friday nights.

So, for the cost of a BIG pot of turkey soup, some stamps and a few e-mails, I got some great results.

What are some of you other coaches doing in the area of promotion and practice building? I'd love to "steal" some ideas if people are willing to share them with us all.

David Bentley, Personal Coach

Coaching Clients Through the Game of Life
www.interisland.net/dbentley
RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach for Singles
www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com/coach/dbentley.htm
Author of weekly "Coach's Corner" column online at
www.sanjuanislander.com/column_bentley/colbentley.html
Address: P.O. Box 3257, Friday Harbor, WA 98250
Phone: 360.378.8436

Invitations

• I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect! Send them to me at .

   

• I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague. There is a tremendous need for our services and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.

   

• I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings FREE (except for long distance charges) 24 hours a day at your convenience by calling 918-222-7201 and entering the extension #:
  
  
  • #347: Introduction to Relationship Coaching for Singles
  • #346: Finding The Love Of Your Life AND The Life That You Love
  • #345: Conscious Dating For Relationship Success
    
    
• I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.

   

• If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to contact Darlene Davis at Info@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com for information on joining us and becoming a RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach, or visit our web site.Ask about getting a free copy of our introductory audiotape, and about our free teleclasses.

How do you like our newsletter?
Your feedback is welcome!  Until next time....

Best regards,

David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
President and Founder of RelationshipCoachingInstitute

www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
408-261-3332

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The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

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